Each of us has one of those little things that makes us especially happy.
And according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, we absolutely should not apologize for those little things.
But Redditor sweeitn03 struggled with this when she bought herself something special.
When she was ridiculed by her boyfriend, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she’d somehow made a foolish choice.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for buying and wearing my own diamond rings despite being unmarried?”
The OP liked to dress a particular way.
“For context, my boyfriend and I are nowhere near marriage, but we have been together for just under 2 years.”
“I am a jewelry girl and have always liked to wear sparkly things, whether real or fake, it doesn’t matter. It’s part of my aesthetic.”
She finally decided to buy herself something special to pair with that look.
“For years I’ve wanted to get some stackable diamond bands that are a little on the nicer side (although still fake), so that I can pair them with some of my outfits.”
“Through Instagram, I found this local seller and purchased some.”
“Most of them are just plain diamond bands but a few look like real engagement rings. They were beautiful and I really liked how they looked, so I bought them for myself.”
“Keep in mind, it was never my intention to wear them on my left ring finger like an actual engagement ring or attempt to project that ‘I’m married’ when I’m not.”
“I just wore them on my right hand and in different spots specifically for that purpose.”
But her boyfriend didn’t approve of the new additions.
“Here’s where I’m conflicted – my boyfriend says that it’s tacky that I’m essentially ‘buying myself an engagement ring to play pretend.'”
“I told him to kick rocks and that I bought them purely for aesthetic and fashion purposes and I wasn’t trying to ‘play pretend.'”
“I told him that it was my money and I could do as I pleased, because I don’t have to wait on a guy to buy me jewelry, or anything else for that matter.”
The OP wasn’t sure what to think after that.
“What was I supposed to do? Wait for him to gift it to me? Ask permission?”
“He would never think to buy me something like that.”
“Not for any particular reason, it’s just he doesn’t put a lot of thought into gifts. He usually buys me a gift card or cash or something of the sort.”
“AITA for simply fulfilling my own desire and not waiting on him?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some affirmed the OP’s right to enjoy sparkly things.
“Single girl here with three diamond rings. You are NTA but he is. Your boyfriend is insecure.” – zorra666
“Another single girl: I have a fake ring I’ve worn on my left ring finger without any problems.”
“I have a couple of engagement rings (again, super single) that I’ve worn on and off before just because I like how they look, or the history, or they were given to me (single) by someone as a present and I wanted to show appreciation.” – bcarlyd
“Psst, it’s only an engagement ring if you’re engaged with it. Otherwise it’s just pretty. People may assume but that’s a them problem. Also NTA” – FirebirdWriter
“Who decided that every nice ring must be an engagement ring? NTA OP, from a woman who loves to wear nice rings and gets asked if she is engaged way too often.” – Spendmytime
“I’m married with a traditional-looking ring but I also bought myself a moissanite cocktail ring after a huge promotion.”
“My husband and I refer to my wedding set as my ‘wedding ring’ (obviously) and the one I bought myself as my ‘sparkly,’ lol (laughing out loud).”
“I also have two friends (not engaged/married) who wear their grandmother’s engagement/wedding ring.” – emilyarran
Others also said the boyfriend had no right to gatekeep “engagement” jewelry.
“Also, it’s 2021. Wear those rocks on any hand you want! NTA” – lotsofcache
“Jumping up here to say: DeBeers created the market for diamond engagement rings. In 1948, they created the ‘A diamond is forever’ slogan and there it went. Before WWII 10% of engagement rings had diamonds. The tradition of a diamond engagement ring is less than a century old and created by a morally corrupt company.”
“So yeah OP’s bf doesn’t get to gatekeep the diamond ring.”
“NTA” – clustersofcrocus
“My bestie is in a committed relationship with her BF (boyfriend). They have both been previously married and have no intentions of marrying again.”
“They have exchanged commitment rings and both wear them on their left hands. And it couldn’t matter less to them what other people think about their rings. It’s not about other people.”
“Wear whatever the f**k you want. This is controlling and s**tty behavior. His problem with it is his problem.” – RogueDIL
“I often ‘steal’ (borrow) one of my boyfriend’s rings, and it only fits on that finger. We joke that it’s like a wedding ring but he’d never accuse me of playing pretend, that’s just mean and uncalled for.” – DJ-does-stuff
“I have a couple of rings, plain bands, and diamonds, wedding and engagement rings, that were passed down from my grandmothers.”
“I wear them all the time. I love having them. I love looking at them. I love wearing them.”
“Tell your BF to get over himself.” – rusty0123
Though it might be a little surprising to the boyfriend to see a woman wearing a diamond that was not given to her in a proposal setting, the subReddit agreed that is limited thinking that he should let go of.
Jewelry can be incredibly expressive, and sparkly, and unless it was specifically given as an act of engagement, then it doesn’t inherently have to be engagement jewelry.
Maybe he could give his girlfriend something beautiful and sparkly to see himself represented if that’s something he’s worried about, even if the jewelry gifted isn’t meant as a promise of future commitments.