Content Warning: Mentions of Assault and Harassment in the Workplace

No matter how much we love our jobs, we're going to have some rough days from time to time after clocking in.

The last thing we need is to also feel unsafe in our place of work, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor perpetualprocrasti had a job where she worked in her boss's home, occasionally while her boss's husband was also present. The arrangement had worked well, and the OP had no complaints.

That was until one day when the Original Poster (OP) reached her arms up to stretch, and her boss's husband grabbed her involuntarily, while her boss was not home.

She asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting for being weirded out that my boss's husband restrained me while I was working?"

The OP enjoyed her job, until her boss's husband did something inappropriate.

"I (28 Female) work at my (50s Female) boss's house."

"I am not friends with her husband (60s or 70s Male). We are acquainted, but I don't even have his phone number or anything."

"I was stretching when her husband came up behind me. Without saying anything, he took hold of both of my wrists and held them over my head."

"I immediately panicked and ripped my hands away, and backed away from him."

"He was smiling at me, but I got the sense he was surprised and possibly annoyed by my response."

"He never elaborated why he did what he did; he just commented on how flexible my shoulders were and walked away."

The OP no longer felt safe in her place of work.

"Weirded out, I texted my boss and told her what happened and that he was scaring me."

"Ever since, he's been really cold and snappy with me."

"But what he did really rattled me. I'm afraid to be alone with him."

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some reassured the OP that what her boss's husband did was inappropriate.

"I'm in my 70's. This is not normal behavior for my age group. It was never normal or accepted behavior for my generation when we were younger, either."

"This guy is a creep. Maybe getting dementia, but that is an explanation, not an excuse. Do not be alone with him." - Practical-Reading958

"NOR. He was being flirtatious (though technically, aggressive) at best and seeing what he could get away with at worst." - hezamac1

"What he did was maliciously aggressive. Document it in writing. There's nothing 'funny' about it."

"That was not flirting. He's a predator, taking advantage of the fact that you're alone in the house with him sometimes."

"People say they're 'just joking,' and 100% of the time it's a lie." - rosalita55

"NOR. That's technically assault. No one can lay hands on you without consent."

"He's lucky you didn't call the authorities. And if your boss doesn't do anything to protect you, then they are an accessory."

"Keep a log of EVERYTHING from that incident and going forward, including any verbal harassment (which includes unwanted conversation or anything that makes you uncomfortable)."

"You have the right to both BE and FEEL safe at your place of employment." - I_Y_C_B_T_J_T_2025

"Simple rule in life: don't actively touch anyone without permission. It's not hard."

"Don't sneak up on people. Don't grab people."

"These rules become increasingly important with modifiers like, unbalanced power dynamics, age difference, gender, and other things."

"He has hit all boxes. He's twice your age, is involved with your employment, and is a male who is attracted to females, which happens to be your gender."

"Absolutely NOR." - Minecraftfinn

"I got the impression not that she was necessarily stretching out like for a workout, but just stretching her arms over her head for a minute, like when you've been in the same position for a while (like typing on your computer), and you stretch your arms out briefly."

"Sounds totally innocent on her part! But regardless, whatever she was doing, he clearly took advantage, and I can imagine how frightening that was in the moment."

"As someone in her 50s, I've seen these older guys feigning ignorance about their behavior as long as I can remember, while absolutely thinking they can still treat women the way they always have. They know what they're doing, they're just AHs."

"NOR, OP." - whatthewhat3214

Others agreed and believed he didn't like seeing the consequences of his actions.

"NOR. He was inappropriate and got called out by you and his wife. Now he is being dramatic that men aren't allowed to do or say anything because women think everything is sexual harassment even when a man didn't mean anything."

"You did nothing wrong. Your boss took care of it, and it seems like he is sulking and avoiding you. It's about as good as it gets if he avoids you, so he doesn't do something stupid again."

"Can't tell if he was trying to push boundaries on purpose or if he is just impulsive and stupid." - JustKind2

"NOR. He tried it! He probably was playing it out in his head and reached the point where he was brave and bold enough to try it."

"And when you didn't respond to his fake reality, he crumbled. He is a creep who overstepped boundaries, not you who 'overreacted' to them."

"Be cold and professional. You don't owe that creep anything." - BeautifulTerm3753

"NOR."

"Do not worry about him being cold. That's good for you. It means his wife told him that he was behaving inappropriately, and he is feeling angry about it."

"Think about it, none of us like to be told off. Of course, he's going to have emotions about it, but if he's being cold, then that means he will leave you alone."

"Just carry on as normal. It's good for society when badly behaved people are reminded that there are standards and they're not above those standards." - HappySummerBreeze

"NOR. That is predatory behaviour, and you were so right to tell your boss. She obviously said something to him, which is good because it means she's on your side."

"You don't need him to be nice to you, so just ignore him as much as possible. He's not your boss; she is. Just do your job as you've always done and go home." - ExcitementStrict7115

"NOR."

"Most of them absolutely think they can get away with whatever they want because they have been acting this way their whole lives and getting away with it."

"When women push back, this type of person says the woman is overreacting or is the problem. Sadly, you need to be mindful of where you are stretching out if you decide to stay at this job where there is a pervy man. I have not had a job where stretching out would make sense."

"I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you got assurances from your boss that no one will be touching you at work without consent. What's next? A long hug? Yuck." - Square_Band9870

Some urged the OP to leave this job so she wouldn't have to see her boss's husband.

"Time to stop working at this man's house. A weird arrangement for sure, but definitely gotta report this. It's assault and borderline sexual assault at that." - feelingblurple

"You can never OR when someone violates your personal space. Please look for other employment if you can. His behavior after the fact is telling." - Shanty_Taco

"60+ here. Not acceptable behavior for anybody of any age. You are not overreacting. However, this may be the time to start looking for a new job." - wussgawd

"That isn't cool. Making you feel safe to work in their home should have been priority number one. Ask to work from home if they continue to make you feel uncomfortable and keep copious notes." - ScarcitySweaty777

"NOR at all. I wouldn't feel safe working for her anymore if I were you. I'd go so far as to be concerned that she already knows her husband is weird and left you there alone anyway." - Head-Jackfruit-8487

"NOR. File a sexual harassment complaint, get a lawyer, or file assault charges. And start looking for new work. There's no guarantee that your boss will take your side." - nostraferatu

"NOR. That needs to be your former job. It doesn't matter if he's demented, a sex offender, or just a weirdo. You have to assume you're in danger when he is around." - sylbug

"NTA. Never second-guess your intuition. You are uncomfortable with this guy now. Stay away from him as much as possible."

"Is it possible to ask your boss if you can work remotely if she is not home for any reason? Also consider one of those alarm necklaces that will dial 911 if you push it."

"Frankly, I'd start looking for another job." - Constant_Host_3212

The subReddit was thoroughly weirded out by what they imagined was just an innocent stretch to either adjust the OP's posture or to wake her up a little, only for her to find herself nonconsensually touched by her boss's husband.

This was one of those things where, even if it was a joke in poor taste, or an early sign of Alzheimer's, the behavior still needed to be addressed. It was simply not okay and made the OP feel less than safe in her place of work.

People have all sorts of unique ways of remembering their loved ones, from photos and knick-knacks to special traditions.

But sometimes, the people around us won't really understand or appreciate the ways we carry on memories, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor AgitatedMagpie still missed her late grandmother but took comfort in the fact that she was still caring for the sourdough starter her grandmother started, creating bread from it, and feeding her family with it.

When her mother-in-law accidentally threw the starter away, the Original Poster (OP) was devastated, and even more hurt that her husband did not understand why it was such a loss.

They asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting for being devastated that my mother-in-law (MIL) threw out my grandmother's sourdough starter?"

The OP had a special sourdough starter from her late grandmother.

"I had a sourdough starter that was about seven years old and was taken from a discard of my grandmother's starter."

"It's old and sentimental, and I've kept it alive through some really tough times for me."

The OP's mother-in-law stopped by to help with a few things while her baby slept.

"My mother-in-law came around to babysit my daughter, who is eight months."

"She napped most of the time she was here, so my MIL graciously did a few loads of washing and cleaned our kitchen and floors."

"I was and still am very grateful. I thanked her profusely."

After she left, the OP realized her mother-in-law did the unthinkable. 

"Once my mother-in-law had left, I noticed the starter jar had been cleaned."

"I checked around, hoping she'd maybe fed it and put it in a clean jar."

"But this wasn't the case. I didn't expect this to be the case, as she doesn't bake and doesn't really have any idea how sourdough bread is made."

The OP needed time to grieve.

"My husband got home from work, and I told him I needed a few minutes. I went into our room and had a big cry. I was mourning the starter as it was the last tangible part of my grandmother I had."

"I didn't contact my mother-in-law about it, but I needed to get it out."

"My husband said I was being very dramatic over what is just flour and water."

"I don't think I'm overreacting, but my husband has made me second-guess myself."

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some completely understood why the OP was grieving what happened.

"It's a living collection of cells. Some even have names. This one went back to your Gran's starter? NOR. I would mourn too."

'To everyone who doesn't understand, imagine if it was a plant, like, a fruit tree that grew in her grandma's garden. Her grandmother gave her a cutting from her tree and OP propagated it into a new (clone) of that fruit tree, and it helped feed her and her growing family for years. MIL chopped down that tree and set it on fire."

"OP, is there a chance that you froze some, or another relative got some from your Gran so you could replace it? I'm so sorry. Hugs!" - Half_Life976

"Absolutely not overreacting. I wouldn't be mad at MIL but I would be devastated." - Positive-Ad540

"I had a similar situation and this is how I felt."

"My grandma had a stash of presents before she passed, and the Christmas after she passed, I got a set of mixing bowls from her. I meant a lot because she was already gone."

"A couple of years ago, my partner was putting away clean dishes, and it fell and broke. No anger, just mourning." - seravellemist

"My partner has trashed a lot of stuff from my dead grandma, including a vintage pitcher that is basically irreplaceable. I'm not mad, but I am definitely irritated."

"I think he could handle a lot of old things with more care. And I don't know why he can't break our new s**tty stuff, rather than these vintage heirloom type items." - CoconutPawz

"When my grandma died almost a decade ago, I took this ginger and green onion mix she made, used for chicken. I didn't eat it, I just kept it."

"It's long since molded, and I've put tape along the lid so no one opens it by accident, but I also refuse to throw it away, despite what my husband claims to be biohazardous status (he's not wrong)."

"I'm not ready to let go of that part of her yet, and like I said, it's been a decade."

"So no, I don't think you're overreacting." - HRDBMW

"OP, I AM about to cry because you lost your gma's starter. Devastating and practically a living historical artifact just gone."

"Sourdough starters are LEGENDARY and the foundation of why we even have internationally known and loved bread that generations have made and passed down to each other. There should be museums to showcase foods and other hand me down history that is easily lost."

"At this point, you're not the first starter I've seen lost to dumb mistakes and rude people touching others' things. We need a sourdough starter database/ laboratory that all of us sends a bit of our starter to, to be preserved and protected, and if we even lose it, we can call the lab and have them send us part of ours back, lol." - Ryoko_Kusanagi69

Others questioned why the mother-in-law threw away anything in the OP's kitchen.

"NOR, but I honestly don't understand why she wouldn't have asked why you had a jar of goop before throwing it away." - Murderhornet212

"This is exactly why I don't want other people futzing about my home and binning stuff on my behalf. I'd be really angry, honestly. Does MIL think that OP just leaves jars of gunk around the home, or something?"

"You never throw away anything in someone else's home without asking first. I wouldn't even toss out junk mail or an empty box; if it's sitting out, I assume there might be a good reason for it and leave it be." - boudicas_shield

"It's not like most people go into another's kitchen and just start throwing unknown items away. That was disrespectful in itself. I would never do that at my DIL and son's home." - Shadow4summer

"NOR, but why would she do that to begin with? If anything, I'd probably question it and leave it be if I decided to help myself to cleaning out someone's refrigerator. I would be furious at the overstepping." - Decent_Front4647

"I have really bad OCD and a serious family history of hoarding. My mom once threw away a hand-signed calendar that had followed me through a divorce, and when I found out, I wailed."

"She had no idea, since it was left in my car through two moves (I was trying to keep it safe) and my car had been absolutely trashed by someone I lent it to, but I was devastated. It still hurts to this day."

"Dismissing someone's feelings just because you don't understand them is one of the most toxic traits to me." - Jelliebean71

Some called out the OP's husband for being so dismissive of something the OP cared about.

"Your husband obviously doesn't understand much about bread and baking and a sourdough starter. In this case, he is being thoughtless and inconsiderate."

"You should be allowed the space to feel your feelings, regardless of whether he understands or thinks they're reasonable. To belittle a sourdough starter as just flour and water when you have been nurturing it probably daily for seven years, is him being willfully ignorant, or woefully thoughtless."

"And either way, his opinion should be regarded as the mucous byproduct it is, and not as something that should be respected. NOR." - bakedbaker319

"Your husband shouldn't be so dismissive. What? Like you cry for fun or something? Obviously, you are hurting, and he should offer you comfort, not make fun of you and insult you." - jjjjjjj30

"Absolutely NOR. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. That kind of connection to a deceased loved one can feel like grieving all over again. I hope your husband realizes he's being cruel by telling you you're overreacting. Your MIL meant well, but you are right to grieve." - Sami_George

"You're not overreacting for mourning after losing a tangible representation of something sentimental to you. That's normal, and the situation that you just described is incredibly unfortunate."

"Additionally, your husband's response is not great. Accident or not, flour and water or not, he should be extremely sympathetic and apologetic for the fact that this happened. Because it is very upsetting, and your partner should be emotionally supportive during things like this."

"You would be overreacting, however, if you take this to your mother-in-law and hold it against her. A sourdough starter is not common sense. To the untrained eye, it looks like literal old mold in a jar. I would never be surprised if someone new to my house threw away my sourdough starter."

"If you were to message the mother-in-law and bring it up so she has to issue an apology, or try to use it as something to weaponize against your mother-in-law's character, then you're overreacting."

"Based on your post, I don't think you have, and I don't think you should. This is an unfortunate situation all around, and you're not wrong to be upset about it. But while sentimental items are meaningful, they are still just items."

"In today's world, anything can happen to things kept in your house. Accidents happen, things break, and that's just part of life. You could accidentally knock the jar over one day, or something completely out of your control could destroy it." 

"But your connection to your grandma exists beyond a material object." - Key_Bath_9005

"It's always amazing how some folks can't understand sentimentality unless it's theirs."

