Anyone who wants to get married has an image in their mind of what they want their wedding day to look like, and this pandemic surely wasn’t part of it.
For anyone currently planning their special day, the pandemic has impacted practically everything about the process: availability of venues and the length of the guest list, to name a few things.
One bride-to-be shared in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit how she was placed in a tough position when her sister became engaged, too, and wanted to share the venue she had already booked.
Redditor AmItheAdoublewedding asked the sub if she was wrong for refusing to share her venue with her difficult sister… and for her reaction after her family didn’t like that decision.
The Original Poster (OP) asked the sub:
“AITA for uninviting my family from my wedding because they want me to share it with my sister?”
The OP is currently trying to plan her wedding around the pandemic.
“To preface this, we only got engaged about 10 weeks ago and have plans for November 2021, but if there’s still issues at the time we’ll postpone.”
“My sister, ‘Rosie’, and I have always had a complex relationship, but my bigger problem is her fiancé, ‘Mick’, who I detest with my entire being.”
“Mick is like a caricature of the phrase ‘toxic masculinity’. One time my daughter (age 7) painted my son (age 5) and my fiancé’s nails, and Mick called my son and fiancé “sissies” because they had nail polish on. He’s also hit on me in the past and slut-shamed me. So yeah. Hate him. Fiancé also hates him.”
The OP’s parents have been very involved in the wedding planning.
“My parents wanted to invite about 40 people to our wedding. Our guest list only 20 guests, so the agreement we came to was they pay for 2/3rds of the wedding as they had 2/3rds of the guests.”
“So far all we have arranged is a venue, and it’s a good thing we did, too, because there’s only 3 venues in the area and November 2021 was the earliest date any of them had available.”
Most recently, though, the OP’s parents made a very unexpected demand.
“Rosie and Mick got engaged last week. Rosie has looked for venues and the first available date is April 2022. Mum and dad told us today that we will now be having a double wedding. Everyone involved is aware of the issues we have with Mick.”
“We refused to share the wedding. My parents then they were paying for 2/3rds of it so they should have final say. I responded that they don’t get a say on who is getting married.”
“They said I was being immature and should learn to share the spotlight, and I said that my issue was seeing Mick standing next to my fiancé at the alter.”
“My parents tried to ‘young lady’ me (I’m nearly 28) saying that Rosie can’t get anything in the next 18 months and it wasn’t fair to make her wait that long, plus if they’re paying for well over half the wedding and won’t be interfering on anything else, we should allow this.”
The OP finally had to push back to stop the plans.
“I then said that we would pay for the entire wedding ourselves, and go back to our original guest list minus my parents, Mick and Rosie, then hung up.”
“I definitely just snapped in the moment, but the idea of sharing my wedding with Mick gives me a visceral negative reaction.”
“Since hanging up my fiancé says that he’s fine with this development, though he wasn’t expecting it, but he supports me.”
“However, my parents and sister feel I overreacted and called me an a** for un-inviting them over them having one thing they wanted at the wedding they’re paying for.”
“I felt pretty confident in my choice but then my brother, who hates Mick as much as we do, said I needed to calm the f**k down and that the logical response here would have been to return my parents’ money and remove their guests, not to uninvite my parents from my wedding entirely, and said unless I fix it, I’d be going full bridezilla.”
“AITA?”
“Edit: to be clear, I am 100% returning the money. The idea of the money was that we add my parents’ guests, which is no longer happening, so I’ll be returning their money.”
Fellow Redditors wrote in anonymously, rating the whole wedding party situation on the following scale:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some Redditors could not believe the OP’s parents’ level of entitlement.
“NTf**kingA (NTA for the official ruling)”
“They TOLD you, a grown-a** woman, that you have to share a wedding? AAAAAAAAAAHAHAH h**l no. I agree with you declining their money and their guests. Good for you for standing up to them.” – jokeyhaha
“#entitledparents, its an absolutely ridiculous request and I think you handled it perfectly.”
“Even if you manage to resolve this and let them attend as a guest, please set some very clear boundaries with your parents, and do not accept money from them, because they will pull exactly the same stunt about anything in your wedding that they want to change.” – vanakov
“The part where they tried to “young lady” a 28 year old made me laugh. Also why do they even support their daughter marrying someone who hit on and slut-shamed their other daughter and then expected said daughter to be fine with him.” – cancer2009
A few Redditors agreed and said the OP should take precautions against wedding changes.
“May be worthwhile to make preparations for dealing with the uninvited should they show up at the venue anyway, too. Wouldn’t be the first time unwanted guests have tried to crash an event.” – LeisurelyImplosion
“100% this I would also alert all other companies you use or catering etc Keep your true friends close as well because people are NUTS when it comes to weddings” – S3xySouthernB
“It’s generally recommended that if you expect issues you should:”
“a) set up a password to be used for all communications to do with the wedding, my understanding is that this is not uncommon because people apparently go crazy around weddings.”
“b) instruct them to only accept changes in writing that come from the original email address used to set up the booking AND includes the password.” – Fraerie
Others also felt the need to point out just how much control the parents wanted over the wedding.
“‘They called me an a** for un-inviting them over them having one thing they wanted at the wedding'”
“Um… what? The one thing they wanted was to fundamentally change the entire wedding? wat wat wat?”
“How about you change ‘just one thing’ about the wedding? Make it a nudist event, see what they think of that BS.” – YanniRocks
“Technically they wanted 41 things.”
“The 40 extra guests….oh and that the sister and future BIL get married as well.”
“I agree that the brother is giving decent advice, but I don’t blame OP for uninviting her parents as well.” – brownhaircurlyhair
“And the 42nd thing would be them insisting that Rosie get a say in the plans, while paying absolutely nothing.” – icd10
“It wasn’t even one thing they wanted at the wedding.”
“It was forty, which OP and her fiancé more than graciously compromised on… and then since the modifications to the guest list flew, well, why not add a second bride and groom, too?”
“If OP hadn’t put her foot down now chances are that every little detail would have been nitpicked over because Rosie and Mick wanted different colors and decorations and menu modifications and on and on.” – LeisurelyImplosion
It has to be frustrating, trying to plan a wedding or any special event during this difficult time.
That being said, taking over someone else’s venue, just so your event can happen sooner, probably isn’t the best solution.
There are some events that really aren’t meant to be shared, even under the best of circumstances. Hopefully, the OP’s sister will be able to find a venue, or some alternative, so both brides-to-be can enjoy their time in the spotlight.