Being asked to be in a friend’s or relative’s wedding party is supposed to be a great honor.
So why does it so often go so wrong?
Sometimes the bride hyperfixates on creating the perfect day, driving everyone else mad in the process.
Then sometimes it’s a problematic bridesmaid giving everyone grief.
A bride-to-be was left wondering if she was the problem in a conflict with her sister/bridesmaid. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
“AITA for telling my sister she shouldn’t come to my wedding if she refuses to wear a bridesmaid dress?”
The original poster OP explained:
“Hi, I’m planning a lovely bridesmaid entourage for my wedding consisting of my beautiful sister and cousins. We are all on very good terms.”
“Today I told my sister I thought of navy blue dresses for bridesmaids. I sent her a couple of pics very enthusiastically.”
“I thought it’s elegant. Matches with the suits and gives a nice pop to the white wedding dress on pics.”
“The response from my sis was instant.”
“‘You can’t be serious! I won’t wear that. Everyone will hate that. Or is it that you want all of us to look like sh*t?’.”
“‘I heard there are weddings where the bride wants to make bridesmaids look intentionally bad. That’s probably your plan’.”
“She said her ‘color type’ is ‘autumn’ and navy looks the worst on that complexion. My cousins, she said, are also autumn and I will make them look the worst too.”
“After my heart sank I started looking for alternate colors on this ‘seasons color wheel’ thing. I sent her a couple of alternatives suggested. Different deep blues.”
“She replied that she then doesn’t want to be my bridesmaid but wants to be pretty. She would attend all the getting ready with the girls but won’t wear the matching dress.”
“I read this happens in bridal parties. There is usually one difficult person.”
“The suggestion is to ask them to step down as bridesmaid… for me, it obviously didn’t come to that as my sis stepped down without discussion.”
“Her point of view is that I should care about people feeling good at my wedding and I don’t have much empathy.”
“I cried for a bit then I told my sister honestly that after this I will have a sad and angry feeling every time I’d look at her at the wedding. In her pretty dress, being satisfied with herself at my expense.”
“And maybe it’s best if she’s not there then.”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole.
“Told my sis not to come to the wedding.”
“That’s not a nice thing to do.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA—remove your sister from the bridal party, go with the color you have chosen. It’s your wedding, not hers.”
“If she wants to attend the ‘girls getting ready’ then she needs to accept her responsibilities and dress like the rest of them. If you’re not in the bridal party, you don’t get to do the ‘fun’ stuff.”
“You, as the bride, do not have to have anyone there that a) you don’t want and b) will make you sad when you look back on the pictures.” ~ toosheeptheorist
“Dude. I’d wear the ugliest dress and smile until my lips fell off for the people I love. And laugh hysterically about it later.”
“The sister seems to have main character syndrome. Every concern she brought up was centered around her.”
“She can get her own self ready to wear her own dress so she can feel pretty sitting in the audience.” ~ Imaginary_War_2586
“Navy is actually considered one of the most universally flattering colors on people.”
“Autumnal colors are actually some of the most difficult to pull off unless you have the right skin tone & undertone—otherwise those colors can make most people appear sickly.”
“If she stands next to you, that color can affect how you look in photos and possibly make you appear not the way you envisioned. If this were her wedding, she would probably insist on autumnal colors for her bridesmaids.”
“She would then be the bride who would make most of her bridesmaids look bad to make herself look good. Just keep reminding her, ‘This isn’t your wedding, sis’. NTA.” ~ jasperjamboree
People were fans of navy blue.
“As someone who will be wearing a lovely mustard yellow bridesmaid dress in a couple of weeks, I would LOVE to be wearing navy instead.” ~ kaygmo
“If she wanted everyone to look bad she would have put them in sea foam green with giant bows on the butt. Navy blue is something you might wear again.” ~ Music_withRocks_In
“Oh gawd—the dreaded seafoam green! I remember those dresses. Along with the butt bows, don’t forget the puffed sleeves that made you look like a linebacker for the NFL.” ~ toosheeptheorist
“In my 45 years on this planet, I have never- not even once, seen anybody who doesn’t look good in navy. Your sister is a quack-a-doodle and you are NTA.” ~ SatisfactionAlert972
People called out the sister’s entitlement.