"I don't think MIL did it intentionally. It's the husband's reaction that's upsetting."

"Unless your husband hated the jar and always secretly wanted it gone (experienced someone like this, a separate issue altogether), what is so hard about giving comfort? Even if you don't get it, it doesn't take anything to give a hug and an, 'I'm so sorry, I know it meant a lot to you and was a piece of your grandma.'"

"If anyone reading is so dense that they can't think of what to say in those moments, listen and just repeat what the hurt person is saying. Context clues are right there. If you can't do that, a big hug and silence is just as great. Compassion is not hard to do." - Soup-Mother5709

After receiving feedback, the OP updated the post, grateful to have been heard.

"Thank you, everyone, for the comments. My husband is getting a lot of well-deserved snark. After I called him out on being an a**, he did apologise and take the baby out so I could have some time to myself."

"He returned home with some starter from his friend's wife, who he remembered I gave some starter to a few years ago, and a five kilogram bag of my favourite flour. She's been keeping it in her fridge and feeding it very rarely, so it will take some time, but I think I can get it into good shape, especially knowing that it's my grandmother's."

"To my horror, he also called him mum to explain what happened, and she was very apologetic as expected. She's turned up here (not unexpected, she was invited) this morning with two 'nice jars, with labels! So you can display the starter.'"

"I'm happy to have some of the starter back, still a little sad it's not been in my care the last two years. My mother-in-law has been nothing but lovely, and my husband has been a lot more understanding and comforting of this since."

The subReddit grieved on the OP's behalf, understanding the hurt she experienced when she lost that little bit of her grandmother's memory.

Fortunately, her husband apologized, her mother-in-law made amends for the accident, and she'd been able to acquire some of the starter that she previously shared with a friend, so she could continue her grandmother's tradition.

Everything worked out for the best, but it's a great reminder not to throw away things in other people's houses without asking first, and of course, to be supportive when we don't understand something, like sourdough starter.

We all have one of those people in our lives who loves to make their opinions, both positive and negative, known.

What's funny is that they expect their opinions to sway us, even when the subject is important to us, side-eyed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor OkRecommendation1244 was working her way through nursing school and was proud of being able to help people.

When her boyfriend's mother kept making degrading comments about her career, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't convinced she could bring herself to continue to attend family gatherings.

She asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting for snapping at my boyfriend's mom after she mocked my career choice?"

The OP was diligently working her way through nursing school.

"I (26 Female) have been dating my boyfriend (28 Male) for about two years."

"Things are mostly good, except for his mom. She is very polite on the surface, but loves little comments that feel like compliments until you think about them for a second."

"I am in nursing school, and I will work as a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) while I finish. I am really proud of this. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do. I am paying for most of it myself, and I genuinely love patient care."

"My boyfriend has always said he is proud of me, too. His mom, on the other hand, has Opinions."

The boyfriend's mother's comments were becoming increasingly degrading.

"She is very big on status and prestige. She loves to talk about how my boyfriend's sister is an attorney and how hard law school was, how impressive it is, etc. Cool, great for her."

"But whenever my career comes up, his mom makes these little digs."

"She's said things like, 'Oh, nursing is such a sweet job, you must be very nurturing,' and, 'I could never deal with bedpans all day, bless you,' and, 'At least you'll always have a job; hospitals are always hiring.'"

But the OP drew the line at a recent family gathering.

"Last weekend, we were at a family dinner, and someone asked how school was going."

"Before I could even answer, his mom laughed and said, 'Well, it's not exactly rocket science, but I'm sure it keeps her busy.'"

"I kind of froze and then said something like, 'It's actually pretty intense and competitive, but yeah, I stay busy.'"

"She rolled her eyes and said, 'I just think it's funny how girls these days aim so low when they have potential.'"

"That is when I snapped. I told her, calmly but very directly, that nursing is not 'aiming low,' that it is a licensed medical profession, and that it is weird and rude to keep belittling someone who is working hard at a career that helps people."

"I also said that if she keeps making comments like that, I will stop coming to family events."

"The table went silent. My boyfriend's dad suddenly needed more water. His sister stared at her plate."

"His mom looked shocked and said that I was being overly sensitive and disrespectful in her home."

The OP felt conflicted about how she reacted.

"On the drive home, my boyfriend said he understands why I was upset but thinks I 'could have handled it better,' and that his mom is 'just old-fashioned.'"

"Now I am second-guessing myself. I do not think standing up for myself is overreacting, but maybe threatening to stop coming to family events was too much?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some rooted for the OP, sharing their personal experiences.

"Anyone who has ever received healthcare, or been with someone who received healthcare, knows that nurses are the backbone of it all!" - ImprovementSweaty188

"NOR!"

"When I was hospitalized, the nurses were hardworking professionals who cared for me with great attitudes (I'm sure my condition was tedious to deal with), and I know they were running on fumes by the end of their shifts. I thanked them every time any of them did anything for me. Afterward, I sent a thank-you card to the unit expressing my appreciation for them."

"OP's boyfriend's mom is a jacka**. Should she ever need medical care, she will realize her attitude needs readjusting."

"Nurses keep everything going!" -  Specialist-Jello7544

"NOR."

"The nurse, when I was delivering my oldest and labor went way faster than anyone expected (start of transition to birth was 20 minutes), almost had to deliver him because the resident panicked and froze."

"My doctor didn't make it until five to ten minutes after the birth. The nurse basically yelled at him, 'This baby is coming NOW. Are you catching him or am I?'"

"One of my best friends is an ER nurse. She did her RN and then her BSN, and she said her RN was exponentially more intense than her doctoral program in organic chemistry (career switcher). All the respect to nurses here!" - settledownbessye

"I pointed out recently about aged care being referred to as 'wiping a**.' It's incredibly disrespectful to reduce these jobs to one part of it. It's also disrespectful imo to the elderly in this case, as if the only thing they need support with in old age is personal care? Reducing people to that is a huge display of disrespect."

"The same thing with nursing. Nurses do so much and any caring job, disability, aged care, nursing deserve to be at the very top, respect-wise. These are the people who are looking after vulnerable people in times of need. These are jobs that have and will always be needed by everyone at some point in their lives."

"If it were just bedpans, you wouldn't be studying."

"I'd be telling her, 'I didn't study for however-long to learn how to collect bedpans. If you'd like to have a respectful and curious conversation about what nursing entails, let's do it! But I will not tolerate disrespect for the job that I am proud of, and that is vital for us all.'"

"Stand up for yourself, OP. Keep making a difference." - lifeinwentworth

"When my wife was in the ICU (for what ended up being the last time), the nurses were better at keeping me informed than the doctors were; they translated the 'doctor speak' so I understood what was really going on. They treated my wife like the special person she was."

"Shame on her for denigrating the profession that keeps the medical profession running smoothly. Nurses are highly educated professionals who give more of themselves than they even know they have to give." - wistfulee

"We included the CNAs and nurses who took care of my grandma in her final years in her obituary because they were phenomenal and loved her so much. She was in a memory care unit, and I genuinely believe their care is why we got another four years with her."

"The last couple of weeks were harrowing, and I'll never forget that every single one of them spent time with her to say goodbye, and two who were off when she passed immediately came back so they could prepare her for the funeral home. This is not an easy career, and nurses deal with people in some of their most vulnerable moments." - yuzuruzsanyu

"You absolutely have a boyfriend problem. He should be sticking up for you, not berating you for sticking up for yourself. This is a HUGE red flag. Think long and hard about your relationship with this mummy's boy. NOR. Or maybe even underreacting (to the boyfriend problem!)." - Maud999

Others pointed out that there were plenty of "old-fashioned" practices in the world, but the boyfriend's mother's beliefs were not.

"That's not old-fashioned. It's completely rude. Old-fashioned would include being polite to guests. That's Manners 101."

"You apparently also have a boyfriend problem. Ugh!" - pegwins

"Would she diminish that profession when she needs medical care? I just lost both my parents a month apart. The nurses were incredible and kind, and compassionate. Thank you for going into this career!" - Open-Trouble-7264

"A dinner party (traditionally) means the host is responsible for conversation and what we would call the vibes. Meaning, even if you do think someone's profession is stupid, you fake being interested anyway." - NewDramaLlama

"My grandma would have clutched her pearls if anyone treated her guests like that. She would have considered that the height of rudeness. But then again, my grandma had manners unlike this MIL." - Warm-Day8313

"This is one of my least favourite things that people do: try to pretend that the snippy little digs that they do are just harmless, when you know in your gut that they are not." - T-Wrox

"If she were truly 'old-fashioned,' she'd be chastising you for even having a career instead of planning to stay at home, pop out babies, and cook and clean for her son and all her grandkids all day."

"Be sure to clarify that definition of old-fashioned for him, and tell him you expect his support going forward, or he can find a new gf, one with a job his dear mommy won't run down."

"And tell bf and his mom that she's the one who is disrespectful, and seriously, since when is nursing not a respectable profession? I'm not seeing how her lawyer daughter, whose 'prestige' she's so high on, is out there saving lives and providing care and comfort to people who are sick and vulnerable."

"Whatever you do, do NOT apologize to that woman. Just avoid his family until your boyfriend gets his mom in line and stops being an apologist for her. She's the one who owes you an apology, and a commitment to lay tf off with her comments. Or her, the boyfriend, and the whole family can go in the trash." - whatthewhat3214

"What I hate is how OP's boyfriend is saying she should handle it differently vs stepping up to stand up for OP. HE should be putting his mom in her place instead of making excuses about her being old-fashioned. I can't stand the 'suck it up to keep the peace' attitude that OP's boyfriend has."

"You need to consider that if he won't stand up for you now, will he ever? Or will he continue to expect you to just roll over, because it makes things easier for him since he won't have to deal with his mom?"

"I'd also like to know, what does OP's boyfriend do? Does she diminish him, too, if he's not a lawyer? What does SHE do that gives her the 'right' to have such opinions?" - trvllvr

"NOR. Nursing is a highly skilled job that requires being present, unlike a lot of other corporate jobs. Plus, the pay is good. Not something to throw in their faces just to give you some affirmation."

"The mom is maybe taking out her own lackluster life on you. I'd have a serious chat with your boyfriend, and if you see this progressing, point out how he needs to stand up for you too." - EmbarassedOnion9

The subReddit reassured the OP that, not only was her boyfriend's mother completely out of line, but if there were people who deserved as little criticism as possible, it was medical professionals, who were out there learning hard facts, working long hours, and doing everything in their power to help people and to save lives.

While this wouldn't be true for all, far fewer lawyers could say the same.

Sometimes it's really obvious when someone in our life doesn't care about us. From the very beginning, they might mispronounce or spell our names, forget what we care about, or dismiss us entirely.

But sometimes, it takes years to realize that someone we love doesn't care about us at all, and that hurts so much more, empathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor FamiliarAttorney2284 had been dating a guy for three years and reminded him this year of her birthday, because he forgot about it the previous year.

But when he forgot her birthday, even with reminders, and misspelled her name, the Original Poster (OP) no longer felt like he cared about her and wondered what that meant for their relationship.

She asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting for being mad that my boyfriend 'forgot' my birthday after I reminded him about it all week?"

The OP went the extra mile and reminded her boyfriend that her birthday was coming up.

"I (26 Female) and my boyfriend (28 Male) have been together for almost three years."

"My birthday was yesterday."

"I had been reminding him ALL week because last year he also almost forgot but said it was because work was crazy, so I tried to be understanding and help him out. This year, I even joked like, 'Haha, don't forget I'm aging,' and he laughed, so I thought we were good."

Then the OP's boyfriend forgot anyway.

"The day came, I woke up, and nothing. No text, no kiss, nothing."

"We live together, by the way. He just got ready for work like normal."

"I was kind of waiting to see if he would say something, but nope."

"So before he left, I said, 'Do you know what today is?'"

"He stared at me for a second and then went, 'Oh s**t… was that today?'"

"I got really quiet because, honestly, it hurt a lot."

"He said he was sorry and that he had 'something planned later,' but, like, why wouldn't he say 'Happy Birthday' at least?"

"I went to work feeling stupid for even expecting anything."

The boyfriend's efforts were lackluster at best.

"Later that night, he came home with a cake from the grocery store and a card he clearly bought on the way home."

"The card wasn't even filled out all the way. He just wrote 'Love you' inside and spelled my name wrong."

"I started crying and told him it felt like he didn't care about me."

"He got defensive and said I was overreacting and that 'adults don't make a big deal about birthdays,' but he makes a HUGE deal about his every year, like, he takes the whole weekend off and expects gifts."

The OP couldn't look past being forgotten again.

"Now he's barely talking to me and told his sister about it. She texted me, saying that I need to chill and that guys just forget stuff, but I don't know…"

"I reminded him, we live together, we've dated for three years, and it feels like the bare minimum?"

"So am I overreacting for being this upset? Or am I justified in feeling hurt?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some were furious on the OP's behalf and said there was no way the boyfriend "forgot."

"I met my husband when I was 22. He still doesn't forget my birthday. Neither does our cat."

"To OP, I'm so sorry that your partner did this. He doesn't care. The fact that he makes a big deal over his birthday and even got his sister to guilt-trip you? Massive red flags."

"I hope your next birthday is 100x better, and when you leave the walking red flag, I'm sure it will be." - fergie_89

"If she were a priority, he would remember. I never understood guys forgetting important dates. I'm sorry, but you are a bad boyfriend or husband if you forget your partner's birthday or anniversary." - Floridaman8712

"The sister's 'guys forget stuff' seals the deal. This guy has been given a free pass his whole life; he's not changing."

"The real answer is, No, guys only 'forget stuff' when they don't care about it. I bet he never 'forgets' when he has a gaming time, drinking time, workout time, whatever time, with the guys. He simply doesn't care about what matters to OP." - Traditional_Fan_2655

"Honestly unacceptable behavior! Do not let him and his sister gaslight you. Get rid of him ASAP, because if he wanted to, he would." - Wonderful_West3961

"Last year, my husband kind of brushed off my birthday and my first Mother's Day."

"I'm not the best at expressing myself in the moment, but after the fact, I told him that I felt sad, upset, and forgotten about."

"He told me that he doesn't care about those days for himself, and he just doesn't really think about it."

"I told him just because you don't care about your birthday or Father's Day doesn't mean I don't care about my days. You need to put effort into those days for me because it's important to me."

"He said okay. This year on my birthday, he designed a necklace with a private jeweler, we went to a steakhouse, took our son to the children's museum, and spent time with my in-laws."

