Many twins say that share a special bond. But what if a twin’s significant other isn’t their favorite person?
Should they share an unsolicited opinion or keep their feelings to themselves?
What if they do share and it causes their twin unhappiness?
A twin dealing with these issues turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor throwRA_notatowel asked:
“AITA for causing my twin sister to postpone her wedding with her fiancé?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So for context, I (21, male) have a twin sister (21, female) who I basically grew up with. We are incredibly close and I truly only want for her to be happy, but I’m afraid I might have gotten in the way of her happiness.”
“For a little backstory, I am a very petite dude. 5’6 and very bony. I’ve kinda been insecure about my build my whole life but nothing serious.”
“My sister was engaged to this buff dude(26) very built and around 6’4. He treats me fine whenever my sister is but when she is not he makes rude comments about my height and weight, my mannerisms, posture, etc…”
“I kinda shut up about it and sucked it up cause I didn’t want my sister to be upset but recently something happened and it was the last straw for me.”
“He was having a huge bachelor party and for whatever reason decided to invite me. I showed up there and he and his 3 or so friends constantly laughed at me and pointed at me and some other people for the majority of the party.”
“So when I decide to leave, I go up to him to congratulate him like a mature person, only for him to say ‘don’t worry little guy, once you get out of puberty you’ll find someone’.”
“I told him to go f*ck himself and that I already was seeing a very nice person and it’s none of his business.”
“Later that night while preparing food with my sister I told her about this and every other time he has been doing things like mocking me or body blocking me and she got furious.”
“She called her fiancé screaming and that she’ll need to take some time before the wedding to rethink the relationship. Now she is crying and I feel like I ruined her chance at love.”
“So AITA for ratting my sister’s fiancé to her and making her very upset?”
The OP added:
“I didn’t say something earlier cause I felt like I could endure it to not worry my sister.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. You probably could have mentioned his behavior a little sooner but he’s the one that chose to be an asshole to you.”
“The only thing that messed up your sister’s chance at happiness was the fiance’s poor behavior.” ~ DTH217
“Best time to tell the truth is yesterday, second best time is today. OP’s pretty young, and in his shoes I’d probably have been willing to endure a lot if it meant my sister was happy.”
“I’d have kept thinking ‘maybe he’ll grow out of it’, or maybe that he’d treat me better when we were closer. OP should probably learn a mild lesson to speak up sooner, definitely, but I don’t think it brings him close to AH territory at all.” ~ RememberKoomValley
“Besides that, she is in love with a pretend version of the fiance. She loves someone that acts kindly towards others, not the actual dude that is a bully.” ~ noface1289
“Says a lot about the fiancé if that’s how he treats his future wife’s loved ones. I can only imagine how he treats her if he decides she isn’t good enough in the future.”
“He invited OP to the bachelor party to be used as the butt of jokes……what a bully. He must have hid his bullying tendencies really well cause it sounds like OP’s sister was caught off guard.” ~ hello_friendss
“Would not be surprising in the least if he started in on his wife too once they were married. No reason to hide his true self then.” ~ monkey_trumpets
“OP I just want to say as a fellow twin that if my partner was treating my twin like that I would definitely reconsider the relationship too, or drop it all together.”
“You didnt ‘ruin the relationship’. He did.”
“He ruined it by hurting someone she loves dearly, who is you, and it was her choice to postpone the wedding.”
“She loves you and you were in her life a lot longer than him. She wouldn’t want a relationship that hurts the bond between you two, nor would she probably want a bully as a partner.”
“Now I’m not usually for the whole ‘bros before hoes’ or ‘sisters before misters’ but in this case ‘Twins before Twits’.” ~ TheoryAddict
“Triplet here, and I’m with you on this one. If my fiancée treated either of my brothers this way she would need to work very hard to regain my trust and respect, and even then it depends on if they choose to forgive her.”
“I’ve been with those boys since birth and they’re like extensions of me—you bully them and we’ve got a f’king problem. You don’t mess with multiples.” ~ seagullsareassholes
“I mean also, what happens if this man has to father a skinny boy child or effeminate boy?”
“Sounds like someone who could be a toxic parent to anyone who doesnt fit his views of manliness.” ~ superstraight4males
“I also just thought of kids, too. I mean, the OP is his sister’s twin brother.”
“What if the sister and her fiancé (possible ex fiancé) had children of their own and the son took after the mother’s side of the family?” ~ MontanaDukes
“Yup. Totally possible. I don’t even want to think of the trauma a potential son would carry if he wasn’t 6’4” and had to grow up being constantly belittled by his own DAD.” ~ DiabolicalDee
“Oh, once that ring was on that finger, she would have found out exactly who he was. The mask slips once they believe they have you locked down.”
“That’s why abusers show themselves in times such as pregnancy and marriage, sometimes, as early as the wedding night. Sister has had a very lucky escape.” ~ Cosmicshimmer
“Agreed. I can absolutely see why OP would want to wait, hoping the fiance would just knock it off. Because who wants to upset their sister like that?”
“I can even see where OP might see the invite as maybe a promising sign… and I can see where it would be the final straw when it didn’t turn out that way.”
“NTA, OP. You may’ve waited to tell her, but you still told her in time to give her a chance to rethink things.” ~ Willowed-Wisp
Redditors agreed the OP could have told his twin sister sooner, but understand why he didn’t.
But now that she knows, she can reassess her relationship before walking down the aisle.