Keeping a household in shape while working is difficult, but it’s even harder with kids.
One woman realized part of the problem, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, was her husband.
Redditor 7001007 finally spoke out to her husband, who did not respond well.
After multiple days of not talking, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she took it too far.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my husband that he’s a useless dad?”
The OP’s been having trouble with her living situation.
“My husband and I have been getting into a lot of arguments after the birth of my first daughter 2 months ago (I’m not blaming our arguments on our daughter).”
“I have been feeling tired lately, more tired and upset than when I gave birth to my 2 sons.”
“My husband hasn’t been helping. He never really helped with our 2 sons, but I was able to manage everything then.”
“He doesn’t change diapers or feed the baby, he never wakes up with her, he only really ever wants to do the fun stuff like play with them.”
Things only got worse recently.
“When he came home from work I was exhausted and upset, (everyone was super cranky so that day was extra exhausting day) he started complaining that dinner wasn’t ready in time.”
“So I turned off the stove and left the kitchen without saying a word to him, and he followed me, asking me why I’m no longer cooking when he’s hungry.”
“I told him If he’s hungry he can finish dinner tonight. I give up on it.”
“He got really upset and claimed I do nothing all day and the least I can do is have dinner ready for him when he comes home from work.”
“I started listing everything I did and told him that he’s a useless dad who thinks parenting is all about fun and games.”
“He told me that if I think he’s useless he might as well not be here and left without saying goodbye to his kids, which really upset them. My youngest son cried for about 30 mins for his dad.”
“It’s been a day and he still hasn’t came back, and I’m really stressed and also wonder if I went a bit too far.”
“Am I the a**hole for calling my husband useless?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the husband wasn’t worth it.
“NTA. I think at this point, you just throw the whole husband in the bin.” – Sugarglumfairy
“For real. I played this game with my ex for far too long. I was the breadwinner when we got married. He was a SAHD. He didn’t like that.”
“So we switched roles. After a while he didn’t like that because I didn’t earn any money. I tried doing being part of a family business… wasn’t good enough, because I didn’t earn enough.”
“I went back to school and started working part-time… still wasn’t pulling my weight/earning enough. Went full time. Then my job became a problem because the hours I worked and my commute meant I could no longer do the majority of the household tasks and cooking.”
“As soon as he started to be put in the position of being forced to work the same number of hours both paid and at home as me he got angry.”
“Then I got some health issues and he had to take over gasp probably 52% off the household tasks… that broke things. He was done.”
“Moral of the story? Men who can’t appreciate what you do and be actual partners are not worth one more day of your time. Trust me wasted a lot of time on a man who wasn’t ever going to be happy because what I did or didn’t do wasn’t the problem.” – MotherofJackals
“Honestly, she should have been the one to walk out and let him figure out how to keep a home and kids and still be able to do ‘nothing’ all day.” – ToTwoTooToo
“He even said it himself, he IS useless, if all he can do is play with them for a little. Even a babysitter does more than that but I bet he is against them citing, ‘Why should I pay someone to play with my kids all day?'” – Kenichi_Smith
Others thought the husband was just looking for an excuse to leave.
“It is pretty telling that he chose to up and leave without even thinking of his children. But that’s not surprising if his attitude according to OP is to be believed.”
“Actions speak louder than words, and his actions seem to back up OP’s label of ‘Useless Dad’ pretty well. He seems to provide financial support and does the bare minimum with his kids. All the fun stuff, none of the work.” – Cyclonic2500
“OP should change the locks if he wants to play games.” – RetroPRO
“I don’t want to jump to conclusions but this guy sounds like he’s been looking for an excuse to bail and you offered him a glimmer of one.” – SavageComic
Some questioned what would happen if the husband came back.
“When he comes back op should leave for a few days and let him figure it out. He thinks it’s so easy he’ll have a blast” – PaddyCow
“Even if he’s working 100+ hours/week, guess what? OP is working for exactly the same number of hours, plus his commute time, taking care of the household and kids.”
“I get that when you come home from work, the last thing you want is to do chores or changing diapers, but that’s life with a baby, supplemented by two older kids. You’re always on the clock.”
“Like you say, he thinks doing his job should exempt him from contributing otherwise, but if he were an actual partner in this marriage, he’d realize that they have to work together to do the s**t that needs to be done.”
“A long time ago, I read an analogy about how one’s legs work together to walk. One leg isn’t saying to the other, “I did my share already, so you take us the rest of the way on your own.” – QualifiedApathetic
The subReddit was pretty clear on this one.
Not only did they believe the OP wasn’t in the wrong for speaking up for herself and her needs, but the husband definitely overdid it by walking out.