"I'm telling you, girl, someone out there will make you feel on top of the world, and this guy obviously doesn't." - amazon-lady43

Others agreed and infinitely side-eyed the boyfriend for spelling the OP's name wrong.

"He spelled your name wrong? Dump him immediately." - Pretend_Exchange_369

"Honestly, he spelled her name wrong??? Come on! It doesn't get much more obvious than that."

"He might as well have made her a sign that said, 'I DON'T GIVE A D**N ABOUT YOU. LET'S TALK ABOUT ME.'"

"His actions are so far below the bare minimum that the bare minimum is walking all over him. How has she stayed for three years?!"

"OP, what you need to understand is that right now is the best he is ever going to treat you. He will NOT get better. This is his best. Get out of there." - BecGeoMom

"If you can't spell someone's name right after three conversations, that's a red flag. Three months is a serious misdemeanor. Three YEARS is a felony and automatic termination of the relationship. Get out of there, OP." - JupiterSkyFalls

"Take out EVERYTHING else; the fact he couldn't spell your name correctly speaks volumes."

"Him saying, 'I've got something planned for later,' after saying, 'Oh, is that today?' shows he clearly had no idea and nothing planned."

"If the man truly had forgotten because of some other life pressures, there would maybe be some wiggle room. But the fact he almost forgot last year, and in turn you'd reminded him repeatedly this year, and he still 'forgot'… I think you need to work out if this is how you want to spend the rest of your birthdays."

"I know birthdays aren't important to some people. My boyfriend doesn't like celebrating his. But he knows it's important to me, so he gets me gifts, balloons, etc. If you can't make your significant other feel special one day a year (even if you aren't bothered yourself), then when can you? Especially when you say yourself that he takes his own birthday very seriously."

"Also, as a side note, do something cool for yourself. Don't invite him. Have a solo spa day, or with a friend or two. Go on a hike with a podcast, or spend a night in a hotel as a treat. You deserve to celebrate your birthday even if your boyfriend can't be bothered." - RedDora89

The subReddit unanimously believed the OP had nothing else to do but leave this relationship.

"It's at this point you leave. He clearly doesn't give a s**t about you."

"I guarantee there are lots of other signs, but you ignore them."

"When you leave, he will make all sorts of promises and apologies, but stay strong. He has already shown his true colors." - Whole_Foundation_364

"He DEFINITELY doesn't give a crap about her. I'm sitting here taking my gf out of the country for weeks-long vacations or on a cruise for her birthday, and this guy doesn't even have to say 'Happy Birthday' in the morning!?"

"OP, it sounds like you are asking the bare minimum for your birthday…and somehow he is still underperforming. He's cooked and has to go." - onlyfronds

"This is the rest of your life if you stay with him."

"Please give yourself one of the best birthday presents you'll get this decade and leave this relationship, OP." - OrlaCarey

"Get him a card, spell his name wrong on the envelope, and write on the inside, 'Our relationship isn't working out. I'm leaving you.' That's it." - Unstableavo

"Girl, we're not telling you to ask him to remember, or tell him you're upset. We're telling you to kick his a** to the curb. If you have the lease, pack his stuff and tell him he's out (if need be, evict him). Then get a roommate."

"If he has the lease, quietly save up so you can find your own place. Don't tell him until you have a plan ready. If you are both on the lease, wait until the renewal comes up and leave him."

"No matter what, get thee away from this a**hole." - BrilliantDishevelled

The OP felt reassured by everyone's feedback.

"Thank you for all of your advice. I guess I just never realized how bad it had gotten until now."

"I have been talking to my friend, and she seems to agree. I am just not sure how to go about bringing it up after it's been so long, or what to do next."

"I truly appreciate all of your support."

The subReddit was disgusted by how the OP was treated on her birthday, especially after dating the guy for three years and already having issues during her previous birthday.

If the guy really cared about her and their relationship, then he would put in effort. Lying to cover for himself, grabbing a quick cake and card, and spelling her name wrong was not it.

Content Warning: Abusive Relationships, Domestic Violence, Exit Plans

There are unfortunately people in the world who will act like they'll love their partner through every high and low point in their lives.

But the minute their partner is compromised, either financially, physically, or emotionally, their true colors shine through, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor 929225 sensed their marriage unraveling after they adopted a pair of guinea pigs, which became their responsibility, despite their intense work schedule and compromised health.

One night when they were cleaning the guinea pig cage and saw a side of their husband they'd never seen before when they asked him to clean it for once, the Original Poster (OP) could not shake the feeling that this relationship was not safe anymore.

They asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting after my husband rubbed guinea pig poo on my pillow?"

The OP and their husband adopted a pair of guinea pigs.

"A few years ago, my husband was absolutely desperate to get pet guinea pigs."

"I was reluctant as I work a busy job and struggle with my health due to Lupus, so I didn't want to be left to have to look after them myself."

"He is very fickle, and I knew he would get bored with them and expect me to take over."

Despite their work schedule and compromised health, the OP had to care for them.

"This did end up happening, and after a couple of years, my husband said he no longer wanted our guinea pig, and said we should take her to a rescue."

"I was horrified, as I believe we have made a commitment to look after her, and I would be so sad to give her away."

"He then said the only way we could keep her was if I took over all of her care, mainly cleaning her cage."

"I was not happy with this because of the reasons I mentioned above, but he said if I didn't agree, then she would have to go, so I felt I had no choice."

The relationship came crashing down over a dirty cage.

"One day, I was cleaning her cage as he was continuing to refuse to do this, and ended up getting annoyed. I told him it was really unfair, as I wasn't feeling well and had been working until 7:00 PM, whereas he had been home from around 3:00 PM (this is the case most days)."

"I was using a rag to clean the cage, and turned around and threw it in his direction and said he could finish it off."

"I want to make it clear that this did not hit him, nor was it intended to hit him. It was simply so he could have the rag to finish cleaning (obviously done in frustration)."

The OP saw a side of their husband they didn't know existed.

"I was shocked at what happened next. In a split second, he picked up the rag and came running towards me in a complete rage. I actually wondered if he was going to hit me."

"He ran straight into our bedroom and started rubbing the rag all over my pillow, smearing Guinea pig poo on it in the process."

"As I mentioned earlier, I have Lupus and have to inject immunosuppressants, meaning I don't have a functioning immune system. I had just injected a few days before, so I was so freaked out and was shouting at him to stop because of this."

"I never received a proper apology for this, and he just kept blaming me, saying it was because I threw the rag at him, and I shouldn't have done that."

"On one occasion, he even said the rag hit him in the face, which is absolutely untrue; it didn't hit him anywhere!"

"I have just had to move on from this and bury my feelings about it, but it did scare me, and I don't know if I'm overreacting. What are your thoughts?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some were certain that the OP's husband had always been like this and waited until their health was compromised to show his true colors.

"So he finally stopped the act and showed his true personality when you became ill."

"You deserve so much better." - twinnedcalcte

"Some men start to feel like so much less than their wives, and instead of rising up and working harder, they start trying to pull her down. Not all the time, but more and more, and enough to affect her sense of personal value."

"I'm glad he hasn't yet succeeded fully. But why stay married to a man who brings so little to the table and makes a real effort to tear you down to make himself feel better."

"The danger here is that if you leave him, you can be in danger from the moment you tell him. So I would plan carefully and try to avoid having it out with him once you make that choice. If you ever do. Having been in your position before, though, with a man whose whole personality changed on me… it gets much better when it's over."

"Sometimes he gets better, too. My ex is a decent man again. To his credit, he got the help he needed. And he never would have done otherwise, I don't think. We have been good friends and coparents these 25 years since it ended. Well, after the first three anyway; those are generally the worst to get through."

"And that is after a marriage in which he did all he could to convince me I was worthless. He was the one who needed help. My leaving helped him realize it." - ExpensiveAd4496

"This is absolutely textbook abuse. They never show their true personalities at first, because they know you would run for the hills."

"Please look up the book, 'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft, and then contact a domestic violence center and ask for help building an exit plan." - HotSauceRainFall

"Oh honey, reading your post and responses is heartbreaking. No one deserves the words or treatment you are describing, especially from someone who is supposed to be your life partner, through ups and downs, sickness, health, etc."

"Unfortunately, people change, and not always for the better. He could be showing his true colors, he may be influenced by the online misogynistic manisphere, he could have untreated mental or substance abuse happening. Either way, there is a pattern of negativity, emotional abuse in your direction. What would you tell a friend in your position?"

"I really hope you find peace, and the power to leave someone who doesn't treat you like you deserve. It sounds like you are in a position to support yourself, thankfully. The scariest posts on here are women in your position, or worse, or with kids who don't have a penny to their name and can't do anything without husband's approval."

"Please show yourself care and compassion, your husband doesn't seem to care what happens to you, but a lot of strangers on the internet do." - No_Cake2145

Others urged the OP to start planning to exit the relationship, safely and immediately.

"I want to be gentle with you as much as possible when I say this: but you need to start pulling back from this relationship."

"If you don't find it in your heart right now to outright break up with him, go on a break, or outright divorce him, you really need to start pulling back from this relationship, emotionally and physically."

"That type of behavior is a precedent for immature and violent behavior that can come in the future. Knowing that your immune system is very sensitive and can easily be compromised by something like that, that is extremely malicious and intentional."

"Anybody else reacting to your frustration would have walked out of the room to calm down, talked it out with you right then, and there on what was going on, or would have picked up the slack and cleaned out the guinea pig's cage, since he wanted it to begin with. It is incredibly selfish for him to pin the responsibility of a pet that you initially did not want onto you."

"I need you to understand that this is not a healthy dynamic, and this is an example of areas in your marriage, where he could also fail you in more serious conditions. Please think this over, OP. I know you may not think it is serious as it is, but in the given climate of healthcare, political instability, and social inequality between the genders, I really need you to take heat in your own safety and well-being with this particular man in your life."

"Has he exhibited behavior like this before? And to what extent had he gone with it before he pulled back; if he even pulled back? Please think these thoughts over, and reach out to someone that you trust in your personal life about their perspective on what happened as well."

"Much love, and I hope you make the best decision for you and your well-being." - Nicollettia

"Can I ask what you see in him? I have read your other posts, and he is verbally abusive and holds financial lists over you…"

"When somebody shows you who they really are, believe them."

"You deserve sooo much more than this. This is so much worse than the bare minimum. Please leave this 'man' and get yourself into some therapy to help work on your own self-esteem."

"You have so much value, and you are so worthy. You are also still young and have a whole life ahead of you." - FarOpportunity4366

"He kept a tally of minute amounts of money for things you didn't pay for while earning less… for two years! He further keeps tallying the days you have sex and says you need to 'make it up to him' if you can't."

"He fights dirty, seems to have no care or respect for your limitations surrounding your health, says you are manipulating him if you ask for help with household chores, doesn't offer foreplay or seem to care about your pleasure beyond how the result of such benefit him… what does he bring to the table to make up for all of this??" - mercyrunner

"He's abusive, and you should take your guinea pig and leave. Pack your important items and a clothes bag while he is at work and go. If you own your house, you can get that sorted later, but keep yourself safe in the meantime." - animalwitch

Fortunately, about six months later, the OP shared an update in a second post.

"Hi everyone, some of you may remember my original post, and others that I posted to different forums in the summer. I received an overwhelming amount of support, which was such an incredible help in a difficult time."

"Many people asked me to share an update, and I'm finally in a space to be able to do that. Long story short… I left for good."

"The months that followed were very difficult. My husband was entitled to half my business, despite not having contributed to it financially, but I wanted to end things and go no contact with him as fast as possible, so I gave him other things in exchange for his 'share' in my business. So my life and my business are now completely separate from him and this marriage."

"Within weeks, it became obvious that another female was staying in my house. When I came back to get my things, he had dumped most of them in a spare bedroom and covered them up with blankets and towels. He then started putting my mail in a cupboard with the new girl's things so that I would actually have to move them out of the way to get my letters. There were condom packets littered all over the place, along with receipts left lying from restaurants."

"Eventually, it became too hard to go back, and I just left the rest of my things, meaning I only really left with my clothes and sentimental items."

"I decided it wasn't worth the trauma of discovering what he'd left for me to see next. It wasn't long before I found out that he had started selling everything I had left behind on Facebook. I decided not to rise to it, it's just stuff at the end of the day."

The OP's life and health improved dramatically after they walked away.

"However, I have to say I am doing really well. As many of you predicted, my health improved as soon as I left, and I actually haven't injected my immunosuppressants since, which is huge considering I injected every month for over three years."

"I've just bought a beautiful house that I love, and I feel as though I am slowly returning to myself and remembering who I am. I never expected to be single at 29 when all my friends are married and having babies, but I know now that there was no other option."

"I just want to thank everyone who took the time to comment on my original posts. Every single comment made me reflect on my situation, and I read so many of them over and over again to help me gain strength."

"The kindness of strangers has been instrumental in getting me to where I am now. I hope I can live my life paying it forward. I know I have a lot of healing left to do, but I am 100% on the right path."

"Also, for those who might be worried, I brought my guinea pig with me, and she is loved to bits."

"Thank you again."

It was terrible that the OP ever had to go through this, and that there was a time when they thought these might be normal dynamics of marriage, but it was incredible to hear that they, their guinea pig, and their sentimental items were safely away from the person who caused so much hurt.

None of us are perfect. We all have a habit or a belief or a personality trait that, when introduced to a future roommate or romantic partner, might be surprising but otherwise acceptable for them to live with.

But there are some traits that should be non-negotiable, hard passes for any relationship or roommate arrangement, like cleanliness and privacy, argued the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor Additiona_Bat_5706 had been with her boyfriend for almost three years and felt that it was a wonderful relationship in every way, except for her boyfriend's personal hygiene.

But when his bad habits crept into the rest of the home, putting all of the cleaning responsibilities on her, the Original Poster (OP) knew that something needed to change if the relationship was going to continue.

She asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting for being a slob for four days to show my boyfriend what it's like to have to clean up after a grown adult?"

The OP's boyfriend had an issue with cleanliness. 

"My boyfriend (26 Male) and I (29 Female) have been in a relationship for two years and 11 months, and on October 10th of 2025, we got our first apartment together."

"I noticed relatively quickly I was doing most of the cleaning, dishes, vacuuming, wiping down surfaces, shared laundry like bed sheets and throw blankets, meal planning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc."

"I had said before moving in that I don't mind doing most of the basic cleaning of the floors and furniture since I have pets and they leave hair and track litter around as pets do."

"But it has quickly spiraled beyond that."

