It’s always nice when we’re in a position that we can help our loved ones out.
But that kindness certainly isn’t something our loved ones should take for granted.
One person on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit felt more than taken advantage of by their nephew.
Redditor bigggthrowaway had planned to help their nephew out, only to make an unfortunate discovery about their relationship.
When they received pushback for not wanting to help out anymore, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they were in the wrong.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to pay for my nephew’s schooling after he stole from me?”
The OP had planned to give their nephew money after they graduated from college.
“My nephew doesn’t know that I have some money saved away for his schooling.”
“Not a ton, about 40k. It’s not a college fund, just some mutual funds I have.”
“My brother and I agreed not to tell him until he graduated college because we wanted him to work hard and get scholarships rather than rely on the money.”
“I don’t have any children of my own, so this is my way of looking out for him, since my brother hasn’t been able to save up much.”
But then the nephew changed the OP’s mind.
“Well, that was until he started stealing from me.”
“This summer he comes back home and stays with me occasionally to be closer to work.”
“He would steal from my wallet whenever he came over and steal 20-40 dollars.”
“At first, I didn’t notice, but then I withdraw exactly $200 and the next day, after he came over, $40 went missing.”
“Some of my jewelry also went missing and I realized what might be happening, so I installed a hidden camera off Amazon and saw him stealing from my wallet.”
“I contacted my brother and let him know what was going on and that I’m no longer paying anything towards his loans.”
The OP’s brother tried to convince the OP to reconsider.
“My brother is furious with his son and at first, he (my nephew) tried to deny it, until I sent them the recording and he admitted he needed money.”
“I’m p**sed at my brother, because he revealed I was planning to give 40k to him and am no longer doing so due to the stealing.”
“He (my nephew) begged, sent flowers, asked grandma (my mom) to ask me for my forgiveness. I’m firm and telling him no.”
“AITA for not giving him the 40k now that I caught him stealing?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were skeptical about the nephew even caring about forgiveness.
“NTA – Here’s what I’m sure happened. Your brother confronted your nephew about the stealing and demanded he make it up to you. The nephew couldn’t care less and think what he did was fine.”
“At that point, your brother probably brought up the money you had saved up and the nephew realized he was screwing himself out of 40k, so then he suddenly wanted to make it up to you.”
“He wants the money, but he is not genuinely remorseful. Think of it as free money and treat yourself.” – loudent2
“Your nephew is not remorseful. He just wants to guarantee that he’s going to get your hard-earned money, whether it’s by stealing it or guilt-tripping it out of you.”
“I’m also shocked at your brother and mother for thinking this is okay.”
“Also with 40k, you can buy your own flowers. Get some daisies so you can say, ‘Daisy me rollin’, they hatin…'” – imsohungrydude
Others pointed out taking the money would teach the nephew an important lesson.
“Yup. Karmas a b***h.”
“Maybe next time the nephew will think twice about stealing. However, giving him the money anyway will just show him he can do bad things to people and he won’t face repercussions.”
“The fact that the 40k came up just shows you that he didn’t even feel remorse until it was hurting himself. He doesn’t actually mean the apology.”
“NTA” – start_the_rev
“Perhaps he will never feel remorse…only entitled.”
“In a case like this, having to face the consequences of his egregious actions will be the only way he’ll learn.”
“Do not ever let him or his family ever manipulate you into giving him one penny more, much less $40,000.00. Enjoy your bonanza and use it just for yourself.”
“I would also insist he return the stolen jewelry or tell him you’ll report it to the police. They might be able to track it down if he’s pawned it.”
“He is a criminal and deserves to be treated as such! I am so sorry your kindness and love for him were betrayed in such a horrible way. BIG NTA!” – PoopieClater
“Nephew might feel genuine remorse – it’s hard to know exactly how someone else is feeling.”
“OP also can (and probably should) forgive the nephew.”
“HOWEVER, forgiveness does not have to include paying for school. You can forgive someone without allowing them to continue to take advantage of you.” – finchdad
Though it’s nice to help our loved ones out, we shouldn’t be taken advantage of, either. The subReddit agreed, as soon as the nephew abused the OP’s trust, any “right” he had to financial help immediately went out the window.