Helping your family feel included throughout your wedding is important, but the focus should still be on the bride and groom.
Most of us have thought about our wedding and bachelor/bachelorette parties forever, so making sure you enjoy yourself and have a good time vital.
Redditor polyio encountered this very issue with her wedding party. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for not changing the theme so my niece can attend my bachelorette party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (29) have 2 older sisters (K & N), both in their 30s, both married with kids. I love my nieces and nephews to bits and they’re all going to be a part of my wedding in some form, with my 13 year old niece (N’s oldest) as a junior bridesmaid.”
“Before I got engaged, I knew I wanted a Vegas bachelorette party.”
“Call me cliche, I just wanted to go, gamble for fun, see a show and have a great time with my friends and sisters. I’m getting married in the fall and we’ve planned on my bachelorette for the summer.”
“For obvious reasons, we can’t travel there.”
OP’s friends figured out a way to give her the best bachelorette party.
“But K and my maid of honor got the great idea of turning K’s house into mini Vegas. They found tiny, plastic slot machines, will make tables for card games. Her house already has a bar, so we could use that.”
“They said we’ll all dress how we would for a night in Vegas and we’ll have Vegas themed movies on in the background. It sounds like a lot of fun.”
“K also assumed I’d want it to be a kid free event. I love kids, want my own some day but this is clearly a pretty adult party.”
“Some of my friends want to bring some nsfw treats and others will for sure bring weed-which is legal in our area. And her husband is bringing their kids to his parents for the night. I thanked her and agreed, no kids.”
“N was fine with her younger two not coming but apparently my eldest niece has been looking forward to this bachelorette party.”
“When I asked her to be in the wedding, she looked up the experience and saw there was a ‘fun party,’ in her words.”
OP’s friend wanted to change the event.
“N says we should make the event ‘teen friendly,’ as she’s part of the ‘adult wedding party.’ I pointed out she was invited to my engagement party and she’s invited to the rehearsal dinner along with the sleepover I’m doing the night before with my bridal party.”
“Plus, she’s been dress shopping with me and I took her one on one to get her dress.”
“We spend a ton of time together. I’d like one night with just the adults where we can drink, not censor ourselves and do a few traditional bachelorette things.”
“I offered to do something with her the night before but N says my niece wants to come. K backed me up and told N to tell my niece that some things are just for adults. N was frustrated but finally agreed.”
OP’s niece is not happy.
“My niece is now pretty cold towards me and despite me explaining, called me mean. I pointed out that her sisters and cousins (who are 11, 10, 8 and 5) aren’t going to be there but she claims they’re babies.”
“I’ve offered multiple times to do something fun with her the night before and am basically told it’s not the same.”
“Am I being an a**?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“Goodness, no. N needs to do some parenting here and teach her daughter that she can’t have everything she wants.”
“Edit: NTA! Sorry everyone.” ~ Jazmadoodle
“No, even my totally chill, beach side bachelorette party was no place for a kid, because drinking and I curse like a sailor.”
“She has many honors in the wedding. Her parents need to explain boundaries.” ~ maximumslanketry
“Wouldn’t surprise me if N actually told the niece that “aunty just doesn’t want you there”. Blaming it all on OP instead of pointing out it’s not age appropriate.”
“OP NTA, but N sure is!” ~ allyoops2000
“Dunno why N has a stick up her butt nor why she’s exacerbating the situation with her daughter.”
“Would be much wiser for N to show support of OP so that her daughter wouldn’t feel as left out and upset, she obvs hasn’t explained it well.”
“Sounds like N is spoiled af and kicking up because she’s not getting what she wants, and is reflecting that same behaviour onto her daughter. Huge shame but agree that OP definitely NTA.” ~ Generic_as_jeff
“I don’t understand why niece was looking forward to bachelorette party. Isn’t it implied that she won’t be in it because it’s adult theme? This girl is going to die from embarrassment when she get older and think what she tried to pull on her aunt’s wedding.”
“Also, the way niece is angry at OP, seems like N put all the blame on OP and decide that’s it for her parenting.” ~ Livingeachdayatedge
Some said they wouldn’t want to party in front of kids either.
“Drinking around your kids is not the same as partying around your kids. Back yard BBQ with some beers and wine, sure. Getting sloshed drunk with a penis themed cake, eh… no.” ~ dontworryitsme4real
“It’s a bachelorette party. Getting drunk and things shaped like dicks are the point.” ~ Shigeko_Kageyama
“I think there is a difference between drinking around your kids and DRINKING around your kids.”
“Drinking a few glasses of wine and beer, fine.”
“Drinking with a view to get drunk and up to shenanigans, less fine.” ~ Shanstergoodheart
OP should get the bachelorette party she’s always wanted, even if that means not everyone can go.