Every household has its own list of demands, with some parents being more strict and demanding than others.
But what happens if a child is no longer a child and still living at home? Should the rules stay the same or adapt?
One young woman found herself caught in the middle of this question on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
The Redditor was still living in her father’s home in her twenties and was expected to continue following his dress code.
When she saw her father’s reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong for questioning him.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for disobeying my father’s request while I live under his roof?”
The OP had a dress code to follow while living at home.
“So I’m 22 [Female] and unfortunately still live at home (and I live here rent-free).”
“I got into an argument with my dad yesterday when he said I’m not allowed to wear any dresses or tank tops or skirts or shorts while I’m living at his house.”
“So basically, I have to be fully covered up but t-shirts are fine.”
The OP finally had enough of it.
“I have to wear a cardigan and leggings with dresses every time I go out, but I usually end up taking these off anyways and then put them back on before I get home.”
“I got tired of hiding it, so I decided to finally have a conversation with him.”
“I told him I’m 22 years old and he should not be controlling what his grown-a** daughter wears.”
The OP’s father did not agree.
“He completely BLEW up at me and said as long as I live in his house, I have to abide by his rules.”
“He said he was completely shocked that I would make such an unreasonable request.”
“He said he immigrated to this country and worked such hard jobs and bought us everything we wanted, and I can’t even listen to his one simple request.”
“All I wanted was to at least have the freedom to wear clothes I feel confident in.”
“AITA for refusing to listen to my father while I’m living under his roof?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was not wrong for wanting to wear clothes of her choice.
“NTA. It’s really unsettling that your dad is so obsessed with what you cover or don’t cover of your own body.” – KittySnowpants
“But have you ever asked why your father brought you to Canada if he didn’t want you to adapt partially to the culture? It puzzles me when people expect the new generation in a new country, where they’ve been exposed to new and different ideas, to stay true to their ‘roots’? Haven’t they put down some roots in the new country?” – bluemoonwolfie
“I’m of the South Asian diaspora too but raised in America. I have parents exactly like yours. I secretly saved up money to move out and signed a lease with friends at 18.”
“I dyed my hair, got piercings, wore dresses (‘respectable ones’ but I stopped wearing leggings and cardigans with them).”
“They didn’t talk to me for months at a time every time I made a change, but they got over all of it. Eventually, they accepted that my life choices are mine.”
“We are not close to this day because they’re conservative and I’m not, so be prepared for that possibility if you do manage to move out. Unfortunately moving out may be impossible for you, I get that. You’re definitely NTA.” – Environmental-Ad6018
Others recommended moving out soon.
“Do you have any friends that are willing to help out? Because something creeps me out about your dad. It is his house and his rules, but he is acting really strange.”
“If you have a high enough paying job, I would secretly look for an apartment if I was you. However, you could just save money by listening to him until you can comfortably move out to a safe place. You are definitely not the asshole, it isn’t like you are walking around in anything inappropriate.” – SilverMoonPearl
“Don’t tell anyone in your family your new address. Someone will spill. Get a PO box in a neighboring town to wherever you move if you must have a way for anyone in your family to contact you by mail.”
“Make sure your papers are secure now. You can get a small lockbox shapend like a dictionary — they’re not super hard to pry into but if your parents just see the spine they’ll probably know. You can backpack out important clothes a bit at a time.”
“If you have a trusted friend and can store some stuff there gradually backpack it out. Otherwise think about getting a small storage unit. You can also be ‘going through your clothes to donate’ and take a garbage bag of them out, or you’re giving them to a friend. Figure out what’s really important and what you can leave behind. Good luck.” – weddingcurmudgeon69
“If you’re concerned that your parents may try to physically prevent you from moving out, maybe having a friend with you may help. If you think it might get violent you could call the non-emergency police line and ask them to meet you while you move your stuff out.”
“I know you said in previous comments that you think your parents would disown you. I wonder if that would still be the case if you were the one drawing boundaries. If you moved out and cut off or limited contact, they might realize that never speaking to their daughter again isn’t as great of an option as it seemed when they were the ones in control.” – SophieBearS
But a few didn’t see what the big deal was.
“YTA. If this really is the ‘one thing’ he’s asking of you… Just do it until you can move out. If you’re rent free, and I’m guessing, he’s paying your tuition? Show some d**n respect.” – Raging_Dragon_9999
“I don’t know how many times I’ve read ‘your house, your rules’ as part of a N T A response here. Well, his house, his rules, and don’t give me any garbage about how ‘the times, they are a-changin” and the father has to conform. Our elders should not be expected to just adapt to whatever the young people are doing.” – S**tbagsewerpickle
The OP may have been second-guessing herself, but most of the subReddit said she had the right to say how she wanted to live and present herself. Though, yes, it was her father’s house, that did not necessarily mean they couldn’t meet somewhere in the middle, now that the OP was an adult. And if not, there’s always the possibility of moving out.