Content Warning: Recovering Alcoholic, Dry Wedding, Sober-Shaming
“Wedding aesthetic” is important anywhere you go, from what people are expected to wear to what will happen at the wedding reception to what kind of ceremony will be held.
But sometimes people over-prioritize certain aspects of the wedding, like how much they’ll be able to party, side-eyed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Practical_Coconut927’s future wife was a recovering alcoholic, and to support her, he agreed to have a dry wedding to make her more comfortable and to make their celebration a happy one.
But when his family was furious when they found out it was going to be a dry reception and even boycotted attending the wedding over it, the Original Poster (OP) was deeply hurt by where their priorities were.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for going ahead with my wedding without most of my family?”
The OP and his future wife intended to have a dry wedding.
“I (27 Male) and my fiancée (26 Female) are getting married in five months.”
“A few days after I had proposed, we sat down and chatted about the type of wedding we wanted, what food we might serve, and if we wanted a dry wedding or one with an open bar.”
“We decided that we would have a dry wedding as my fiancée is a recovering alcoholic, and we try and keep alcohol away from the house just to keep her from relapsing.”
“My fiancée is a year clean from alcohol and still occasionally struggles with cravings to drink.”
The OP was surprised by how his family took the plans.
“We sent out the invitations and made it very clear that it would be an alcohol-free wedding on the invite, just so people wouldn’t get mad at us on the day.”
“My mum and dad called and told us that we were being unreasonable, and alcohol is what makes a wedding fun and enjoyable.”
“I did try and explain that I’ve been to Muslim weddings and other cultural weddings with no alcohol and had more fun than most ‘white’ weddings, but my mum still disagreed and told me I was being selfish.”
But how far they were willing to take their dissatisfaction shocked him.
“I woke up to a message today from a good chunk of the family telling me they won’t attend my wedding if I don’t serve alcohol.”
“All I responded with was, ‘Okay, then don’t attend,’ and it’s not gone over well.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP was welcome to do whatever he wanted with his wedding day.
“NTA. It’s your wedding, and you have all the right to what you want. Other people’s opinions don’t matter because the reason behind why there’s no alcohol is very important.”
“So, they chose alcohol over being supportive of you and your wife? That’s just so toxic.” – JolieeJones
“Your wedding, your rules.” – HorrorLover__
“NTA. As others have said, it’s your wedding, your rules.”
“If your family won’t attend purely because you’re not serving alcohol, that tells you all you need to know about how little they care about you and the respect, compassion, and empathy that you have for your fiancée.” – OneHappyTraveler
“You’ll have a much better wedding with people who aren’t drunk. You’ll be surrounded by sober people sharing the experience. NTA.” – Dana07620
“One year sober is very commendable, but it’s just one year followed by 60 more. Every day is a struggle to get through at this point. Y’all made a good decision! Think how much cheaper the catering will be since all those people who aren’t coming. Put that in the win column.” – OkExternal7904
“The only part of the wedding that matters at all is the covenant you choose to make with your spouse.”
“Everything else is a party. Go have a nice ceremony somewhere you like, bring a few like-minded witnesses.”
“Spend all the thousands, if not 10’s of thousands, on an amazing honeymoon or a down payment on a house or pay off some bills to become debt free so you two have more freedom to be a happy, married couple.” – Nearly_Pointless
“NTA. They tried to gamble that their being there mattered to you more than a dry wedding, and you called their bluff. Good job supporting your fiancée; your priorities are correct.” – Crazy4Swayze420
“Continue to just say: ‘We’re sorry you can’t attend.’ No fuss, no arguments. Refuse to engage further.”
“Anybody who says you have to have alcohol at a wedding is ignorant. Including your parents. Enjoy your wedding.” – Vast-Fortune-1583
“NTA. It is your partners and your wedding. You both get to decide how to do that. A dry wedding is what you picked, and you gave them plenty of advance notice.”
“Your text message back was also perfect.” – Caffeinated_chaos_au
Others were disgusted by the OP’s family’s priorities.
“Definitely NTA! Your family sucks for this, honestly. They can just go get a drink after if they need it so bad.”
“Your soon-to-be WIFE is a recovering alcoholic; you’re not asking for too much here.” – crazygoose2374
“Wow; your family sucks! You will have a better time with them far away. Enjoy your wedding with the people who actually support you and your future wife.” – Betty-Rose-
“NTA. Some members of your family are being unreasonable. Recovery is an important path to be on, and I wish your fiancée all good things while she works at it.”
“People who understand how difficult this can be are in your corner; the remainder are just self-centered and selfish.” – gmthisfeller
“NTA. It’s so sad when people can’t have fun without getting drunk or last a few hours without a drink. If booze is more important to them than you and your fiancée, then it’s good to know now and excuse them from your life.” – marla-M
“NTA. Your fiancé’s well-being is what is most important. Sounds like your family is a bunch of alcoholics if they can’t go one day without alcohol. Stand by your future wife.” – 1RainbowUnicorn
“That’s so sad. You are choosing an alcohol-free wedding for the most important reason possible. Your family should be so proud of you both!” – Difficult-Coffee6402
“If a bunch of adults cannot get through 5 or so hours to celebrate your future without alcohol, then they are alcoholics.”
“What do they do if they are in church? Hospital? At work? School?”
“They’re being absolutely ridiculous. NTA.”
“CONGRATULATIONS to you and your fiancée! Have a great and wonderful wedding day and a future filled with joy!” – mynameisnotsparta
“I’m thinking they might be alcoholics, too. Or they at least don’t know how to handle themselves or ‘have fun’ without a drink in their hand, which is also a slippery slope and problem.”
“(I like alcohol at weddings and parties too but, if there are recovering alcoholics attending, I would fully understand and support any decision to not have alcohol.)”
“NTA!” – DMPinhead
“Choosing alcohol over your family and their happiness and a celebration of their finding of love is incredibly distasteful and cheap of them.”
“Perhaps you’re better off without their company because if they can’t have fun without alcohol, then they must be incredibly dull people and not fun to be around. NTA.” – BurdenedRose
“I know your family might think the ‘ZoMg, SoCiAl NoRm!’ is to bend over backward to accommodate others but f**k them. They have nothing to say, nothing to offer.”
“I say don’t even invite them, in case they are underhanded enough to try sneaking alcohol in. That could get you and your fiancée into massive trouble, and they are NOT worth the trouble.”
“As a recovering alcoholic myself, I commend your fiancée for knowing herself and sticking to this ideal. I understand how important it is, and I, too, have my cravings. (Mostly Chianti on the anniversary of my first date with my late fiancé, or ice wine on the anniversary of our engagement.)”
“I stopped for health and religious purposes, and it’s brought me peace that I don’t want to forgo, forget, or otherwise f**k up. Your fiancée’s reason for not drinking is none of their damn business. If they can’t respect the dry wedding, they need not even be invited. THEY have problems with alcohol that desperately need to be addressed.”
“Best of luck and all the love to you and your fiancée, OP!” – StarryEyedDiva
“NTA. This is when you find out which members of your family to spend future holidays with!”
“Any family member who would forego your wedding due to a lack of alcohol doesn’t deserve the invitation. And, by the way, your catering bill is going to be much more affordable without them!”
“Congratulations, and have a LOVELY wedding!” – Becalmandkind
The subReddit could not stop shaking its collective head over how the OP’s family seemed to think that being able to dry at a wedding was more important than supporting their family and to-be family on their wedding day.
Clearly, the newlywed couple had their priorities sorted out and would be able to celebrate exclusively with people who felt the same way.