People from different backgrounds often have different standards and expectations about how to act, and for one affluent woman on Reddit, this difference resulted in drama with her boyfriend.
After she and her boyfriend had a fight because she got mad at him for using multiple straws to drink his orange juice at an upscale restaurant, she wondered if she’d handled things improperly. So she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by Swan-love5477 on the site, asked:
“AITA for walking out of the restaurant after my boyfriend started drinking his juice with 3 straws?”
She explained:
“Might seem like not a huge deal but, Here’s some context.”
“I F[emale], 30 have been with my boyfriend M[ale], 32 for few months. Unlike him, I come from a well off background and last week I invited him out on an upscale restaurant for a dinner together.”
“We got there, sat down at our table and chatted for some time. He ordered some orange juice then asked the waitress to bring him 2 more straws besides the one he had with his juice. I was puzzled I asked if he was expecting one of his friends and he laughed and said ‘ohhh no…not after what they did to me last night’ I was like ???? but watched to see what he was doing.”
“The waitress came back with the 2 straws then took our orders. The minute she walked away my boyfriend put the other 2 straws in his juice and basically started sipping with the 3 straws making an unbelievebly absurd and annoying sound. I was floored I asked what he was doing and why. He nonchantly smug smiled and said so he could drink faster.”
“I got mad and quite embarrassed cause people were literally side eyeing me since I’m a regular. I told him to stop but he didn’t. I said that I’d leave if he wouldn’t and he made eye contact and kept sipping. I had it, I said I wasn’t going to continue to be humiliated anylonger and grabbed my stuff and made my way out. He shouted for me to wait but I didn’t.”
“30 minutes later, he started rage texting me about how I overreacted and how I keep ruining good timrs worrying about what those ‘snobs’ think. Then talked about how ridiculous I was to walk out like that and repeatedly texted about how I should stop being a pretenious snob just because I hang around them which I found really really offensive. He ecpected me to apologize for ‘making a scene’ and walking out like that over something so stupid and harmless.”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this scenario based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And most of them were firmly on OP’s side.
“NTA. What he was doing was obnoxious and you asked him to stop. He refused. You told him what the consequences would be if he continued and he apparently accepted them until you followed through.”
“Dump him and find an adult to date.” –AdministrationThis77
“Agreed, NTA.
OP, don’t think that you’re exempt from his lumping you in with the other “pretentious snobs”. He’s already told you what he thinks of you and is now expecting you to lower your etiquette standards so he can freely act like a child. His plan is to mooch off of you while simultaneously shaming you for being better off than him.” –BellanaBlack
“He didn’t think she’d actually do it. He thought he had all the power in that situation. OP proved him wrong when she walked out rather than tolerate his behavior, and that’s what he’s really mad about. It’s not about the straws and it’s not about her being a “snob.” It’s about the fact that he was on a powertrip and she pulled the rug out from under him. I could be wrong but I think this is more than just childish. I think it’s a red flag.” –rogue144
“NTA- I agree. He just showed you exactly who he is. He has no consideration for you, thinks you’re a snob because you have good manners and know how to act in public, and he DELIBERATELY humiliated you.”
“You do not need that obnoxious child in your life- I second the thought that you should dump him and find an adult to date.” –tinlizzie2
“Exactly. This isn’t an issue of class, background, or how snobby the people around you were. This is about him not respecting you or your boundaries. He was making a scene, disrupting the people around you, and disregarding how his actions were effecting you then blames you for ‘ruining’ things when you justifiably left him there.” –Wynfleue
“NTA – I see others calling you a snob but in the real world your behavior needs to match A. the circumstance, B. the location, and C. the company. Using 3 straws to slurp loud and make weird noises in an upscale restaurant just shows he has no manners and no respect for anyone else.”
“You basically left before you were asked to leave by the maitre d’ or the management (depending how upscale we are talking about).”
“Long story short, a 32yrold grown man should know how to behave at a fancy restaurant, period. You left because he was embarrassing the heck out of you. Your walking out was not ridiculous, his behavior was though.” –C_Alex_Author
“Using three straws to intentionally make obnoxious noises would be relegated to outdoors at home, and we get a bit silly at the dinner table, when we even eat at the table. If my kids can figure that out a grown up man ought to be able to. This feels like some weird power play to get you accept him as this rude obnoxious person because he’s a egular guy. He’s not a regular guy, he’s an AH. NTA” –LostCraftaway
“NTA. It’s not about how he drinks his juice; it’s that he was deliberately winding you up and showing zero respect for you when you asked him to stop. Sounds like he was intentionally embarrassing you to force a reaction. And now he’s expecting you to apologise?” –TessMacc
“100% intentional. Purposefully do ‘small/benign’ acts on the reg to get under OP’s skin. Till she reacts ( doesn’t matter how gently/reasonably it’s brought to the table), so he can flip the script and say she’s ‘uptight/sensitive/a snob, or, it was just a joke’. People like this will get you to a place of questioning your own sanity, if you let them. Give a moose a muffin, etc. And what 32 Year old( or even toddler) needs to drink juice, or any drink, ‘quickly’. The supply isn’t limited.” –AdrienneSegur
“Yes. There’s definitely more going on than not knowing how to behave in a fancy restaurant. He was deliberately embarrassing OP. Making eye contact & smug smiling while continuing to slurp after she asked him to stop. I don’t know what his deal was, but I’m glad OP called his bluff and walked out. The question is, why was he deliberately making her uncomfortable, and is there any reason to continue a relationship with someone who treats her this way?” –EllySPNW
“NTA & maybe it makes me a snob but that would annoy the ever-loving F*** out of me (I can hear a triple slurp and cringe just thinking about it). Even sitting at a Denny’s that’d be rude, that doesn’t make you a snob, it makes him TA. As others have said, the fact he purposely kept doing it then expects you to apologize is ridiculous, it’s a red flag & would likely escalate if you stayed with him. Don’t waste years of your life on him.” –forensicgirlla
“Dude my partner and I both can be food snobs and love eating out at high end restaurants and gauging their abilities and quality, we even both do ‘dare or dare’ sometimes when eating out. I’ve even dared him to take a sip of soy sauce when the waiter approached and say, ‘decadent’ at the best sushi place in our city! Thought it was innocently hilarious and my partner executed it perfectly! I cry laughed!”
“But two people laughing and joking (and still not being disgusting to other guests mind you) is different than what your boyfriend did”
“Bruh it’s a new relationship and true colors don’t even usually come out this soon, this seems like just the tip of the iceberg for him deliberately crossing and testing your boundaries….”
“I’m 4 years in and neither of us intentionally push each other like this and we’re 22/24 not 30/32”
“Nta and internet strangers don’t know ya, but from the phrasing of your story you should maybe reevaluate if you and your current person are even a fit” –Louisetoherthelma
“NTA- this guy is 32 and if he doesn’t know by now to not slurp in a restaurant he never will. This seems like some weird type of negging and boundary pushing. My nine year old knows not to behave that way in a McDonald’s, this guy is a chump.” –BobBelchersbuns
Hopefully OP can find a boyfriend more compatible with her.