Image via Middlesex County Prosecutors Office
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New Jersey Man Tries To Fake A Dramatic Fall For Insurance Money—But It’s All Caught On Security Footage

We all dream about retiring young, though most probably won’t risk a stay behind bars to achieve it. That, however, wasn’t the case for one New Jersey man however who’s comically bad attempt at insurance fraud was caught on tape.

57-year-old Alexander Goldinsky was working as a subcontractor in Woodbridge, New Jersey when apparently he decided it was time to hang up his khakis and retire off into the sunset.

However, Goldinsky’s master plan didn’t go quite as expected:

In security footage released this week by the Middlesex County Prosecutor’s Office, Goldinsky can clearly be seen attempting to stage a slip and fall accident in the cafeteria of All Gold Industries, the Woodbridge company where he worked last Fall.

After tossing a cup of ice on the floor, Goldinsky steadies himself on the counter before he slowly lowers himself to the floor and waits to be found.

Goldinsky was taken to the hospital and treated for his supposed injuries and later filed an insurance claim for a workplace injury.

After what must have been a hilarious investigation, Goldinsky was arrested on January 15th according to My Central Jersey.

Goldinsky was charged with insurance fraud and theft by deception and released on a summonses. He is scheduled to appear in Middlesex County Superior Court on Feb. 7.

“Fraudulent claims cost everyone,” said Middlesex County Prosecutor Andrew C. Carey in a press release. “We will aggressively prosecute those who illegally manipulate the system.”

Fraudulent insurance claims are estimated to cost Americans as much as $40 billion dollars per year, so people were happy to laugh at Goldinsky’s embarrassingly awful attempt.

Though many felt it was no laughing matter.

Insurance fraud may not have worked out for Goldinsky, but with his skills he could still have a promising career as a professional athlete.

The lesson in all of this — crime doesn’t pay, especially if you are this bad at it.

A tough lesson to learn the hard way.

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Written by Dennis Matthew Livesey

Matt is a writer, designer, and native New Yorker. He has worked in film, where he enjoyed a brief career as a stand-in for Ian Holm; finance, where he pretended to understand his job, and real estate, where nothing remarkable happened. He writes about science, technology, and media. His work includes magazine articles, one published book, and the looming inevitability of the second.