Marriage is hard work. Part of the agreement is that you will love and stick by the person through difficulties, sickness, or any other of life’s curveballs.
For Redditor 33315431168 things got rough when their fiancée had a life altering accident.
The original poster or OP turned to the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit for feedback asking:
“AITA For refusing to see my mom after I was disowned for marrying my wheelchair-bound wife?”
OP explained:
“I (Male 32) met my wife (Female 28) six years ago. She was involved with her mom in an auto accident a few months after we got engaged. Her mother unfortunately passed away and my wife ended up being in a wheelchair.”
“She had a very hard time dealing and coping with what happened. She didn’t accept that she had to learn to live like this. She stopped doing everything.”
”She didn’t even take care of herself like basic hygiene care. She was an absolute emotional and physical mess. My family’s reaction was ask when I wanted to break the engagement off.”
“I was shocked. My mom started convincing me of how my then fiancee wasn’t in a good state for me to continue to be engaged to her.”
“I told her to drop it but she went directly to my fiancee to talk to her and this caused a huge argument after my fiancee told me and returned the ring to me.”
”I was furious. I had a fight with my mom and I stopped talking to the entire family for a while.”
“My wife distanced herself from everyone including me. It was hard but I got her into therapy and with that we were able to solve plenty of issues. Her health improved a lot.”
“Huge difference from how she used to be before.We were planning on getting married before the accident happened. I decided to marry her the exact same date we chose but one year later.”
“Before my wedding. My mom started texting me that by getting married to my wife I was making a mistake and that I won’t be able to go back once I decided to ‘choose’ my wife over family.”
“She claimed that this marriage won’t be able to survive and when I come back they won’t help me.”
”She didn’t like my response and told me she no longer wanted anything to do with me. My sister came to my wedding and she told me that my mom was telling everyone that she disowned me.”
”My wife heard this and she cried the day she was supposed to be happy. I was so mad I couldn’t help but feel so angry after what she did.”
“I haven’t talked nor seen my family for over a year. Now my mom is trying to reach out wanting to invite me and my wife to spend Christmas with her.”
“My sister told me my brother and his family moved out of town and my mom was living on her own and no one even visits her anymore.”
“I refused to let her contact me or have my number. I told my sister that I have no intentions on forgiving her after what she did to me and the pain she caused my wife.”
“And that I wanted her to stop bringing this up because I no longer wanted to discuss it.”
“My sister thinks I’m holding a grudge and I shouldn’t because this is my mom and that I should let it go and mend the relationship because my mom wanted what’s best for me. She told me that I needed to contact her and agree to talk to her and this is my last chance.”
Redditors rated OP and their mother’s actions by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Most were taken aback at his mother’s response and judged OP NTA for not wanting such toxicity in their life.
“NTA. Your mom disowned you, you are giving her what she wants. And from the way she sounds, this very well may be a way to cause problems.”
“Going to walk in and she’ll start with ‘Oh, you two are still married? Thought you’d have found a new wife by now’.”~HellblazerHawk
“NTA, your a bigger person than i am for still talking to your sister. Honestly i would of kicked her out of my life after the wedding.”
“You cant choose the family your born into, but you can choose the family you spend your life with.”~Current-Read
“NTA she only thought about you after her other son left her all alone. Doesn’t seem like she’s reaching out for forgiveness, but to fill the hole of an empty nest.”
“Also, Neither your sister nor your mom feel remorse about their actions; and want you to sweep it under the rug, that itself is a red flag. NTA and good job looking out for your wife.”~ChiquitaBananaKush
“NTA, you’re a great person for not letting this tragedy crush your future wife. While you should consider reconciling sometime, your mention of invitations to visit didn’t include apologies.”
“THAT has to come first.”~joshzerofactor
“Holy sh*t, NTA. I’m a wheelchair user myself (please don’t use ‘wheelchair-bound’ anymore to describe your wife).”
“Granted my spouse and I were already married when I started using a wheelchair, but I would have been livid had my [in-laws] tried to get my spouse and I to divorce. Your mom discarded your wife like she was a non-person, which was truly reprehensible behaviour.”
”It’s even worse than just when your wife needed support to come to terms with her new disability, your mom made her feel worthless. Your mom absolutely deserves her estrangement.”
“Keep being the good husband. Show your wife she means everything to you, and that you won’t tolerate your mom’s horrible act.”~classyraven
“NTA- by a long shot. She wants the best for you? Sounds like bullsh*t to me.”
“She literally tried to force your hand in cancelling the marriage of you two, then tried doing it on her own, and when she didn’t get her way, she disowned you.”
“Sounds like your mother is crazy. You have every right to stay away from her.”~TheChaosRaven
Reddit agreed the OP and his wife owe nothing to his mother. If mom is so lonely, she can rebuild the bridges she burned herself.