Redditor runawaymaidofhonor is a 20-year-old female who was recently invited to the wedding of her college friend, Charlotte.
Leading up to the nuptials, she said Charlotte was borderline obsessive with every detail planning for the big day.
While this is typical of most brides, the Redditor was not prepared for the drama that played out on the day of the wedding.
After a confrontation that jeopardized their friendship, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for wearing a white dress to my friend’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained why she would wear a white dress as a wedding guest.
“I can’t believe I’m using this Reddit account for ANOTHER wedding related issue. I met my friend Charlotte (21) when I moved into my college dorm in August 2020.”
“We got along well, shared ideas for how we wanted to divide space and keep things clean/organized, and had many similar interests. Within a month we were studying & hanging out together, and I considered her a good friend.”
“I also met her now-husband Josh (22). They seemed like a cute and loving couple, and I was very happy when they got engaged Christmas 2020 after 3.5 years together.”
“Charlotte has spent the last 18 months planning this wedding down to the last detail. I won’t say she’s obsessive, but it’s been INTENSE and I’ve tried to help her as best I can with making appointments, managing stress, etc.”
“I also gave her $250 to help pay for the wedding (her family can only afford part of it) which isn’t included in the wedding gift I’m going to give her.”
“A month before the wedding, I was still trying to decide exactly what to wear. I wanted something nice, because Charlotte said she would have a photographer, videographer, and wedding painter. I knew Charlotte had a vision for her wedding and I wanted her as in control as possible for all the details of her special day, so I asked her which dress out of the three I’d narrowed it down to that I should wear.”
“She asked if I would actually pull out all my dresses, so I did. She ended up narrowing it down to one of my picks, along with a dress I had put firmly in the ‘no’ pile for being white. It was a wedding after all.”
“She told me both dresses were lovely, but that she prefers the white one. I asked if she was sure, and she said yes, and even picked out a pair of pink and white heels from her closet to go with my dress. I figured that was that.”
“Fast forward to last week, I show up in the dress about half an hour before the ceremony. I get some weird looks, but no one says anything.”
“In hindsight, this is when I should have realized something wasn’t right. When Charlotte comes out of her dressing room for some last minute pictures, she looks shocked to see me, and then she starts turning red.”
“She pulls me aside and starts going off on me immediately about wearing the dress to her wedding. I’m stunned. I ask her what the problem is, because SHE picked the dress out, and she told me it was a ‘friendship test’ and that if we were real friends then I wouldn’t have worn a white dress or her shoes to her wedding.”
“I started laughing because I honestly thought it was a joke, and she screamed at me that I ruined her ‘f-ing wedding’ and to ‘gtfo.'”
“I flat out told her she was crazy and left, not wanting to fight anymore and not knowing how to deal with what happened. I grabbed my wedding gift to them on the way out.”
“My phone has been flooded with texts, voicemails, and social media notifs from her, her friends, and her family about what an AH I am, but I honestly don’t see what I did wrong. Am I really the a**hole here?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole here.
‘She told me it was a “friendship test.”’
“Yup, she tested whether or not she was your friend, and guess what? She’s not!”
“When someone is mad at you because they lied to you and you believed them, that person is TA, regardless of what conventions exist in the broader culture about colors of dresses.”
“Your friend lied to your face and embarrassed you in public just to see if she could. NTA” – Stay-Mellow
“Yes exactly. Someone who wants to ‘test your friendship’ by giving bad advice and then being angry when you follow it is not someone to be friends with.” – t00muchnothing
“It wasn’t even advice. It was basically the bride picked out the dress that op had in the no pile.”
“She told her what to wear down to the shoes. Op just abided by the bride’s wishes. How the hell was she supposed to know?” – Ursula2071
“Not to mention the fact that it’s a no-win situation. Either OP does what the friend asks and runs the risk of making the friend mad for wearing the white dress, or OP doesn’t do what the friend asks, and runs the risk of making the friend mad for not doing what she asked!” – Stay-Mellow
“PLUS, bride actually had OP go out of her way to pull allll of her dresses out of her closet just so she could find the inappropriate one.”
“It’s not like she saw a white dress and thought ‘OP actually pulled out a white dress?!? I think I’m gonna test her’. No, she deliberately went looking for it!” – aitaLurker23
“NTA. If you had worn a different dress, psycho bride would have said you’re the AH because you didn’t wear the dress she picked. 🙃”
“This was a setup for you to fail the friendship test either way. OP–don’t look back.” – New_Present7394
“Apparently she thinks no wedding is complete without a scandal and a villain and you were the perfect person to check those boxes off. Ew.”
“I don'[t think you’ll be able to make anyone else realize this was entirely her doing, and those that do know it will probably just stay our of it. She will drag this ‘insult’ out whenever she feels she’s losing focus and everyone else will roll eyes but no one will call her out because SHE isn’t worth the time.”
“NTA.” – Groaningleopardjuice
“NTA. I was super ready to say YTA, but this chick picked out the dress as a ‘friendship test?’ That’s absolutely bananas.”
“She’s an attention seeking psycho, and I’d say stay as far away from her and any of her flying monkeys as possible. If there are any mutuals you don’t want to give up without a fight, maybe make a statement about what she did, and how inappropriate her action were to trick you.” – 94mac819
“If that’s a ‘friendship test’ then Charlotte failed miserably. Real friends don’t test each other like that. Seriously WTF?”
“NTA.” – dead4seven
“If I were OP, I would go onto social media and say, ‘So this “friend” picked out a white dress from my closet and told me to wear it at her wedding after I repeatedly told her I wasn’t comfortable wearing white to a wedding, then has the audacity to get angry at me for showing up in the dress that SHE wanted and then saying it was a friendship test.”
“What is a friendship test and why did you decide your wedding is the time to pull this? Wasn’t my helping to pay for the wedding enough proof? What a psychotic c**t.” – Common–Sensei
“NTA. While I would otherwise say it’s a no-brainer not to wear white to someone else’s wedding, the fact that she picked the dress means she chose to play mind games, knowing they could potentially ‘ruin her fu%#ing wedding.’ Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.”
“She should’ve just communicated like a grownup.” – sparksfly5891
The OP clarified in edit:
“Quite a few people have said YTA/ESH because ‘you should know not to wear white anyway’ and I just want to clarify that I brought this point up to Charlotte more than once while asking if she was sure, and she insisted that I wear the white dress.”
“She said I would look lovely and she wanted me to look my best for her wedding bc she wanted very nice pictures/videos. I would not have worn this dress if she had not assured me multiple times that it was what SHE wanted.”
“Someone made a comment about how ‘if the bride is wearing white’ I should at least be prepared for the weird glances. The bride didn’t even wear white. That was another non-traditional thing she did. She wore blue.”
Overall, Redditors thought Charlotte was immature and was not worthy of the OP’s friendship for subjecting her to some trivial test to prove her loyalty.