Have you guys ever screwed something up so spectacularly, so hilariously, that you just had to tell someone?
Or rather, a whole bunch of someone’s?
If that sort of thing meshes with your sense of humor and you don’t mind discussing more “adult” themes … then boy, oh boy do we have a story for you…
This story takes place down under … and by that we mean both in Australia and in the human anatomical equivalent of Australia.
Yeah, we said it.
We meant it.
In the United States, if you’re renting it’s commonly understood and expected that you should get an inspection about once a year. In other countries it happens about every six months.
In Australia, you can expect your landlord or one of their agents to come do an inspection every three to six months, sometimes sooner. It’s one of those frequent rental inspections, dear readers, that led to a woman on Reddit telling the world all about her butt plug.
For the purposes of storytelling, we’ll call our leading lady “Butt Plug Betty or BPB”—’cause there’s nothing we love quite as much as a great internet nickname. So, Betty was prepping for one of those frequent rental inspections when she remembered she had a butt plug stuck to the tile wall of her bathroom.
According to her post, she sticks it on there after cleaning it—which is super important for both partnered and solo play. A clean toy is a healthy toy!—because it’s a super convenient place for it to dry. Also, because it makes her laugh when she sees it.
Yeah, we like Betty.
So BPB waltzed into her bathroom one day and remembered “oh, I have an inspection tomorrow” and figured it would be a good idea to take her toy off of the wall and put it away.
So she pulled…
Now, we don’t know how long the toy had been there, or if BPB has massive upper body strength like a chimp or if this thing has some sort of ungodly suction rating or whatever the deal is. What we do know is that pull failed to take the plug off of the wall.
Instead, it took the wall off of the wall.
BPB managed to rip the entire tile away along with the plug.
As amusing as the situation was, there was a problem. BPB isn’t exactly handy.
Neither is her partner. She was able to pry the toy off and prop the tile back up—as well as temporarily disguise the damage with a handy-dandy potted plant.
That quick-fix will be enough to (hopefully) make it through the inspection, but that isn’t going to work in the long term. The tile will need to be re-applied and re-sealed correctly.
Being a bit strapped for cash and, as we said before, not too handy, BPB could really only think of one option …
We’ll let you guys read through her original post to discover that little nugget of the story.
The post reads:
“TIFU (today I f*cked up) by pulling my butt plug off the wall and ripping the entire tile off with it a day before rent inspection. I wash and stick it to the tiled wall in our bathroom to dry because it’s handy and it makes me laugh every time I walk into the bathroom.”
“We have a rent inspection tomorrow so I pulled it off the wall to put it away and managed to rip the entire tile off the wall with it. I’ve propped the tile back against the wall as best as I could and have shoved a plant pot in front of it to try and hide it.”
“Worst part is my Dad is a carpenter and I’m going to ask him to fix it, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to explain how the tile fell off.
‘Hey Dad I pulled my butt plug off the wall and ripped the entire tile off in the process lmao’.”
“TL;DR I pulled my butt plug off the wall and ripped the tile off with it a day before rent inspection.”
“Edit I know it’s an easy fix to put a tile back on the wall, we just attached it back on temporarily—but I want it done properly (sealed and all) so I don’t lose my bond when my lease is up.”
“Partner isn’t a tradie. Dad is. Dad costs less than paying someone to come properly fix it.” – ashmarc1215
After Reddit was done laughing, people came through with some surprisingly prudent bits of advice… and a few of their own cringeworthy moments:
“As a landlord: If a single tile comes off the wall undamaged, I would never hold the renter responsible.”
“Just say it fell off on its own. I’d think it was installed badly, and I’d have it fixed.”
“On the other hand if my renter tried to glue it back on themselves and they didn’t do a perfect job, I’d be pissed.” – AntalRyder
“At least you didn’t forget that the butt plug was there before inspection!”
“I just posted about this on another thread, but I’ll share my shameful story with you.”
“I had my dildo suction cupped to the shower wall to dry. Maintenance guy came to fix my bathroom sink while I was at work.”
“I got home and went to get into the shower and saw it hanging in all of its glory. I still can’t remember if the shower door was open or closed.”
“If you can’t reattach the time before the inspection, tell them you had a suction cup holder thing there.”
“Or say ‘don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to’ while making intense eye contact.” – glassgypsy
“No panic! First: it’s really easy to fix it, like others already described and with just a trip to a diy store and ten minutes of work.”
“Just remember to let it dry without taking a shower in the room for at least 12 hrs.”
“Second option: you stuck your bluetooth radio to the tile and THAT is what got the tile off. Those bluetooth things have suction cups and I guess you could say you never realized it got stuck as permanently as it did.”
“Unfortunately you had to throw the radio away because it broke when you pulled it off and fell, since you didn’t expect the tile to come off. I can help you with a picture of one of those radios if needed as proof, but I think it would be overdoing it.” – SnapeSev
“I’m a dad. This one’s easy.”
“Your dad doesn’t ever want to think about anything even remotely related to sex when it comes to you, so that’s not the default place where his brain will go. If you had a broken tile and a butt plug laying next to it, of course he would have no choice but to figure it out.”
“In the absence of any evidence of a sexual nature, his brain won’t let him take it there. Just tell him you came home and found it like that.”
“He will probably know you are lying, but he still won’t automatically connect it to anything sexual and it’s better than him knowing the real story, right?” – fdirectv
“Maybe said already, don’t have time to look though. Next time, instead of yanking it off the wall, peel it off.”
“I swear every time I see a post like this, the realization of how vanilla my life is just sinks even harder.” – kutuup1989
So let’s review what we’ve learned today, shall we?
Firstly, when removing a suction-cupped anything from a surface, it’s best to peel rather than pull. You have to break the seal first.
Secondly, tiles sometimes just pop off. Things happen.
And finally, if you ever find yourself in an embarrassing situation, Reddit will be there to laugh with/at you. Once they’re done with that, they’re surprisingly helpful when it comes to covering your tracks.