It’s no secret that planning a wedding is incredibly expensive. Even a small and simple wedding could easily cost several hundred dollars.
But there’s a time and a place for saving money, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Q_Q_S_S_ and his future wife were entertaining ways they could save money with the menu they offered at their wedding.
But when his future wife suggested giving themselves a different menu than the rest of the guests, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t so sure.
He asked the sub:
“WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) if my spouse and I had just appetizers for our wedding guests but a full roast chicken for ourselves at the wedding?”
The OP’s future wife suggested a potential menu for their wedding.
“We’re trying to save money where possible for the wedding ceremony and are using Publix for the catering.”
“My (31 Male) wife (26 Female) thinks the guests will be ok just eating finger foods such as fruit and vegetable trays, assorted cheeses, wings, chicken tenders… but she knows she’ll be hungry and won’t be satisfied with just those.”
“She wants just her and me to also have a roast chicken at the table (I think some sides, too).”
The OP wasn’t convinced.
“I think it would be incredibly rude to have an openly much better meal than our guests would have. Us tearing apart a full bird while they munch on tenders.”
“Conversely, I’d be perfectly fine with just the appetizers for everyone, us included.”
“The costs for every table to get a roast chicken would put us at like $30 a plate according to her, and that’s not saving money.”
But the bride was insistent.
“With every decision we make, she justifies them by going, ‘It’s OUR wedding! It’s ours, not anybody else’s!'”
“She didn’t want to have a wide variety of options to cater to others, either. She only wanted stuff she’d like.”
“But I think we’d be total a**holes to go through with her idea.”
“Thoughts? WIBTA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some found this to be as obvious of a YTA move as they come.
“I hate any ‘it’s MY day’ wedding talk, but using this argument, would anyone want ‘their day’ to be remembered as the worst wedding ever? That’s how I remember the one wedding I went to where there were only apps. I’d be mortified if people remembered my wedding that way.” – Magnaflorius
“You need to tell her that it being ‘our’ day means it’s also your day, and you would be mortified to behave this way. You will be very unhappy on ‘our’ wedding day if you do this.”
“You care about being polite to your friends and families and their feelings. You will feel bad eating in front of them the things they can’t have because you care about their feelings.”
“And you care about how bad it will look, how you will both be judged, and how people will 100% be talking about it, too.”
“If she does this, your guests will think you are both selfish and rude, and you don’t think either of you wants to give that impression. (Maybe your wife will care about being inconsiderate if she realizes it makes her look bad.)”
“Go ahead and show her this thread so she realizes everyone will think this is super rude and tacky and probably gossip about how what a**holes you guys are.” – TheHatOnTheCat
“Going to a wedding isn’t cheap. You have to wear suitable clothes, and if you’re traveling, you’re taking time off work, plus paying for plane tickets/accommodations.”
“Show some respect for your guests, their time and money are not suddenly less valuable than yours because you’re having a wedding.”
“I’m getting married in October and we don’t even have a gift registry. Because honestly? There’s nothing I want more than to celebrate with all of my favorite people.”
“So I keep everyone that their presence alone is gift enough for me. If anyone really wants to give an extra gift, they can donate money to some of our favorite causes.” – evilcaribou
“OMG (Oh My God), I’ve just read your other posts about this girlfriend, OP, and Jesus Christ, DO NOT MARRY THIS PERSON!!! She sounds selfish, thoughtless, unempathetic, cruel, narrow-minded, and if you marry her you are going to have the most miserable life.”
“What’s so bad about being single that this is better?”
“As for the wedding food question, you already know the answer is YTA if you sit there stuffing yourselves with chicken while your guests share an apple.”
“Seriously, why on earth are you planning to marry someone capable of such selfishness and cruelty?” – Haloperimenopause
Others agreed and said the guests wouldn’t be full from appetizers, either.
“YWBTA (You would be the a**hole) for sure.”
“You said, ‘My wife thinks the guests will be ok just eating finger foods such as fruit/vegetable trays, assorted cheeses, wings, chicken tenders… but she knows she’ll be hungry and won’t be satisfied with just those.'”
