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Guy Called Out For Getting ‘Brutally Honest’ Brother-In-Law A Book About Narcissism For His Birthday

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There’s a difference between being brutally honest and being rude.

People will say incredibly insensitive things and then get upset if someone calls them out for it.

Redditor home-guest3597 encountered this very issue with his brother in law. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.

He asked:

“AITA for getting my brother in law a book about narcissism for his birthday?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Hear me out please.”

“I (M 36) don’t get along with my brother in law (M 30) for several reasons. He’s a brutally honest guy who says what’s on his mind without any hesitation.”

“My sister and I grew up very close and we still are but her husband clearly doesn’t like it. Hell, he even accused me of being in love with her and his logic is that I help take care of my nephews so in his ‘rational’ mind the fact I enjoy helping take care of my nephews means I’m in love with their mother, go figure!!!”

“He used to joke about mine and my wife’s infertility with comments like ‘are you guys pregnant yet?’, ‘you guys are pushing 40 you gotta hurry up and make some grandchildren’, or my favorite ‘maybe you guys can’t have kids cause you’re both men?'”

“It’s insulting but the family say he’s like this with everyone so it’s not personal.”

“Whenever my wife and I had a celebration say a birthday or an anniversary my brother in law would use it as a chance to talk about his kids getting A+ or winning a game or even talk about an ultra sound appointment and turn it into his celebration.”

OP has tried to maintain his distance, but it is hard.

“You could say how much frustrating that is. I’ve kept my distance but I see my sister and nephews regularly.”

“Days ago was my brother in law’s 30’s birthday.”

“He called me saying he wanted me there to share his joy with family. I apologized and said no but he kept pressuring me saying he had a surprise for me and my wife. I knew he was up to no good, probably some brutal honesty.”

“He said ‘don’t forget my gift,’ I was lost thinking of what I should give him based on his behavior for the past year.”

“The family was there and my brother in law already started asking if my wife and I had something to announce, my wife and froze then he said ‘hahaha that’s what I thought.’ My wife got upset and left early.”

“When it was time for gift opening I gave him the gift I bought and once he opened it he was shocked. The gift was a book about narcissism called ‘Why Is It Always About You?’ He looked at me shocked and I said ‘it’s a good read, trust me.'”

“Everyone kept staring and he got so upset and stormed off to the bathroom.”

“My sister followed and I heard him yell in the bathroom.”

OP was just standing up to a bully.

“I said ‘well, I’d better go’ but my parents went off on me calling me disrespectful, mean, and rude for this tasteless, insulting gift. I tried to point out that this was the outcome of how he’s been treating me and my wife who left earlier and they didn’t even notice her.”

“They kept arguing saying be was just teasing us and that I was out of line to just he was a narcissist then I left.”

“Mom kept calling to say I messed up and ruined the man’s birthday and should apologize to him profusely or not be surprised if I can’t see my sister and nephews again which made me upset because I adore my nephews so much. It’s been days and things have been tense between us.”

“I miss my nephews and am thinking of apologizing for what I did.”

Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.

“NTA. he’s allowed to make hurtful jokes but you can’t? honestly IMO that gift is harmless.”

“There are two ways a narcissist will react to being called a narcissist. They will agree or they will blow up. He did the latter. He upset your wife with yet another joke about infertility but buying him a damn book is crossing the line? All of your family sucks.”

“I would maybe talk to your sister privately about his behavior and why you bought that gift.” ~ jemynii

“What is wrong with the OP’s parents too? They are pathetic.” ~ Dashcamkitty

“Of course they respect them more, they can produce offspring. Clearly this is the way to earn respect in this effed up family.”

“Edit to address the ‘maybe they just threatened to cut off the grandchildren’ comments. Yeah that’s entire possible.”

“But speaking from literal decades of experience as a woman in her mid 40s who is child free by choice who is STILL asked when I’m going to have kids (spoiler: never) I lean towards OPs lack of offspring being tied to the lack of respect received.”Gimme-The-Pitties

“I wonder how it would go if he confronted his parents about this. ‘Hey mom, I’ve noticed you tend to side with BIL over your own son. Is it because he gives you grandkids?'” ~ UnhingingEmu

“I always wonder why are grandkids so important to people? I know when my kids are older, I would love grandkids. But my love for them isn’t going to be based on whether or not they have kids of their own.”

“My 11 year old has already told me she doesn’t want kids. And I’m fine with that. I want my kids to be happy and if being child free does that, then I’m happy.” ~ Cheermom2009

“I think that the OP can get at least two or three years of amusement out of doubling down with self-help books for both the BIL and his parents at every birthday and for Christmas.”

“Maybe one of them might even eventually learn something from it. Maybe switch it up with a video once in a while.” ~ RishaBree

OP’s brother in law can dish it, but not take it.