When people think of siblings, they usually like to think of the positives, like brothers and sisters having each other’s backs.
But some relationships simply aren’t all that positive, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor cantulpoe was sick of hearing advice from her older brother, who insisted he was smarter than her, despite never really learning to take care of himself.
When she set her brother’s girlfriend against him, and caused a scene, the Original Poster (OP) was worried she might have taken their latest argument a bit too far.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for yelling, ‘JUST LEAVE ME THE F**K ALONE’ during a family dinner at a crowded restaurant?”
The OP had a terrible relationship with her brother.
“For context, my brother (26 Male) and I (18 Female) have never gotten along. He’s hated me since before I was even born.”
“He spent my entire childhood controlling everything I did, watched, and even ate.”
“At Christmas, he p**sed me off. I was quite proud of myself for buying my first vehicle all on my own. He called my truck a POS (a piece of s**t) and then said to our parents, ‘Insurance companies statistically have higher rates for female drivers than males.'”
“He was absolutely insinuating they shouldn’t put me on their policy simply because he’s been on their policy since he turned 16 and has never paid for insurance. He knew d**n well he was getting bumped off when I was added.”
“Then, at the first of the year, our mom told him to get his own policy. He was pretty salty about that.”
The situation escalated on their father’s birthday.
“Fast-forward to this past weekend, it was our dad’s birthday. Honestly, I didn’t even want to go and sit through my brother’s usual bulls**t about how great he is.”
“But I went and, as usual, pretty much remained quiet.”
“My brother asked, ‘So when are you moving out?'”
“I was like, ‘Excuse me?'”
“He said, ‘You’re 18 now, you need to get out on your own now.'”
“Literally, no one said anything, so I told him it was none of his business.”
“He said, ‘Well, I moved out at 19.'”
“Here’s where things spiraled. I said to him, ‘You’re not even on your own yet since you haven’t bothered paying a single penny of rent in seven years.'”
“He was fuming and tried changing the topic. My mom made a comment about that soon changing. He currently lives in a second house that my parents own, and they pay for everything.”
“My brother’s girlfriend was like, ‘What?'”
“So I told her he moved out at 19 and hasn’t paid our parents a penny of rent all these years.”
“She was livid. Unbeknownst to anyone at that table, she had been paying my brother’s rent for two years because he led her to believe he was paying rent.”
The OP’s brother tried to shift the attention back to her.
“The topic went off somewhere else and then right back to me. My brother tried to give me fatherly advice by saying I should focus on my current job and forget wasting time with college.”
“This was absolutely unsolicited advice. It p**ses me off when he does this because he always does it and acts like because of our age gap, he has SO much more knowledge than stupid-a** me.”
“He again commented about me moving out and said to our dad, ‘I can’t believe you haven’t kicked her out after she brought all those animals into your house.’ They both laughed.”
The OP had heard enough.
“I had enough, I got up from the table and yelled, ‘JUST LEAVE ME THE F**K ALONE.'”
“My mom understood, but she doesn’t want the family to fight. My dad said I was extremely rude by lashing out, causing a scene, causing undue stress, and embarrassing everyone.”
“Apparently, after I walked out, my brother said, ‘Well, she obviously has something wrong in her head.'”
“I felt bad because I’m sure a few kids dining with their families heard me, and I shouldn’t have cussed in front of them.”
“Andddd, I guess I should have held it in and dealt with it later, but I’ve always let this crap slide and I was sick of it.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some understood why the OP was so upset and showed her some grace for the scene.
“NTA. You’re clearly aware causing a scene wasn’t the best move, but if you’re not going to get any support from your parents, everyone reaches a breaking point.”
“The good news is he’s about to lose his girlfriend and be shown for the mooch he is.” – Petty-Penelope
“Also, by the way? It’s well known that young MALE drivers are the ones with the highest insurance rates.”
