Everyone hopes their relationship will last. It’s exciting to plan for the future and buy your first home together. But, sometimes things don’t work out. And, we need to be smart when it comes to our finances.
A Redditor encountered this very issue with her boyfriend. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
AITA for wanting to only have my name on the house I’m buying?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (22F) and my bf (25M) have been together for about 4 years. We started living together 2 years ago in an apartment and it’s been great!”
“I recently got a new job and make around $80k a year and have been wanting to get out of our apartment and into a house. My bf on the other hand doesn’t have a very good work ethic and has had about 8 different jobs in the 4 years we have been together, all making minimum wage.”
“I brought up getting a house and he was totally on board with it so we started house hunting.”
“I have enough in my savings for a down payment and to cover all the closing cost but my boyfriend doesn’t have any saving and lives paycheck to paycheck.”
“We currently split our rent 50/50 and he pays his bills (car payment, insurance, etc.) on his own and I pick up all the groceries, wifi, dog stuff. I’m totally fine with the fact I pick up more expenses since I make more than him and he’s never complained.”
OP was under the impressions that they were both okay with the arrangement.
“When we were looking for a house we kept the price range small enough to where I could pay for it alone so we could use his earrings as extra cash.”
“But we agreed to split the mortgage 50/50 (which would be cheaper than our current rent) and I would pay the water, electric, home insurance, etc.”
“We finally found our dream house and are going to be signing the papers in a couple weeks. I mentioned to him that I would like to be the only name on the home since we are buying it with my savings and we aren’t married and don’t plan to be married anytime soon.”
“He is now upset with me about it bc it’s supposed to be ‘our house.'”
“I’ve told him that it is OUR house but legally it will just me mine bc I don’t want to put $400k on the line.”
“He said that if it’s just going to be my house that he shouldn’t have to pay to live there. I disagree, it would be like paying rent anywhere else and when/if we get married we will change the agreement.”
“He hasn’t talked to me for 3 days now and I really don’t think I’m in the wrong here. So AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. Do NOT put his name on the paperwork.” ~ ollygollymolly
“NTA. Any lawyer or fiduciary would say this would be a very dumb move with huge risk to you.”
“OP, if/when you get married, then you can talk to attorneys and figure out how he can buy into the house in a way that takes his previous rent payments into account. I get that he’s upset he won’t have any equity, but that can come later.”
“Edit: whoops, this was supposed to be its own comment and not a reply. But the person I accidentally replied to is right!” ~ Shaking-Cliches
“My sister got divorced and has court ordered her ex to sign over the house rights to her. He hasn’t yet.”
“It’s been 3 years. He’s refusing to do it out of spite. That’s in a court ordered divorce decree. She has to take him back to court over it. It’s hard to separate assets if things go wrong. I know you hope it won’t, but protect yourself now. You can add his name after you’re married.” ~ OokiiStaR
“When people are skittish about marriage because ‘They’ll take half my stuff in a divorce!’, they should think about how much messier it would be if there wasn’t a legal process or a court to hash all these things out.”
“If even with a court order, your sister is having this much trouble with a court involved, OP would find it impossible in the same situation if she puts the boyfriend on there now.” ~ letstrythisagain30
OP should protect her assets.
“Bought my house before I got married. Once married I paid the mortgage. When I rented it out 6 years later, lease had only my name (was married at this point).”
“Sold 2 years after that, and yet some how when I got divorced, even with 18k in fraudulent purchases in my name, with my credit, by my ex, that he got stuck with… I was still made to split the equity I made with him.”
“And of course I was never able to force the ex to pay off the credit by I was threatened with huge fines and possibly jail for not forking over the money I made on the house.”
“Which I had used to escape his abusive ass and had a restraining order and criminal charges he was convicted of. And the fact that I was in a domestic violence shelter using legal aid and he has a big fancy lawyer but claimed he barely had any income and only had to pay child support at minimum wage.”
“To this day I still don’t understand what happened in that courtroom. He makes over six figures now, has his own company but somehow has managed not to file taxes for years and everything he has is in other people’s names. It’s absolutely crazy.” ~ MistyMtn421
“My husband got a divorce while deployed. She wouldn’t sign the house over unless he gave up custody. He wasn’t around to fight it so the house foreclosed. It’s crazy.”
“All that to say .. NTA.”
“When my husband and I moved in together, we weren’t married. We came up with an agreement that worked for the both of us. Putting his name on the house wasn’t even a question. Now we live in another house with only his name. I’d say if he’s getting upset about it, then that’s more reason not to do it.” ~ Prestigious-Check-23
You never know what might happen.