In her aptly titled collection of essays, No One Asked For This, Larry David’s daughter, Cazzie David, released an essay about food and sex in the exact opposite correlation which you’d expect from those topics.
The essay, entitled “Too Full To F**k,” is an unclear examination of David’s idea that if one has eaten too much food that day, there is no more room in their body for an object (such as a man’s penis) to penetrate it.
The subtitle reads:
“You can’t always make room for a d**k. Especially if you’ve eaten dessert.”
the excerpt itself is deeply, deeply unfunny however i’m cracking up that the hot new comedy heiress hit the scene with “too much pizza fills up my vag” ?? https://t.co/0HPuPCyw5y
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) November 17, 2020
David’s essay revolving around this central idea stated:
“Sometimes I’m just too full to have sex. I don’t know for sure if this is something other girls experience or just me, because I’ve never heard any of them discuss it.”
“Maybe it’s supposed to be kept secret among us girls, information so sensitive that we cannot risk releasing it in conversation.”
“Or maybe I’m actually the only one who gets too full to be able to have sex, and if that’s the case, then pretend this never happened.”
“Other girls” gave David’s essay less than rave reviews online.
I'm not linking the Cazzie David essay but I think it's proof positive that sometimes hot people confuse "being hot" with "being smart and good at things"
— Kristin Chirico (@lolacoaster) November 17, 2020
I have read like six paragraphs of the cazzie david essay and I cannot read another but man having rich well-connected parents seems like the most incredible drug in the world
— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) November 17, 2020
Cazzie David might be terrible.
— N💍laChick (@TheNolaChick) November 20, 2020
Cazzie David must have a bomb af pr team cuz her stories are everywhere and they truly are such nontopical issues…. 🤦🏻♀️
— lucia 🍒 (@lcandi555) November 20, 2020
today, i go where no philosopher has dared to go before: cazzie david’s theory that you can be too full for sex https://t.co/KbDf9H2lvZ
— rax ‘adriana la cerva's IBD’ king (@RaxKingIsDead) November 18, 2020
The essay referred to the existence of only two genders in such strong terms that it was cited by many people as transphobic.
Others cited David’s insistence that “straight couples” could only engage in penis in vagina sex.
It also described a whole host of “problems” at dinner that seemed nonsensical, such as an argument within David’s own mind about whether or not her ex-boyfriend telling her to get ice cream meant he didn’t want to have sex with her.
The industry will glom on to any celeb kid who likes to write or act or direct. Meanwhile, anyone who hopes to break into said industry must work toxic jobs, pay back student loans, and deal with rejection as they watch celeb kid after celeb kid get ahead.
— Scarlett McCarthy (@literallybrokee) November 11, 2020
Cazzie David's new book really demonstrates that the essay collection has overtaken the autobiography as the personal branding method of choice for bored rich girls.
— Hannah Williams (@hkatewilliams) November 11, 2020
hi all, please consider that @TransJA has a hotline you can call at any time for free before publishing
— Kate Sosin (@shoeleatherkate) November 17, 2020
— Joan Fuck The Police Summers (@joangossips) November 17, 2020
reading this in full as someone who has struggled with eating disorders and body image issues — i am triggered and also bored! how is this possible
— arielle (@reallygordon) November 17, 2020
Not only that, but anatomically David’s argument seems extremely uninformed as food is generally not stored in the vagina.
This essay had to make it through several people before getting published, including an editor.
As a Twitter user observed, “you’d imagine a book editor would have had some thoughts on if this experience is truly universal.”
this is just depressing, seems like she's got serious anxiety around eating that has somatized in an unfortunate way
— Elizabeth Bruenig (@ebruenig) November 18, 2020
she thinks sex happens in the tummy pic.twitter.com/cgzUz7LA66
— Stefan Scary Czech (@sirstefan) November 18, 2020
how…how does she eat pizza?
— Blonic Youth (@JamiesonJMatt) November 17, 2020
This is really weird and not funny, but in a particular way that feels like it was written like 12 years ago. Who still talks about men and sex like this??
— Emily Wester (@emily_wester) November 17, 2020
writing an essay for my aptly titled book of accidentally transphobic essays ('these essays are incredibly dumb') about how weird i am for never wanting sex when i have a migraine. just a strange little quirk of my womanly personality!
— Coraline Jones (@coralinexmaria) November 17, 2020
No One Asked For This is available for purchase as of Tuesday, November 17—for anyone interested in an entire book of essays like this.