What in the world did I just read?
That’s the thought that’ll pop into your head in 3… 2… 1… once we tell you that yes, a woman and her adult son have been arrested after she destroyed Walmart displays while he exposed himself and her dog made a break for it with a box of cornbread mix.
Oh, Wisconsin… how did this happen?
The Eau Claire, Wisconsin, Police Department shared what happened on their official Facebook account:
“Last night shortly before 8:30pm Officers were called to Walmart for a retail theft in progress. They were told a female, and her dog had shoplifted items from the store. When Officers arrived at Walmart they found the female, Lisa Smith 46yo, screaming in the entryway and trying to catch her dog “Bo”. They also learned that her son, Benny Vann 25yo, was in the store causing problems.
In trying to figure out what happened, Officers learned Smith had come into Walmart with her unleashed Dog “Bo.” While Bo ran up to customers, Smith erratically started pulling apart store displays and placing them in her cart. She was asked to leave by staff and left the store to perform karate moves in the parking lot. In the meantime, Bo got a box of Jiffy Cornbread Muffin Mix and tried to leave the store. Smith was arrested and fought with Officers — she also attempted to kick out a window on the squad car.”
We know, we know… What?! But it gets better (or worse, depending on how you look at it):
“While this was occurring, Vann had made his way to the back of the store and removed all of his clothing exposing himself to other customers. Vann retrieved new clothing from the racks but did not purchase these items. When Officers approached Vann he refused to stop and attempted to run over an Officer with his scooter. Officers physically stopped the scooter and arrested Vann.
Smith was arrested for Disorderly Conduct, Resisting Arrest, and Misdemeanor Bail Jumping. Vann was arrested for Lewd and Lascivious Behavior, Disorderly Conduct and Retail Theft. Bo was caught by Officers in the store and brought to the Humane Association. The dog was not charged – we issued him a warning for the theft.”
Last night shortly before 8:30pm Officers were called to Walmart for a retail theft in progress. They were told a...Posted by Eau Claire Police Department on Thursday, April 11, 2019
Last time we heard a story this weird, reports about bath salt abuse were all the rage.
This is one hot mess all around––we can all agree on that, yes?
A shoplifting dog, mom's doing karate and her son gets naked in Walmart. This may be the most "Walmart-y" story ever... either that or the most "Eau Claire, Wisconsin-y" story ever. Both? https://t.co/q6SV8Qrbd1— Mike Opelka (@stuntbrain) April 14, 2019
Eau Claire Walmart off the hook. pic.twitter.com/2jO8vU3CSz— Matthew C. Pabreza (@Putitindabasket) April 13, 2019
Only in Eau Claire does a dog named Bo try to steal a box of cornbread mix from Walmart pic.twitter.com/2EfNtd6Xdf— brett (@LETTUCE_11) April 14, 2019
There is a lot to unpack here, but holy fuck Eau Claire https://t.co/WHGS58K3x6— bekah (@yasbekah) April 16, 2019
It's lit in Eau Claire. https://t.co/9qQqxlBPn4— ☕eddie of The Shire 🐉 (@VentiMochaLite) April 15, 2019
Wisconsin Woman is the new Florida Manhttps://t.co/2VRuioPO6a— Steve vs Ninjas (@stevevsninjas) April 15, 2019
Um, at least the dog got off.
What’s in the water, Eau Claire? Looks like your eau isn’t that claire!