There are few things people look forward to more in their lives than their wedding day.
If there’s anyone who gets more excited about a wedding than the prospective bride and groom, it’s their parents.
Particularly fathers, who can’t wait to walk their child down the aisle.
Of course, today not everyone continues with this tradition, owing to people having reservations about the idea of being “given away”.
While some might be picky about who walks them down the aisle.
This includes Redditor brinmendo, who was hesitant about their father walking them down the aisle at their wedding, because of his physical condition.
A decision which outraged her entire family.
Wondering if they were being insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not wanting my dad to ‘walk’ me down the aisle because he’s in a wheelchair?”
The OP explained why they thought their father’s physical condition was going to complicate their upcoming wedding.
“About three years ago my dad was injured in a really bad hit and run car accident.”
“He broke just about every bone in his body, and left him paralyzed from the waist down.”
‘Our relationship has always been really good, but I hate seeing him in pain and admittedly try to avoid seeing him because it just makes me uncomfortable.”
“In November I’m getting married.”
“I’ve been with my fiancé for 4 years and he and my dad get on really well.”
“Naturally the discussion of who was going to give me away came up in the family group chat, and I kept silent after I realized my dad would be in a wheelchair.”
“We always talked about him giving me away and having a dance at my wedding and I don’t want to be reminded of what could’ve been at my wedding.”
“I messaged my mom privately and told her I want my uncle to walk me down the aisle as we’re incredibly close.”
“She naturally asked why and I told her that my dad being in a wheelchair would add complications to the wedding.”
“The walkway would have to be widened to accommodate his wheelchair and he wouldn’t be able to hold my arm or give me a proper hug.”
“She was outraged, called me an ableist POS and removed me from the group chat.”
“My aunt has since called me telling me my dad is absolutely devastated.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community found no support from the Reddit community, who unanimously agreed they were the a**hole for refusing to let their father walk them down the aisle.
Just about everyone agreed with the OP’s mother in finding their decision to be ableist and insensitive to their father.
“YTA.”
“No doubt your dad has been looking forward to this day just as much as you if not more or for longer.”
“He probably wasn’t expecting for your affection or opinion of his ability to change just as his love for you hasn’t changed.”
“He probably resents the change in his functionality and wouldn’t expect his family to put a spotlight on it.”
“Widen the aisle and be grateful he’s alive to love you still.”- funkedup4life
“Jesus.”
“YTA.”
“I understand if it’s incredibly taxing on his body to even be in a wheelchair, like if he had been on life support or some kind of vent system.”
“But he’s fine save for not using his legs.”
“Be happy you have a fucking father who loves you and wants to be there for your brightest day.”
“You guys have a great relationship, and he never hurt you intentionally.”
“My God, I feel bad for your fiancé.”
“You’re the kind of person who would leave the poor guy if he got a terminal disease or cancer or something because ‘it’d be too hard on yotu’.”
“Holy shit.”
“Wow.”
“I’ll take your dad over mine any day.”
“At least he’s a good father.”
“Oh my God.”
“Wow.”
“This post made me sick to read.”- rzrbladess
“YTA.”
“If I was your father I wouldn’t attend your wedding at all.”
“You make him feel like a burden and act like a narcissist.”- LeDeena
“YTA.”
“Y T HUGE A.”- saltyatthebeach
“YTA without a doubt.”
“My dad is in a wheelchair and if he is around when I get married there’s no doubt in my mind he will be the one to walk me down the aisle.”
“This feels so unbelievably cruel to your dad.”- Bliitzyyxo
“My dad is dead.”
“He died when I, his eldest child, was 21.”
“He left behind 4 children, the youngest was 9.”
“He never got to attend any of our weddings or meet any of his grandchildren.”
“I walked down the aisle alone.”
“I would have given ANYTHING for him to be there with me, anything.”
“YTA, a massive one.”
“You don’t deserve your dad, and if i were him, i wouldn’t even show up to your trash a** wedding.”-WookProblems
“Man, you are an absolute monster.”
“Yes, YTA x1000.”
“You had a good relationship with your dad but now avoid him and don’t want him to walk him down the aisle because he got hurt?”
“Jesus, he could have died, and you are avoiding him because you’re uncomfortable with his pain?”
“What would you do if your fiancé got injured like this?”
“How would you feel if your family treated you this way if you ended up in a wheelchair.”
“Just, wow. I had a terrible relationship with my mother and never treated her this terribly.”
“I am so sad for your dad and the rest of your family and thankfully your mom isn’t as terrible of a person as you.”
“Get therapy and also, YTA.”- januaryangl
“Saving this post for the ‘worst asshole of the yearr comes out.”
“YTA.”- BetterAmbassador5
“YTA.”
“There is no ‘what could have been’.”
“He is your father, and the same man who loved and cared for you.”
“If he was a sh*tty dad that’s an entirely different story.”
“But not wanting him to walk you down the aisle because of a disability that is not his fault is absolutely f*cked.”
“I feel so sorry for your father, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you just irreparably f*cked up your relationship with your family.”- BFLGriffon
“YTA.”
“I hope these comments have helped you come to appreciate what you have.”
“A living father who wants to walk you down the aisle, and a mother who calls you out on your bullsh*t.”
“My mother would not attend my wedding.”
“I’m gay, she’s homophobic.”
“But I bet my dad would have, were he alive.”
“You still have time.”
“Wake up.”
“Open your heart.”- Warmhearted1
“YTA.”
“Does it matter to you if your father wants to walk you down the aisle.”
“Do you realize what you are saying to him by saying you down want him to walk you down the aisle?”
“If you love your father, you will care more about his feelings than the logistics of how to make it happen.”
“Don’t be cruel and selfish.”- 78october
“YTA.”
“Oh my word, I say this with profound sadness and anger.”
“My father died when I was young and you have the PRIVILEGE of having yours in your life, having a good relationship with him, and your father can be with you to give you away at you wedding.”
“But you don’t want to be inconvenienced?”
“You need to take a moment and reevaluate the priorities in your life because somewhere you have gone wrong.”
“That man whom you say you love was paralyzed, yet you can’t step outside yourself to think of anything but the complications of the width of of one walkway.”
“I’d bulldoze the world to make room for my father.”
“Trust and believe that sister.”
“Get your heart right.”- soup4muhBeb
“YTA!”
“Who cares, you might think it’s a big deal now but really it’s not.”
“You should be happy you have a dad!”
“My dad is an abuser so I won’t be having him walk me down the aisle.”
“Unless of course there’s more to it and there’s another reason you don’t want him to walk you down the aisle.”- geishageishageisha
“YTA.”
“As a father of a daughter this makes me furious for him.”
“You suck.”- notoriouslush
“Honestly yes YTA because the only reason you don’t want him to walk you down is because of his wheelchair.”
“That’s not something he can control and you’re worried more about your ‘look’ than actually including people who matter in your life.”- rlweddit
The OP later returned with an update, revealing things came to a rather sad conclusion.
“I thought I’d give you all an update.”
“My boyfriend and I have decided to part ways and I’ve apologized to my dad.”
Actions have consequences.
Unfortunately, the OP’s insensitive actions towards her father led to fairly severe consequences for her.
One can only hope the OP learned after this experience never to take her family for granted ever again.
And to treat everyone with the love and dignity they deserve.