As the saying goes, true beauty comes from within.
Which isn’t to say there’s anything wrong with dressing up, and making yourself look nice for a special occasion.
But one shouldn’t only think and worry about their outward appearance, as it is never the best indication of what someone is like as a person.
The girlfriend of Redditor amiburnerff22233 was extremely worried about how she and the original poster (OP) would look at an upcoming social occasion.
So much so, she even made a request of the OP which he found completely outrageous, and wasn’t afraid to say so to his girlfriend.
Worried that he might have been in the wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my girlfriend that I’m not going to delay a life benefitting surgery.”
The OP explained how his girlfriend’s request could have resulted in very severe consequences to his health, and found her reasoning insufficient.
“I (24 M[ale]) am supposed to get a nose surgery the first week of September.”
“I’ve been having some issues after a broken nose for a while.”
“The worst part has been the breathing.”
“I can’t sleep some nights because my breathing is so terrible.”
“My girlfriend knows this and was supportive of the surgery.”
“Since we live together she’ll be taking care of me while I’m a bit out of it.”
“I was showing her picture of someone after the procedure and she immediately changed her tune.”
“Her sister’s wedding is at the end of September.”
“She didn’t realize I’d be all bruised up and stuff and need a bandage for a bit.”
“She then asked if I would put it off until after the wedding.”
“I told her absolutely not because the surgeon’s office is booked up until at least November.”
“Even then I can’t guarantee my work schedule will line up with the surgery.”
“I have 2 weeks currently scheduled off of sick days I’m using.”
“She said it won’t look nice if I show up to her sister’s wedding looking like that.”
“I said she’s being ridiculous and that no one is going to judge me for having a life benefitting surgery.”
“We argued about it and I decided I’m getting the surgery.”
“I don’t care what she says.”
“She’s now acting like she won’t help me out after the surgery. “
“I think she’s being ridiculous.”
“AITA?”- amiburnerff22233
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for refusing to reschedule his surgery.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s girlfriend was, indeed, being ridiculous, and her request was purely selfish.
“NTA – obviously.”
“She is more concerned with your appearance than your health.”- ifetooshort4bs
“NTA.”
“It’s unlikely you’ll still have bruising by the time of the wedding.”
“My bruising was ghastly when I had mine, 4 years ago today.”
“But it looked pretty dang good within a couple weeks.”
“Good luck!”- Reasonable_Ad_6519
“NTA.”
“You’re right, I doubt people will be judgmental considering you needed surgery to better your breathing.”
“Girlfriend seems too concerned about looks/reputation.”
“If she refuses to help care for you I’d reconsider the relationship.”- 11treetrunk
“Oh yes… you are NTA here.”
“I think you may have already known that though!”
“How old is your girlfriend?”
“Sounds like she’s pretty immature to prioritize a wedding over your surgery.”
“I’d discuss this with her some more, let her think on it, she’s got some growing up to do.”-Comfortable_Cut_8751
“NTA.”
“You’re not obligated to sacrifice you health for someone else’s aesthetic desires.”
“Your girlfriend asking you to is unacceptable.”- salmonberrycreek
“Omg, is she serious?!”
“Waiting because of someone else’s wedding?!”
“No, get the surgery.”
“NTA.”
“If it bothers her that much, she should go to the wedding alone.”- mrsbluemoon
“NTA.”
“No one at the wedding will judge you for getting necessary surgery a few weeks beforehand, everyone. reasonable, knows peoples lives don’t stop for other peoples weddings.”
“And not to be rude, but it doesn’t sounds like you’ll be in a lot of the wedding party photos, so what’s the big deal?”- Summoning-Freaks
“NTA.”
“I’m sorry your girlfriend is so shallow that all she cares about is your looks at the wedding.”
“I strongly suggest you find someone else to provide post-surgery care because she doesn’t sound like someone who you can rely on, now that she isn’t getting her way.”- GreenEyedKittyCat
“NTA.”
“But when someone shows you who they really are, please believe them.”
