Time keeps no schedule.
Things happen when they happen and we can only do our best to keep up with an ever-changing world.
So when bad news comes in rapid succession we try our best to mitigate the repercussions as smoothly as possible.
What happens though when you feel like your importance in that hierarchy of repercussions is much lower than you thought it was?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Mountain_Lack4112 when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
He asked:
“AITA My (23M) Girlfriend’s (22F) dog is scheduled for euthanizing at the same time as my surgery?”
OP started with a bit of background.
“My girlfriend’s family dog has been sick for the past 2 weeks.”
“I’ve helped a lot with taking care of him.”
“I was with my gf at the Vet’s for 7 hours.”
“I’ve gotten him a bunch of treats.”
“Her dad also asked me to basically babysit his dog in the car while he works so he can come out and see him on breaks because the dog has separation anxiety particularly with him.”
“I did this for 6 hours a day for 3 days.”
“I’m a dog person and know the feeling of having an ill dog. I put 2 of mine to rest already. I didn’t really mind babysitting.”
Everything was okay until…
“A couple days ago, I went in to the ER for abdominal pain and found out I need an appendectomy that comes with a 30% risk of complications due to my current state.”
“They scheduled me for operation for tomorrow which is also when my GFs family will be putting their Dog to rest.”
“I’m scheduled to be on the table 15 minutes before the dog’s appointment and my operation is expected to last 1.5-2hrs. And the Vet is 2 hours from my hospital.”
“I told my gf to not worry and be with her dog and she showed no guilt or hesitation to do so. Yes, I meant it but I was kinda hurt by her lack of expression or concern.”
“As I started to think more about it, I’m kind of realizing that if it were flipped, I would be with her for her operation and I would say my goodbyes to my dog prior.”
OP broke down his logic.
“This is for two reasons:”
“I don’t have friends or family in this state and I wouldn’t want her to be alone.”
“I would find reassurance that my dog would be in the company of the person he arguably has the deepest connection with (the dad)”
“I expressed to her that I want her with me and asked if she would consider saying her goodbyes early.”
“She got upset and said I have no empathy and I don’t care about her dog when I in fact helped him and sacrificed some school to do so.”
“I was on track and now I’m behind by a few days in my grad program which is already difficult as is.”
He was left to wonder,
“AITA for asking this of her?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole{}
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Commenters felt this was a complex issue.
“I feel like N-A-H is the only judgment that fits here.”
“That dog has been part of her family for a long time, so I can understand why – after you told her you were fine with her picking the dog- she agreed without hesitation.”
“For some people, being there in the last moments, making sure the dog knows they’re there and they were loved, means everything.”
“It can definitely help with the grieving process.”
“And I can understand feeling insecure, a little hurt, from her quick agreement, but that likely wasn’t how she meant it.”
“I also understand you wanting her there with you at the hospital.”
“Do you have anyone else who can be there with you?”
“Because I fully agree that it would be scary to be there by yourself.”
“Neither of you are the a**holes. It’s a difficult situation so the way around with very valid emotions on both sides.”
“Edited:”
“I just re-read your post and saw you have no one around in your state to be there for you.”
“While I still say N-A-H, it makes me lean closer to your side because if something were to happen, you’d have no one there.”
“As someone who lost a beloved dog and was there in the dog’s final moments at the vet… I would pick my partner of 3 years if no one else was able to be there for them because I’d feel horrible leaving them alone in that case.”
“Honestly, personally, I’d pick my partner regardless, but knowing they had no one else would make it an easy decision.”
“2nd Edit:”
“The more I think on it, particularly given she knew OP would be on his own without her for surgery, transportation, care after, etc… NTA.”
“I’m leaving the rest of the post up because I still stand by the fact that all of the feelings involved are valid, but…”
“I’m just struggling the more I read OP’s comments that his GF, even with this hard time of losing a beloved pet, can’t see the bigger picture.”
“Which is how grief is, true, so it’s a gentle NTA… but I do think OP deserves better.” ~ cagedjaybird
“Honestly, your girlfriend is in kind of a tough place.”
“Putting your dog down is no easy thing to do; I cried rivers when I had to say goodbye to my goodest boy.”
“That being said, I think your surgery outweighs the dog’s appointment.”
“(I’m assuming) the dog will have multiple people with him, while you would have no one.”
“Your girlfriend is going through something with the loss of her dog, which I completely understand, but I think in this moment you need the most support.”
“Her coldness and general unfeeling towards you and your situation is what makes you NTA. Best of luck with your surgery, and rest in peace to the beloved family pet <3” ~ carton_of_cats
“I totally get her side.”
“But it kinda sounds like she doesn’t care about him at all.”
“Pets are part of the family for sure.”
“But I can’t imagine leaving my partner alone to have surgery.”
“I don’t necessarily blame her, cause again I see her point.”
“But she obviously isn’t invested in this relationship.”
“I’d vote for OP to dump her just because she had no hesitation about leaving him alone to get major surgery. Dude even had to have the hospital arrange transportation.” ~ SunnyDay6995
Some pointed out that there seemed to be deeper issues.
“NTA.”
“Did anyone else catch the fact that OP skipped school to sit in a car for 6 HOURS on 3 separate occasions because gf’s dad wanted his dog near his work???”
“GF and family sound a little unstable and frankly I’m at a loss as to why anyone would agree to this.” ~ BingBongHelloSiri
“I can’t believe it took this long to find someone else pointing this out.”
“OP has already gone above and beyond, and then some more, for them.”
“And GF has zero empathy for him, and zero desire to be his partner. He should do her the favor of releasing her from any sort of decent human being obligations.” ~ schaden_friende
“I think the lack of hesitation on her part is what makes my judgment NTA.”
“I agree NTA, however I would hold on dumping her.”
“My thoughts are maybe she was just relieved she didn’t have to make the decision, OP did it for her.”
“Don’t get me wrong, after thinking about it I would change my mind and go with my partner, especially being that they would be alone otherwise, but I can see why she would have seen it as an out of making a difficult decision.” ~ jennaorama
Commenters seemed to think the relationship wasn’t salvageable.
“I would honestly break up over this. There are so many options that would allow her to be there for you and she’s not even trying to work with you, she’s trying to guilt you for being Ill at a time that’s not convenient for her.”
“But, in the end, if nothing else worked out, she’s choosing to let you go through something really scary when you have no support rather than leave her pup with a bunch of people there who love it.”
“100% I would be there for me husband. I would be so worried about him. It’s concerning that she’s not worried about you.” ~ the_39th_doctor
“I think you should throw your girlfriend out with the your appendix.”
“Yes her dog will be laid to rest but going under anesthesia is a big deal. If you’ve never done it before who knows how you’ll react.” ~ Whorible_wife69
“Don’t walk, RUN AWAY.”
“This is a major surgery.”
“If the dog needs to be put down, there doesn’t need to be a big event, just do it.”
“She is showing very little concern for the dog and even less for you.”
“NTA. Congrats on getting the warning sign before you got married, some of us weren’t that lucky.” ~ CousinJimmy46
Time keeps no schedule.
We have to constantly be able to adjust to the changing rhythm of a chaotic world.
Sometimes we do this with grace and dignity.
Other times we do not.
Remember that everyone else is dancing along to the same beat and sometimes, we all step on someone else’s feet.