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People Are Not Happy About Low-Rise Jeans Making A Possible Comeback—And We Totally Get It

If you were lucky enough to be a young adult in the late 90’s and early 2000’s there’s a high probability you know about the horrors of low-rise jeans. If you wore women’s clothes during that time, you’re also fully aware that the pants border on impossible to wear well.

Now that the look is threatening to make a come-back we feel like it’s our job as survivors of this trend to warn people.

No. Just No. Don’t buy into it.

Not only is it not a good look, it’s the most impractical thing ever.

First of all, let’s talk about that impracticality. Guys it’s literally a garment designed to cover little more than your legs and pubic mound. Are you a fan of wearing underwear? Too bad! You can’t really do that in low rise jeans unless you’re aiming to bring back the “exposed thong” trend along with the low-rise … and nobody wants that.

Do you enjoy sitting down without everyone behind you becoming unwitting proctologists? Too bad. Low-rise gets way lower when you try to sit down. Plumber’s crack was rampant, and we assure you it was no bueno.

How do you feel about pockets? Because there’s really no place for them on a low-rise jean – unless you want to put them on the outside of your thighs like cargo shorts.

Let’s stay focused on the idea of booty for a bit. We’ve seen all of your Instagrams, we know you’ve been in the gym and doing your squat challenges.

Where do you plan on putting all that new butt you worked so hard to get? Surely not in low-rise jeans. They don’t fit. Literally.

There’s no fabric for you to tuck them cheeks into, fam. You end up with some weird butt muffin-top thing happening.

Low-rise jeans are for very straight-bodied and slender folk who are interested in flaunting their pelvic bones and never sitting down. If that doesn’t sound like you, then maybe just pass on the trend.

This isn’t because we don’t think it’ll look good. All bodies can rock whatever they want.

This is about physics, people. The physics of bootymeat containment.

Seriously, did anyone sit down between 1996 – 2002?  How? 

Evan Agostini/ImageDirect

 

If you think we’re the only ones out here trying to warn the young people—you’d be wrong.

Take one look at Twitter.

The protest is strong.

 

But none of that matters. It would seem the return has already begun, in part thanks to songstress SZA.

She’s been working hard in the gym lately and decided to flaunt her work in a pair of these dangerous denim wonders.

Twitter

 

Yeah, people noticed.

 

Young people, listen to your elders. We have fought this fight before. You have the power to banish the scourge of low-rise denim before it truly takes hold.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

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Written by Erica Diaz

Erica is the consummate cool-kid. She’s so cool that she’s been talked about in magazines, on blogs and on the radio after losing her left eye because of a piece of glitter. She is still actively mourning the passing of Prince and hopes to one day do an all-iguana remake of Graffiti Bridge since iguanas are plentiful near her home in South Florida. She has yet to find one that can really nail the “ahhhyayayeaheaheah” that Tevin Campbell does in Round and Round, and everyone knows the music is the important part of any Prince film. She’s a mother, singer, writer and (if the internet is to be believed - which we all know it is) a Nigerian socialite mid-ranking member of the Illuminati. She prides herself on being the most popular one-eyed rock star under 5 ft tall in pretty much any room she walks into.