"He is a mechanic and leaves his dirty laundry in the floor, leaves crumbs all over the counter, just sets dirty dishes in the sink, multiple cups around the apartment, and waits until his stinky laundry is filling the air before doing his laundry."

"He refuses to shower before bed (making the bed stink like car and bad body odor), leaves toothpaste in the sink, pee on the toilet and floor, never refills the Brita dispenser, leaves dirty tools and bolts and hats everywhere, etc."

"He was walking around on our CARPETS with his oily work shoes and finally stopped when I threatened to throw the shoes away due to the black oil stains now on our beige carpets."

The OP struggled with seeing the mess around the house.

"I have talked to him multiple times in passing since we moved in. Like, 'Hey, rinse your toothpaste down the drain, hey you peed in the floor again can you clean it up, hey you need to change clothes before sitting on the couch or getting in bed, hey please shower, hey can you wash your dishes,' etc."

"This was all to no avail, of course. Just a 'sorry' and halfa**ed fixing of the issue."

"I came from a hoarder house and grew up in filth, so cleanliness and organization are important to me, and he comes from a nice, clean home where Mommy did almost everything for him."

"He has SEEN the hoarder house, many times, and was horrified. And I have said multiple times I need things to stay relatively clean because I grew up there, any true filth deeply upsets me."

"And I'm not a clean freak, I vacuum a few times a week, I dust as needed, do the laundry when it needs to be done, deep deep clean like once a month. I have a pretty average cleaning schedule; however, I do feel like I have to clean way more often than I should strictly because of him."

The OP decided it was time to make a point.

"In our shared home, I had had enough. Four days ago, I stopped cleaning up after him. There was no change, so three days ago, I stopped cleaning and cooking period."

"There was still no change, so today, I started making messes."

"I drained the brita, I left towels on the floor, knocked over the coasters and left them, left hair blobs in the shower, emptied the qtip jar, left crumbs and dirty dishes everywhere including the living room, dirty clothes all over the floor, balled up bed blankets, shoes in front of the front door, dirty qtips and floss on the coffee table, throw blankets in the floor, tracked leaves onto the carpets (all stuff he has done)."

The OP standing up for herself led to a major argument.

"He confronted me and asked what was up because I 'never do this.'"

"I said, 'Oh, we leave everything everywhere now just the way you like it, it's fine.'"

"Needless to say, he got upset and asked why I didn't have a conversation with him about this instead. I said I had asked him multiple times over the past couple of months to clean up after himself, and he still won't, and I'm tired of doing it, so clearly we just live like this now."

"Well, he spent the next two hours cleaning the whole apartment in silence and went to bed."

Then the OP felt guilty about what happened.

"And now I feel like I went too far. He's actually great outside of hygiene, and the past two months of household hygiene."

"We have a great relationship except for this. He takes me on dates, he's very kind and patient with my mental health issues and we talk through most of our problems, personal or with each other, we go on vacations, spend time with each other's family's, and he's there at the drop of a hat if I call him with an emergency."

"He took care of me when I broke my ankle and had surgery, and we indulge in each other's hobbies and interests. Like he's genuinely wonderful except for this one part."

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some reassured the OP she was NOR and hoped her boyfriend learned from this.

"I think you are a genius. But if he is not a changed man from here, move out, do not mommy a man-child." - fly1away

"I'll bet he changes for a day or two when he realises you're angry, and then everything will slowly backslide to the way that suits him. He will not change, get out now." - Baby-Fish_Mouth

"I did something similar after my husband got back from his second deployment to me and our preemie two-month-old old. Four months later, I lost it and said I'm done. I cooked for just me, or me and her, cleaned my s**t, did my laundry, and her cloth diapers and laundry, but told him he's on his own. Then told him I'm not helping until he gets everything back to square one."

"Guess who started a daily vacuum routine he told me was ridiculous the week before? Yeah, cause it makes you pick up everything daily, and babe has a safe floor area. Oh, you can't even eat your freezer food cause you're out of your dishes, and I started hiding the paper dishes I was using to prove my point?"

"Sucks, I guess, but who started putting dishes in the sink then in the dishwasher? Or hand washing? Who quickly jumped to add her clothes to the washer so he had time to wash his uniform (can't be washed together cause the chemicals he's got on it from work)."

"A week. It took a week before he begged. I waited one more time to ensure he actually learned it. So for two weeks ten and half years again. He's still references that as 'adult lesson PTSD' aanndd laughs cause he deserved it." - MistressMalevolentia

"The absolute audacity of an adult who just sets their dishes somewhere and leaves them. Worse- in the godd**n sink! Where you could just wash it! But noooo. Like, 'OoOoOooo, the magical dish fairy will come along and take care of it. I assume. But have not actually considered. Anyway! I'm hungry...'" - the_greengrace

"Ugh, I'm triggered... I remember my dad telling my mom he didn't need to do any more housework because he had done enough growing up. And they say girl math is illogical. NOR." - oOthumbelinaOo

"You're experiencing what most, if not all, women experience when they move in with their male partner. Men have historically not been taught the art of how to run/ care for a household."

"They might have been taught how to maintain a household and yard, ex, mowing, mending holes in walls, fixing a plugged toilet, etc., but most are not taught the ins and outs of how to run a house, ex, dust (do men see dust?), clean baseboards (do men know what a baseboard is?), wipe down counters, sweep daily, rinse sinks…"

"I remember teaching my first husband the theory of, 'it's easier to clean wet than dry.' If you spill a splash of your drink on the wall or counter (also, toothpaste in the sink), it's easier to clean right away instead of after it dries."

"I hope he's learning. If he loves you and values your relationship, he will." - No-Business9779

Others told the OP that she was NOR but thought she did an immature thing to prove a point.

"NOR, but you were immature and unhelpful about it. You should have had a conversation instead of being passive-aggressive. Instead, you went silent on him, let stuff build up (affecting your entire shared space, and both of your mental/emotional spaces) for almost a week when you could have just talked to him and fixed the situation the same day."

"Asking over and over again is not a conversation. Also, people's brains work very differently, so while your brain might make the connection after one or two reminders, his might not (as evidenced by your admitting that he comes from a relatively organized home where parents did stuff for him)."

"Knowing that about your partner, the respectful thing to do would have been to fully address it in the moment and say, 'Okay, we need to have a serious conversation. You're not pulling your fair weight around here, and it's not respectful to me or our shared space. If you don't think you can make a constant and concerted effort to help with x, y, z, then we have another, more serious conversation ahead.'"

"I know it probably felt a little good to give him a taste of his own medicine, but it was a childish way to go about it and is not a good way to start out living together (where you had better get comfortable communicating clearly and genuinely, or else you're in for a bumpy ride)." - Kelsusaurus

"Honestly, this is something you should've sat down and really had a respectful conversation with him about. You say you've been with him for almost three years; you should know how to talk with him to get through to him at this point. I would recommend couples therapy on the issue so that neither party gets so bitter with each other again."

"My husband takes care of all dishes, cleans up after himself, showers daily (he's also a car mechanic), and then if there are things here or there, like he's starting to pile up clothes, I tell him, and he handles it because we've talked before."

"We also have two small children, and I'm a stay-at-home mom, and I do all laundry, straightening, cooking, and caring for the children. If we have something that should be deep cleaned, we come together and make a plan to do it over the weekend when we're both free to help. I don't think it's as simple as overreacting, I think it's a lack of communication between both of you." - gigi_goo357

"So, you got him to do what you wanted him to do, and now you feel bad about it? Stop it. What's wrong with you? If you go around acting like you feel guilty for making your f**king slob of a boyfriend get up off his ass and finally clean up after himself, you're undoing all the work you just did."

"You can sit down together and make a chore chart, or you can send him back to his mommy. But acting like he has any right to be upset with how you handled things is going to put you right back at square one." - madpeachiepie

"Why is it worth this much trouble and effort? Honest question. He's thoughtless, slobby, and has poor hygiene. I know you listed some good behaviors that you saw early in the relationship. But what if that was not the real him, and now you're seeing who he really is?"

"I hope you see permanent change after this (and by the way, his stubbornness is what pushed you to it). But if things start sliding back, I hope you'll be honest with yourself about what you are or aren't getting out of this relationship." - JohnExcrement

After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.

"He called my best friend while he was at work the next day and asked her if I was okay and if I was experiencing something he wasn't aware of, she explained that I have mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, and PTSD) and he has done something to trigger me doing a mentally ill thing (tiny brief psychotic break with the over reaction in question) and he needs to apologize and sit down and talk to me."

"That night when he got off work, he came home with flowers and my favorite candies and tears in his eyes and sat down and asked if he could talk, and I just listen for a moment."

"Long story short, he apologized for not being a good partner to live with the past couple of months and essentially abandoning me with all the household duties, and he realized how unfair and s**tty that was of him. I apologized for lashing out instead of sitting down and having a straightforward conversation about it."

"It did not feel good to do this 'experiment,' and I fully agree it was childish and kind of toxic. I should not have to sit down and gentle-parent a grown man to clean himself and clean up after himself. But I do want to sit him down tonight and tell him how it makes me feel, and I cannot live like this or continue to have a partner that is not my equal."

"We came to an agreement on a cleaning schedule, and I'm showing him proper ways to clean things, and when things should be done, we clean together or split up tasks in the evening and regroup for a shower before bed and relaxing together for the evening."

"He admitted he feels a lot more relaxed at the end of the day with everything being clean and ready for the next day. We are also taking turns buying groceries now, and he is currently coming to me for advice on how to be more financially responsible and smarter with his money."

"I meant it when I replied to comments saying he is genuinely a good guy, and he tries very hard to learn from mistakes and grow as a person, and he is usually pretty quick to own up to his mistakes. His cleanliness and my struggle to be direct are really the singular faults in the relationship, and we are both working on it with a little help from each other."

The subReddit completely understood why the OP had become so frustrated and why she felt the need to go to the lengths that she did in order to make a point, even if some felt it was a little immature to go there.

Fortunately for the OP, it sounded like an otherwise solid relationship, and if her boyfriend was really willing to work on this and keep improving his habits, while she continued to work on her communication skills, they might have something truly long-lasting between them.

We all know what it's like to be excluded from something and can attest to how hurtful and long-lasting that feeling is.

But nothing hurts quite like being excluded by family, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor Elegant_Payment_4076 became increasingly concerned by how obviously excluded her daughter, who was the only girl relative among her brother and male cousins.

But when she was excluded from her uncle's wedding party, with all of her cousins and future female relatives included, the Original Poster (OP) decided not to force her daughter to attend a wedding where she did not feel welcome.

She asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting by letting my daughter skip my brother's, her uncle's, wedding because she wasn't included in the wedding party?"

The OP's daughter was frequently excluded from family events.

"I (42 Female) have two kids, Lanie (12 Female) and Matt (9 Male)."

"My brother (37 Male) is getting married next month. He asked my nine-year-old son to be a ring bearer and included my three nephews as ushers (12 Male, 15 Male, and 16 Male).""

My 12-year-old, Lanie, wasn't asked to be anything."

"For context, she's the only girl cousin in the family and already struggles with feeling left out. She also hit a growth spurt and is already feeling awkward about her height and being a tween."

Lanie was very hurt by being excluded from the wedding party plans.

"When she realized she was the only cousin without a role, she took it really hard. She cried multiple times and told me she was 'sick of being the only girl' and always being left out."

"I talked to my brother and gently asked if there was any small role she could do, even handing out programs or helping seat people; just something so she didn't feel singled out."

"He said no, that they didn't want to add anything last-minute, and the wedding party was already set."

"What's interesting is that my brother decided he wanted his side of the wedding party to be his male relatives, which is fair, and the bride's side is made of up of her female relatives, including sisters, nieces, and cousins. The flower girls are also the bride's younger nieces."

Hearing what her uncle had to say, Lanie decided she did not want to attend at all.

"After that conversation, my daughter told me she didn't want to go."

"She said watching all the cousins walk down the aisle while she sat there 'like nothing' would make her feel even worse."

"She was crying and clearly overwhelmed, especially when we were trying to find an outfit for her to wear."

"I'm thinking about letting her skip the wedding and let her spend the weekend at a friend's house."

"My husband agrees with me because the other option is having a teen who is glaring death daggers at the photographer during the ceremony or playing on her Switch during the reception and looking like she clearly doesn't want to be there."

"At this point, I've RSVPed, saying my son and I will be there and that my husband, who will be out of town that weekend, will not. I did not mention my daughter."

The family did not take the OP's RSVP well.

"Unfortunately, now some family members are mad."

"My mom, brother, and other relatives think I 'let her throw a tantrum to get out of something,' and say I should tell her 'to suck it up,' because 'kids don't get to skip weddings just because they didn't get attention.'"

"My mom said I'm going to embarrass my brother by having one of my kids missing in family photos."

"I personally feel like forcing her to go when she was heartbroken would have made things worse, and I didn't want her sitting there crying through the ceremony."

"But now I'm second-guessing my choice, so here I am. Would I be overreacting by letting my daughter skip the wedding after she was left out of any role and was really hurt by it?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some reassured the OP that her daughter was old enough to decide she didn't want to attend an event.

"I would let her do her own thing and ignore the family throwing tantrums about it." - _JellyBeanTasteTstr_

"NOR. She's old enough to decide if she wants to attend any event. She's been snubbed, and she's valid in her feelings. If she doesn't want to go, you should not force her to go."

"If her attendance were important, they would have ensured that she felt included and wanted."

"This is a literal child, not an adult who didn't get to be in the bridal party. She's the only cousin without a role, and that speaks volumes."

"Personally, I probably wouldn't allow my son to be in the wedding and would skip it. Not because they didn't include her, but because they are making it an issue that she doesn't want to attend." - Away_Walrus_5242

"If it's not a big deal for them to not think twice about not including your girl in the wedding jobs, then it's no big deal for your girl to stand up for herself and make an informed decision on not attending the wedding."

"They're being d**ks over your girl not being included in the family wedding pictures. Well then, if you want her in the photos, give her a job to do. Doesn't even have to be anything that major or important. Make her in charge of the guest book or something small, anything really that just makes her feel included, but isn't that big of a deal at a wedding."

"I think the brother is being a real d**khead here, so in my opinion, let your girl be a d**khead back and not attend the wedding."

"Your parenting choices, your daughter, your rules. Just like it's his wedding, his rules. Take it or leave it, bro. Be petty right back. Not YOR." - Infinite_Club27

"Nah, you're NOR. People gotta realize kids got feelings too, and this stuff can sting."

"Your bro should've considered her feelings before rolling out the wedding plan. In my opinion, it's a d**k move to leave her out like that, knowing she's the only girl cousin and is already feeling outta place."

