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Bride Refuses To Let Brother Wear Dress To Wedding After He ‘Comes Out’ As Nonbinary As A ‘Joke’

Photo by kylie De Guia/Unsplash

Weddings are already rife with anxiety.

There are so many things to take care of.

That’s why the soon to be marrieds don’t need stress from guests and families.

Case in point…

Redditor givemeausernameeee wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for forbidding my brother from wearing a dress?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (32 F[emale]) am getting married in early July.”

“I have a 15 year old brother, as well as a twin sister and older brother (32 F and 34 M[ale]).”

“My younger brother was a later in life baby and absolutely the golden child.”

“He’s spoiled as hell and a bully to boot.”

“But he cries to my parents that everyone else is the problem and they believe him.”

“My parents (57 F and 58 M) are great but they are a bit older, very naive about many things and think the sun shines out of my little brothers a** which has set the stage for this.”

“I love my brother but our parents are allowing him to become a coddled, disrespectful monster.”

“I’ve found him looking at alt right stuff online and while I don’t believe he’s that far gone yet, I am truly worried about the person he is becoming.”

“My parents believe it’s a phase because he’s a ‘sweet boy.'”

“My brother has recently decided to ‘come out’ as non binary.”

“He is insisting on wearing a dress to the wedding.”

“But… he’s not.”

“I don’t make a habit of policing other people’s identities but it is crystal clear to me that he thinks this is a joke.”

“Literally the ONLY time this is ever brought up is when discussing my wedding.”

“He busts out with how he needs to wear a dress to be his true self and then laughs. Every time.”

“He can’t even keep a straight face, he thinks it’s the funniest thing ever.”

“And honestly I’d say f**k it, whatever if not for one of the groomsmen, my fiancé’s childhood neighbor and close friend James.”

“He has very recently started his transition and still presents rather feminine which is a source of stress for him.”

“My brother met James at my fiancé’s birthday bbq a few weeks ago and this began a few days after which is another reason I believe that this is a way for him to harass James because he thinks it’s funny.”

“He asks why James is allowed to wear a suit and be a groomsman while my brother is not allowed to wear a dress or be a bridesmaid since they’re ‘the same,’ again while laughing his a** off.”

“I am 100% sure that my brother is being a transphobic a**hole and I am deadset on preventing him from mocking James like this.”

“My siblings and fiancé see exactly what I see (because it’s obvious) and are also not okay with this at all.”

“My parents however… he just tells them they can’t tell him his identity, also while laughing hysterically!”

“And that they’re being unsupportive if they don’t let him so that made them immediately take his side.”

“I’m threatening security to remove him if he goes through with this but that would mean turning my parents away too.”

“One of my friends has said it shouldn’t be as big of a deal as I’m making it and he’ll only embarrass himself but I really think James would be uncomfortable.”

“I sent a text asking when he wants to go dress shopping and talk about his makeup for the wedding.”

“I got a middle finger emoji back.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. I would talk to James and give him a heads up – and then let your brother wear the dress.”

“Offer to go shopping with him to pick one out.”

“$5 says if you really lean in on this, your brother backs down because he’s no longer getting a reaction out of you.”  ~ N*T-me-SHELL

“Lean into it HARD!!!”

“As in have your mother, you, and Sister go shopping with him!”

“Have him trying on Dresses, An do NOT forget the Bras & Panties!!!”

“Eh, possibly leave your mother out, so just you and your sister.”

“Don’t forget the Pictures when he comes out of the dressing room!!”

“You may not be the ah in your post, but you absolutely should be the Ruthless AH if you do this.”

“Humiliate the lil s**t!”

“All in a so so sweet loving big sister voice the whole time.”

“Bonus Points if the stores you take him to are Female Only Stores, with other customers in them!!”

“P.S. – Keep a recording if he balks, so you can later play it for others when he TRIES to claim you did any thing but cater to what he said he wanted afterwards.”

“An if you feel too soft hearted to want to do this, harden your heart with how he wanted to screw over your wedding day, For Fun!!!”  ~ StangF150

“This was what I was thinking as well. He wants to wear a dress, lets go!”

“Take him dress shopping, and show up in the morning to drive him to school to show him support for the first time in school in a dress.”

“Make sure to pick him up at well.”

“Don’t do this mockingly, just be serious and respectful about it.”

“That way he can’t call you out on mocking him.”

“And if, in fact he is they, then maybe this is the support they need.”

“If they wear a dress or similar feminine attire on the regular going forward then why not a dress in your wedding.”

“If he doesn’t then why in the world would he want to wear a dress in the wedding.”  ~ mykidisonreddit

“NTA. Sit him down (maybe while dress shopping) and tell him how much you support his transition and ask his preferred name and pronouns.”

“Let him know you want to ‘Shout it to the world! I have a wonderful 15 year old sister!'”

“Be very, very sincere and offer to post the pics on social media immediately while tagging his dead name and new name!”

“This might cause him to admit he is joking, or you find out he is sincere.”  ~ AccomplishedAd3432

OP gave a little more info…

“He might and I have worried about this but the thing is, he’s kind of a coward.”

“If he can’t hide behind a veil of deniability (no matter how flimsy).”

“He risks my parents actually seeing the truth for once and he’s smart enough to know he doesn’t want that.”

Reddit continued…

“You could lean into this so hard.”

“Pretend sincerely believing him.”

“Go over to his house with a bunch of really girly brand shopping bags ‘omg -name- I saw these dresses in your style and thought they’d really suit!'”

‘”You should definitely start wearing dresses now, while the weather is getting nicer.'”

“‘Maybe we can go to X, Y, Z locations and shop?'”

“‘I want to support you in expressing yourself. Should we invite your friends?'”

“NTA.”  ~ Zorgas

“NTA, And this is simple to solve.”

“Sit down with your parents and tell them that he is not welcome at your wedding, at all.”

“If they pull that crap ‘it’s family’ card, tell them that you will let him attend in a dress only if he wears a dress to school every day between now and the wedding.”

“If that isn’t okay with them, tell them they do not have to come if that’s a problem.” ~ Fattdog64

“NTA. Along with the thing with bringing your lil bro to a dress shop and warning James.”

“I think it’s time you and your siblings sit down together and talk about what you could do for your little brother and your parents.”

“Decide what you’re going to do and say, how you will back that up and set a time to sit down with your parents to talk seriously and to ask them to listen.”

“Ask them if they’re willing to talk with a family counselor to help with their child’s journey and that you all need to talk this through like adults so that nobody else gets hurt or embarrassed.”

“Be honest and direct.”

“Do emphasize that he is always laughing when he talks about being non-binary and that a real non-binary person would talk about their gender in other contexts.”

“But your brother only talks about it in relation to your wedding.”

“Talk about how he’s been visiting violent sites online, that you found him looking at bigoted things online and that they are enabling and neglecting him by letting him get away with cruel behavior.”

“They are sending the message to him that cruelty is a-okay because they won’t listen to anything bad about their baby.”

“They would have never let you or the older siblings get away with half of what he does.”

“Is that the future they want for him? Is a boy becoming a cruel person okay with them?”

“There isn’t a singular answer on where to go from here.”

“But the first is that he should not be going to the wedding, at all because he intends to use it to hurt a family member.”

“He is planning to hurt someone on the basis of their being queer.”

“Do not let that go.”

“Do not let your parents bury that with ‘boys will be boys.'”

“He is lying to them, he is abusing his parents.”

“This is going to end with this kid in jail unless things change now.”  ~ StarlilyWiccan

OP… Reddit is clearly here for you.

This is a topic that should never be taken lightly.

Looks like you’re on the right track.

Good luck and happy wedding.