Conspiracy Theorists Are Complaining After 5G ‘Blockers’ They Bought Slowed Down Their Internet

Router Guard/Amazon

After months of theorizing that 5G was the cause of a various amount of American daily pains, including the ongoing pandemic, 5G conspiracy theorists have decided they aren’t going to stand by and let their lives be stolen from them, dangit.

But the action they’re taking is causing them a different kind of pain: the agony of inconvenience.

These cage-like devices, which are made to block electromagnetic frequencies, go over your WiFi router and reportedly “block 5G.”

But since the EMF blocker does its job correctly, it also significantly reduces the WiFi signal one can pick up from the device.

One one-star review in particular reads:

“The box does work at keeping radiation in but also WiFi will not work unless your in same room as router! It decreases the signal by 90%!! We really wanted to like it but it was impossible to use our phones in any other room of the house. Also the seller keeps the shipping fee $25 so that was annoying”

And apparently anti-EMF products have a market.

One Twitter user got a really informative, yet outlandish ad:

And yet more users are sharing their odd stories of how conspiracy theorists are harnessing their anti-EMF products:

Yet another product contains a similar review:

“Devices that were previously located about 30-40’ from the router that used to have full signal strength, don’t even connect to it anymore…”

“I had to remove the cage from the router and now the return window has closed so I’m stuck with this useless $100+ metal cage now… Will try and sell it on Craigslist.”

Who knew that a product designed to block a WiFi signal would indeed block a WiFi signal?

The theory that 5G is actively harmful to humans has been debunked more than once, but science apparently doesn’t sell products: more than 21 different kinds of “5G blockers” are on alone, and 5G-blocking clothing is now also an option.

At least you know what to get the conspiracy theorist in your life for the holidays!

Written by Mike Walsh

Mike is a writer, dancer, actor, and singer who recently graduated with his MFA from Columbia University. Mike's daily ambitions are to meet new dogs and make new puns on a daily basis. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @mikerowavables.