"If she doesn't wanna go, respect her emotions. Some family photo missing one kid ain't the end of the world, but feeling excluded may stick with her for a long time. Let her chill at her friend's. Sometimes family gotta step in each other's shoes, ya know?"

"Your daughter, your rules. Be her advocate when no one else will. Stand your ground, mate, and don't second-guess yourself. You're doing what's best for your kid." - Love-Skylines

Others agreed and stated that the OP was under-reacting by still attending the wedding at all.

"Honestly, I think you're under-reacting. If one of my kids had been excluded, none of us would be going." - Wooster182

"You literally went out of your way to exclude my child, I'm telling you that it hurt her feelings, and your response is it would inconvenience you too much to give her a small role?!"

"Say no more. Now you get to miss out on me, and both my children (because my son will KNOW to stand up for his sister), and you can see what the real inconvenience is when you have to scramble to fill the role my son had." - LawyerPrincess93

"I'd pull my whole family out of the wedding, too. In my opinion, it says a lot about how they view women, and I wouldn't want to condone that." - ApplesBananasRhinoc

"I remember being 12. I hope she has a wonderful weekend with her friend."

"I don't know what your budget is like, but if there's a new dress she's been eyeing, or something special she's into, she should know she matters and she's beautiful inside and out."

"Like, I get it that it's their wedding, but ALL the nephews have a role?"

"Twelve is already a struggle. Extra hugs and ice cream for her."

"If it were me, I'd respect her wishes but ALSO not attend in solidarity for her, ring bearer included. They didn't want 'big changes' this close to the wedding? Well, now they have a bigger change in finding a new ring bearer." - DogsDucks

"NOR. No one else is considering your daughter but you. She will remember this. And she will remember you put her first when no one else did." - Realistic-Slice8625

Some were disgusted by how the OP's daughter was being treated by her extended family for being a girl.

"I don't think you're overreacting, and it sounds like your family is being serious a**holes. If they're going to find roles for all of your other kids, then they can have her pass programs, usher people to their seats…something."

"I refuse to believe your daughter's ushering would significantly change the wedding plan."

"After singling her out, then they throw a 12-year-old girl under the bus for, 'Wanting attention,' or, 'Wanting to get out of something.'"

"First, which one of those two things is it? It certainly can't be both. If she just wanted out of attending the wedding, then she wouldn't have wanted a role in the first place, is this not so?"

"She's also of that age where a young girl starts to feel certain insecurities; you also state she's feeling awkward about her physical changes, right now, as well."

"Personally, I'd pull out of this wedding, to an extent. I'd tell the brother, 'We can all be there with all the kids having roles, we can be there with none of our kids having roles, or we can be there not at all; your choice.'" - CeaselessGomalu

"NOR. Why can't they include her in some small way? The way your relatives talk, I wouldn't be surprised if this exclusion happens regularly. She should be taught to stand up for herself." - calico_matcha

"Wonder why your family feels the need to bully your daughter for being the only girl. To the point she even states it and now does not even want to participate in something like a wedding."

"The adults here are the problem. Please let your kid stay with a friend." - LunaSylius

"My husband's 10-year-old cousin wanted to be involved in our wedding in some way, despite the fact that none of her cousins were involved. So we let her be the 'Guest Book Monitor.'"

"She sat at a table before the ceremony and flagged people down to make sure they signed the guest book. She felt very important, and we probably had a lot more people 'sign in' than we would have, without her! Win-win!"

"You're not overreacting. If my own child had been excluded from an event in which all his siblings/cousins/etc had been included, I absolutely wouldn't make him attend the event."

"If he's old enough to recognize the fact that he's being excluded, he's old enough to decide whether or not he wants to attend! Kids are people too, and their feelings are valid!" - Legovida8

Others pointed out that the family couldn't be angry about the OP's daughter not appearing in photos when they refused to create a small role for her in the wedding party.

"NOR. They don't need to include her in their wedding, but they also can't be p**sy if she decides not to attend."

"She's old enough to make her own decisions with parental support, which it sounds like she has done here." - AthenaFoxx

"NOR. If your brother would be so embarrassed by having one of his sister's kids missing from photos, then I guess he should have made an effort not to skip that kid when handing out wedding roles."

"If it was that important to them that she be present, I guess they should have considered that when deciding on the wedding party. They weren't required to include her, of course, but as I've seen many people say on Reddit before, an invitation is not a summons, and she isn't required to go either." - External-Challenge93

"If they can't respect her feelings, then why should she respect theirs?"

"It would be one thing if the brother wasn't so dismissive and included her in something. That was the chance for him to be clear that he didn't want her there."

"I don't understand why they are surprised that she doesn't want to be there or why they want someone to attend who they clearly want to leave out, beyond keeping up 'appearances.'" - Novel-Organization63

"'If she's not going, then the wedding pictures are going to look silly, because she's the only child not there...' Well, bro..."

"You can do with that what you will. If she's going to be left out and the only kid going that doesn't even have a tiny little unimportant job at the wedding, and you can't just give her any kind of insignificant job just to be kind and not upset your niece then you'll just have to deal with it."

"Just because she's a child and only 12 doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings."

"Teens are so easily upset, bless them, any kid (and maybe even adults, too) would be upset at not being included."

"NOR. Let her not attend. Good on her for speaking out on this. Make it a lesson if it can't be resolved and give her something to do. NOR." - Infinite_Club27

The subReddit was furious on the OP's daughter's behalf and fully believed that not only should her wishes be respected but that the family's demands should be fully disregarded at this point, especially since the OP already tried to find a reasonable solution.

If the family wanted to so actively exclude the OP's daughter, the only girl on their side of the family, then they needed to deal with the consequences of the outside world noticing, in the form of exclusive wedding photos and other future events.

Content Warning: Mentions of Abusive Behavior, Bullying, and Narcissism

Let's take this agreement into 2026: If everyone involved does not find the joke "funny," then it's not a joke and should be stopped immediately.

This is especially true when a loved one is being made the target of a joke that makes them feel unloved, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor greenslime54 thought that he and his girlfriend saw eye-to-eye about respect and communication, at least until she started making fun of him and embarrassing him.

When he tried to talk to her about it, and she criticized him and then gave him the cold shoulder, the Original Poster (OP) realized that there was no way that this relationship could work.

He asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting by breaking up with my girlfriend over her jokes?"

The OP made the tough decision to break up with his girlfriend.

"I (24 Male) recently broke up with my girlfriend (23 Female) after about a year together, and now some mutual friends are saying I was too harsh, so I'm honestly questioning myself."

"Early on in the relationship, I made it clear that I value communication and respect for boundaries. I'm not controlling, I just don't like feeling dismissed or talked over."

"She agreed and said she appreciated that about me."

But the OP's ex-girlfriend was not as respectful of his boundaries as she promised.

"Over time, though, she started doing things that bothered me and brushing it off when I brought it up."

"For example, she would cancel plans last minute without explanation, make jokes at my expense in front of other people, and go silent for days whenever she was upset instead of talking things through."

"Every time I tried to address it calmly, she'd say I was 'too sensitive' or that I was 'making a big deal out of nothing.'"

"I started feeling like my feelings didn't matter unless they aligned with hers."

"The breaking point was when she made a pretty personal comment about me during a group hangout that really embarrassed me."

"I told her privately afterward that it hurt and asked her not to do that again."

"She laughed and said, 'If you can't handle a joke, that's on you.'"

"At that point, I told her I didn't feel respected in the relationship anymore and that I wanted to break up."

"She immediately flipped the script, saying I was abandoning her, that I "never really loved her," and that I was selfish for not trying harder."

The OP's ex-girlfriend then spread rumors about him.

"Since the breakup, she's been telling people that I blindsided her and that I left over 'one joke,' even though this was something I brought up multiple times over months."

"Now I'm getting messages from friends saying I should've just sucked it up or given her another chance."

"So… Was I wrong for ending the relationship instead of trying to make it work again?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some reassured the OP that he was not overreacting by breaking up over this.

"Absolutely NOR. She clearly had no respect for your feelings, and when she was confronted, she gaslighted and deflected. You made the right choice. She made it clear she had no respect for you." - ilostmymindsomewhere

"Anyone telling you to 'just suck it up' either hasn't been in a situation where their feelings were constantly ignored, or they're in the situation themselves and are bitter that someone else is walking away from what they feel like they can't. Ignore that noise." - MoistMothra

"She wasn't really your girlfriend. You were her punchline."

"NOR. I dated someone like this for a long time, and this is the kind of woman who makes everything your problem and never takes accountability for anything."

"Also, OP, you deserve and should get better friends." - AustinRhea

"NOR. You can break up with anybody at any time and for any reason, and it sounds like this was a long time coming. She dismissed your feelings and regularly walked all over you and ignored your asking her to stop acting as such and telling jokes multiple times."

"You owe her no more chances, and you owe those people no explanations. The relationship was fun for a while, but ran its course. Not every relationship leads to happily ever after, and staying in a failed relationship will make you resentful over time." - Key-Consequences

"You are NOT overreacting. These are the red flags most people ignore and end up spending years with the same person in an unfulfilled relationship before learning what went wrong."

"If she cannot RESPECT your feelings, well, then, that's a foundation crushed, and making jokes at your expense and having you react is absolutely NOT you being sensitive, rather her insensitivity towards you and your needs being neglected all the time."

"You have absolutely made the right decision to leave her. I hope you find someone who treats you the way you deserve. I also think your friends are deluded; sorry."

"NOR. All the best to you!" - IslandEvery

Others did not appreciate how the ex-girlfriend handled conflict during the relationship.

"She treated him with disrespect and dismissiveness every time he tried to talk to her about something in the relationship."

"OP, you are NOR! You can stop dating someone for any reason, or no reason at all. You are not 'required' to stay in a dating relationship with anyone for any reason. Nor are you required to try to resolve issues within a dating relationship if you would rather end it."

"It's dating, not marriage! That is why it is laughable that she is saying you 'abandoned her.' I laughed out loud when I read that!"

"You most certainly do not have an obligation to love someone you are dating. If she wanted to date someone who loved her and felt like you never loved her, she should have stopped dating you as soon as she realized you did not love her. Even if you did love her at one time, in a dating relationship, you are allowed to stop loving her."

"If she wanted you to stay with her, she should have treated you with more respect for your feelings. You pointed that out to her more than once, but she didn't listen. Did she believe you were going to stay forever when she treated you so dismissively?"

"Inform your 'friends' that you gave her plenty of chances, but she was dismissive and disrespectful of the opportunities to address and work on the problems. Then remind them that it is not their right, nor is it polite, to try to interfere with your relationship decisions."

"OP, I wish you all good things in the future!" - Proverbs21-3

"She's a narcissist and gaslighting you by saying you're 'too sensitive'... I played that game for 18 years. Exactly that game. You made the right call." - Segaaa32x

"NOR. Along with the need to publicly humiliate OP, hypocrisy (treating him in a manner that if he did those things to HER, she would lose her mind with how angry and offended she would be), playing the victim, running to others for sympathy and validation (flying monkeys), playing the victim when called out about her behavior, victim shaming/blaming, etc."

"Maybe it's just immaturity, or she may be high in narcissistic traits, or a full-on, emotionally stunted Narcissist. All of those possibilities mean that OP should cut her out of his life. And possibly cool it with the mutual 'friends' who can't mind their own business." - Total-Active-1986

"NOR."

"She knew what your boundaries were and chose to disregard them. This is all on her. As far as 'friends' saying you should have given her another chance? Well, are they really friends?"

"You can break up for whatever reason you want to, or for no reason at all. That said, in your case, breaking up with her was totally justified." - platypusandpibble

"With someone exhibiting this level of narcissistic traits, what's being displayed here is a classic case of flying monkeys. Layer on the pressure and guilt trips through shared social ties."

"OP, if they won't listen to your side of things, then those aren't your friends, and you should release them back into the world with love. Sometimes a breakup involves breaking up with more than your significant other."

"You'll find someone who treats you with respect and dignity someday, and this will be just a distant memory of a dodged bullet." - oh_rynn

Some were more concerned by how she was slandering the OP post-relationship.

"You did the right thing while she did all the wrong things, AND THEN on TOP of that, she slandered your good name to everyone who will listen!"

"Side point: Your decision to break up is NOBODY else's business." - BingXtraSmart

"You dodged a giant bullet with this one. DO NOT GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HER! She didn't respect you, and when called on it, rather than apologizing and trying to do better, she insulted and belittled you."

"Let her tell people whatever she wants, you know what really happened. Those who know you know you better than that, and she is only showing them who she really is."

"NOR." - Chilling_Storm

"NOR. The 'friends' who are believing the 'one joke' line don't know you the way they should. You know better. It seems the relationship began going downhill only months in, no reason to continue, and her badmouthing you now only cements that." - BefuddledPolydactyls

"People who love you DON'T make demeaning comments or jokes at your expense. She's upset because her punching bag is no longer available."

"Reevaluate the friendship with the people who say that you were too harsh."

"There is someone for you who will respect you and genuinely love you."

"Don't look back; always move forward. Happy Holidays." - bino0526

"I would have dumped her, too. I hope you find someone amazing, who will treat you as well as you treat her."

"A suggestion: maybe you can tell people they simply don't know the whole story, but you're not going to stoop to the level of tarnishing her name."

"It's the high road way to defend yourself, while also showing that she's trying to tarnish your name and telling only one side of the situation."

"Either way, I wish you all the best." - HiAndStuff2112

The subReddit was alarmed by how the OP had been treated in his last relationship, as well as how she continued to treat him through the rumors she was spreading to their friends since their breakup.

Clearly, this was not the right relationship for the OP, and hopefully, the ex-girlfriend would learn more about boundaries and consideration before entering another relationship.

Most families will have their little quirks, beliefs, and traditions that make them unique, if different from other families.

But every once in a while, we'll realize we were raised to believe something was totally normal, only to discover it either wasn't common or wasn't normal at all among other families, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor Suspicious_Wash_5477 grew up knowing about her parents' attempts to save their marriage before her father ultimately moved out and her stepdad moved in, leading her to harbor harsh feelings toward her stepdad and mom for ruining the family.

But when she found out that their approach to saving the family was not the norm, the Original Poster (OP) found herself on the verge of a spiral, wondering if her family's past was something she should be concerned about.

She asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting by feeling conflicted now that I've realized my parents basically did a real-life 'wife swap' (and I thought it was totally normal)?"

It was only when she received a reality check from a friend that she realized her family might not have the most typical past.

