What are you supposed to think when your potential date says they feel uncomfortable around black people?
How much does that change when you’re black?
Twitter user Dr. Annabel Sowemimo (@SoSowemimo) shared an instance her brother Nicky recently had to endure. Nicky had started talking with a woman on Tinder and made plans to meet at Rum Kitchen.
However, she insisted on waiting for him to arrive.
So my brother just went on a date with a white women from Tinder & apparently she doesn’t like being around black people.— Dr Annabel 🙅🏿♀️ (@SoSowemimo) July 16, 2019
I mean probably shouldn’t date black men then 🙃🙃🙃. #confused pic.twitter.com/ZcE5HYb2Rv
As Annabel explains, this woman literally says she doesn’t like to go to black people’s spaces by herself. Even setting aside that Rum Kitchen is a pretty popular food chain for everyone, you would think making plans to date someone who is black might necessitate being around other black people.
Not for this woman.
After expressing her hesitance at entering the establishment by herself, she explains that the last time she went, she “was nearly the only one white person there.”
Well, at least the only blond one.
Apparently, there were other white people but with darker hair color.
Tinder dates aren’t exactly known for going well, but this is absolutely baffling.
Even if we give her the benefit of the doubt several times over, we still arrive at the fact she doesn’t feel comfortable around black people while looking to date a black man.
Annabel shared her brother’s screenshots on Twitter, and it got about the reaction you’d imagine.
Your brother did well to dodge that one. Perhaps that should be his go-to 1st date place to weed out the racists.— Simon C. Gray (@simoncgray) July 17, 2019
This is truly awful. Jesus.— Bríd Stenson (@bridstenson) July 17, 2019
So true, it's tiresome 😉— The Anna Racque 🏴 (@Anna_Racque) July 17, 2019
Doesn’t feel comfortable around black people...but plans a date with a black person pic.twitter.com/zGHeYzPBoi— Sareta Fontaine 🍷 (@heysareta) July 17, 2019
Nicky responds very politely, saying he doesn’t feel comfortable about meeting her now. She says it “probably wasn’t meant to be then” which, yeah, sure.
After that, he blocked the woman on Tinder who got a little mad. I mean, I guess you can argue that traveling over an hour for a date could entitle her to some kind of decorum.
But considering why he blocked her, she should have thought a little harder before agreeing to the date in the first place.
She then moved madder once he cancelled and blocked her. 🙃 pic.twitter.com/SnL8dHP9XD
— Dr Annabel 🙅🏿♀️ (@SoSowemimo) July 17, 2019
In an interview with Metro, Nicky explained what he was thinking when he got the messages.
“If I’m honest there were a couple of questionable comments last week. Maybe I overlooked them and brushed them off.”
“At the time it wasn’t enough for me to assume the worst, I generally don’t assume the worst of people. It all just kind of came out very quickly – it went from zero to 100.”
He added that he’s obviously encountered people who claim they aren’t racist because they are dating someone of a different race, but whose behavior is quite different.
“It’s not even a place that I would say is predominately frequented by black people so that doesn’t make sense. That’s actually quite a startling level of concern that you can’t actually go into this place.”
After Annabel shared Nicky’s story, there were people online who defended the woman’s feelings.
He went on the defensive from the start. This is just embarrassing that you have even put this up also. There's issues we need to be addressing. This is NOT one of it. In my personal opinion. What she said later on about the Nigerian bit wasnt great though!— D1 (@D1_greatness) July 17, 2019
if the situation was different, would the situation be different— tuna✨ (@mama_tuna) July 17, 2019
Its a fact of interracial dating that one of you will likely be in the minority at any given time (usually the person of colour) If you can’t deal with it (for even a couple of hours) then don’t date outside your race. What actual madness.— Dr Annabel 🙅🏿♀️ (@SoSowemimo) July 17, 2019
I think it's the cheek of going on a date with a black man with the mindframe that black places make you feel uncomfortable.— fatfish 🇯🇲🇩🇲 (@DSLewisUK) July 17, 2019
If she was dating a man not black I think (personally) I wouldn't even care lol
This is a good lesson for everyone. On one hand, don’t ignore the warning signs when you meet someone new. If they’re saying kind of racist stuff, it probably goes deeper.
On the other hand, if you are afraid of just being around people purely because they are a different race or ethnicity, that’s racist, plain and simple.