urine bologna
(KOB4 video screen grab and @ElleOriole/Twitter)
in News, The Worst Kind Of People, WTF

Woman Repeatedly Terrorized With Deliveries Of Urine-Soaked Bologna

There are many different kinds of evil in the world.

But perhaps the most insidious malevolence displays itself in a way nobody expects.

In this case, it is by leaving bags of urine-soaked bologna outside stranger’s houses for no discernible reason.

Yes.

You read that correctly.

Urine…

…soaked…

…bologna.

Sharisha Morrison of southeast Albuquerque told KOB that a strange man has been leaving the lunchmeat at her door since January 1, 2019.

She said:

“He’ll just walk up and drop it on the little doorknob right here, and then walk away. That’s all he does, every single time.”

When the deliveries began, Morrison thought they might be from a kind Samaritan who simply had a little too much bread and bologna!

Everything changed, however, when she caught a whiff of the bag.

Morrison said:

“It smelled like urine.”

Security footage has many times shown the man walk up to the door and nonchalantly drop off his terrible gifts.

Morrison just wants it to end.

“I just want him to stop, I really do … Also, like I don’t want anything more to be in there, like is it gonna be feces next time instead of urine?”

Turns out Morrison is not the only person receiving pee bologna—the rest of her building has also been haunted by the early-morning drop-offs.

In fact, several of her neighbors are moving out “because they’re tired of it.”

With a young child in the home, Morrison is especially eager for the man to be stopped.

“I just want it to stop because I have my baby, you know, and I don’t want some random guy just creeping around my apartment.”

Twitter was, as usual, not a fan of urine-soaked bologna.

Of course, many people thought delivering any kind of bologna was a crime in and of itself.

According to The New York Post, Police told Morrison they would not be able to arrest the man unless he was caught in the act.

Though they will be heightening patrols of the area, it’s uncertain whether the nefarious, pee-soaking lunchmeat fiend will be brought to justice.

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Written by Collin Gossel

Collin Gossel is a writer and comedian living in Brooklyn, New York, but there are nights when he looks up at the stars and wistfully thinks to himself “there’s got to be more out there…” You can catch Collin improvising new musicals every Tuesday night at the Magnet Theater’s Musical Megawatt, or follow his unfiltered thoughts on Twitter and Instagram @CollinGossel.--