"I (27 Female) recently told a childhood story to a friend, fully expecting them to laugh and move on."

"Instead, they looked at me and said, 'That's actually really taboo.'"

"Now I'm spiraling a bit and wondering if I'm overreacting to this reality check, or if I just normalized something most people would find pretty shocking."

The OP grew up with her family being very close to a neighboring family.

"When I was of early elementary school age, my life felt very normal. I lived with my mom, my dad, and my siblings."

"We went to an event where there were a bunch of older kids and families to recognize our city. At that event, our family met another family."

"From that point on, our families became extremely close... fast."

"We did everything together: pool parties, road trips, vacations, and even traveling out of the country. At one point, we actually took family photos together. Looking back, it's kind of wild, but at the time, it just felt like having bonus family members."

"For the next year or two (the timeline is fuzzy; I was young), there genuinely wasn't a time when we weren't all together. If someone had seen us, they probably would've assumed we were already one big blended family."

But then, maybe the families became too close.

"Then one day (and I don't remember exactly how this was explained to us kids), things changed."

"My dad moved in with the other family's mom. The other family's dad moved in with my mom in our house."

"My siblings and I went back and forth between houses so we could see both parents."

"Here's the thing: at the time, the show 'Wife Swap' was hugely popular. So little-kid me honestly thought this was just… something adults did sometimes. I didn't question it. I didn't think it was weird. I just accepted it as normal."

"Once the month's 'trial period' was over, our families went back to normal like nothing ever happened. The adults refused to talk about it or acknowledge it to the kids."

"Then, a short period later, my dad packed his bags and left, and my now-stepdad (the neighbor's dad) moved in, and then he took charge as a 'father figure.'"

Now as an adult, the OP has begun to unpack the ramifications of her childhood.

"My mom has been married for over 10 years to the dad from the other family. Growing up in that situation came with confusion, emotions, and a lot of adjusting, but nothing ever felt uncommon; to me, at least."

"I always had access to both parents, and no one ever spoke badly about the other in front of us, but it was just a very confusing time, where one second, everything was all normal, and the next, my dad was living with another woman, and another man was living in my house. Then again, our family was back to normal, and then the next second, it wasn't."

"Still, as an adult, I've started reflecting on how unusual this whole situation actually was. I didn't realize until very recently that most people don't grow up thinking spouse-swapping households are just part of life."

"I've also noticed how much my upbringing shaped me. I'm now married to someone who is extremely identical in personality, looks, and humor as my stepdad. Someone that I resented growing up, for coming into 'my' house, taking over my dad's role."

The OP felt conflicted.

"So now I'm wondering, am I overreacting for only now being able to unpack this? And realizing that this is something that could have easily been preventable, that didn't cause me to resent my step-father growing up?"

"Is it normal to suddenly realize, as an adult, that your childhood wasn't as typical as you thought, even if it didn't feel traumatic at the time?"

"Or is this just one of those 'life is weird, and hindsight is 20/20' moments?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Most Redditors decided not to hold the OP's hand while telling her that she was overreacting.

"There are no normal families. It seems to have worked for both families, so I wouldn't worry about it. You can't change the past."

"I certainly wouldn't give a flip what other people think. As you get older, concepts like normal and worry about other people's perceptions mean less and less. Talk to your mom if you need anything clarified." - Bulky_Durian_3423

"Yes, you are overreacting. Who gives a s**t what other people think?"

"As long as you grew up happy and felt loved, that's all that matters. It's certainly better than being in the middle of an acrimonious divorce. Sounds like you got bonus siblings, too. Be happy." - BeardedBirdWatcher

"I do think you are overreacting. Polyamory has been around for a very long time. I have many friends who have merged and Blended families. It sounds like you were well-loved and supported by multiple parents and siblings."

"I don't know why you are digging for trauma, but if there are some things you're curious about, polyamorous families tend to be more open, so I would just talk with them about it instead of coming to Reddit. I'm sure they're going to be pretty forthcoming and open to unpacking anything that you might feel about it." - Otherwise-Mango-4006

"You were happy and had a good childhood. Don't let other people outside the situation tell you how you are supposed to feel. What you are unpacking right now is being pushed towards social conformity."

"By the way, people can actually cause trauma in others by forcing social norms on others."

"Anyway, I had a normal childhood and it sucked. Normal isn't always better." - Dull-Geologist-8204

"I respect that this happened with children on both sides, and it sounds like more than amicably! Progressive, and pragmatic, and good on your peeps for making this transition as 'normal' as possible."

"Being married for years, finding friends, friends that might be a better match at the end of the day. Very organic and natural, even if social norms in the USA are awkward around it all."

"I hope that you and the other daughter are on good standings, as they might be a good one to unpack a bit of this with, but Huzzah all around!" - TerrackShadowson

Some had stories of something similar happening and agreed the OP was overreacting.

"Growing up, I just thought everyone had eight or more grandparents, LOL. It definitely did happen and still happens sometimes. (They were swingers and married each other's partners.)" - MatterhornStrawberry

"OP, yes, it's not conventional, but it actually sounds like it was a really gentle process for you kids, and that's the most important part, in my honest opinion."

"Being able to see both sets of parents and being welcome in both houses… You might want to talk to your folks now if you've any questions that you feel you need answered."

"To your friend who said it's 'taboo,' it's really none of their business. I wouldn't let that comment alone affect you negatively if you were happy." - ReflectiveRitz

"My mom and dad did the same back in the 60s, although our families weren't close. It was just a couple of divorces, which were becoming more common."

"I wasn't traumatized, although moving, moving, and moving again and again in the midst of the next couple of divorces wasn't helpful to my education. 25 moves by the time I graduated high school." - angryshark

"I actually knew a family that did that! They ran a little store in our community and basically ended up swapping and were still very good friends even after the relationships swapped. It was shared at first, but didn't work out. From what I know, at least." - Future-Arugula-588

"Same. I'm here if you wanna talk. When I told friends about our family dynamics, they reacted weirdly. That's how I noticed it's not normal."

"When I was around eight, a new family moved in two roads over. The girl went to school with my younger brother and the boy with my youngest brother. I don't know when I met them, but I was best friends with the girl for a long time. Littlest brother was best friends with her brother."

"We all got along so well that our families went to outings together like one big family. My parents didn't like how they were somehow unorganized, so it came unexpectedly. One day, my dad moved out. My stepdad moved in. Dad moved in with friend's mom. Strange. I was 12."

"It went good for a while. Dad is now married to my stepmother, but mom and stepdad split up and never got married to other people." - uhushuhu

But a few gave the OP the benefit of the doubt and pointed out that looking back on our childhoods with a fresh pair of eyes and becoming more introspective isn't a bad thing.

"I'd say you're not overreacting. That kind of introspection is perfectly normal and healthy. If anything, it's weird that you didn't think about the events of your childhood sooner." - bentsea

"It sounds like, for a time, your parents practiced consensual non-monogamy of some form. It's interesting they never talked to you about it as you got older, because teaching some kind of awareness of things your kids see and will later take out into the world is part of preparing for adulthood, but kudos for you for rolling with it."

"It is something to process, but where you land on it should be totally up to you. It is taboo to many, and carries negative bias usually, but many people, ranging from swingers and wife swappers to solo poly relationship anarchists, find what works well for their lives and loves outside of cultural permission. You do you." - agreenshade

"I have a relative whose parents did this. I think that it's completely appropriate to have our brains unpack trauma when we're ready to face it. This situation has probably given a tremendous capacity for empathy for others."

"I hope that you have, or will get, a great therapist who will help you to walk through this. Good luck!" - ProfessionalYam3119

"I think you're valid to be confused by this realization. I would recommend therapy to help process/unpack. At least they found a way for everyone to be happy, though! I grew up with parents who lived together but hated each other, and it was awful." - Objective-Option-188

After receiving feedback, the OP shared more information that might make some of the subReddit's comments sound harsh.

"This switch was something that my dad wanted. The wife of the other family was constantly having affairs, and so was my dad. They did this as a 'last resort to save the marriage' kind of thing."

"So they did a month-long 'trial period' of switching spouses. Once it was over, everything went back to 'normal,' and they pretended like nothing ever happened. Then out of the blue, my dad packed his bags and left, my stepdad (the neighbor) moved in, and I then started resenting my stepdad."

"My whole childhood was me hating him, and blaming him and my mom, who had custody of me, for my dad leaving."

"My dad, to this day, is still not married and has a rotation of women coming and going."

"So to me, something that I thought was completely normal, is actually something that is not common at all and could have totally prevented me from growing up resenting my stepdad if everything was done better."

"Today, I don't resent him and thank him a lot for what he's taught me and all he does for me, but it would have saved me a lot of stress, hatred, and pain growing up."

This is one of those situations where, looking back at what happened, with more worldly experience and a wider vocabulary, it might feel traumatic to realize what was actually happening during our childhood.

But just because we suddenly have a name for it does not make it inherently traumatic, just surprising or jarring.

That all said, now that the OP knows what happened with her family and why she grew up feeling the way that she did toward her stepdad, she might now have the tools to speak to her parents, adult to adult, to discuss unresolved feelings and possible repercussions.

A common misconception among those in long-term relationships and marriages is that once they've committed, they'll never find another person attractive again.

But noticing that people are attractive should not be an automatic test of your loyalty, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit, as long as those observations are not acted upon.

Redditor Human-Acanthaceae128 was happy to be there for her good friend when she got married, but she was hurt when she dressed well for the occasion, only for her friend to tell her that her new husband made snide comments about her.

Since this was not the first time the couple had an issue with how she looked or lived her life, the Original Poster (OP) began to think she was doing something wrong.

She asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting for feeling upset after the groom made a comment about my dress at their wedding?"

The OP thought she made a good dress selection from a friend's wedding.

"I'm trying to figure out if I'm overreacting or if this was actually rude/something I should bring up at some point."

"I (25 Female) went to my really good friend's wedding."

"She didn't have any official bridesmaids, and I was her only 'unofficial' bridesmaid."

"I wore the dress in the photos, and the only 'skin' that was showing was my arms, and I guess my back, as the dress had an X-cutout, but that was covered by my hair."

Here is an image of the dress from the front:

u/Human-Acanthaceae128/Reddit

Here is the dress again from the back:

u/Human-Acanthaceae128/Reddit

But the groom's comments about it left her feeling conflicted.

"The groom is religious and from a country near the Middle East with more conservative cultural expectations around modesty and clothing."

"During the wedding, my friend told me, 'John leaned over and said, 'It looks like (me) left half of her dress at home.'"

"She said it completely seriously, and she didn't defend me or say he was kidding (I know he was not joking, because I know how he is and his standards for my friend), nor did she say anything about my dress, like it's pretty or it's good or fine."

"Other guests who attended were wearing long dresses without sleeves, short tight dresses, long tight dresses, etc. It wasn't a super conservative reception at all, very informal and fun with drinking, partying, etc."

The OP couldn't decide if she was in the wrong or not.

"I felt really insecure and sad after, and I'm just wondering why she would even say this to me."

"There have been other times where she has said that he told her I only got my job (a really good job) because someone in the interview thought I was attractive. Soooo it's not just this one thing; it's plenty. It feels like I can't do anything right."

"What do I do? Bring it up? Brush it off? Is the dress not okay for a wedding?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some reassured the OP that if the groom said anything, it was to disguise his true feelings.

"I think buddy got caught checking out her a** and made an off-handed comment to make it about something else. Rookie move. NOR." - KayItaly

"Groom is totally like, 'I wasn't staring; I was JUDGING. I swear!' and the bride DID NOT LIKE THAT and dumped her feelings all over the OP. NOR." - epyoch

"The bride is jelly. And her husband wants to f**k her friend. Husband sucks. The OP should distance herself from this couple."

"She should not move forward with the friendship. She should have friends who celebrate her and lift her up, and the fact that this so-called friend would say things to knock her down is not a friend."

"Is this other person a slave to this husband? Why is she repeating these negative comments, for what reason? That is not a friend, and she is fierce, and she will find her group once she leaves the negativity of these horrible friends." - No-Bodybuilder-8519

"I don't think the groom said anything; I think the bride felt insecure that her friend looked better than her at her own wedding, BUT just in case, if he really DID say it, it's only to throw his wife off the scent of him being attracted to the OP."

"I've seen that SOO many times, a guy talking crap and putting down his girlfriend's best friend, his coworker, his girlfriend's family member, etc., just as a way of laying the groundwork for if anything were to come out about them messing around or him hitting on her, so he can be like, 'What? You know I can't stand her, babe! Even picturing her makes me nauseous!! Your friends are just jealous, babe!'"

"I think this was all projection and insecurity on the bride's part, and she was trying to make herself feel better by trashing the OP, but if the groom really said something, then she's still just as bad as he is by reporting it to the OP when she could have kept that crap to herself and protected her friend." - BringsMaysFlowers

"I figured the Bride got jealous because the husband made that comment. He's lusted after OP for so long, his new wife knows those 'complaints' are just because he keeps looking." - BelkiraHoTep

"He is mad at himself for being attracted to you, so he takes it out by criticizing you, and probably criticizing his wife for 'not choosing better friends.' And she is mad at him for being attracted to you, so she is taking it out on you directly. It's time you find better friends and take all that fabulousness somewhere else; you looked totally appropriate and fabulous to celebrate someone's special day." - Flaky_White1612

But most theorized that the groom didn't say anything and that the bride was projecting her own insecurities on the OP, making the bride the one to overreact. 

"Someone was for sure jealous that you looked banging. Just feel proud and ignore those people." - Character-Click-6544

"I think the bride made it up because her friend looks better than her and she wants to bring her down a peg while also trying to turn her off of her man." - frankylovee

"I'm not sure why she felt the need to share that with you, but I'd shake that off because that's her husband, not yours, and you rocked that dress." - GenoFlower

"She could've either asked OP to wear something more conservative, knowing that her husband is how he is (assuming he's even actually like this, which I'm doubting), or she can spare OP by not inviting her to the wedding. She's a terrible friend, and OP deserves better." - phoxfiyah

"I doubt that this is the husband actually saying these things. It's suspicious to me that OP always hears his opinions secondhand from her friend."

"To be honest, I really believe that the friend is jealous and using her unsuspecting and most likely oblivious husband as the scapegoat."

"OP, those are your FRIENDS opinions on your dress and job, not her husband's. She's just trying to tear you down without looking like the bad guy." - brandy_lyne

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the husband didn't say SQUAT, and the 'friend' (bride) just made this up to express her own disapproval of OP to avoid being labeled 'the bad guy.'"

