Fighting with your family over politics is never fun, but sometimes it’s unavoidable.
Especially if you decide to work for the representatives that go against your parents’ politics.
Redditor CardiologistOk3831 encountered this very issue with their mom. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
They asked:
“AITA for not telling my mom which member of Congress I work for?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This might be vague due to privacy reasons, so apologies!”
“A few months ago, I got a job in the House! The person I work for is moderate, but my mom is very conservative.”
“So, from the beginning, I made the decision not to provide details about who I work for. When she asked for specifics about my boss, I told her that it’s private information!”
“She would accept that and always say some version of, ‘As long as they make me proud!'”
OP’s mom went for a visit, and things took a turn.
“My mom is in town for a visit right now.”
“We were in my car earlier today, and like an absolute idiot, I accidentally left my work phone connected to my Bluetooth when my boss called me, and their contact info popped up on the screen.”
“She recognized the last name and absolutely lost it on me.”
OP’s mom was upset, to say the least.
“She called me a liar – which technically is true since it was a lie of omission – told me that I should consider quitting because I’m not representing the values she raised me with, that now she feels like she can’t be proud of me, etc.”
“The biggest hit came when she said that clearly working for this person has changed me because I’ve never lied to her before.”
“Anyway, she has checked herself into a hotel, and is making the long drive home tomorrow because she doesn’t want to spend anymore time with me. Her parting words were, ‘Don’t call me until you quit your job.'”
“I’m too close to this situation to be unbiased.”
“I support my boss, and our ideologies align, which is why I took this job.”
“I understand why she’s upset about me lying, but also I’m an adult and feel like I shouldn’t have to tell her everything about my job?
“Ugh I don’t know. AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA, but she certainly is.”
“She loves you unconditionally with conditions. She’d rather not spend time with you than have you think for yourself.”
“I’d text her, ‘It’s a shame you’re not representing the values you raised me with. It’s no wonder I work for XX.'” ~ bigbuttfucker
“NTA. What kills me is OP was afraid to tell their mother the whole truth and their mom not only justified that fear, she was angry when they realized her child wasn’t afraid enough.”
“This is about control.”
“My grandmother was a Republican and whenever we’d vote she’d joke that we canceled each other out. My grandma never tried to control me, she certainly would not have demanded I quit my job and refuse to speak to me until I did.” ~ thistleandpeony
“The fact that the mom says ‘it’s a shame you’re not representing the values I raised you with’ rubs me the wrong way.”
“The fact that you raise someone with certain values in mind doesn’t mean that those values are right. It’s like those patents who think you owe them because they fed and clothed you to the bare minimum. It’s just part of raising a kid.”
“The kid doesn’t ‘owe’ you anything for that, nor do they owe the parents to have the same political beliefs.”
“They both support a political figure that they think wants the best for the country and their residents. Convincing someone to change their mind because ‘I didn’t raise you this way’ directly goes against freedom and democracy.” ~ INeedSomeMorePickles
“All of this x10000000.”
“Besides… people can choose their own values. That’s the great part of being an adult.”
“OP is NTA. ‘Don’t call me until you’re unemployed during a global pandemic’ is pretty fucking heartless IMO (I’m paraphrasing).” ~ Illustrious-Band-537
Some Redditors noticed red flags in the way OP’s mom was acting.
“This is emotional manipulation. She didn’t raise you to be your own person and live your own life.”
“She wants you to be a carbon copy of her, and if you’re not, she’s not proud of you and won’t talk to you. Let that sink in. Cause that’s some terrible parenting.”
“Also, yeah, technically it’s a lie by omission, but the thing about being an adult is that you don’t owe anyone information about your life.”
“You correctly assessed that she would not act right if she found out who you work for, so to mitigate conflict, you didn’t tell her. She has no right to scold you for that.”
“NTA and please call her bluff. Do not contact her and do not apologize. She has some work to do.” ~ friendlily
OP responded.
“Thank you for pointing out that it’s emotional manipulation.”
“The responses in this thread have made me realize that she isn’t a good mom… like at all! How I never realized that before is beyond me.” ~ CardiologistOk3831
Redditors sympathize with OP.
“NTA.”
“You are adult. You are free to make you own choices. You are free to support political and religious leaders that align with your views. Clearly your views have changed as you got older.”
“I’m sorry she is making the choice she is. Losing family over politics is sad.” ~ sociablemonkey74
“NTA.”
“Don’t call her until you leave that job. Once you leave that job, keep on not calling her.”
“What’s next, you have to quit a job with Google because she uses Bing?” ~ Jeremy_Crowhurst
“Thank you for making me laugh with that Bing joke😂. I needed it!” ~ CardiologistOk3831
She should be proud OP is independent and can make their own decisions. Particularly when it comes to values.