Not everyone can get along well with their family. Between politics and religion and other basic fundamentals about their personality, no amount of shared blood is going make everyone get along.
Redditor Unhappy_Hovercraft_9 is doing her best to accommodate her niece, though. But there’s only so far she’s willing to go.
When her niece pushes things too far, the original poster (OP) asks the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) board about her response.
“AITA for kicking my niece out because of her necklace”
This was her story:
“I am a catholic christian, my niece[20f] is atheist and I have no problem with that. I don’t force my religion on others the most I will do about that is spread gospel with my christian family/friends.”
“My sister and her boyfriend broke up so she asked if her and niece can stay at my place. I said ok and they are sharing the guest room.”
“I made sure to remove religious items from that room so it won’t seem like I am shoving my religion down her throat.”
“My niece has kind of a goth style (don’t know how else to describe it) and I am fine with that. I only asked her to change once when she had a shirt with jesus on it and some offensive things were painted on him (horns, etc.) she changed and rolled her eyes but that was it.”
“One day she was in the kitchen and I noticed her necklace that was a rosary. I asked her where she got it and she said she found it in the house and it was cute.”
“I told her that it is very sacred and that it makes me uncomfortable that she had it on and is using it as a necklace. She said that I can’t force her to be my religion onto her and that I am judging her.”
“I told her yes I am and that it is my house so if i am upset about what you are wearing then you should change. She called me a b*tch then she stuck the finger up then I asked her to leave, she got her things and then ripped up the necklace and asked if I was happy.”
“My sister got home and then said that I was wrong for asking her to change since it is her body and that she is with her ex now. My parents also yelled at me for doing that.”
“AITA for asking her to change?”
On the AITA subReddit, people are judged for their actions with one of the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Since OP tried to make the stay work, and only asked her niece to change when it made her uncomfortable, it was voted OP was NTA.
Especially since the rosary didn’t even belong to the niece in the first place.
“NTA – If she had bought a necklace that looked like a rosary, or had been one in the past, I might feel different. But if she found it in the house, that means it is yours.”
“And there’s a difference between body policing, and asking that she not convert your own religious items into fashion accessories.” – hitchinpost
“Hopping onto this – NTA OP. I am not religious in any way, but even as a teenager I wouldn’t have worn a religious symbol as jewelry.”
“That just wouldn’t make sense to me, considering I don’t believe in the ideas behind it.” – felicity982
“She ‘found’ it at your house. Yes she has the right to wear what she likes, no that doesn’t extend to taking and wearing YOUR belongings however she likes. NTA.” – captnunderpanties
“I am not religious. I have zero interest in anything to do with Jesus. HOWEVER. It was not even hers to begin with. If she found it in the house, it was very obviously yours.”
“That is destruction of property and the fact your family is siding with her, is wrong. Whether it’s religion or not, you do not steal something from someone’s home, then destroy it when they ask you to remove it and give it back.”
“Her mother and your family are supporting her sh**ty behaviour. That is not fine AT ALL.” – Mistake_Nutshell
However, since the central subject matter is religion, many commenters got into their own discussions about what made this right or wrong.
It led to a lot of debates.
“NTA I would say Y T A if this was her own jewelry she made or bought, but this is something she took from your house.”
“You have been very accommodating by removing religious iconography from the room she’s staying in and politely asking her not to wear shirts that offend you. She needs to be meeting you halfway and also be tolerant.” – smolbeanlydia
“Disrespecting someone’s religion in their own home isn’t an a**hole thing to you? Or is it only good to do because op is Christian?” – Sam_J_
“Where in my comment did you get that I think the niece was in the right? I only said that if it was her own jewelry it would be rude to tell her not to wear it.”
“Newsflash- I’m a christian. I don’t take offense to atheists wearing cross necklaces but stealing it from someone who it has meaning to IS AN A**HOLE THING TO DO” – smolbeanlydia
“YTA. If your faith is so fragile it risks being hurt, offended, or impacted because your niece chose to use a rosary as a necklace, you need to reevaluate yourself.”
“As someone raised in an evangelical atmosphere and married into a super catholic family, you can’t control what others wear, do, or believe. You were respectful of your niece to take down the Christian stuff from the guest room so she would be comfortable- that’s good on you.”
“However, you can’t control what she wears and asking her to change or remove something is overboard. Just ignore it and move on.” – Busymomintx
“If somebody comes into my house, and disrespects my religion, they’re not gonna be in my house for much longer. End of story.” – JackMarston30
Many of the comments pointed to the rosary not belonging to the niece as the issue at the center of the story, but that’s not right. OP doesn’t say she was upset because it was hers.
Instead, OP didn’t like that a sacred item to her was being used as an accessory, which considering she was allowing her niece to stay with her, is still a fair point of contention.
OP didn’t force her religion on her niece, she merely asked that it be respected while her niece stayed with her.