We all make mistakes, and our loved ones are no different. That doesn’t change the fact that it can be difficult to catch them in the act, though.
Father and OP (Original Poster) “ThrowRAClue” is going through this right now with his daughter after walking in on her with his married boss. Since the incident, the OP hasn’t been working or reaching out to the people involved, probably in shock or still processing what he saw.
The OP shared his story on the “Relationship Advice” subReddit, wondering what others would do next.
The OP stated to the thread:
“I (46[male]) walked in on my boss (42[male]) with my daughter (23[female]).”
The OP isn’t sure what to do after what he saw.
“I don’t know what to do. I’ve been working at my company for over 10 years. I’ve gotten close with my boss and his family.”
The whole thing happened at his birthday party, hosted at his own home.
“We decided to have a little get together on my birthday.”
“We were all out on the porch and I went to go use the bathroom. Our guest bedroom just so happens to be on the way to it.”
“As I walked past it, I heard someone try to get up quickly. That was when I saw the both of them in bed. My boss immediately tries to justify what they were doing but he knew I wasn’t buying it.”
Unable to process what had just happened, the OP excused himself for a while.
“I just couldn’t get the image out of my head of them together. I didn’t know what to do so I just decided to lock myself in my room.”
“When I went back out my daughter had already left and my boss kept his distance.”
Since then, the OP hasn’t been himself and doesn’t know what to do.
“This was almost a week ago but I haven’t been to work. I’ve been using my sick days to see whether or not I want to resign or not.”
Fellow Redditors reached out with advice anonymously, ranging from really inappropriate jokes to suggestions of therapy, new work, and working things out with the OP’s daughter.
Amidst all the jokes about “getting back” at his boss, one Redditor pointed out what the OP should really be doing.
“Look everyone is wanting to give you advice to ‘help’ your career; blackmail, ask for a raise, etc. But I’ve yet to see any advice to actually help you. And it’s p**sing me off (seriously guys, pornhub jokes? This guy is in distress).”
“See a therapist”
“It sounds like mentally [you’re] having a hard time processing it. It’s a lot to process, and as much as you need career advice, you also need life advice to process.”
“Know that you don’t have to forgive either of them yet. This is not something you just brush off or quickly get over. Again, this is a LOT to process.”
“Don’t focus on the next 10 steps, focus on just the next one, which should be talking to someone to help come to terms with what’s happened. It make the next 9 easier and less overwhelming. Past that, I genuinely don’t know what else to tell you other then I’m so sorry.” – stevieisblah
Others thought the OP should confront his boss and potentially get Human Resources involved, as well.
“I think this might be an HR issue as well, because this is now affecting his job. I don’t think there is much they can do, But I would talk to HR about no longer want to work there. Get a reference and find a new job.”
“I think you need to maintain a relationship with your daughter. You need to talk with her and make her understand professional boundaries.” – BAsherM2019
“Use the time off to see someone, get a second opinion. This is a bad place to ask for advice.”
“Personally though? I’d tell the wife. And I’d tell the daughter to see a therapist/someone as well, because she made an odd choice.” – majnuker
“His first move needs to be speaking with his daughter, then his boss and reflect on how he feels and what he wants.”
“if that means leave, transfer divisions so be it but him asking for more severance is in order. considering he never wanted to leave, has worked their for 10yrs and says their families are close. which means his boss knew his daughter when she was underage. prob met her when she was 13.”
“OP must be so grossed out, pissed off and confused. his boss is a dousch though and OP is losing future pay and career growth maybe more because of this.” – lefont4
“This might sound contradictory but do your best to avoid taking it through the company HR department and first try to solve it personally. HR is only there to protect the company. They’re NOT your friend and they do not have your best interests at heart.”
“Speak with your daughter, tell her you’re concerned and confused and ask for a timeline of how long this has been going on. Ask who’s idea the secret was. If it started before she could legally consent file a police report THEN you may be in a place to approach HR.” – hannibalstarship
A few also suggested that the OP reach out to the boss’s wife and get her involved.
“Find a new job, you risk more problems if you stay, you’re boss may see it as you implicitly condoning it. Tell the wife, she deserves to know, doesn’t matter if she believes you to not. See a therapist, it will help. Idk what to do about your daughter.” – 42Ubiquitous
“First off, get yourself a therapist, if you feel like you’re having trouble dealing with this and it’s going to cause more problems later on.”
“Secondly, let his wife know. If this f**ker has the audacity to f**k your daughter on your birthday in your house, then clearly he wanted to be caught, and everyone should know that.”
“He showed no empathy towards you when he made the decision to go through with that, you should show no empathy towards him in return. The man is a reprobate and the world should treat him as such.” – ExceedinglyGayParrot
“I know for a lot of guys, figuring out where your line is regarding others’ infidelities is tricky and hard to navigate.”
“However, you caught him screwing your daughter. You owe this guy NOTHING, absolutely ZERO consideration for his marriage. He done effed up all by hisself. Absofrickinlutely tell his wife.”
“Chances are, it’s not his first time doing that. Maybe his wife already knows something, maybe she doesn’t.” – whatsasnoowithyou
But many focused on the importance of reestablishing the OP’s relationship with his daughter more than any other task.
“Listen mate, I am a young woman, and I have made the same mistake as your daughter. Coming from a different viewpoint, I would recommend you keep your daughter away if you can, because it is a massive mistake!! Plus both of you get therapy. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this and I hope that you guys come out okay.” – ThrowAway29572819572
“Absolutely ask your daughter how long this has been going on and when it started.”
“Has he been your boss for the ten years you’ve worked in the company? If he’s known your family as long as you’ve know each other, he’s known your daughter since she was ~13. It may be just a one time thing, but if it was happening before she even turned 18, then that’s an even bigger issue” – wheshdksseu
“Talk to your daughter, carefully, first. Hopefully he didn’t coerce her by threatening your job and hopefully he hasn’t been grooming her for a decade.”
“I’m so sorry.” – OutspokenPerson
It’s always hard to catch someone you love doing something they shouldn’t, and clearly that’s no different for this OP.
The Redditors feel that the OP should do what he can to save his relationship with his daughter however, let alone try to figure out how long something like this may have been going on.