“He sounds insufferable, and you had just had enough! You’re entitled to just not be in the same space as him going forward if you want, honestly.” – ThaneOfCawdorrr
“It’s really funny that this motherf**ker claims he ‘moved out’ at 19, and yet his insurance and rent are covered.”
“I moved out at 18, myself, except my parents didn’t pay my rent for me, I was in school or later I had a job. My phone, insurance, etc were all on me as well, and I was fine with that.”
“My dad would fill my fridge with groceries and my car with gas when he was in town, and mom would offer to cover my rent only when I was low on money or came into unexpected needs (car, medical stuff, etc). Every time I would offer to pay her back, she wouldn’t let me because she’s a sweetheart, but that’s not the point.”
“Now I’m in my 30s, and I can return the favor by helping to pay for their medical expenses and retirement living.”
“Living off your parents and double dipping on your girlfriend’s money when you’re four years away from being 30 is a terrible look. And then he decides it’s necessary to try to negate his baby sister who has done none of this. OP’s brother deserves all the scorn in the world.” – aspidities_87
“NTA. Your brother sounds like he’s simply jealous and scared that he’s going to get cut off because of you. That’s not your fault and not your problem.”
“He’s had more than enough time to get his s**t together; you don’t have to listen to him spew ‘advice’ when he’s not even on his own two feet.”
“Added bonus: without meaning to, you also exposed his lies and manipulation to his unsuspecting girlfriend, so now she is aware and can decide what to do with that major red flag.” – Leading-Summer-4724
“NTA! While not in a public place, my two older sisters (seven and nine and a half years older) would gang up on me verbally during family holiday dinners, etc.”
“Nothing was said by either parent until I would bite back and say something to my sisters. My Dad would raise his voice and say, ‘ALRIGHT, that’s enough!'”
“I would get up and leave the table because this happened many times. Why was it ‘enough’ when I stood up for myself and not ‘enough’ when they started?”
“I think OP was just fine (minus the cursing) because if anyone at the table was embarrassed at her outburst, they should have been embarrassed first at the way her brother was speaking to her and about her and cut it off before it escalated.” – Silent-Low3319
Others were side-eyeing the OP’s father.
“Don’t forget that her dad was in on it too. OP’s dad laughed with his son at her and her dad blamed only her when her emotion bottle finally cracked open.”
“OP’s dad doesn’t escape detection or his part of the blame just because OP is more furious with her brother right now.” – WelpOopsOhNo
“Typical abusive male behavior. Obviously, the dad has been supportive of his son’s behaviors. Son is able to verbally poke fun, tease, annoy, and berate OP. OP has been taught to take it.”
“Good for OP for finding her voice. Don’t let them keep you down. NTA.”
“Note: OP, your brother will never change. I had a friend with an older brother like that, and he ended up stealing the father’s retirement fund and the parents let him get away with it.” – FollowingTheCatBus
“Dad knows his son is a LOSER. He’s embarrassed, so he embarrasses you and your mom. Then he told you to go to work and forget about college.”
“No ma’am, you show him how it’s done. Go to college and live the life you desire on your own dime. He’ll 100% try to mooch off you too. And this girlfriend must be desperate.” – Immediate_Ad4404
“Hey, OP, no offense, but f**k your dad. He is 100% why your brother is like he is. As soon as you are able, I’d cut the two off and offer your mother a way out if she wants.” – nerdyconstructiongal
“From what OP says, their parents have massively mishandled the situation. The issue with the insurance, where they’re going to be removing their son (finally!) to add their daughter, and that they’re (still) covering his rent shows that they keep babying their son until OP reaches the stage.”
“If they’ve been doing this all along, the son got trained to dislike OP for pushing him out, and they put up with his bad behavior in this.”
“Dad is also awful in blaming OP. Peacekeeper Mom isn’t much better. They’ve handled this badly all along.” – calling_water
Not only was the subReddit appalled by how the OP was being treated, but they empathized with her outburst. It may have been nice to hold off until later, and to not swear in front of children, but after so many years of being treated this way, the subReddit had to wonder what else the OP was expected to do.
