Ultrasounds are an incredibly exciting way to get to know your baby before they enter the world.
But what happens when a parent doesn’t like what they see on the screen?
Redditor One_Appearance245 found this out the hard way.
The Original Poster (OP) took to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for help.
She asked,
“AITA for refusing to show my husband the rest of the ultrasound photos of our baby?”
She went on to explain.
“I [26-year-old female] am married to “Bill” [30-year-old male]. We are expecting our first child together in three weeks but I have an 8 year old from a previous relationship.”
“To put it lightly Bill has no filter whatsoever.”
“It’s extremely annoying at times since I’m someone that over thinks everything and will go over what I’m about to say 10 times before it leaves my mouth to make sure it’s not rude, he thinks there might be something wrong with him because he doesn’t understand social cues and is pretty awkward but won’t get it checked or anything.”
“Today I went for an appointment and they did a 4d ultrasound because they haven’t been able to see his face lately due to him always sucking his thumb.”
“I’ve never had a 4d ultrasound before and was so excited to see my baby.”
“Of course, like all 4d ultrasounds, the baby looked like a crisp lasagna when you don’t know what you’re looking at but still cute and exciting seeing your baby and all their facial features for the first time.”
“I got home and waited for Bill to come home so I could show him the photos and videos.”
“I have him sit down and I clicked on the best clearest photo we got to show him first (in a few photos he had his hand up or was at a bad angle or the umbilical cord was giving him a handlebar mustache).”
Things took a turn.
“He looks at the photo and I’m pointing out there’s his eyes and nose and mouth etc and the first thing out of his mouth is ‘wow he’s ugly.’”
‘“Immediately, I get mad, lock my phone, and refuse to show him any other photos.”
“He asked if that was the only photo I got, and I said ‘no, I got more, but why[the f*ck] would I show them to you if you’re just going to sit there and call my baby ugly?’”
“‘I was so excited to show you these, and you’ve completely ruined the moment because you don’t know how to shut your d*mn mouth.’”
“He looked shocked that I was mad and said it’s fair game because I call the baby names all the time (when I’m in a ton of pain, I will say things like ‘this little sh*t won’t get out of my ribs’).”
“I told him it was completely different, and he claims it’s not and he should be allowed to call the baby ugly and also said hopefully that’s not how he’ll look when he comes out.”
“I just refused to show him any more photos and told him to get out of the room.”
“He’s mad that I won’t show him the rest and still doesn’t understand why I’m upset.”
“I am pregnant so maybe it’s just hormones getting to me so AITA? Did I overreact or is he just an idiot?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NAH – if you were upset by what he said, I can understand why you wouldn’t want to show him more.”
“But, let’s be honest, those photos are creepy AF.” – OnthelookoutNTac
“If we’re being honest, newborns are almost always kinda ugly and creepy.”
“They get a lot cuter after a month or two, but they are NOT cute when first born – it’s just the polite thing to say unless you manage to snap a SUPER GOOD picture.”
“I think it’s fair to be upset by such a rude comment, and OP’s husband should have known better than to say such a rude thing.”
“NTA (and the husband is – because saying rude sh*t doesn’t make it okay just because it’s true)” – odd_avokaydo
“100% the baby was ugly in the photos. They all are. Mine was too. It’ll be fine lol.”
“Edit: your edits make you sound extra cringe.”
“Telling people with my same opinion that we are what’s wrong with the world because we can approach our pregnancies with humor instead of being stressed momzillas, lol.”
“I understand you’re frustrated about your husband’s d*ckery and inability to lock his opinions up, but that’s a problem between the two of you and not something that should be used to standardize other peoples’ experiences.”
“I really think you need to lighten up a bit and maybe join a support group? Also, give your husband an ultimatum – get evaluated, or you bounce.”
“His “no filter” may not seem like a problem for him, but it is rude and hurtful to others, and he needs to lock it up or get help if he finds that to be something he’s unable to do.”
“Anyway, I doubt you care to read comments that aren’t patting your a** but that’s my $.02.” – VeryStickyPastry
The OP wanted to clarify a few things based on Reddit’s questions.
“‘Is he on the spectrum’ We don’t know.”
“He and I have both stated that might be the case, but he refuses to get tested because he’s scared he might be.”
“I understand this is an issue, but I can’t force him to go. I’ve encouraged him as much as I can and as often as I can, but he doesn’t want to get a diagnosis.”
“‘He was joking,’ unfortunately, he was not. I poked fun at these types of ultrasounds in my post.”
“I can joke around about it easily the problem is he did not say it in any slight amount of a joking away it was “wow he’s ugly” 100% serious and matter a fact.”
“This was a final straw moment for me because I’ve been on him for the past two weeks about his comments like that about people others.”
“He’s been saying very shallow judgmental things, and I don’t think it’s right”
“‘You shouldn’t call the baby ‘my baby’. It’s both of yours’ I understand where you’re coming from, but there’s a reason I called him my baby.”
“[when] We got married [we agreed] we wanted to try for a baby and tried for several months, this was not a surprise, and we both decided we wanted a baby.”
“After I got pregnant any single little “ow” “that was uncomfortable” “I’m throwing up blood from all this morning sickness” or anything that wasn’t just absolute praise to the baby I was to “well you wanted this” every time.”
“I explained how much I didn’t like him saying that because it sounds like I’m the only one that wants the baby, and he doesn’t give a sh*t and still says it.”
“We “compromised” and as a running joke, now I call him “my baby because I’m the one that wanted him” when talking about the baby.”
“Bill will often say “my boy” or our baby I never corrected him or have ever said no, it’s my baby, not yours because it’s not that serious, but that’s why I said “my baby” in the post”
“A ton of comments are saying I’m tah [the a**hole] because ‘babies are ugly.’”
“If you can look your excited pregnant wife in the eyes as she’s expressing her joy over seeing the baby that you guys will be holding in just a few short weeks and respond with its ugly, then you are the problem.”
“There are a million other things you can say, and now, after I give birth on what should be an amazing moment, I’m going to be scared that he’s going to say that again instead of focusing on my baby.”
“I’m going to worry if my husband is thinking the baby’s ugly. Luckily thanks to some lovely Redditors I have the comeback “he looks just like you” in my pocket now.”
“I’ve answered a lot in the comments, please just look for my replies but I wanted to point out that I wasn’t a joke. I said my baby for a reason, and he might be on the spectrum but refuses to get tested.”
“I didn’t show him the rest of the photos because I showed him the best one; you could see his face and chubby cheeks perfectly. It didn’t look creepy or weird, so if he could look at the best picture and say eww, why would I show him the rest that has his hand in the way or shot a bad angle?”
“There’s no point in me having to get my feelings repeatedly hurt so that he can see photos that are considered mess ups anyway”
Reddit continued to weigh in.
“I agree that babies look ugly in those 4d ultrasounds. Glad they were not a thing when I was pregnant.”
“I get that OP was excited, but she knows how her husband is. Did she really expect a different reaction?”
“Maybe showing more photos would help hubby get more excited. The first one might have been kind of a shock. If you have never seen one before, it’s a lot to take in.”
“NAH” – sawta2112
“NTA, but d*mn, your husband is something.”
“lack of social cues or not, he doesn’t need to say every thought that pops into his head.”
“and you calling the baby a “little sh*t” because they ARE PHYSICALLY IN YOUR RIBS is not comparable to calling your child ugly” – chldshcalrissian
Hopefully, their kid never finds this Reddit thread. As long as their baby is born happy and healthy, that’s all one can hope for.