“Why does she think the guests won’t be hungry when she knows for a fact she will be? She seems to lack empathy, or at the very least sympathy. Without knowing anything else about her, this kind of seems like a red flag.” – Abigail_Normal
“The lack of empathy for their guests is astounding. If I went to a wedding like this, I don’t know if I could be friends with them after that.”
“However, one of my biggest anxiety triggers is when I’m hungry and someone else has food options and I don’t.” – ACookieAsACoaster
“If it’s ‘your’ day, then just have a private wedding with no guests, and that problem will be solved. Why share your day with guests if you aren’t going to make an effort for them as well?” – kanna172014
“I’ve been to a wedding where the couple did a similar ‘tiered’ meal system. It’s been like 8 or 9 years since they got married, but if the subject of weddings gets brought up, people still talk s**t about how rude this couple was for basically feasting while the peasants got a cracker plate.”
“People’s memory for poor hospitality is long.” – pizzadaughter
“I don’t know how common my attitude is, but I figure my guests were giving up a Saturday to attend my wedding. They were doing ME the honor. I had d**n well better be a good host.”
“Most people probably don’t really want to be at your wedding all dressed up and hanging around making small talk. They want to be at home eating chicken tenders on their own couch in their underwear.”
“So make it worth their while to show up, or at least don’t sit up front chowing down on a better meal than they got.” – IPetdogs4U
Some tried to offer alternate ways to save money instead.
“YTA. If you’re hungry, don’t eat publicly when your guests have no food. Also if you’re broke, go small.” – kai325d
“Once I went to a wedding of a couple of dear friends, they didn’t have a lot of money but A LOT of good friends who loved them, so we proposed them to have a potluck party.”
“I brought a portable stove, the biggest pot I had, and cooked at least 50 pounds of pasta.”
“Best wedding ever. At least on par with the zombie-themed one.”
“Anyway: YWBTA.” – Fergus74
“I went to a potluck wedding rehearsal dinner. One side was Polish and the side was Italian. They had a friendly competition going to see who could bring the best dish.”
“It was almost 5 years ago and I’m still full.” – Wrong-Bus-1368
“My hubby and I put together a really nice wedding for less than $500.”
“My shoes were the most expensive thing I purchased and they were on sale for $65. I got a dress and a hat on clearance, cheap but nice. I bought flowers to hold for a bouquet the night before at a flower market.”
“Our apartments had a beautiful clubhouse with antiques in it, and they closed their office that day so I could use it… free.”
“My mom made a veggie tray, punch, and a groom’s cake. I talked to the people at our grocery store and they made us a beautiful, but small, 3-tier cake and only charged me $60. I made rice bags.”
“And for some unknown reason, my hubs already owned a tux. My best friend videotaped everything. And I gave my maid of honor and our best man nice items that had belonged to my dad who had passed away 6 months before I met hubs.”
“And then we invited only those people closest to us, so my aunts and uncles, and 10 friends, one of whom brought their little poodle whom I adored. A Justice of the Peace who had married several people that I knew officiated and did a lovely job.”
“It was awesome and beautiful and everyone enjoyed themselves. And it meant EVERYTHING to us.”
“People get so crazy over weddings and I just wanted something personal and meaningful.” – lilbunnyofdoom
“If you can’t afford to feed a lot of people, don’t invite a lot of people. If it’s just for you, elope.”
“Asking a bunch of people to dress up for you, watch you give speeches and dance, and have a fancy dinner, all while they go kick crudites, is just s**tty. Are you gonna’ turn off the a/c too, and bust out some His and Hers neck fans?”
“Don’t be surprised when people leave early. YTA.” – UnicornBoned
Though the subReddit could understand the couple wanting to save money, they insisted this was not the way to do it.
The people attending their wedding were not there simply to give money and gifts. They were meant to be there to celebrate with the happy couple, so they should be cared for during that special day.
Perhaps with more affordable decisions elsewhere, like apparel and decorations, the menu wouldn’t feel so financially steep.