People should be more comfortable talking about money. It is an important part of life, and we should be able to be open about it. But, no one has the right to judge what people do with the money they work for.
Redditor Throwaway_recipe90 encountered this very issue with her husband’s aunt. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
AITA for telling my husband’s aunt that her RSVPing to our wedding and not showing up was rude in front of his family?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I [31f] got married to Cody [35m] in November. It was a great day and we had a fantastic time.”
“So Cody’s extended family is…annoying.”
“The few times I met them, they always asked about my wedding just to comment about how weddings are a waste of time and money and most marriages are failures and when I mentioned my wedding dress fitting, they all told me to just go to Target to get a white dress as to not waste money.”
“I showed his cousin Kate my dress she told me it was too poofy and I could get a prettier dress from Amazon. So I just stopped entertaining them about it.”
“I didn’t want to invite them but Cody did anyway.”
“His Aunt Mary [50s] is the worst. She made the most comments about how I should go to the courthouse and not have the wedding and cancel everything.”
“His aunt RSVP’d to our wedding but didn’t show up. Neither did her two daughters (both in their 30s) who also RSVPd.”
But, the aunt wouldn’t let it go.
“So we had a get together yesterday where she was asking how the wedding went. I told her it was fine and Cody agreed, trying to leave it at that.”
“Then she went on her rant again talking about how weddings were a waste of money and how expensive they are. So I said, ‘You know what’s really a waste of money? Paying the caterer to feed someone who RSVP’d but didn’t show up.'”
“The room got quiet.”
“Cody was trying not to laugh but his aunt got really angry at me and said she wasn’t able to go because of an emergency. I asked what the emergency was and she said ‘none of my concern.'”
“Then Mary’s daughter Kate said, ‘If it’s that big of a deal that three people didn’t go then you obviously couldn’t afford it. How did you even manage to have a wedding?'”
“I said, ‘Because my parents wrote me a $35,000 check, that’s how.'”
“They then told me I only care about money and am materialistic but I’m not. I didn’t even use half the funds my parents gave me. My wedding cost $10,000. The rest went to our honeymoon in the summer and I gave the remaining funds back.”
“I just think they are rude and I invited them to be nice for Cody and for them not to come made me angry.”
OP’s husband was on OP’s side.
“Cody told Kate she would probably understand my irritation once she finds a man and gets around to having a wedding.”
“She told us we were rude and told us to leave. Then Cody’s dad mentioned how negative they’ve been about the wedding and says I had a right to be mad since they said they’d come but didn’t.”
“Cody is on my side as are his parents but he wasn’t happy I mentioned my parents money (they are well off and we don’t advertise that) as we agreed not to tell anyone but I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“Edit: Since this keeps coming up, several people didn’t show, not just them. That’s how weddings are.”
“However, the only ones commenting on wasting money on weddings was his aunt and two cousins. The comment was not me being mad they didn’t show but me being mad that they talked about how much my wedding was a waste of money just to turn around and waste the money I spent on my wedding.”
“The wedding was over a month ago and they never reached out to Cody or his family to say why they weren’t there or they weren’t coming.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. They were constantly trying to keep you from having a wedding that you wanted by putting it down as too expensive. Then they tried to put you down for going through with it. She was being exceedingly rude, and I think your statement was only fair.” ~ TinyRascalSaurus
“NTA. You def took her bait to deflect it off her/their shit behavior. You didn’t say you couldn’t afford it, just that it’s a waste of money. And was rude as hell.”
“To be real if you wanted to spend your money on breeding prize rabbits and organic lettuce it’s none of her/their business.” ~ bbbrashbash
“My husband has his suspicions on why they only had negative things to say about the wedding but I didn’t include it because his opinion isn’t proven. But he thinks it’s because both of Mary’s daughters are older than me but unmarried and they both have several kids.”
“Meanwhile I don’t have any kids and married him. Apparently the other daughter Camille was engaged 7-8 years ago before I even knew Cody, and they broke it off months before she was supposed to marry. I don’t know if she lost any money but I would assume she did.” ~ Throwaway_recipe90
“NTA but it was weird to mention your parents writing such a large check. it’s none of their business.” ~ plasticinsanity
“NTA – it’s none of their business, period. Good for you for telling them off though. I would’ve gone a step further and told them how much their ‘seats’ cost but that probably would’ve been fuel for the fire.” ~ mizfit0416
“I might need to elaborate on why I did that.”
“So Mary and Kate and the other daughter Camille all talk a lot about money in general. How much their house is worth, how much their cars are, how much they make, etc. they say they have so much because of how much they save and they believe everyone is broke besides them because no one knows how to save or invest anymore. Which isn’t true because that’s what my family did and that’s what I do with my money.” ~ Throwaway_recipe90
At the end of the day, they should not judge how OP chooses to spend her money.