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Single Dad Calls Out ‘Deadbeat’ Ex For Not Being In Baby’s Life—But There’s An Eye-Rolling Catch ?

A single dad recently took to Reddit to complain about the mother of his child on a “legal advice” thread. However, the responses he received were far from his expectations.

Reddit user “throwaway099099099” presented fellow Redditors with the following scenario:

He was casually dating a woman who accidentally became pregnant. The woman had no interest in motherhood and wanted an abortion. However, throwaway099099099 wanted her to keep it, so she told him she would never be involved in the child’s life, but she pays 125% of the court-ordered monthly child support payments. She has never met the child, identifies as an egg donor versus a mother, and has even had surgeries to repair the physical toll that childbirth had on her body.

He finishes the post asking,

“Do I have any legal remedies here?”

[NM] I got a girl pregnant and she wanted to get an abortion but I didn’t want that. She ended up not getting one but now she is not involved at all from r/legaladvice

The father received a slew of responses that confirmed exactly what the courts had told him—he does not, in fact, have any “legal remedies here”.

The replies break down the key points of his weak argument, destroying any hope throwaway099099099 possibly had of forcing his ex into motherhood.

People couldn’t get past his claim that “she is a deadbeat mom”.

“I’d say she’s a good mom. She was clear what her terms were for having the child that she didn’t want. You agreed to those terms. She’s paying child support and by what you’re saying, she is paying more than she has to. Out of the two of you, she is the one who has the kid’s best interests at heart. You either need to do your part like you agreed on or give the kid up for adoption and put all three of you out of your misery. Because she wanted to abort the child, only kept it because of your insistence and is doing the share of the work that was agreed on, I really don’t think that you have a leg to stand on, legally speaking. I’m sorry that you’re not finding parenthood to be the fairytale dreamland that you thought it would be, but it was your choice and you have to live with it.” -Byte73

“No. A deadbeat parent is someone who doesn’t pay child support. Sorry, but you don’t get to give words your own meaning.” -UsuallySunny

“1. She’s the opposite of a deadbeat, but I’ll reserve moral judgment on the rest of her behavior.

2. What do you want the courts to do?

3. Are you on any sort of public assistance? There are resources available for people in your position.” -53045248437532743874

People were quick to point out his overwhelming sense of male privilege.

“Congratulations, you now know what life looks like for most single mothers. Grow up, you entitled twit.

As a woman, the most offensive thing OP has said is “I thought she’d bond with the kid!” Yeah , and fairies will fly and unicorns will fart rainbows!

I’ve been childfree all my life and I’ve taken steps to ensure I fever had kids. Guess what? I’ve never changed my mind. It’s called being an adult and taking responsibility for my decisions, something you seem unable to do.” -fishburnm

“Congratulations. You’re a horrible person who forced someone to give up their bodily autonomy. She agreed to have the child under very specific circumstances and now you’re pissed that she is doing exactly what she said she would do. You are a huge fucking idiot and an abusive asshole. Good job.” -The-Grey-Lady

Reddit also did not miss the fact that throwaway099099099’s behavior had all the markings of manipulation and abuse. 

“Good on her for getting out of such an abusive relationship! I’m also impressed that she seems to be working hard on herself by hitting up the gym.” -evilbunnyofdeath

“You have a very abusive mentality. She didn’t even want to get pregnant in the first place. Then you forced her to go trough with it, AND then you made her pay child support for a damn kid she didn’t want att all BUT you forced her to have.

I hope she takes legal action and have proof of you making her not take an abortion.” -Stalin_vs_hitler

One user, rand0mip, took the cake for best takedown, earning them nearly 7,000 points:

‘She is a deadbeat mom and the court won’t do anything’

No, she has complied with the court ordered monetary support requirements. Exceeded them, in fact.

That is all she is required to do, ever.

She is not at all a “deadbeat” — the only problem here is that you want to shirk your responsibility as a single parent and dump the work on someone else because of one or all of these things:

  • You’re too cheap to hire a nanny, and want the court to order her to be your free slave instead.
  • You are abusive and want power over her because she escaped you, and you have an abusive mentality and can’t stand that your plan to control her failed.
  • You’re too selfish to accept that you are not parent material and simply arrange an adoption to a qualified parent or parents who can do the job they sign up for, unlike you.

‘she wanted an abortion and I didn’t and she made it clear she would never be involved after the birth’

If you did not want to be an exhausted, cranky, single parent, then you should have simply said “Yeah, abortion! Awesome! Best idea ever!” and then promptly driven her to the clinic, put your money on the counter and supported her for the few days after that.

Then none of the three of you would be living this nightmare that you created.

You are the one that manipulated her into “coerced birth”– which is a form of domestic abuse. So this was your doing.

If your life is a nightmare, it is 100% your choice of a nightmare.

You manipulated someone into having a child they did not want for you, into spending 9 months of their life incubating that child, into damaging their own health — for your desire to have a child, and your wish that said child would make you lord and master over the mother.

You did a selfish and cruel thing to her, and to the child.

Then on top of everything, you assumed that “magical fairy bonding” would happen and that you would go on to have her also raise the child for you while you did nothing of the parenting duties you so clearly hate, plus be your wife, and be a mother to a child she wanted to abort?!?!

Dude, seriously. You are living in cloud cuckoo land.

Of course she hates your guts. Of course she wants nothing to do with the child.

She didn’t want the child, and she sure as hell has proven that she wants nothing to do with the person who manipulated her into childbirth.

And you want the court to further coerce her — because why?? Oh, yeah, because parenthood is a grueling, exhausting, mundane, repetitive, 24/7/18 non-fucking-stop job?? Sorry but that’s what you sign up for as a parent.

If you can’t hack it, then your option is to find a nice adoptive parent and sign over your rights. She most likely will be willing to agree to this as well, from the sound of it.

Then you get to walk away from the child and go back to your carefree life. Just do everyone a favor, however, get a vasectomy immediately because you’re not qualified to be a parent or a good partner.

You are the only deadbeat in this story. You wanted a child with none of the work. You wanted to turn the mother into your personal slave. It doesn’t work like that.”

This is exactly why men should not have any say over a woman’s body.

Good job to the woman who bore the child for sticking to her guns and not allowing herself to be manipulated into something that was not right for her. Let’s just hope this poor little boy does not suffer the emotional fallout from his deadbeat dad’s behavior.

H/T: Indy100, Reddit


Written by B Miller

Travel lover, dog Mom, Slytherin, future wifey.