A wedding day should always focus on celebrating the bride and groom. But unfortunately, there is the potential a happy couple could become upstaged by an unwelcome wedding guest.
Redditor bonjourfriend got married earlier this year and prevented something from happening that could have ruined her special day.
But what happened has become a touchy topic with disapproving family members.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for letting my best friend get engaged at my wedding and not my cousin?”
The Original Poster (OP) took us back about a year ago before the drama began.
“I got married about two months ago and this is still a family argument, so I want y’all’s opinion.”
“The whole thing starts a year-ish ago, last February, when I got engaged. [The virus] obviously threw stuff off, but we did end up having lots of fun.”
“Anyway, in July? (Not sure exactly when, but I think it was July) my best friend’s boyfriend approached me.”
“They’ve been dating for five years, and I’ve been best friends with my best friend for 15 years, so when he asked if he could propose at my wedding, I was really happy to share the joy with this amazing girl.”
“We came up with a plan, he was incredibly respectful and told me that if at anytime I decided I didn’t want the proposal to happen at my wedding, he’d accept it.”
“I told him it was no problem and that I was so excited for both of us!”
“Speed up to two months ago, my wedding! (It was socially distanced, only a few key people were there, masked up, most people were vaccinated, etc, etc.) After the ceremony, during the reception, the plan started.”
“I think it was from some movie my bsf loves, but I’m not sure which one. So, I’m tossing the bouquet and I spin around and hand it to her instead of throwing it, he kneels down, it was all very cute.”
“After this, we’re celebrating, we’re both exciting, everything seems to be going off without a hitch. I was actually so happy because so far the wedding had been going perfectly.”
“Twenty minutes later, my cousin’s boyfriend goes up to the DJ (my little brother) and asks him for the mic.”
“He takes it, asks my cousin to come up next to him, and I quickly realized what was going on. To be fully honest, I didn’t want to share the day with my cousin.”
“She’s always been a bit of an attention hogger, and I knew she would make the day all about her.”
“I walk to them, ask my cousin to step aside, and explain to her boyfriend that I’d like him not to propose at my wedding.”
“He gets incredibly upset, saying my friend got engaged, why shouldn’t he be able to, etc, etc. My cousin and aunt also got incredibly pissed off at me, saying it’s not fair that my friend got engaged and she can’t, and are accusing me of being incredibly biased.”
“Am I the a**hole for not letting my cousin get engaged but letting my best friend get engaged at my wedding?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors declared the OP as not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA. Your best friend’s now fiancé asked permission and planned it with you and made you part of the moment. Your cousins boyfriend did the exact opposite.” – oneoneeightsixnine
“Yeah, permission makes all the difference.”
“I teach. Once I got a bad eval from a student who said I didn’t apply policy fairly, because once they got up to leave before class was over and I was like um?, but when somebody else did it, it was fine.”
“Yeah thanks kid. The other kid approached me before class, explained their situation, sat next to the door like I asked so they could leave with minimum disruption. It’s almost like the situation was different…” – ketita
“NTA. It isn’t customary to propose at weddings to begin with. You let your best friend slide with no issues, great on your part. NAH if it had been left it that.”
“Your cousin butting in for a proposal without permission and on the spot? A**hole move.” – iWimpout
The OP clarified the cousin had planned his move all along.
“I don’t think it was on the spot. He started talking and giving a speech before I butted in, and he’s either an excellent improviser or it was planned.”
“He also had a ring in his pocket, I’m not sure if he was planning to do it after the wedding, or was planning on doing it in the reception the whole time, which pisses me off so much more.”
Redditors continued the conversation.
“You should’ve said that the only difference is that your best friend’s bf asked and they didn’t.”
“You should tell them that if they had done the same, you would’ve been perfectly happy to share the day with them but they tried to hijack it by not asking beforehand (the part about you being happy for them to get engaged at your wedding doesn’t have to be true just emphasise that they didn’t ask and that was the issue).” – bAkedbeAnmAster
“Next time aunt or cousin gets pissed just throw back in their face of how did he just mysteriously have a ring on him at the wedding to propose?”
“And that the reason your bf was allowed to get engaged was because they ASKED you first instead of just trying to steal the spotlight.” – italy2986
“Definitely NTA. Planning a wedding takes a ton of thought and preparation. Planning a proposal in advance so that it doesn’t take away from the wedding is far different than accepting a random.”
“(Clearly planned but not with you) and may as well have been spontaneous interruption. What if she said no? You had no way to plan for damage control or otherwise. Super selfish to do this to someone without their consent or knowledge.” – Nyx0287
“NTA. Complete a**hole move.”
“Friend ‘can I have a bite of your pizza’ you ‘sure’ Cousin see someone else have a bite of your pizza, and grabs it out of your hand without asking.”
“Its not that hard to see this is an a**hole move. Your cousin and aunt are entitled and self centered.” – rugbymop
Many Redditors agreed that while proposals at someone else’s wedding are discouraged out of respect for the bride and groom, the best friend’s engagement was an exception because the bride herself gave consent.
Hopefully, the family will put this drama behind them for good.