There are many different kinds of evil in the world.
But perhaps the most insidious malevolence displays itself in a way nobody expects.
In this case, it is by leaving bags of urine-soaked bologna outside stranger’s houses for no discernible reason.
You read that correctly.
Sharisha Morrison of southeast Albuquerque told KOB that a strange man has been leaving the lunchmeat at her door since January 1, 2019.
“He’ll just walk up and drop it on the little doorknob right here, and then walk away. That’s all he does, every single time.”
Could be worse, could be macaroni loaf. https://t.co/sx1JS6jlVZ— Adam Frisk (@adamfrisk) January 31, 2019
When the deliveries began, Morrison thought they might be from a kind Samaritan who simply had a little too much bread and bologna!
Everything changed, however, when she caught a whiff of the bag.
“It smelled like urine.”
people are strange— Beautiful Disaster (@geojett) January 31, 2019
Security footage has many times shown the man walk up to the door and nonchalantly drop off his terrible gifts.
Morrison just wants it to end.
“I just want him to stop, I really do … Also, like I don’t want anything more to be in there, like is it gonna be feces next time instead of urine?”
Turns out Morrison is not the only person receiving pee bologna—the rest of her building has also been haunted by the early-morning drop-offs.
In fact, several of her neighbors are moving out “because they’re tired of it.”
Someone needs an ass whoopin for sure. Sick people out there! https://t.co/wW1YAdj1oy— Makkim (@Makkim77) February 1, 2019
With a young child in the home, Morrison is especially eager for the man to be stopped.
“I just want it to stop because I have my baby, you know, and I don’t want some random guy just creeping around my apartment.”
Twitter was, as usual, not a fan of urine-soaked bologna.
I honestly don’t know anymore. Weird doesn’t cover it.https://t.co/1Z0QLiSmMS— Elle ⚾️ (@ElleOriole) January 31, 2019
Article: “leaving urine soaked bologna... since the start of the year”— Jenneefa McBee (@babykibbon) February 2, 2019
Me: That’s a really weird resolution... https://t.co/y6d2d264vT
I don't want to say that bologna is terrible, but urine isn't the worst thing in that bag.— JDForfucksakes (@PlanetJDF) February 2, 2019
Are you the kind of person who might enjoy receiving unsolicited bologna? Well, urine luck [Sick] https://t.co/K7fwQGFGmh— JP Drake Enterprises (@JPDrakeEnt) February 1, 2019
Of course, many people thought delivering any kind of bologna was a crime in and of itself.
How could you tell there was pee in the bologna, doesn’t it always smell
that way? #strangermeats
— phixer (@astrogardner) January 30, 2019
Isn’t pee the main ingredient in bologna anyways?
— Tim (@tim_username) January 31, 2019
According to The New York Post, Police told Morrison they would not be able to arrest the man unless he was caught in the act.
— New York Post (@nypost) January 31, 2019
Though they will be heightening patrols of the area, it’s uncertain whether the nefarious, pee-soaking lunchmeat fiend will be brought to justice.
Wait around the corner with a baseball bat…problem solved!
— Deborah (@DarksideofDeb) January 30, 2019