140 characters may not seem like a lot when it comes to describing a marriage, but these lawfully-wedded folks sure seem to have figured out how to air their marital dirty laundry on Twitter.
In case you’re wondering what marriage is like, my husband and I just fought over the fact that he wouldn’t tell me where he hid the candy I asked him to hide from me.
— Lindsey Silver (@EvenTheDogsABoy) February 23, 2018
I’m never more nervous than when I insist we’re out of something and my wife goes to look for it herself.
— “Bare Minimum Parenting” in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) September 27, 2017
Tell me how tired you are so I can upstage you and tell you how much more tired I am.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 2, 2017
[leaving for work]
*gives wife a quick kiss*
*spends 10 minutes saying bye to the dog*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 18, 2017
Me “So what’s the plan”
Jonathan *grabs beer* “hold on I gotta get a buzz first” ?? #MarriedLife
— Sarah Heberg (@Sayrahhhann) March 5, 2018
My wife and I are texting while sitting next to each other so we can complain about an annoying guy near us in the waiting room. #MarriedLife
— William Morgan (@wmorgan3000) March 2, 2018
ME: I bought you some new undershirts.
HIM: [genuinely] That’s exciting.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) February 4, 2016
I’m secretly doing an investigation on how many decorative pillows I can put around the house till husband loses his shit.
— mama77⚽️ (@deegeemindi) April 13, 2017