“She’s making vanity a priority over your wellbeing, and then with holding care when she does not get her way.”- MyFriendsCallMeEpic
“NTA.”
“And if that’s how she’s going to act about a life benefitting surgery how will she act about other things? “
“That’s just crazy.”- Fan0fJigglyPuff
“NTA.”
“She’s asking you to suffer over looks at a wedding.”
“If the wedding is going according to plan, nobody should even be looking at you, but instead looking at the happy couple.”
“Throw in your work schedule, and it makes the timing even more imperative.”
“Get the surgery, and I hope you feel better soon.”- icedtea4all
“NTA and the fact that she’s more concerned about your appearance than your health is disrespectful.”- Heavy_Sand5228
“You’re right–she’s being ridiculous.”
“Shame on her.”- Thin_Biscotti_7815
“NTA.”
“But she is, just for even considering, much less asking, you to put it off any further, for aesthetics, no less.”
“Practically speaking, even if you have some bruising, I would not expect it to be so noticeable that you would stand out.”- leolionbag
“NTA.”
“And your surgeon should have a list of people, helpers that can stay with you give you your mediation and make sure you eat and have liquids.”
“People employee this helpers all the time, because they do not have family close by or do not want to be seen until the swelling goes done.”
“Good Luck, Congratulations on your surgery.”- Dazzling-Cold6080
“NTA, I’d lean into it and start coming up with funny stories to tell people if/when they ask.”
“Like, tell one person you were almost mugged and fought the guy off, another that you heard an ice cream truck outside and ran into a glass door, or that ninjas attacked, just keep them guessing.”-largehawaiian
“NTA.”
“Get the nose job, lose the girlfriend.”- ParamedicSilent2097
“NTA.”
“Your quality of life outweighs her vanity issues every time without question.”
“This is a big red flag OP.”
“Up to you to acknowledge or ignore it.”- TR_Irisden
“NTA.”
“Which she’s about to learn the hard way.”
“Big oof.”- Waerfeles
“NTA, but she sure will be if she refuses to help care for you.”- lmchatterbox
“NTA.”
“Try getting a back up to help you out just in case.”
“You don’t want to be left stranded because she decides not to help you.”
“Your health should always come before shit like a wedding.”
“You can decline to be in the photos or the photographer can edit them if that’s your preference.”
“What you can’t and shouldn’t do is allow your breathing to decline.”
“Your lungs and body are going to suffer if you put this off for months.”
“If your gf cares so very much about a wedding over your surgery which is beneficial to you, should she really be your gf?”- tekwayyuhself
“NTA.”
“She is being ridiculous.”
“So what if you are bruised up?”
“Does it matter?”
“It’s not your wedding, and still would not really be a problem.”
“Make sure that you have a plan B, of she really will not help you after.”- PepsiMax0807
“NTA and you need to leave her a**.”- Pretty_Repair_9293
“I am a nurse and my 74 year-old brother in law just had this.”
“He did very well and I only had to check on him a few times.”
“Just make sure you have your pain meds, cold packs and saline rinses and a way to sleep propped up for a nite or two.”
“Hopefully she is willing to drive you to and from the hospital.”
“NTA.”
“Get it done while you can.”
“The swelling goes away much faster than you might think and you should look fine by the end of September.”- Revolutionary_Low581
“NTA.”
“Why do people seem to always mainline crazy juice when they get close to a wedding?”-ScrewyMosquito0
“NTA…not even a little bit.”- Country-girl-2212
“NTA.”
“And she doesn’t sound like partner material to me.”- Traveling-Techie
“NTA.”
“But your girlfriend is throwing up huge red flags that you are not a priority in her life.”
“Do you really want to be with someone who values appearances more than substance?”
“This is who she is, listen to her.”- Jdpraise1
The OP’s girlfriend might want to decide which would be worse.
Her boyfriend wearing a bandage and looking a bit bruised at her sister’s wedding, or her boyfriend not being at her sister’s wedding at all because he waited too long for the surgery.
If she can’t see the fairly easy answer to this question, the OP might want to seriously think about how healthy his relationship is.