Recent breakthroughs in genetics have allowed average folks to learn all sorts of subtle details about their family histories and the winding road connecting great-great-great grandma to the present day.
But despite all the fanfare, not everyone is down to look under the hood.
One Redditor, who posted on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit, discussed her recent encounter with the genetic buzz.
The Original Poster, known as Exact-Course-1284 on the site, laid it out directly in the title:
“AITA for not wanting to get my DNA tested to make my friend happy?”
OP first described a not-so-subtle character trait she’s forced to deal with.
“I (21-year-old female) have this friend (also 21-year-old female) who’ll sometimes get ridiculously obsessed with a certain random thing and then proceed to talk only about that specific thing for a few months straight before eventually moving on to something else.”
Then came a case in point.
“This time she became really interested in DNA tests, and I mean those kinds of things that were really popular on youtube at one point like 23andme, ancestry.com and so on.”
“She had her own DNA tested and constantly talked about her results, got pretty much everyone in her immediate family and friend group to try getting theirs tested too and she’s now trying to persuade me to do it as well.”
Eventually, the obsession overflowed into OP’s business.
“Now, I was adopted when I was just a few months old and look very racially ambiguous, so I have no idea who my biological parents were or where they came from.”
“And this has my friend teeming with curiosity because she really wants to know what my ancestry looks like and whether I’m mixed race or not.”
“But I really just give zero fu**s about those percentages and have no interest in selling my DNA information to some random company, because who even knows what they’ll do with it?”
“Not to mention there’s the possibility of having a bunch of random a** strangers trying to talk to me out of nowhere just because the test told them we’re 20% related.”
But OP’s friend was persistent.
“My friend says the tests can give you some important medical information too and is still constantly insisting that I get tested.”
“She even offered to buy me a DNA test kit for my upcoming birthday, to which I immediately said no thanks and got her mad to the point of arguing with me.”
“She says she can’t understand why I’m so dead set on not taking a DNA test and at this point it’s started to really get on my nerves. Am I the a**hole?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most people responded by assuring OP she hadn’t been an a**hole.
For many, this choice was up to one person, and one person only.
“I’ve had my DNA tested and had a lot of fun doing it. I, however, do not guilt shame or pressure others to do the same. This woman seriously wants you to do a DNA test just to satisfy her own curiosity?”
“If you were a petty person you could tell her you did the test but are under no circumstance sharing the results with her. She needs to learn how to mind her own damn business. NTA” — Expensive_Fee696
“NTA A DNA test is something to do if and when you feel ready, and not sooner.”
“Also, be sure to read the fine print on the test’s terms and conditions. A lot of these tests essentially give all your genetic information to the company, to use how they please, and to profit from without you getting a penny.”
“If you have health concerns about your genetics, you should talk to your doctor. And get a referral to a specialist in genetics who will be doing a serious medical analysis.”
“Not just signing up with a for-profit company that is as much about marketing gimmicks as serious evaluation of genetic health.” — Jazzlike_Humor3340
“NTA. This is a highly personal decision, and she is behaving completely inappropriately. Your life is not just some interesting science problem for her to gossip about. It is right for people to think carefully about whether they want to open the box on things like this.” — Ok_Smell_8260
“I don’t even know you and now I’m curious about your DNA myself 😆”
“But, NTA. This is none of her business, just like it’s none of mine.” — ScubaCC
Others drilled down into what was going on with this friend.
“NTA and might get craped on for saying this but your friend kind of sounds like they have a hyper fixation thing?”
“Like people seem to be implying they’re interested in your genetic makeup for some racial reason but to me it just sounds like they’re going through a hyper fixation cycle.” — Talkiesoundbox
“NTA. Your friend seems like she’s struggling to understand boundaries and is using you to satisfy her own interests rather than treating you like a human with their own agency.”
“It’s actually kind of gross that she’s fetishizing your racial make-up as something she personally needs to know. What benefit does she even expect to get out of the results?” — jormungandrstail
“NTA – as someone stated before, No. is a complete sentence.”
“Aside from this, and I want to be clear that I’m in no position to diagnose your friend, from what you describe, she may have ADHD or some other neuro-diversity. I speak from experience.”
“Short term obsessions and the inability to turn off from them is a classic trait (it’s a hyper focus). Classically, this will pass and she may even forget this was something she ever cared about DNA testing.” — iamspyman
“NTA. But I feel the need to ask, does your friend have ASD/Asperger’s? What you described about the obsession with specific subjects is a typical trait.” — KlausAngren
Looks like OP will be keeping her DNA in-house for a good, long while.