There are a lot of things that can bring happiness to a family. Getting to share your experiences is what makes them real.
Having a new baby or getting ready for a wedding are just two examples.
But, some people want to be the center of the family’s attention and refuse to celebrate other people’s accomplishments.
Redditor dobeedo10 encountered this very issue with her brother in law. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for announcing my engagement the week my brother in laws baby is due?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Not me, but my fiancé. We got engaged this weekend and he texted his family in a group chat with a picture of the ring with the caption ‘she said yes!'”
“My fiancé’s brother’s baby is due on the 20th. It’s their first child and we are all stoked about it.”
“But now his brother and sister in law are irate at us for taking the attention away from them, which wasn’t our intention. I haven’t posted anything on social media and we only told our families and some friends. Are we the assholes?”
“EDIT: thanks for the congratulations!”
“We are extremely excited. They have a history of needing/wanting all the attention so it’s not a surprise that they are acting like this.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“Hahaha, NTA. That’s so ridiculous.” ~ yachtiewannabe
“Especially since they announced before the baby was born. All the excitement about a baby happens once they’ve arrived!” ~ Seeker131313
“Right?! I would be more sympathetic if they announced their engagement at the baby shower, but even then, I would not be “irate” about it.”
“Mildly annoyed and move on with my life because I got bigger things to worry about.” ~ yachtiewannabe
“At the shower, when meeting baby, in the waiting room to meet baby, and when getting parents/baby settled at home are all inappropriate times, a week before with a, as far as we know, healthy pregnancy should not be an issue.” ~ RevolutionaryRanger0
“And how long should they have waiting after baby was born? A week? A month? Next year?”
“A week before should be no issue because it is also and exciting thing to share. It’s not like they’re like ‘okay baby was born 2 hours ago so now that’s old news…we’re engaged!'”
“Plus, the 20th is the due date so it might take more time, for healthy pregnancies, hospitals really don’t want to induce you on your due date is they don’t have to, especially in current times.” ~ RevolutionaryRanger0
Most think OP’s in laws just wanted the attention.
“Why can’t people just be excited the week is a happy one for the family? Families aren’t getting a lot of happy weeks lately! Why the f*ck are people creating extra misery out of thin air?!” ~ Independent-Pie-5791
“My sister and boyfriend announced their engagement to the family as they were all in the hospital room congratulating us on our baby/ the first grandchild. We just congratulated them. There was plenty of happiness going around that day. Don’t play into your BIL/sister’s silliness.” ~ SuzyQ4416
“The need for extended periods of attention is getting out of hand. Let’s be real.”
“Other than announcing something at an actual event (it’s not polite to make a public proposal or announce a pregnancy/engagement at someone’s actual wedding nor would you want to announce your engagement at the hospital while your in-laws are having their baby), you’re fine to act like life is still happening.”
“NTA. As a practical matter, people are excited about all these things for a brief period and then move on to the next nice thing… NBD.” ~ milee30
“It’s probably also insecurity. I’m guessing they know how trivial it actually is to have a baby. A shit ton of people do it every day. A baby is only special to those involved directly.” ~ 0B-A-E0
“By those standards getting engaged, having a birthday, graduating from high school/university – any number of things that people celebrate are actually pretty trivial.”
“I think that BIL/SIL are being ridiculous but that doesn’t make their becoming parents trivial. The fact that other people might not be as invested in their having a child doesn’t make it trivial.”
“Having a baby is not a trivial thing – it’s a huge thing that impacts lives permanently. Maybe if more people understood this fewer idiots would do it. Having a baby is hard physically and emotionally, it’s dangerous, it costs a hell of a lot of money – just basically hand over your income for the next twenty years, and I wouldn’t trade my kid for *anything*.” ~ Gennywren
Redditors were excited for OP and her future husband.
“But also do people not realize it’s possible to be excited about more than one thing at a time?” ~ bibliophile14
“I was just thinking that after reading yet another AITA that related to attention.”
“I can give my attention to person A on Monday when they get married and person B on Tuesday when they have a baby and person C on Wednesday when they get engaged.”
“If something else happens on Thursday I don’t say ‘sorry, I have distributed maximum attention and happiness and congratulations this week. The tank is empty, call back next week. Or maybe I will ask the other people who took all the attention if I can take some back.'” ~ stefancooper
“Birth doula here. First off, first babies often don’t come for a week or more after their ‘due date’ unless there’s a scheduled c-section or induction. Second, if they’re having a baby for the attention, boy-howdy should they not be parents.”
“Sorry your soon to be BIL and his wife ruined your engagement announcement.”
“Congrats and I hope that they can get over it. The world will no longer be revolving around them very soon. Their baby will have the spotlight.” ~ TheNoodyBoody
“They should watch the evening news, new stuff happens every day! It’ll blow their minds.”
“It sounds like the expectant father might be annoyed that his brother (OP’s fiancé)’s impending unclehood wasn’t all-consuming. How could the soon-to-be-uncle even think about anything else, much less about proposing to OP!”
“So, maybe not just about the announcement but about the engagement itself. Except that their ‘they stole my thunder!’ claims are complete projection, because that’s exactly what they were trying to do to the engaged couple, squelch any attention and stomp on their happiness.”
“Especially since I expect the fiancé didn’t interrupt a baby discussion on the group chat, so nothing else really was going on at the time.” ~ calling_water
There’s enough love in a family to celebrate a new baby and a new engagement.