"There's a reason the bride has no 'official' bridesmaids… and the OP only hears the husband (allegedly) s**t taking indirectly."

"She's a classic frenemy, likely 'a woman who hates other women,' and takes joy in making others feel smaller to make herself feel better."

"The OP should hold on to the good memories from the wedding and wear that awesome dress to another event to attach even more positivity to it, and leave this 'happy' couple in the dust." - NomenclatureBreaker

"NOR. Whether it came from the groom directly, or it was actually the bride, it's the same outcome: dump the friend."

"Even if it really was the husband, what kind of friend is that? Why wouldn't she defend you? Why would she tell you?"

"Very telling that OP was the only bridesmaid, and not even really one at that: bride is NOT a girl's girl." - soporific

"Why did her friend feel the need to tell her the things her husband said? She did not need to share that. That could have stayed as a private conversation, and her friend wouldn't have gotten self-conscious for no reason."

"But instead, because she's relaying what the husband said and not defending her friend, she is acting as her husband's mouthpiece, and to what end? To shame her friend? And if so, why?"

"I'm sorry, but if my friends are not the kind of people who speak up for me when someone is trying to put me down, that is not the kind of friend I'm interested in keeping. And if my boyfriend or husband is talking smack about my friend unwarrantedly, you can bet money I will check him on that s**t. The OP deserves the same." - Relevant_Clerk7449

The subReddit unanimously agreed that, not only did the OP dress appropriately for her friend's wedding, even one on the conservative side, but that she also deserved to be treated better by someone who was supposed to be one of her best friends.

If the groom really had a problem with her outfit, the dress code for the wedding should have been more detailed, and if this was the bride projecting, which was what most of the subreddit believed, the OP deserved the truth rather than to wrongfully feel like she was the one ruining everything.

Content Warning: Biased and Exclusive Religious Lessons, Religious Beliefs

An important decision every parent will have to make is the type of education they wish for their children to receive. From the school system to extracurricular offerings to their level of involvement in the school system, there are a lot of variables for parents to consider.

Even with the most astute research before making a decision, surprises might still arise in the school, especially when substitute teachers and school visitors are present, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor Mason110417 was uncomfortable when their daughter came home from school and shared all she had learned about Christmas and the Christian faith, despite her family being Jewish.

Though they weren't specifically against their daughter learning this information, the Original Poster (OP) didn't like the thought of the faith being preached as a better option than their own.

They asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting for being upset that my child's first-grade substitute teacher taught the class about Jesus?"

The OP was concerned when their daughter came home and shared what she learned at school one day. 

"I am Jewish, but not practicing, and my wife is not religious at all."

"My first grader came home from school on Monday and said she learned about Christmas, and her substitute also taught her about Jesus, that Jesus is the reason for Christmas, and that Christianity was THE truth."

"The actual lesson was about holidays around the world. While we, of course, want to expose our child to all religions, we did not think bringing Jesus into the topic was appropriate."

When they heard from the principal, they did not feel better.

"My wife emailed the principal and requested in the future that there be training or guidelines for substitute teachers about what is appropriate to talk about."

"The principal emailed back with a copy of the lesson (which had no mention of religion or Jesus) and said the substitute followed the lesson, and if we didn't like it, we can opt our child out of future lessons about religions and world cultures."

"I thought this was an inappropriate reply."

The OP continued to feel perplexed by the situation days later.

"I am aware Jesus is part of the history of why Christmas is celebrated and have zero problem with that being taught. But when it is presented as the one real religion, that's where I start to have an issue."

"To clarify, nobody freaked out, and nobody thought anyone should get fired. Religion is extremely nuanced, especially for six-year-olds relaying information to their parents."

"In all honesty, I was more annoyed by the principal's dismissiveness of the situation."

"Anyway, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and I hope everyone has a safe holiday season."

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overrating
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some pointed out that this was a solid example of a problematic substitute teacher.

"As a teacher who has taught holidays around the world, there is a right and wrong way to teach this unit. I'm sure the same principal would be unhappy if Ramadan were taught in a certain way, too."

"My guess is that the substitute decided to wing it since they already knew what Christmas was, and that they didn't follow the lesson."

"I'm so sorry this happened! It's generally best practice not to mention specific figures, but rather to focus on the traditions and customs practiced by those who celebrate them. The theology is not interesting to six-year-olds anyway, and the standard being taught is that different people have different traditions." - blondeoftheguild

"I think you should phone the principal and explain that their lesson plan is great, but that the sub didn't follow the lesson plan. Explain that your child said, in addition to the lesson plan, the sub taught them about Jesus."

"Ask if they talked to the substitute teacher. If they say yes, and the sub said they followed the plan and didn't discuss Jesus, then tell them your kid must've heard about this on the playground. Thank them, and hang up."

"Either that's what happened (the playground talk), or the substitute knows what they did was wrong, so lied about it. They probably won't risk it again, or if they do, they'll definitely be caught next time. At any rate, the school is doing what it can, and that's all they can do." - ElectricalTwist3385

"NOR. I am an atheist, and we are raising our children nonreligious (we intend to teach them about all the different religions people believe, why we don't, and that they are able to explore this as they grow and make their own choices)."

"I would be upset if any religion were taught as the 'truth' in school. All of my family is religious, and we have said, of course, they can talk about it, but they cannot 'teach' it while babysitting, etc."

"There is a strong difference between explaining why something exists and teaching it as a truth." - Moliterno38

"NOR. I believe your point wasn't that the lesson plan was unacceptable, but that the teacher did not follow the plan. The principal's response was poor. Hopefully, it did raise their consciousness about it for future units on the subject."

"In my kids' elementary class, Bibles were handed out. There was a big huhu when she refused to accept one. She and the one Jewish kid bonded over it."

"You can bet I was on the phone the next morning. I believe the school no longer does this. They're also now wise to no hymns during school concerts, but that was someone else's doing." - Holiday_Trainer_2657

"Principals don't really have much power over any particular substitute. Substitutes are not usually anywhere near well-trained to be respectful and mindful of others. Further, they don't have to maintain relationships with the community the way that real teachers do."

"This is a polite way of saying, you get some weirdo substitute teachers."

"As for the principal's response, what can she do? She can offer you a way to avoid this type of incident, but she can't really undo that the weirdo sub was preaching. Also, even if it's her plan to burn the sub professionally, it wouldn't be appropriate to share that with you."

"As for you, I get you. If I had a dollar for every time Christianity was the default mindset in December. Oi. NOR, but what can you do? Maybe file a complaint with substitute services?" - Chemical-Captain4240

Others were infuriated by the idea of this lesson taking place.

"The way I'd be meeting with that school and sub and making this a f**king problem. NOR."

"Don't let this go. Get that sub fired if you can. Like you say, no one should get fired, but this sub is clearly using their position of authority to try to brainwash kids into a religion without their parents' permission. In my opinion, that's f**king assault." - TellProud6400

"As a Christian, involved in my church, faith is very important to me, etc… I would be perturbed about this and wonder if I should complain."

"If any teacher can preach Christ, then any teacher can preach anything, and school is not the place for it."

"Even if I could make sure that schools were only preaching Christianity, there's so much bad information and wrong and destructive theology out there, I would turn that down."

"Even if I could make sure that schools were, in good faith, teaching exactly my version of Christianity, I'm fair-minded enough not to want my faith shoved down others' throats."

"Make a stink, school is no place for it." - Famous-Example-8332

"Well, Jesus is not the reason the schools and businesses close down for this holiday. We are not a nation of Christians, although Christianity is prevalent, and there should be nothing extra to explain or promote it in public schools. Is your child's school public? Because if not, it might not have been against the rules." - Deduce-Produce-5391

"NOR. As an atheist, I would RIOT if a teacher did this in my kid's class. I want my kids exposed to a multitude of religious viewpoints, but never in a public school and never from a stranger."

"It was extremely inappropriate of that substitute teacher to even mention Jesus in the class; to kids, teachers are supposed to give accurate information… if the teacher lies/exposes their own bias/indoctrinates the children, that's sending a message to the kids that what the teacher is saying is true."

"No one should control their kid's religious journey except for their parents." - Delicious-Valuable96

"I'd be so mad. Nor. As a matter of fact, I'd tell them that you're getting a lawyer. That sub needs to be permanently fired."

"Edited to add that I am a non-practicing Jew, and have raised my sons in the culture, minus the religion/God aspect. And I would be absolutely livid!"

"I literally banned my mil from my house for the same reason." - bountiful_garden

"Wow, OP, when reading again what the principal said, I would go over his or her head and talk to someone else. But this doesn't sound like a public school, so not sure you can do anything about it."

"We have some experience with this, I would be glad to relate to you, but it only applies if the school is public. We got lots of help and cooperation from the school." - Funny-Horror-3930

The subReddit understood the OP's concerns and pointed out that exploring beliefs and holiday practices around the world would be lovely and beneficial for all students, as long as one "option" was not given preference and treated as the "right" route to take.

Perhaps the OP's child misunderstood what the substitute teacher said, or perhaps the substitute teacher misspoke, but either way, it sounded like an issue had come up in the classroom in which students might have felt guided toward Christianity and Christmas, which could have terrible implications for many families.

Particularly in the last two decades, parents have gotten very creative when it comes to choosing their future baby names and how to spell them.

Arguably, their creativity isn't always for the best, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor Most_System6697 was excited for the birth of her niece, but she was also concerned, because her older sister kept coming up with baby names, and none of them were promising.

But when her sister decided on a name and was very confident about it, the Original Poster (OP) cringed over the fact that it sounded to them more like a name for an animal or an exotic dancer than for a baby.

They asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting by telling my sister that she picked out a bad baby name?"

The OP's sister's attempts to choose a baby name became a saga of its own.

"My older sister just had her third baby the other day."

"She couldn't decide on a name the entire pregnancy and only came up with bad names."

"Her husband would 'veto' them and say no to EVERY. SINGLE. good or pretty name anyone came up with. He was strongly against family names and never gave a real reason why."

"My sister had a new bad name to choose from every other week."

"The day before the baby popped out, she had a lovely name picked out (Marianna Grace), but when people asked, she said she didn't have a name yet."

The OP was shocked by the name their sister decided on.

"Day of birth, still no name. The day after, all of a sudden, she wanted to name the baby 'Stormy.'"

"When asked why Stormy, she said it was because she came in like a storm. (Real reason is that we got a LOT of snow, like a day or two before the birth, so she named her after that. I'm not joking.)"

"I told her that in our state, she has 30 days to pick a name, and there's no rush, since she was so unsure of every name, and a name is important and defines a lot about people's lives. I gave her the idea to spend a few days with the baby and see what feels right."

"But nope. She jumped the gun and named her 'Stormy.'"

"No direct offense to people named that, but it's a godawful name."

When asked, no one thought of a newborn baby or a little girl when they heard the name.

"I asked MANY, MANY people with no context, both in person and strangers in line, and everyone has the same response. What do you think of the name Stormy, or what's the first thing you think of?"

"The responses were either a dog's name or a stripper or a porn star (Stormy Daniels, to be specific)."

"EVERYONE THOUGHT THAT."

"It's so bad, man..."

The feedback got even worse when the OP researched online.

"I sent her SO many name ideas before the baby was born but sent the most the day she was born because still no name had been picked."

"And she picked Stormy just because it snowed..."

"Do I tell her it's a bad name and to rethink it while it's fresh? She's only a few days old."

"Even people who are named Stormy replied online and said they hate their name, go by their middle name, and also get asked bizarre and inappropriate questions all the time because of their name. It can be a fun nickname or middle name, maybe, but not a legal first name."

The OP wasn't sure how to help their sister and niece through this.

"I sound biased against my sister because I admittedly am for way too many reasons to put here. But she is a VERY messy, problematic, makes all the wrong choices, and is the most inconsiderate, impulsive person ever. (That's a VERY LONG STORY!)"

"Due to a lot of factors, my family believes that at some point, sooner than later, we will end up with custody of the baby."

"Almost as a snide to her own baby, a last hurrah, that child with be set up to fail with a bad name like Stormy. And in THIS economy?!?!"​

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some could not stop making jokes about the name if their lives depended on it.

"You're not overreacting, but you are overstepping. Don't rainy on her parade-y." - BumWink

"It's spelled 'Reighknee'." - TenderCactus410

"Actually, don't storm on her parade." - stayfun

A few could understand where the OP was coming from, kind of.

"Maybe you're coming on a bit strong, but you're at least not naming your kids something that would set them up for a life of ridicule and professional issues."

"Maybe it is overstepping, but hurting your sister's feelings to save nice from literal life-altering impacts of their choices is more than justifiable and plenty adequate reason to overstep." - fefafofifu

"Yes, the first thing people think of these days is the porn star. Thanks to politics."

"But by the time the kid is old enough to know, Stormy Daniels will be a distant memory for most people."

"Do I like the name? No. Can I spell and pronounce it? Yes."

"To be honest, I think you're overstepping and YOR." - one_night_on_mars

"Why does your family believe that they will somehow get custody of this baby? You say that this child is your sister's third child, so does she still have custody of the older two?"

"In my opinion, you are overreacting and overstepping the mark."

"The baby's dad doesn't need to give a reason why 'he was strongly against family names,' which seems to have annoyed you also. Did you hope the child would bear your name?"

"And I really cannot fathom why you would think a name is setting the child up for failure. I don't think Stormy Kendrick (born 1991), American female sprinter, and Stormy Peters, free and open source software advocate, would agree with you."

"The best thing you could do is take a step back: be the baby's auntie, love her and her siblings and stop interfering."

"Fun fact: the oldest recorded birth by the Social Security Administration for the first name Stormy is Tuesday, June 9th, 1896."

"I get that you want the best for your niece, and this feels like a hill to die on right now, but I think if you work through your issues with your sister, you'll realize it's just not." - Eils7

But most questioned the OP and thought their complicated relationship with their sister had made this feel like a much bigger issue than it was.

"'My family believes, at some point, sooner than later, we will end up with custody of the baby.' So this gives you naming rights? This is such an inappropriate thought. The mother of the baby has named the baby." - Livinginthemiddle

"It p**sed me off when people (specifically family) would suggest names after asking what we were naming our daughter." - crochet_protege

"This whole post is wild to me. How are you acting like you get a say in what your grown sister names HER baby? That's not your kid, not your choice."

"You said, 'I sent her so many names,' like she was supposed to pick one of yours instead of something that actually means something to her?? She literally told you the baby was born while it was snowing, and that's why she chose Stormy."

