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Woman Books Hotel After She’s Forbidden From Sharing Bed With Wife At Mother-In-Law’s House


Sleeping arrangements are always an issue.

When we’re kids there are strict rules for sleepovers.

Boys in one room, girls in another.

As a parent that is understandable.

But aren’t those rules meant to be done with once you’re old enough to say you’ve been alive for decades?

Case in point…

Redditor MechanicPlastic3837 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for always staying in a hotel instead of at my MIL’s?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My spouse (31 F) and I (34 F) have been together for 10 years and married for six of those.”

“In case anyone missed it, we are a same-sex couple, and it’s relevant to this scenario.”

“Before we got married, my M[other] I[n] L[aw] (65 F) insisted that no unmarried couples shared a bed at her house, and I was fine with this.”

“That was the rule, for all 4 of her children: no unmarried couples, no matter how long you’ve lived together.”

“For a variety of reasons, we all suspected that the real reason for the rule was that she just didn’t want any gay people sharing a bed in her house.”

“But whatever, it’s not my house, and that’s a common enough house rule anyway.”

“Then we got married.”

“The first time we planned to visit after getting married, we were informed that the rule had changed…”

“Now, no couples except for her and her husband can share a bed in her house, married or not.”

“As far as I’m concerned, this was absolute proof of the real reason for the rule, but again, it’s not my house, not my mother, and really not my battle.”

“I booked us a hotel instead.”

“And that’s what we’ve done every time we visit.”

“I’m happy enough to respect that it’s her house rule, but it’s not a condition under which I’m willing to stay with her or anyone else.”

“The knock-on effect is that we don’t end up spending that much time with the in-laws when we visit.”

“This hurts MIL’s feelings.”

“She thinks that we’re (read: I am, even though my spouse and I are 100% on the same page) being unreasonable by being unwilling to spend X nights in separate bedrooms for the sake of spending time with family.”

“I think she’s disrespecting our marriage by expecting this.”

“I know that it hurts her to miss out on time with her daughter over this, and I don’t think she’s a horrible person or anything.”

“So I do feel a little bad about it.”

“And as much as I think it’s pretty obvious now that it’s a homophobia thing, she is still equally applying the rule to all her children.”

“But I don’t feel bad enough that it’s something I’m willing to compromise on.”

“On the other hand, I wonder a tiny bit if I’m being oversensitive.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA she made a boundary and you are respecting it by not staying at her house.”

“You and your wife made a boundary of wanting to sleep in the same bed.”

“You found a compromise that allows both boundaries to be respected and MIL is trying to force you and your wife to give up your boundary.” ~ kata389

“NTA. Invite mom and dad to your home.”

“Give them the same rules.”

“‘Oh, sorry, no, you misunderstand, only my wife and I sleep together in this house, mom, you’re in the spare room, dad, you’re on the couch or you’re free to book a hotel and we’ll see you when we see you.'”  ~ Sirix_8472

“NTA. Your MIL has the CHOICE to change this rule at any time she so chooses.”

“She created the rule.”

“She changed it once. If she cares, she’ll change it again.”

“Otherwise, it is her close.”

“Don’t give in to homophobes and the like.”

“If she wants you to come out more, then she can make it more sustainable to do so.”

“I suppose you could always offer to have her at your house, and apply the same rule: ‘No married couples share a bed but us.'”

“See how much she fumes.”  ~ ArchyDWolf

“I agree NTA!!!”

“Her daughter needs to tell her and no uncertain terms, that you were happy to respect her rule of no unmarried couples sharing a bed in her home.”

“However, the very moment you got married and she changed the rule to no one shares a bed in her home, that she and you both know that the rule has everything to do with homophobia rather mom wants to admit it or not.”

“As long as that rule is in place, her daughter needs to tell her that she will not allow the two of you to sleep in the same house with her.”

“OP you are right, it is not your battle to have with your wife’s mother.”

“It is your wife’s battle to have with her mother.”

“And I most sincerely hope that she will have it with her mother for your sake and her own.”  ~ Betrayed_Orphan

“And honestly, MIL is free to come visit them if she so chooses!”

“But everyone knows why she doesn’t want to.”

“I’m not as nice as OP as this is a fight I would pick, but I have a tendency to choose too many battles.”

“But i would also only pick it specifically because MIL is complaining and butthurt.”

“I’d just be like ‘Well that’s your fault for conveniently changing the rule right as the gay couple got married.'”

“‘We’d visit more often if we didn’t have to pay for accommodations to be able to sleep as married couples sleep.'”

“But I’m also totally not chill with microaggressions that serve as daily reminders my parents don’t actually accept me. So.”  ~ frustratedfren

“NTA. She is disrespecting your marriage and relationship by changing her ‘sleeping’ rules.”

“She can’t expect you to agree to this new ridiculous rule.”

“That’s the price she pays.”

“She sees less of her daughter because of it.”  ~ hotcocoa4ever


“And yes, this is rooted in homophobia.”

“Who cares that she’s mad.”

“She has her boundary, you have yours.”

“And not being treated like a CHILD is a valid boundary…and yes, her disrespecting your marriage and not allowing you to share a bed with your wife is treating you like a child that needs to be punished.”  ~ whereisthetvchanger

“NTA, as reddit likes to say ‘Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.'”

“Her prize is less time with her daughter.”

“That’s on her, not you.”

“She should respect her child’s decisions on her life and partner choices.”

“If it was before marriage and only before marriage, fine.”

“Changing the rule after you get married? She is an A.H.”  ~ Kirin2013

Definately NTA!

“MIL is literally mad/has hurt feelings because you and your wife are respecting her boundaries.”

“With what little information is provided here, it sounds like she loves her daughter, doesn’t hate you per se, yet is still homophobic as all heck.”

“My petty brain is hoping the two of you decide to have children some day.”

“I can’t wait for her to get all upset when you guys put up a unified front that your children will NEVER spend the night in a place where moms aren’t allowed to sleep (just sleep) in the same room.”  ~ StaceyMike

“NTA. You’re not screaming or disrespecting her space by not adhering to her rules.”

“This smells of oh how dare you not want to spend time with me when I make unreasonable rules like married couples not being able to sleep in the same bed.”

“Don’t be rude about it(which you’re not) and just keep being you.”

“If she doesn’t like it, that’s okay because those are your boundaries.” ~ InaruTheGreat

“NTA. You’re a married couple and should be able to share a bed as normal married couples do.”

“MIL is instigating a rule that makes her feel comfortable but doesn’t require you to stay there under such a rule.”

“I think you’re fine with the hotel and if she wants to spend more time with her child, maybe she should be more tolerant.”

“What do her other kids think of her homophobia and new house rule?”  ~ Ducky818

“NTA. Even if she didn’t have this rule, YOU TWO decide where you sleep, for your own reasons.”

“The guest rooms have weird mattresses? Hotel it is!”

“Why not stay at a hotel?”

“You have some sort of food allergy and their kitchen is cross contaminated?”

“Good reason to stay at a hotel, they have to be mindful of something like that.”

“And honestly?”

“Wanting to share a bed with your spouse is definitely a good reason to stay at a hotel.” ~ Icy_Ad_2880

“NTA – this is an unreasonable rule.”

“And she applies to all of her children including the married heterosexual couples?”

“That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“At some point she’s going to run out of bedrooms if everyone visits at the same time.”  ~ DisneyBuckeye

Well OP, sounds like Reddit completely gets where you’re coming from.

You and your lady keep doing you.

Hopefully MIL will come around one day.

Good luck.