“WOW. Your sister is rude. Tell her:”
“‘Sis, the role of bridesmaid is to wear the bride’s choice of color as a representation of being her best female confidant/friend. It’s the norm’.”
“‘I don’t want to have to explain why one of my closest female relatives is not in my bridal party on my wedding day, and also I don’t want to have to explain to you why it’s so important to wear what I ask’.”
“‘But why is it more important to “look pretty” than it is to be my support on this ONE DAY?’.”
“You have every other day of the year to “look pretty” if that is your complaint, and honestly, I think you could easily pull off the dress since I looked into what an autumn can wear, and most autumns CAN in fact look stunning in navy blue’.”
“Deep autumns can wear navy and look stunning.”
“True/Warm autumns can even wear it, since it’s a part of their neutral palette.”
“Even soft autumns can.”
“So I’d call her on her BS. She just wants to wear what she wants, and honestly, if her ‘looking pretty’ everyday of the year is more important than being there for you on your wedding day, then yeah, I’d probably uninvite her too.” ~ Ordinary_Mortgage870
“NTA. That’s… really out of proportion. Navy dresses are a pretty neutral choice and your sister’s reaction is way over the top.” ~ moongirl12
“Even if it’s not neutral, part of being a bridesmaid is showing up in the required outfit. Who cares if it’s not a color you like?”
“Most people don’t end up rewearing their bridesmaid dresses. Everyone will be focused on the bride and not the fact that you’re wearing a suboptimal color as a bridesmaid.” ~ eatenface
“NTA. I really do not see what you’ve done wrong here. You’re pretty much following traditions/norms, and you tried to respond quickly with other color ideas that might satisfy her more, which is more than a lot of brides would do.”
“It feels fairly nuclear that she got so pissed off at the initial mention of navy blue that she is refusing to participate, but frankly just let her. It doesn’t sound like she is really down for being there for you or for helping you have the type of event you want.”
“Sure, it’s reasonable for someone to want to look good at an event and it doesn’t sound as if you were planning to keep them to any heinous choices.”
“More than anything it sounds like your sister won’t be satisfied matching at all, which means that unless you really buck traditions and just let your bridesmaids wear whatever they want entirely, she doesn’t want to participate and you should take that at face value, but I’m sorry she cares more about that than about you.” ~ owls_and_cardinals
“NTA. Your sister is a brat. She’s also not the main character at your wedding.”
“If she dropped out, as much as it may hurt, that’s her choice.”
“You tried to appease her and she still wasn’t happy. That’s not your fault.” ~ Living-Assumption272
After receiving Reddit’s judgment, the OP provided an update.
“Thank you to everyone who left advice here. You’re the best!”
“I took a day to calm down and called my mother to help us mediate.”
“Well… Big mistake.”
“She told me it’s mean to force any bridesmaid to wear what I want them to wear and navy is an ugly color for a wedding. ‘What color should it be then?’ I asked. ‘Flesh-pink. Like the dress your sister wore to the previous wedding we went to’.”
“Yep. And damn, she didn’t even hesitate saying that.”
“I explained I don’t like the popular baby/pastel colors. But regardless, bridesmaids can step down. Then they just won’t be part of the getting ready events & photoshoot.”
“‘But of course they will. What else do you think they’d do? They’ll come, help you get dressed, and get their makeup done. Bridesmaid or not’.”
“To this, I said no.”
“She laughed it off like I can’t be serious. In the end, I came back at her with the idea of choosing friends as bridesmaids outside of the family.”
“But at that point, if I can’t compromise with fam, I might as well just elope. Future hubby would be for it and I’ve already made too many amendments about location, venue & whatnot to please the fam.”
“I only chose a color for fabric and would allow bridesmaids to get any style dress done.”
“Agree it can be monotone so I might add some white embroidered detail on a belt or sash.”
“Thank you again for sharing your thoughts. It’s helped me think clearly in these stressful times.”
If it were friends making demands, people would recommend eliminating them from the wedding.
Family should be no different.
It might be time for the OP to spend the wedding money on a destination wedding for just herself and the groom and leave her problems behind.