Living with roommates demands compromise, patience, respect and the confidence to live how you want to despite the thoughts or judgments of people that share a space with you day in and day out.
Add roommates’ partners into the mix and the complexity only grows.
One young woman recently found herself knee deep in roommate drama. She–under the fitting monicker AITASMOOTGIES–explained the ordeal in a post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP) gave the long and short of it with the title.
“AITA for refusing to help roommate’s girlfriend feel less triggered over my diet”
OP kicked off with a little about herself.
“I’m [a 27-year-old female], I see a doctor, nutritionists, and psychiatrist.
“I live mostly off of smoothies and really soft foods, but am monitoring it and have been told I’m healthy. And I feel great. I get really sick with solid, heavy foods.”
Then she divulged a rising issue.
“My roommate is dating a woman we’ll call Rita. Rita is overweight and always following people into the kitchen. Usually just stares at them.”
“Every time she sees me making a smoothie she rolls her eyes and leaves.”
Eventually, a direct confrontation took place.
“Today I’m making a smoothie and some apple sauce and she commented how I’m starving myself.”
“I tell her nope I’m good and that she’s not my Dr.”
“She then informed me that she’s gained twenty pounds because I’m triggering her emotional eating and how she feels so upset that I’m anorexic (I’m far from it) and it’s effecting her anxiety too.”
“I told her I’m sorry she’s upset but that it’s not my fault and she can stop following me into the kitchen and should try to get support, not hassle me.”
The fallout left OP wondering.
“She started crying, my roommate says I should apologize and I’ve told them no. It’s not my fault she’s eating more and that she doesn’t live here and I refuse force my diet to change when she is here.”
“They’re saying I’m an a**hole and I’m being unreasonable and fat shaming but I think she just has very little self control.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors took OP’s side.
They reaffirmed that Rita’s problem, while it may be serious, was not OP’s to solve.
“NTA Fat shaming is ridiculing someone for being overweight, not… existing and eating in a way an overweight person doesn’t like.”
“She’s not the boss of you; how someone unconnected with her eats in a place she doesn’t live is none of her business. Don’t discard your doctor’s orders to appease someone who has no right to make pointless demands.” — Clarisse1984
“So basically she was looking for a scapegoat to blame her weight gain on, because it could not possibly have been her own doing.”
“NTA, unless you were literally holding a gun to her head and forcing her to eat, there is no way you are responsible for her weight.” — ThrowawayAITA918
Others focused much more on Rita’s habit of following OP.
“NTA. She has some issues she needs to deal with.”
“An easy solution for her would be to not follow you into the kitchen and watch you eat if it makes her feel triggered. It’s not reasonable for her to expect you to change your diet because it makes her feel insecure.”
“Your friends are only siding with her to avoid her emotional reactions which is also unfair and unreasonable.” — convertingcreative
“NTA. It is not your responsibility to manage Rita’s mental health. If Rita is feeling triggered, then she needs to work with her mental health providers to learn coping mechanisms that do not involve controlling the behavior of others.”
“And she should stop following you into the kitchen.” — Consistent-Leopard71
A few highlighted Rita’s atypical behavior more bluntly.
“NTA Why is she (a houseguest) following you into the kitchen and watching what you eat? That’s creepy and obsessive.”
“Not your fault she is choosing to eat more and refuses to seek help for her own emotional/eating disorders.” — Throwawaycarstore
“NTA— She’s not even your guest!! It’s creepy she’s following and watching you. She needs to GTFO if she can’t 1. Stop being creepy and 2. Stop trying to control you.”
“She and your roommates are huge (pun intended) a**holes.” — WhiskeyCheddar
“NTA. Is Rita a dog? Following people into the kitchen is weird af on its own, commenting about your diet takes it to being rude.” — GrayManGroup
“NTA- why does she think she can insult you, by jumping to conclusions and calling you anorexic just because you are thin and have certain eating habits, and then blame you for her problems?”
“That’s ridiculous. Also that’s fu**ing weird why does she follow you into the kitchen? That’s just creepy.” — sinloxie
Finally, some took a second to analyze Rita’s behavior.
“NTA. Unfortunately, it sounds like this person has an unhealthy relationship with food and she is projecting that onto you.”
“Hopefully she will take ownership of her ‘triggers’ and seek the help she needs that’ll allow her to cope with them.” — kelso714
“NTA It’s not your job to cater to her just because she’s extremely insecure.”
“She clearly has some issues that she needs to sort through but you doing what is best for you and not bending over for her bullsh** is not one of them” — MagellansMockery
“NTA. The woman is exhibiting signs of manipulative behavior.”
“She follows people into the kitchen on an almost pavlovian level and likely wanting to get some of whatever anyone else makes. Since you’re not making things she wants, she’s attempting to manipulate your behavior in order to get you to make things she wants.”
“Since simple suggestions like ‘you’re starving yourself’ aren’t working, she’s taking the narcissist approach and trying to make it all about her. Your dietary requirements are absolutely none of her business.” — AudaciousMongrel
So if the slew of Reddit comments had any impact, Rita can expect to hear the blender as loud as ever the next time she’s over hanging out.