If you were lucky enough to be a young adult in the late 90’s and early 2000’s there’s a high probability you know about the horrors of low-rise jeans. If you wore women’s clothes during that time, you’re also fully aware that the pants border on impossible to wear well.
Now that the look is threatening to make a come-back we feel like it’s our job as survivors of this trend to warn people.
No. Just No. Don’t buy into it.
Not only is it not a good look, it’s the most impractical thing ever.
First of all, let’s talk about that impracticality. Guys it’s literally a garment designed to cover little more than your legs and pubic mound. Are you a fan of wearing underwear? Too bad! You can’t really do that in low rise jeans unless you’re aiming to bring back the “exposed thong” trend along with the low-rise … and nobody wants that.
Do you enjoy sitting down without everyone behind you becoming unwitting proctologists? Too bad. Low-rise gets way lower when you try to sit down. Plumber’s crack was rampant, and we assure you it was no bueno.
How do you feel about pockets? Because there’s really no place for them on a low-rise jean – unless you want to put them on the outside of your thighs like cargo shorts.
Let’s stay focused on the idea of booty for a bit. We’ve seen all of your Instagrams, we know you’ve been in the gym and doing your squat challenges.
Where do you plan on putting all that new butt you worked so hard to get? Surely not in low-rise jeans. They don’t fit. Literally.
There’s no fabric for you to tuck them cheeks into, fam. You end up with some weird butt muffin-top thing happening.
Low-rise jeans are for very straight-bodied and slender folk who are interested in flaunting their pelvic bones and never sitting down. If that doesn’t sound like you, then maybe just pass on the trend.
This isn’t because we don’t think it’ll look good. All bodies can rock whatever they want.
This is about physics, people. The physics of bootymeat containment.
Seriously, did anyone sit down between 1996 – 2002? How?
If you think we’re the only ones out here trying to warn the young people—you’d be wrong.
Take one look at Twitter.
The protest is strong.
Too many butts died in the 2000s for the youth to just casually bring back low rise jeans, do you have no respect for your elders?
— alanna bennett (@AlannaBennett) December 20, 2018
i fear extra low-rise jeans more than i fear death itself pic.twitter.com/5JmR4YuzpG
— Lauren Petrillo (@lauren_petrillo) December 18, 2018
Ew I hate low rise jeans🤮 idk why I decided to wear some today or why I haven’t gotten rid of them yet. MY WHOLE ASS CRACK IS OUT. My high waisted jeans would never.
— Dianne Sophia🦋 (@diannesophiaa) December 26, 2018
Tell me how it goes with the low rise jeans pic.twitter.com/upcigWgzqL
— are you ready to jingle your bells 🔔 (@joondivine) December 25, 2018
I refuse to go back to low-rise jeans with no pockets. R E F U S E.
— Shi (@Ohtze_O) December 24, 2018
the only way i’ll be wearing low rise jeans again is if:
a. boys start to think muffin top is hot
b. flat butts become popular
c. someone rhinestones my name onto my thong
— mick (@mickeyybaker) December 21, 2018
Do you want eating disorders? Because Low Rise Jeans is how you get an eating disorder pic.twitter.com/kdHa7VXXrR
— 🌚⭐️🔮 (@JazzyGotSober) December 21, 2018
we didn’t work out and grow a booty just for low rise jeans to come back
— ✰ boy named sue ✰ (@sueysuttles) December 21, 2018
Low rise jeans coming back is just a gateway to exposed thongs becoming a thing again and I don't even think Manny Santos is ready for that to be a thing again pic.twitter.com/Mo8d1Bsnnx
— wreath witherspoon (@brittneyplz) December 20, 2018
i’m 37 and i’ve already done low rise jeans and they were bad and flattered no one but Britney Spears but it’s not my place to stop a 20 year old with aughts fashion dreams from putting on a pair and learning those shitty lessons for themselves
— Pixie Casey (@pixie_casey) December 21, 2018
What do you call it when the lobes of your butt squirt out over the back of your low-rise jeans? A buffin-top? Butt-boobs? Anyway, I’m not gonna be wearing low-rise jeans no matter how much they are supposedly back. If I’m gonna show any of my cleavages, that’s not the one.
— Caissie St.Onge (@Caissie) December 21, 2018
i let those teddy bear coats that hurt my teeth slide by. i permitted XXL sweatshirts that make me look like a circus tent with a head. corsetted t-shirts? sure, why not. but LOW RISE JEANS??? YOU HAVE CROSSED THE LINE. I WILL TAKE TO ARMS. YOU WILL CATCH THESE HANDS
— Megan MacKay, official Grinch mpreg aggregator (@mmmegan) December 20, 2018
Like what did women with big butts even do when all there was was low rise jeans…and no leggings?? I was a kid!
— HOLLY JOLLY AL PAL ☃️🎄 (@AlyPatience) December 20, 2018
why are yall trying to make bootcut and low rise jeans come back????
was 2018 not filled with enough suffering?
— jamal (@__mutt__) December 22, 2018
I am "I wore low-rise jeans the first time around" years old, and I will not stand for this nonsense. When the holidays are over, I'm going to stage a revolt! I'm against any jeans you have to get a bikini wax just to wear them..#lowrisejeans pic.twitter.com/8Sgy2Xb9t7
— Sarah Sahagian (@sarahsahagian) December 23, 2018
— Maggie Coughlan (@MaggieCoughlan) December 21, 2018
But none of that matters. It would seem the return has already begun, in part thanks to songstress SZA.
She’s been working hard in the gym lately and decided to flaunt her work in a pair of these dangerous denim wonders.
Yeah, people noticed.
I’m too fat for SZA to be bringing back low rise jeans pic.twitter.com/wrirs5vqFn
— Imani-Michelle (@yet_she_) December 26, 2018
sza’s the only person that can rock low rise jeans
— kail🦋 (@ayekailee) December 26, 2018
i need sza to understand that we are NOT bringing back low rise jeans
— 🇵🇷 (@onehotshitwitch) December 26, 2018
if sza brings back lowrise jeans i’m fucked pic.twitter.com/dHydxz5RBp
— maddi (@madisonvanzandt) December 26, 2018
Young people, listen to your elders. We have fought this fight before. You have the power to banish the scourge of low-rise denim before it truly takes hold.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you.