Finding a common ground with an ex can be hard.
It can be especially arduous when there are still unresolved feelings that linger.
When you’ve been done wrong, it isn’t easy to just suck it up and smile.
Case in point…
Redditor throwaway19203039 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for refusing to do a gender reveal cake for someone?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My 23 f[emale] ex husband 35m[ale] and I have 1 year old twins together and due to a lot of complications from that pregnancy I got a partial hysterectomy.”
“We divorced during my pregnancy after I discovered he cheated on me.”
“He’s a good dad and his girlfriend is now pregnant.”
“He cheated on me with his current girlfriend but she didn’t know he had a wife at the time, and I firmly believe that.”
“I run a pretty successful baking company in our small town and I do custom desserts including gender reveal cakes.”
“My husband’s girlfriend called me and asked if I would be willing to do a gender reveal cake for them and said it would mean a lot if ‘the mother of her baby’s siblings made the cake for the party’.”
“I told her I had to think about it but eventually told her no.”
“I am admittedly incredibly bitter at my ex for cheating on me while I was bedridden and medically fragile being pregnant with his children, and I don’t want to be involved in the celebration of their new child.”
“I did specify that it wasn’t her, but I couldn’t do it and she said alright and hung up.”
“My ex then called me and told me I was being rude and unreasonable and completely unprofessional putting our issues before my business.”
“I told him I was allowed to refuse service to anyone and hung up on him.”
“I feel like I have let my feelings get in the way of my business and if I made the cake it’s not like I have to be there to celebrate.”
“On the other hand, I do feel like I’m allowed to refuse business however I see fit.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“First, congratulations on your babies!”
“Second, I agree with your stance on refusing service to them. How narcissistic of your ex! This is epic ‘adding insult to injury.’” ~ Gabstar213
“He cheated on you and he expects you to bake him a f**king cake about it? He needs to get a clue lol.” ~ Ruiven19090
“The twins are 1 year old. That means OP’s husband cheated on her not more than 1.5 years ago.”
“And OP got married so soon after this experience.”
“I, out of worry, think OP is moving too fast again, but i sincerely hope she stays happy with her wife for as long as they live.”
“Also i think the girlfriend is a victim here if she was under the impression he was a single man.”
“Well not victim technically, but not at direct fault either.”
“Both the women of the story got *ucked over by an a**hole. probably mental manipulation involved with both the girls too.” ~ Jazzlike-Patience557
OP also wanted us to have a little more information.
“Edit: I am not a single mother so please don’t misinterpret my post as me being a sad single mom bitter my ex is happy and I am not.”
“I got married in November to a wonderful woman and my husband and I have joint custody of our children.”
“I have a great support system.”
“But yes I am still bitter about my husband cheating on me while I was bedridden and scared for my babies.”
People wanted to share more…
“He thinks it would ‘mean a lot if the mother of her baby’s siblings made the cake?'”
“So goes and rubs in the ex wife’s face that he got her pregnant and is going to have another child?? I bet he already has another mistress or is hunting for one.”
“NTA. There has to be other bakers.” ~ DarkestSideMoon
“Your ex is living in ‘entitled and crazy’ land.”
“I also have to say that the girlfriend still isn’t great even if she didn’t know about you.”
“I can’t imagine staying with or respecting a man after finding out he cheated on a partner while she was in that state.”
“It really says something about his character.” ~ butternutattack
“Wholeheartedly agree! Congrats on your babies!”
“But also, that is totally Narcissistic behavior and you definitely have the right to refuse.”
It’s nice of you to be so cordial with them at all.”
“But asking to bake a cake for a woman he cheated on you with?”
“Not cool on his part. And to be clear, you are NTA. But your ex husband sure is.” ~ Pottheadpotato
“See, me, being the bitter person I would be in this situation, would offer to make it, but instead of blue or pink, the inside would be black… or full of shrimp or something gross.”
“This is why I wouldn’t be good as a baker, or an ex.”
“NTA, OP, you handled this beautifully and with class.”
“You’re a wonderful co-parent and role model to your babies.” ~ Alinyx
“Her reasoning only served to legitimize their cheating.”
“Like ‘Look everyone, his ex made the cake! See no dark clouds here! It’s perfectly normal that the father of my baby has 1 year old twins and I’m about to give birth!'”
“Good for you for not playing.”
“NTA You are allowed to feel however you feel about things.” ~ mini_souffle
“NAH… except for your ex.”
“She seems like she has a good heart (maybe I’m wrong) and asked, but it’s fair to say no.”
“And it seems like she didn’t even make a stink about it. Thats on your ex.”
“What a fool though.” ~ Suchboss1136
Looks like our OP has the weight of Reddit behind her.
Baking cakes has really become quite the battleground over the last decade or so.
Hopefully everyone can keep their cool for the kids and just eat cake.