I can’t believe I have to explain this, again, but when you have to take care of your OWN kids it’s not “babysitting” it’s parenting. Dads spending time with their children is not “going above and beyond, it’s doing the bare minimum.
Redditor Throwaway9876-57 encountered this very issue with her brother-in-law. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for calling my sister’s husband useless?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (17F) sister (34F) called me saying that her work had an emergency and she needs to get there ASAP and needed me to watch her kids because ‘no one else can.'”
“I rushed over there just to find her husband locked in his game room playing video games. I asked her why she called me over if he was home and she said he didn’t want to ‘babysit’ because it was his only day off.”
“Sister left, and I started hanging with the kids. I was changing the baby’s diaper and the other kids wanted a snack, I told them to go ask their dad to make them a snack since the baby had a blow out and it was going to take my awhile to clean him up.”
“Well, their dad sent them back upstairs and told them to ask me again.”
“After cleaning the baby up I made the kids a snack and their dad came out to eat and told me not to let the kids interrupt him on his day off. (By the way, he works part time from home, 6 days a week).”
OP was blown away.
“I kind of snapped at him and told him it was MY day off too and that he’s a useless f*cking father and husband if his wife has to rely on her teenage sister rather than her own husband.”
“He started telling me I was disrespectful and didn’t understand how hard parenting is, and I told him he clearly doesn’t understand how hard it is either since he considers parenting his own children ‘babysitting.'”
“He ended up kicking me out and apparently my sister was forced to come home because he told her she needed to figure it out since I’m her sister.”
“I feel like I may be the a**hole because my sister is mad at me, her husband is mad at me, my mom is mad at me for causing drama, but my dad thinks it’s funny and agrees with me.”
“I definitely didn’t need to call him names but I just hate this guy so much.”
“We have argued about things in the past as well so we already don’t have a great relationship. My sister is saying I need to apologize to him and he is threatening to never let me into the kids lives if I keep disrespecting him.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed there were no a**holes in this scenario.
“Hold up.”
“Your sister had to leave work because her husband kicked you out…..even tho he was literally right there for the kids.”
“Her husband is utterly useless and she needs a reality check.”
“Me, personally, if I showed up just to find out the husband was there but didn’t want to ‘babysit’ his kids I would have turned right back around.”
“That’s not an emergency, that’s enabling.” ~ FoxUniCarKilo
“WATCHING YOUR OWN KIDS IS NOT BABYSITTING!! If you’re reading this and you say your partner babysits your kids, knock that shit off. Words are impactful. Use them correctly. OP, I love everything about what you did. Don’t apologize. Ever. NTA.” ~ lotsofcache
“My friend’s baby daddy is almost as bad. The state pays him to babysit his own kids when she was working.” ~ Homicidal__GoldFish
“Dad of the year right there!”
“Imagine only wanting to spend time with your own kids if someone pays you. Those poor kids.” ~ Zupergreen
“I don’t get why these people ever even have kids!! Being childfree is a valid option, and a much better one than producing a bunch of children you have no intention of being in the lives of.”
“OP, you are absolutely NTA, and I was literally thinking ‘neither do you’ right before I read where you said it! You gave a perfect response, and idk you sister, but her and her kids deserve better.” ~ Ikmia
“WATCHING YOUR OWN KIDS IS NOT BABYSITTING!!”
“Louder for those in the back. It’s not babysitting, it’s called parenting, and it’s not a single gender job.”
“It’s also a job with no days off – it’s 24 x 7 x 365 – if you decide to have kids, it’s always your job to ensure they’re being looked after. You don’t get to just dip out on that.” ~ Fraerie
OP added some edits.
“Edit: wow I was not expecting this response at all. Thank you guys for all your comments, and to the people who messaged me dick pics or to kill myself… what? Why? Lol y’all are crazy.”
“For anyone who has asked, no, he does not take care of the kids normally. My sister takes them to daycare during the day and then picks them up on her way home. She is the breadwinner and the primary caretaker.”
“Also, I got a few questions of ‘does she pay you?’ Not exactly, but she will randomly take me on expensive shopping sprees and will regularly buy things from my Amazon wishlist instead, and I have no problem with this arrangement. I really love those kids and don’t have an issue babysitting them, I love hanging out with them.”
“I also don’t blame my mother for her being mad at me, just because of the fact that my sisters dumb*ss husband texted her and apparently told her a much different version of what happened, lol. He told her I was sitting on my phone the whole time being lazy and the kids kept begging me for a snack.”
“Also, I did not yell at him in front of his kids. It was a private conversation.”
“I might post an update but nothing has really happened in the past day so I don’t really have much to say. No one has apologized to anyone yet.”
He needs a reality check.