Answering questions when you don’t really know the full details is a bad idea.
One husband found that out the hard way recently when a moment of distraction lead to an answer his wife didn’t like.
Redditor wellif*ckedupbad wrote:
“TIFU by telling my bald wife that I don’t find bald women attractive.”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“One of my wife’s friends has cancer. She’s been undergoing chemotherapy and as a result has lost all of her hair.”
“Yesterday my wife was with her and one other friend. They decided that they’d shave off all their hair to support their friend and cheer her up.”
“And they did. It’s a great gesture and all, but I wasn’t aware of this.”
“I was working on my laptop on the bed when my wife comes up and asks me if I find bald women attractive. I wasn’t looking at her and hadn’t seen that she was bald, so I say, ‘Nope. Not my type. Not attracted at all. Why?’”
“Then I look up and, lo and behold, my wife was bald. Not a single hair on her head.”
“I was so shocked my face could’ve probably become a viral meme.”
“She says that I don’t find her attractive now and starts crying. I try to salvage the situation by telling her that I don’t find other bald women attractive, but she looked hot without hair.”
“She told me I was lying. I tell her that it’s just hair and will grow back.”
“This was apparently not a good thing to say as she started crying again.”
“My mom, who’s been living with us, told me I’m an a** for making her cry. Wife slept in a different room.”
“She’s been also looking in the mirror quite often. I’ve tried telling her that I don’t care about the hair and she did a great thing supporting her friend, but she says that I’ve given her a small insecurity issue for the time being.”
Redditors offered a bit of unsolicited advice.
“Tell her that while bald women are not your fave that you find people that sacrifice to support their friends extremely attractive.”
“Then shave your head.” ~ mervincm
“As someone who has survived cancer I wouldn’t ever want my friends to shave their hair just for support (charity fund raising is different). Nice gesture aside, she seems to not have been 100% in on the hair shaving and perhaps needed your validation after regret sunk in.”
“That stuff doesn’t really matter now though.”
“Time to be supportive and maybe make some big gesture yourself to let her know you are attracted to and love her regardless of looks. Wounds heal, hair regrows, but emotional scars will remain forever if not tended. Good luck.” ~ rob5791
“She 100% regrets her decision hence the reaction.” ~ annoyingsalad
“I mean she could have very easily felt pressured by the other friends that also shaved their heads. If my best friend had lost her hair and 3 of my girlfriends went bald to support her I’d kind of feel like an ass for not doing it too.” ~ golddigger694
The OP provided an update to answer a question.
“Since some of y’all are asking, she’s not generally this emotional.”
“Just that her friend probably won’t survive the cancer and has limited time. That’s been messing up with her state of mind lately.”
This lead some Redditors to think his wife’s reaction was about more than her hair.
“If that comment is enough to make her react like that, she’s either really insecure or overreacting. Maybe she regrets or hates it.”
“Maybe she’s thinking if she had cancer and that happened to her a little longer term, you wouldn’t find her attractive/support her. Who knows—we can all twist things in our mind.”
“When she’s calmer, maybe you can talk about how she feels about the bald head and reassure her that you find her attractive. Time to reconnect a bit.” ~ k8ties
“The last thing a spouse would want to be worrying about when going through chemo was the one time you said that you didn’t like bald women.” ~ Bcmcdonald
“If your wife has been out of sorts thinking about her friend having cancer, she’s probably not thinking about her hair growing back or you finding her attractive again once it does.”
“She’s probably thinking ‘Now I know where I’d stand if I got cancer’.”
“It might not be rational, but if her friend’s situation is weighing on her as much as you say, she’s probably spent a lot of time thinking about what would happen to her if she got cancer and wondering how you’d react.”
“You basically just confirmed one of her fears.” ~ LakotaGrl
He returned again later to shoot down one of the most popular suggestions.
“Everyone wants me to shave my head. Not happening.”
“Nope. I quite like my head full of hair. What if it never grows back?”
The OP didn’t return with any further updates. Hopefully he was able to patch things up with his wife.