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Florida Man Threatens To ‘Chop’ Friend With Machete After Being Called Out For Not Flushing The Toilet

Pasco County Sheriff’s Office

Toilet etiquette can be a pretty serious issue for some people, even among friends.

Keith Mounts, 46, was at a friend’s home in Hudson, Florida last week when the homeowner had the audacity to tell him to flush the toilet after using it.

Naturally, Mounts did what any of us would do:

   threaten the homeowner with a machete.

According to a spokesperson for the Sheriff’s Office:

“The suspect didn’t flush and when the victim called him on it, the suspect threatened him with a machete.”

The victim called the police, who soon arrived and found a machete belonging to Mounts in the front yard.

Mounts claimed he was using the blade to defend himself, but police couldn’t determine what he was attempting to defend himself from.

Mounts couldn’t seem to think of anything either.

He would later give investigators a written account of what happened from his perspective:

“S*** happened.”

Twitter was in stitches over the bizarre tale:

Although many people were clearly confused over what happened, thinking the machete wielder was the one asking for the flush rather than the one refusing to flush.


Mounts is now locked up in the county jail. His bail is posted at $5,000.

We pity his cellmates with that communal privy…

If you have some issues at home or at school or any communal bathroom facility, this sign is available here.


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Written by Collin Gossel

Collin Gossel is a writer and comedian living in Brooklyn, New York, but there are nights when he looks up at the stars and wistfully thinks to himself “there’s got to be more out there…” You can catch Collin improvising new musicals every Tuesday night at the Magnet Theater’s Musical Megawatt, or follow his unfiltered thoughts on Twitter and Instagram @CollinGossel.--