As children grow into adults, parents are forced to look on as they make their own choices, determine their own values, and encounter the consequences, good or bad, that result.
One Redditor found himself struggling to accept his daughter’s recent decision. He posted about it on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), under the username Throwaway63836375282, wondered about something he’d said to her.
“AITA for ‘calling my daughter a whore.’ “
It all began with a cocked ear.
“For reference my daughter is 18.”
“The other day I overheard her talking on the phone with her friend. I started easedropping, not to be malicious or anything, I was just being nosey.”
OP was shocked by what he heard.
“I stay long enough to hear about how she performed a sexual favor for some guy to write an essay for her.
“I was appalled to hear this and I just walked away.”
“As soon as she came out of her room later I confronted her about it.”
He let the criticisms fly.
“She looked like she was embarrassed and ashamed.”
“At this point I didn’t get a chance to talk to her mother about it. I said to her how disappointed I was and then I went on to ask ‘Do you want to be a whore with no integrity?’ “
“I’ll admit, I may have let my anger and disappointment get in the way of my rationality a bit in this situation.”
But as OP had proved moments before, you never know who’s listening.
“Anyway, my wife heard that last part without any prior context and came storming in. Yelling asking what I had just said.”
“And I repeated it to her. She was angry, the most I’ve ever seen out of her.”
“She said ‘Did you really just call your own daughter a whore?’ And she wouldn’t even hear me out and she took her and they left the house.”
OP closed with his defense.
“Now, I didn’t call her anything. I was just making a point by asking her a question. I feel like everything was an overreaction by all of us now honestly.”
“But AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
A majority of Redditors were staunchly against OP and his behavior.
“YTA. If you want your daughter to lose trust in you, listening in on private conversations is a great place to start. Your daughter will slowly begin feeling uncomfortable talking on the phone around or in the same house as you, she’ll avoid you.”
“You should not talk to your kids that way, horrible parenting. And not your business anyways.” — a-beebby
“YTA. She is her own adult woman and can have sex with whoever she wants, whenever she wants and it is none of your business dude.”
“Don’t wanna know about it? Don’t listen in on her conversations. Huge violation of privacy. Sh*ttier parenting.” — t8r_tot
“YTA. get a grip, that’s not how you talk to your children. maybe consider why you care about a grown adult’s sex life considering she’d rather do that than ask her dad for help.” — givelilydragons
“YTA, its worse with context. If you were actually concerned, yo’d have a calm talk about sex, while respecting her bodily autonomy. And you’d keep academic integrity seperate.” — Foampopcornnoodle
“YTA. There is no excuse for what you said. You said she looked embarrassed and ashamed, clearly saying nothing would have been more impactful.” — overthehill47
A few made a key distinction.
“Your anger is totally misdirected and misogynistic. The problem is not that she performed a sexual act in exchange for something, she is allowed to do that, it’s not wrong and not something she should be shamed for.”
“The actual problem that you’ve totally ignored here is that your daughter cheated by having someone else write a paper for her.”
“Also you brushed off how you hugely violated her privacy. That is a big deal. YTA” — tinyhappyfrog
“YTA for slut shaming your daughter. What you SHOULD be mad at is her getting another student to cheat on her school homework for her, full stop.”
“You are also TA for eavesdropping in on her private conversation with another person. Don’t be surprised if she ups and goes no contact with you over stuff like this.”
“I would bet money that this is not the first time you’ve stuck your nose into her business when it’s not welcome or wanted.” — silentsaturn91
Several others, however, weren’t so willing to criticize.
“I don’t get it . . . You didn’t call her a whore . . . You said she was acting like one . . . She traded a sexual act for a favor. What did you do wrong?” — Ok_Persepective_9796
“I don’t know what the definition of ‘whore’ is to your wife, but one meaning is ‘a person who engages in sexual intercourse for pay’, which is basically what your daughter did.”
“Was it inappropriate of you to use the term? Maybe.”
“Were you right and does your daughter deserve to be shamed and embarrassed for using sexual favours t not do her schoolwork?! Hell yeah!!”
“Wow – amazed at so many comments that are calling the OP the AH! Consent between a sex worker and an adult is one thing, but 18 years old using it to get out of work!? Come on guys….” — Downtown-Back-1418
“NTA I can’t believe people in this thread are supporting an 18 year old performing sexual favors to get out of school work.”
“They must be children saying this because no parent in their right mind would think sucking a guy’s dick so he writes an essay for you is anything other than shameful and wrong.” — Sternjunk
Some, however, laid blame on both sides.
“ESH. Don’t know why everyone said she’s entitled to do what she pleases. She literally sucked d*ck for a grade….like really. Op an AH for easedropping , but he was not wrong for getting on her for it.”
“Have some self-respect people.” — Mr_MadKing16
“ESH. You were mad and said something more aggressive than was really called for. I get it, but you are an AH for that.”
“It’s pretty reasonable to not want your 18 year old child to be trading sexual favors for homework; I’m pretty shocked so many people seem to think it isn’t and that you have no cause to be upset.”
“That being said, having a conversation with her about how this makes you feel and why would be a good idea. I doubt she understands from your angry outburst how you’re really feeling about this.” — Vero518
OP may not change his mind looking at these responses, but perhaps he will consider a more nuanced way forward.