We’ve all heard stories of brides taking their wedding planning too far for the sake of the “perfect” wedding or the “perfect” wedding photo.
But sometimes their demands are incredibly insensitive, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor NotForKeepsThrowAway was diagnosed with cancer and receiving chemotherapy while helping a friend plan her wedding.
But when the bride criticized her for gaining weight from the treatment and having to let out her dress, the Original Poster (OP) decided to not attend her wedding after all.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for dropping out as a bridesmaid after the bride made me feel humiliated?”
The OP was going to be a bridesmaid in a childhood friend’s wedding.
“I (24 Female) have been friends with ‘April’ (27 Female) for close to 15 years now.”
“We met at gymnastics as kids and formed a close bond.”
“It seemed natural for us that I would be a bridesmaid just as we had always planned.”
While organizing the wedding, the OP received a diagnosis.
“The wedding was delayed a lot due to the pandemic, and then I received big news.”
“When I was diagnosed with cancer, I was lucky that we caught it early, so I had surgery followed by chemotherapy.”
“April was supportive throughout all this, and she made appointments for dress shopping to fit around my schedule.”
“When we picked the bridesmaids’ dresses, April said she would be paying for them and alterations, and she said it was her way of thanking us for being there for her.”
“We chose to buy mine a size up from what I wore because chemo could cause weight gain.”
“Unfortunately, I’ve had to go through more rounds than first predicted.”
The OP’s dress didn’t fit the way she had hoped.
“Three weeks ago, we went to a fitting and my dress wouldn’t close.”
“I was embarrassed, I didn’t want to leave the changing room, but April talked me into coming out as the other girls hadn’t seen me try it on, and they were excited.”
“I came out and explained the problem to April, apologized, and offered to pay her back for the dress and to pay for the alterations to make it fit.”
“All that needed doing was for it to be let out, it had been taken in at my previous fitting before I had more chemo.”
“The seamstress said that it was easy to do and that it wouldn’t damage the dress as we had bought a size bigger in the first place.”
She was surprised when the bride lashed out at her at dinner.
“I thought everything was fine until we went out for dinner with a few of our friends to celebrate it getting closer to the wedding.”
“When I ordered a pasta, April gave me a strange look and then made a comment about how it was no wonder I didn’t fit into the dress and how I couldn’t just say the weight gain was from the chemo.”
“I was in shock about it and didn’t know what to do.”
“Shen someone told her it was a horrible thing to say, she started saying I would ruin her wedding pictures and it was already bad enough that she had to buy a size 10 dress just so I would fit into it.”
“She said now her pictures would be ruined by a ‘whale who can’t stop stuffing their face’.”
The OP called the bride out.
“I didn’t think it was fair as I’ve been on a diet ever since my diagnosis to combat any weight gain from my treatment, and I lost it.”
“I did raise my voice. I told her that I can’t believe anyone could be as cold and heartless as to say that, and considering how she’s been there throughout this whole thing, the only conclusion I could make was that she’s a narcissist who should be given an Oscar for her acting talents.”
“I said not to worry about the pictures because I wouldn’t be there at all and that I’m glad she can’t get a refund on the dress.”
“Then I told her fiancé he should just contact a divorce lawyer now to save time because it would be sad to be stuck with her, and then I left.”
The OP was conflicted after that.
“I’ve been told I was harsher than needed and shouldn’t drop out this close to the wedding.”
“But I don’t see why I should have to be there after I was humiliated.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought what the friend said was terribly insensitive.
“I read this and was immediately so angry. What the f**k? That is just f**king evil. That bride can just go to h**l.”
“She probably did feel really important when helping with the cancer treatments and such. That sounds like something a narcissist would get a lot of satisfaction from.”
“What an appalling person she is. OP is totally NTA.” – salymander_1
“NTA, this would be a terrible comment for anyone. But, as a cancer patient, eff that.”
“You need to eat enough nutrients to help your body fight and that definitely includes carbs. The steroids suck and sometimes, there is very little you can do about it.”
“You can diet when you’re not fighting for your life. Or don’t bother and just enjoy life.” – Sorcia_Lawson
“From someone who’s been through cancer as a young adult. Your friend is making your cancer experience about herself. I had something similar happen to me, not as a groomsman, just couldn’t handle being there for me; instead, I should have been there for him (he was coming out).”
“She’s clearly not thinking straight and perhaps she’s suppressing some unresolved emotions and projecting onto you. Either way, that’s f**ked up. Your response may have been blunt and to the point, yet you have every right to say what you said. NTA.”
“Cancer has a silver lining. You grow up fast. Learn what’s important in life. And you see who shows up and who fades away.”
“Bassem, I wish you the best man.” – SatoriNamast3
“OP could be a 20 and the ex-friend would still be in the wrong.”
“I really hope the rest of the bridesmaids ditch her, if she’s as callous in person to one person she calls a close friend, I wouldn’t want to know what she’s saying behind my back.” – SparkAxolotl
“NTA. F**k that, that’s not something you say to someone regardless of cancer or chemo. That’s f**ked.” – Kongo204
Others agreed and pointed out the OP’s dress size was literally small.
“NTA. She was cruel and rude, and also very very wrong if she thinks a size 10 is anything like fat.” – Kirstemis
“When I wore a size 4/6, I barely fit in a size 8 bridesmaid dress. When I wore a size 8, the sales assistant helping me with wedding dresses told me they needed to special order a dress for me from Europe because I needed a size 18.” – Otter-be-reading
“This can’t be emphasized enough. I’m 5’4”, ~115 lbs. at my wedding, but because my tits could be their own solar system, I had to wear a size 6, wedding size.”
“I pity the OP to have a ‘friend’ so indifferent to her struggle with, ya know, cancer and worried more about how their potential chubby arms might absolutely ruin their wedding photos.”
“Best of luck to OP’s friend’s future ex-husband, I hope the next one goes better.” – Tralfmadorians_go
“Last time I checked, as a lady, size 6-8 is not a large size?? I’m considered pretty small and usually wear sizes ranging from 10 to 14 (love women’s nonuniversal sizing).”
“Someone having curves should have 0 effects on wedding photos of all things.” – DarkSkye17
“I am a hobby seamstress and always have to mention that my ‘Vogue/Butterick size’ is different from my ‘ready to wear’ size.”
“Usually, the sewing pattern size (Vogue/Butterick) is at least two sizes larger. Three sizes larger with certain types of patterns or if comparing to plus sizes in ready to wear.”
“So a size TEN in Vogue Butterick is SMALL! Holy cow! I wish I was that size!” – goldenpoppy818
A few tried to give the friend the benefit of the doubt because of being in gymnastics.
“I believe that the bride has this view maybe from the fact they grew up and met in gymnastics.”
“It’s almost unheard of to be anything bigger than a UK size 8. So sad and you’d think they’re all grown up now that they’d realize it’s all BS.” – Mitel_5340
“Sadly, I’d bet the fact that they met in gymnastics has something to do with that. I know a few girls who grew up in that world and the way some of those coaches treat young girls can mess with their whole concept of what their bodies should look like and what’s ‘acceptable.'”
“Doesn’t make the bride any less of an a**hole, though.” – Vanilla_Chinchilla96
“Seriously, as an actual fat person that part made my eyes roll so far back into my skull… OP mentions they met in gymnastics, I wouldn’t be surprised if the friend has legit ED (eating disorder) issues.” – grrliz
The subReddit was furious on the OP’s behalf for being in a wedding party with a bride who could be so insensitive and prioritize small bodies in her wedding photos over the presence and health of her friend.