Names help us define who we are. For expectant parents naming a child is an extremely personal and important decision. In fact, naming is import that some cultures have ceremony surrounding naming a child.
What if your partner wanted to make such an important decision for you?
Redditor rideordie2929 found herself in deep conflict over naming her soon to be born baby. She turned to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” (AITA) to see if she was being unreasonable.
“AITA for not letting my boyfriend name our daughter Renesmae?“
The original poster, or OP, began by explaining their own baby naming dilemma.
“My boyfriend and I are both 18, and 35w pregnant with our daughter. Since the day I found out we were having a girl he was hell bent on naming her Renesmae, absolutely refuses to compromise. He’s a massive twilight fan, I personally hate it and would much rather that we don’t name our baby after a fictional character.”
Despite the disagreement over the name OP’s partner took it to another level.
“It kinda hit boiling point last night, for weeks I’ve been telling him we are coming up with something else because I’m not naming my child that. I went onto Instagram where he had posted a picture of us and said in the caption ‘I can’t wait to meet you Renesmae.’”
“I got really, really mad my this. I told him to delete that, or change the caption because I’m not naming our daughter that. He refused, saying his friends knew now so we had to stick with it.”
”I said ‘I haven’t f*cking agreed to naming our daughter after some stupid made up character from the worst books ever f*cking made. Delete the post now or get the f*ck out of my house.’“
”He left to spend the night at a friends and my parents who heard the argument said I should just let him name our daughter that, saying it probably means a lot to him and that I’m being an unreasonable asshole. AITA?”
OP edited to add another important reason the father’s chosen name was unacceptable.
“Feel the need to add, I have a stutter and can’t even say Renesmae out loud, I would much rather name my child something I can say.”
Later, after some unexpected (and unwanted) proposals the mother to be wanted to make it clear she loves and wants her child telling fellow Redditors:
“Stop trying to adopt my child. She is very much loved and wanted.”
Redditors judged the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Nobody thought OP was in the wrong on this one, especially given the added information about her speech impediment.
“NTA. She will get made fun of and your boyfriend will be embarrassed in a few years, I promise. Names are a 2 yesses, 1 no situation (both people have to agree and either can veto). Unless one partner starts vetoing everything but the single name they like, in which case they lose their veto and have to deal.”
”But if you’d like to find compromise you could look through other names in the books and see if there’s a better one he d accept that you like. Like Alice? Pretty, normal, not a terrible character as that series goes. OrLeah.”
”You could also offer Renesmae as a middle name since literally no one who isn’t a bank or the government needs to know it, but he WILL DEFINITELY call her nothing but that until either he gets some grownup sense or your daughter does. Good luck with your baby and I hope that this is the worst disagreement you two have to face in the near future ❤️”~No_Rope_8115
“NTA. You should both be able to agree on a name, and it doesn’t really bode well for the future if you can’t do that.”~VirtualEconomy
“The studies show that your brain doesn’t fully mature until you are around 25. Your boyfriend is proving this true. I am so sorry. Stand your ground. Good luck and congrats! NTA!!!”~anonoldman2020
“Nta. But let’s NOT FORGET that OP also doesn’t want the name because she can’t say it due to a speech impediment. Idk about y’all, but that would most definitely be something I take into account when naming a baby. If my partner couldn’t say the name from an impediment, I’d want to make sure they were comfortable too.”
”Speech impeachments can be hard during emotional times (i.e. an argument with your a**hole preteen where they’re ruthless and will use anything against you). So don’t give the kid a way in too.”~infinitydoughnuts
“NTA. Your bf is being manipulative and unreasonable. His attempts to foist this (hideous) name upon your child whether you like it or not, are indicative of a broader lack of respect for you. You should be able to say your own child’s name with ease, at the very least!”
“I think you should, when you’re at the hospital as the baby is being born, inform the hospital that your bf is not dictate the name on the birth certificate under any circumstances. He seems unhinged enough about this name to do something so deceptive and ridiculous. You should also look out for other red flags, coz this is a big one, and be ready to walk away from this if it gets worse.”~ChinaCatSunflower9
“This whole thing is embarrassing. He sounds like a kid. A kid having a kid. What a prat. NTA.”~Little-bit_
“NTA – Stick to your guns, it’s ridiculous that he thinks you will carry a child for 9 months and he can dictate the name and you have no say, absolute tool.”~Shizzlemoo
“NTA – Also, make sure you give the baby YOUR last name. Your boyfriend doesn’t sound too bright, and doesn’t sound like he cares about you. I wouldn’t bet on the longevity of this relationship or him sticking around.
“In the hospital, YOU get to choose all of the babies names. As the person giving birth, and an unwed mother, you have all the legal rights.”~AnnaBanana3468
Hopefully OP’s boyfriend learns something from these responses and respects her decision.