When we find out something about our significant other we didn’t know before, it can be jarring. The way you learn it can even affect how you react as well.
Redditor One-Dream-101 recently learned that her boyfriend made a character in a video game that looks just like her. The original poster (OP) didn’t like it, and told her boyfriend as much.
Now OP is unsure if she is wrong for how she reacted, and decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about what happened.
OP couldn’t stand what she saw.
“AITA for how I reacted to my boyfriend’s game character?”
But was it really so weird?
“My boyfriend (23m[ale]) of 7 years recently started playing a new game called Black Desert. I’d like to preface with the fact that he’s not addicted to playing video games, and we both have a healthy, balanced routine.”
“I (22F[emale]) had only ever heard of the game he was playing in passing, and I don’t have much interest in MMO titles in the first place, but we have a few games we play together, and I thought I may as well try the game with him.”
“However, after I start and finish a few quests, I meet up with him in game, and Im met with almost a mirror image of myself. The model wasn’t perfect obviously, but the character looked almost exactly like me, down to the facial structure and body type.”
“I was very reasonably creeped out, and I asked him why he had gone out of his way to make a character out of me. His weird as f*** explanation was that: ‘If I have to look at a character model while I play a game, why not look at someone I already find hot?’.”
“I said that he was being creepy and obsessive, and that I needed a bit of distance, so I’ve been staying at a friends place for about 2-3 hours.”
“I just can’t get the picture out of my head of my boyfriend spending hours creating a lifelike sculpture of me in a character creation menu.”
“I’m starting to feel a bit bad for how I reacted, though.”
“So Reddit, AITA?”
On one hand, OP has every right to feel her feelings and if she thinks it’s creepy that her boyfriend’s gaming character looks just like her, then it’s creepy. But does it deserve her reaction of just leaving and staying elsewhere?
He’s probably very confused.
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The board determined that OP was wrong. Many felt what the boyfriend did was actually kind of nice and not creepy.
It’s not like he’s a stalker admiring from afar. He’s her boyfriend of seven years.
What would she prefer his avatar to look like?
“Title should be ‘My boyfriend finds me attractive and i am creeped out AITA?!’”
“YTA, like, really.” – GreeneyedSigma
“Yeah, I was waiting for OP to say that the character was obviously based on her but had some kind of noteworthy difference that was hurtful (like she has smaller boobs she is insecure about and he gave the character giant boobs). But no.” – Opagea
“YTA – Ok, was going to be no AHs here, but… yeah, 7 years together? and after 7 years he decides he’d rather look at you in a game then look at some random female character he made?”
“Like that’s really kinda sweet ngl, since it means he doesn’t even want a FANTASY to look at, he wants to see you being the strong, ass kicking warrior he has to stare at for hours at a time.”
“The way you reacted is pretty bad, ngl, since unless he does this kind of thing all the time (and 7 years btw is pretty telling that he hasn’t done stuff to set you off before, at least I’d hope not if you stayed) then yeah, you’re being an AH about it.”
“Hell, I’ll bet he’s feeling hurt by that if anything, since someone he’s been with for 7 years just called him a creep for not wanting to stare at ‘big boobs mcgee’ like 90% of other guys, but instead at his GF.” – Waskomsause
“YTA. this was a hugely unnecessary overreaction.”
“is it really any weirder than painting a picture or writing a poem about somebody? this is your boyfriend. not some rando on reddit or some weird neighbor of yours.”
“you probably have no clue how creating a character works, as it definitely does not take hours to do. 20 mins tops.”
“you’re overreacting and putting way too much weight on your own opinion. grow up.” – Mundane_Ambassador87
“I mean… not on purpose, but you’re making it deeper than it is without understanding the unimportance of video game main characters. I’m a lady who games and I’ve always made my partners in games.”
“My current main character in video games is my current boyfriend. Fallout 4 is so customizable and when it was new, at a party, we pulled it out and I tried to make 2 of my friends at the party on the spot and we did comparisons and all.”
“It’s a video game- I promise, even if he is REALLY into it, it isn’t that deep. He probably isn’t even really paying attention to that character while he plays.” – Thirsty-Boii
“YTA, that is a huge overreaction. My partner and I both game and at points have made characters that looked like each other for those reasons.”
“My main on my current game I even outfitted to match his favorite colors and style and he was super touched and loves it – it’s something that makes me think of him and smile when I see it and he knows it’s because I love him.”
“I get that it felt weird to you, but why did you have such a strong reaction to this with a partner you have been with for so long?” – LizHylton
However, other comments saw it from OP’s perspective. While they aren’t sure if what the boyfriend did was super creepy, they did agree that OP’s feelings were valid.
But maybe next time she could talk it out, rather than just disappearing to a friend’s house.
“I find it cute when my husband makes characters that look like me. I don’t think of it as him trying to be me, just that I’m a convenient visual reference, and that even years later he still finds me attractive.”
“I see it as a compliment.”
“I’m not prepared to call you an AH because you may have a reason for feeling so bothered (ie, maybe you once had a stalker who took pictures of you without your consent), but I don’t think many people with committed SO’s would consider this creepy at all.”
“Unless there’s more context, I do think you’re overreacting somewhat.” – AccessibleBeige
“I mean, if you find it creepy, you find it creepy, but I think it’s clear that a lot of people responding to this post don’t find it creepy.”
“So maybe instead of reacting like he’s clearly done something wrong, have a little chat with yourself about why you find it creepy. Then see if you can calmly express that to him.”
“But not in a ‘you’re so gross!’ way. More of a ‘so it turns out this makes me feel like XYZ’ way.”
“NAH , but leaning a little bit towards YTA, because I don’t think there’s any reason he should have known this would creep you out.” – clauclauclaudia
“This exactly. People are allowed to find an unexpected digital replica of themselves in a videogame disconcerting or unwelcome!”
“Think about why that is and explain it to your partner calmly that this is a use of your image that you definitely do not love. Hopefully they’ll hear you out and respect that preference.”
“I once had an artist friend unexpectedly sketch me. Cute, yes, but it was very unsettling to suddenly realize they had been observing me intently for two hours!”
“I had been very focused on something else and didn’t even see them sit at the table across the way. They explained they didn’t want me to be aware of them… but I hadn’t agreed to be used as a model.” – angeryacorn
“YTA-ish. There are for sure situations that it would be creepy and obsessive for someone to create a character based on someone else’s looks, but if you’re in a happy, loving, trusting relationship of seven years, it shouldn’t feel that way.”
“Unfortunately for you, it *does* feel creepy and obsessive, and I think it’s absolutely worth some self-reflection to understand why.”
“I have been going back and forth between YTA and NAH, because feeling uncomfortable with his actions is perfectly acceptable, and important information for you to use when you’re re-evaluating this relationship.”
“But when it comes down to it, calling someone creepy and obsessive is name-caling, which is almost always an AH move. Own your feelings, contextualize your discomfort in terms of yourself and not him, and have an honest conversation about why this isn’t working for you.” – cosmosandcalendula
OP has a lot to think about.
Figuring out why she had such a strong reaction to this is going to be important to rebuild the relationship.