"That's a beautiful, personal memory she'll have forever, and you're trying to trash it because you personally don't like it. Let your sister have her moment and mind your business." - PlumpPeachhh

"My eyes widened when the OP said she sent the MOST suggestions the day her niece was born! Just bombarding someone who literally just gave birth with name suggestions... and it's someone that OP admits to not having a great relationship with, no less! Yikes." - ikissedholofernes

"No joke, I knew someone whose older sister's name was Misty, and her name was Breezy. And you know what? It was a funny, 'What, really?' thing for about two seconds after meeting them, but beyond that, they were two of the sweetest and freaking intelligent women I've known in my entire life, and they both went on to do humanitarian work."

"Stormy makes me think of horses, personally, because I was a big horse girl growing up when every third horse's name was Sugar or Thunder, but it's not a BAD name. It's time to lay off now, OP, d**n." - TheBookishAndTheBard

"Although I would never name my baby Stormy, I think you are being an a**hole to your sister."

"You're completely overstepping and overreacting to the name of your niece. It's not your business what your sister names her daughter, and for you to be so dramatic over the name she did eventually choose isn't normal or okay."

"Maybe you need to be less worried about them and worry more about getting therapy."

"If I have another daughter, I want to name her Kora. My mom thinks it's the ugliest name she's ever heard, but I'm not concerned about my mother's opinion, because my fiancé and I think it's a beautiful name."

"I hope your sister feels the same way, opinions shouldn't change someone's mind about naming their own baby." - rosiebluewitch

"I wouldn't name my kid Stormy; however, I've interacted with at least two Stormys in my life in professional settings. I don't think this rises to the level that OP is taking it to. It might be different if it were somehow offensive or maybe sounded like a different word."

"My kid has a less common name, but not a made-up one. It was still in the top 100 a couple of years prior to his birth and after. I have the number one name from my birth year, and I hated it in school because there were so many of us."

"As an adult, I hate it because it pretty much means I'm exactly a certain age. The name dropped like a rock off the charts and never came back to popularity." - planningtoscrewup

"I'm just saying to myself the entire time I'm reading, 'She needs to mind her business.' Why would you care what someone else names their child?" - Deloris1971

"What makes her think her sister is going to care if she thinks it's a bad name? The audacity of people." - Any-Interaction-5934

"This is overstepping times one million. It's not your monkey and not your circus. The name is done, go away." - TheVoiceInZanesHead

While the subReddit could agree that it wasn't the most common or expected name, and that there were some current political references that felt a little problematic, most felt that the OP was making this a much bigger issue than it needed to be.

The name has been around for a very long time, and there have been other important figures with the name, and there will be others in the future, perhaps even the OP's niece.

As much as we might like to imagine workplaces as an opportunity for career advancement and a way to pay the bills, there are some truly hostile work environments out there.

Sneakily enough, sometimes the hostile work environment is more awkward and distracting than threatening, but that still impacts the work, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor sunny_skyies started at a new workplace less than a year ago, and she'd been put off by the fact that one of her coworkers constantly spoke in a baby voice to her.

When she later found out it was a long and elaborate prank to make her uncomfortable in the office, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't sure what to think about working with this coworker anymore.

She asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting for telling my coworker to stop talking in a baby voice?"

The OP worked hard to establish a work relationship with her coworker.

"I (22 Female) have an odd coworker (22 Female) who talks in a baby voice."

"When I first came to work at our company, she was quiet and never talked to me, and I understand, I am new, so why would she want to talk to me, but me being the person I am, I wanted to try to have a relationship with my coworker, because we are going to be desk-to-desk, so I would just start out by complementing her on her clothes and got us to start talking from there."

"I finally had my foot in the door, and now I don't have to sit in a quiet, awkward space with her."

But the OP didn't feel better when her coworker spoke to her in a baby voice.

"Then one day, she started speaking in a baby voice. At first, I thought it was a joke, but there was no joke that was made. It was just her speaking to me, and I just awkwardly laughed, and I just went back to what I was doing."

"I thought it was a one-time thing, that maybe she was making a joke, and that it just didn't land for me, but I was wrong."

"It was not a one-time thing. Almost every day now, she speaks to me in that baby voice at least once, and it is starting to make me feel uncomfortable."

"She will come over and talk to me in the baby voice. She also started acting strange, like walking by my desk, stopping and staring at me and then walking away, and waiting for me when I go on my lunch in random places."

"Recently, I was talking to another coworker, and she came over to grab a cup of coffee, and she turned to look at us, stared at us, scooted over instead of walking, and said, 'Can I play?' in that baby voice. Then she laughed and walked away."

"My other coworker was stunned, but then we both laughed awkwardly, and we tried to go back to our conversation."

"AIO?"

The OP soon shared an update, surprised by the coworker's motivations.

"I talked to my coworker. I never thought this would happen."

"I grabbed my coworker aside and said I needed to talk to her. She followed me to the break room, and I asked her about why she sometimes spoke in a baby voice when she was around me."

"She looked at me and began to laugh, and I was caught way off-guard. She was laughing so hard that she started snorting."

"She eventually stopped, but it felt like she was laughing forever, and then she walked out of the break room and came back with our other coworker, and they were laughing together."

"At this point, you are probably as confused as I am."

The OP finally learned the truth.

"Turns out, it was a prank because I was new to the company and they were waiting to see how long until I 'broke.' I started working here in August, so it's been six months."

"I am beyond words, and I am embarrassed, because this was all just a 'prank,' but genuinely, I felt weird about this coworker, and come to find out, it was a prank because I was new."

"I smiled awkwardly and laughed because I didn't know what else to do."

"All I can say is that I am embarrassed that it took this long for me to realize it was a prank and don't know how to interact with her next."

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some were confused about how this qualified as a prank.

"For it to be a prank, there needs to be a joke, and you also need to laugh? What exactly is the joke? Just the voice? Really? Did you laugh?"

"If my coworkers tried this, I would probably never talk to them outside of required workplace interactions ever again." - ScorpioZA

"NOR. That's kind of creepy and weird. Like, not funny or fun for anyone." - Physical_Feeling3121

"You specifically started complimenting her to be friendly and start conversations, and this prank is how she decides to respond? Reminds me of mean girls in high school. If it were me, I'd be seriously limiting how much we interact from this point on…" - nowimhaunted

"This is extreme loser behavior. The people involved in this just outed themselves to you as complete morons who are not worth even wasting energy on. No one of any character or substance would do this. This is literally the behavior of a very young child, and it's super weird." - AbleCap5222

"I wish you knew about it ahead of time and never let on. If they ever asked you if you knew, just say, 'Of course I did! Why do you ask?' Let them look defeated! The prankster becomes the pranked!" - CuteFactor8994

Others hoped that the OP would inform her boss before this could potentially escalate.

"NOR. And now you should follow up with your boss."

"During your next one-on-one, say you just learned that multiple coworkers made a concerted effort to make you the butt of a joke because you were new, which they carried out for nearly half a year."

"Don't make a massive deal out of it or start crying, but take a professional stance that this is concerning, because it damages office culture, is extremely unprofessional, and is just plain weird."

"Ask your boss if he feels this warrants some sort of intervention, such as bringing it up to HR (because on the one had, this is fairly innocuous and damaged the coworker's reputation more than yours, but on the other, it is alarming that they're targeting new people to make them feel unwelcome)."

"Then stick with his recommendation, while asking him to keep an eye out on this coworker and her clique for other bizarre behavior that targets the team."

"Oh, and follow up that meeting with your boss with an email that summarizes what you talked about (ex, 'I am following your advice not to approach HR and instead speak to coworker directly' or whatever)." - Apart_Insect_8859

"Go to HR. Hazing is not typically smiled on at a company run by adults." - Haunting_Explorer376

"Hi, OP. Get to HR, now. This is definitely contributing to a hostile work environment."

"'Hostile' doesn't have to be 'mean' and 'threatened'; it can be an awkward and distracting environment, and discouraging communications between coworkers. For me, this would check all of those boxes." - hey-look-its-reddit

"That's a prank if they do it for five minutes. If they do it for months, it's harassment or bullying in the form of isolating and othering you and using you as a joke. I would inform your manager and prevent them from pulling this stunt on someone else." - Xaphhire

"NOR. I would just let HR know exactly what happened and what they said, and inform them that any communication with this coworker should go through HR, as you refuse to communicate with someone who is creating a hostile work environment."

"You don't have to make a huge fuss, just let them know you don't tolerate childish games in a professional setting." - Party-Boat-1131

After receiving feedback, the OP shared a second update after speaking with her coworkers.

"After realizing it was a prank, I did feel very embarrassed, but some of the comments made me realize I have nothing to be embarrassed about, because it did make me uncomfortable, and how was I supposed to know it was a 'prank.'"

"I decided to confront my coworker, the one who did the baby voice (fake name, Ericka). I told Ericka that the prank made me feel uncomfortable, because I genuinely didn't know how to confront her about it, and I didn't want to overstep, but it became very uncomfortable when she would watch me."

Ericka made it an OP problem instead of trying to help solve the problem.

"Ericka looked at me and laughed. She told me that I couldn't take a joke and that I was being immature."

"Ericka then told me that I was nothing special and that our other coworker, who was in on the prank (fake name, Bre), was also doing it another girl in a different department."

"Not only were they doing this to me, but they were doing it to another girl, and I was completely shocked."

"I walked away and decided to go to HR. This was getting out of hand, and it may not seem like a big deal to most people to bring it up to HR, but this had been going on for months for me, and I wasn't sure how long it had been going on for the other girl."

The OP discussed her concerns with Human Resources.

"I told HR everything, and surprisingly, they believed me. They had apparently been having issues with Ericka and Bre for a while with these so-called 'pranks,' but since the other people they did 'pranks' to never brought it up to HR directly, they hadn't been able to do anything about it."

"The only reason HR knew about the 'pranks' was because of office gossip, but since it was never formally reported, there wasn't anything they could do."

Ericka and Bre lashed out at the OP for going to HR.

"Eventually, news got back to Ericka that I had reported her and Bre to HR, and it was a cluster f**k."

"Ericka started screaming at me in the middle of the office, to the point that other floors could hear her. Bre came up to her trying to calm her down, and then Ericka told her that I reported the both of them, and they both then started screaming at me."

"Ericka started throwing all my things off my desk, and Bre started stomping on all my things."

"They completely lost it and were escorted out by security and fired. I am not an exciting or overly extroverted person, and I've never experienced this, let alone heard of something of this be this crazy, so sadly, this was the most exciting part of my year."

"Take what you will, but I am amazed by the fact that people can be this absurd and act like this."

"As of right now, I am not sure what happened to them because they never return to pick up their items. I talked to the other girl they did this to, and apparently, she suffered way worse than I did, to the point she had to go to therapy, and for privacy reasons, I will not go into detail, and all I can say is that she feels so much better with them gone."

"Thank you to everyone who gave advice, and thank you for making me realize that this is bullying."

Fellow Redditors were relieved to hear how this worked out for the OP.

"So they were bullying nightmares all around. Just mean girls who missed torturing people in high school. But grown-ups get real-world consequences, so I'm glad they're fired, and you're free of their bulls**t."

"They will go to other people they know and try to stir up s**t for you. Assuming they had other friends. Document and report. You might have a non-toxic workplace by the Fourth of July." - Beneficial-Sort4795

"Normal people don't do those kinds of things. I mean, don't they have other things to occupy their time? Like lives?! The jobs they're clocked in for? Sheesh." - Plenty_Surprise2593

"They can dish it out, but they can't take it. Had they just apologized to you and the other lady, they would still have their jobs. They sound like complete id**ts." - NeolithicOrkney

"So, their masks came down, and they lost it. Their reaction tells you all you need to know. It wasn't a 'prank.' They were bullying you and your coworker and having a laugh at you and her expense."

"Good riddance, and may Ericka and Bre have the holiday season they deserve." - Bencil_McPrush

"I'm glad you took it to HR. I can't stand being 'pranked,' let alone in a work environment?! It had to be a hard decision to take it to HR as a new employee; I could see how that could feel daunting."

"It sounds like it was the right choice, as they were already having issues with these two, but no official complaints were filed."

"They showed their true colors by their reaction. You did nothing wrong. Sounds like they were acting as two high-school mean girls and needed to be called out. Good for you!" - elektric_eel

The subReddit was weirded out and then shocked by how the OP had been treated in this workplace and how the prank progressed once it was revealed.

It was clear that Bre and Ericka were filling a void with questionable bullying tactics, and maybe after some self-reflection, they'd be much more successful and productive in another work environment.

Content Warning: Creepy Behavior, Boundary Crossing, Mentions of Stalkers and Serial Killers

We've all heard the advice that if we want something good to happen for us, sometimes we have to take the first step and shoot our shot. Maybe things will work out, and maybe they won't.

Being the catalyst for an affair when you have a wife and children at home, and over the holidays to boot, probably isn't something you should shoot your shot for, though, side-eyed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor Latter_Tutor_5235 lived above a doctor who had a wife and three young children, and with the holidays coming up, Christmas cards started pouring in almost as often as the monthly bills.

But when she received a Christmas card from the doctor, inviting her to visit while his wife and kids were out of town, the Original Poster (OP) would not ignore the creepy feeling she had.

She asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting by being creeped out by this Christmas card I received from my neighbor?"

The OP received a note from her downstairs neighbor that was questionable at best.

"This is a Christmas card I got from my neighbor. It's really pretty weird, and I feel rather creeped out by it, but maybe I'm overreacting."

"I do not know this neighbor well at all; we've had pretty minimal interactions."

"I know he's married with three young, all under 10, kids."

"I'm sorry that it's really hard to read; his handwriting is awful."

You can see a photo of the card the OP received here:

"Dear Little Red-Haired Girl,"

"We wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas for your first year in the neighborhood."

"I know you live alone and don't even have boys over, so if you are feeling lonely, don't hesitate to come over."

"My wife is taking the boys to see their grandpa this year, but I have to stay to work."

"The ER is always busy. I am an EMP if you didn't know. So I will be lonely this Christmas, too."

Ironically, the pre-written message inside the card read:

"With joy we receive Him;"

"With hope we share Him;"

"With love we celebrate Him."

"May the gift of Jesus bless your life all year!"

u/Latter_Tutor_5235/Reddit

The OP was creeped out by the card.

"So, to start with, his addressing me as a little girl made my skin crawl. Why not use my name? My name was on the envelope, so he does know it."

"Secondly, apparently, he's been watching to see if I had any men over, and decided that since I haven't, I must be lonely. I guess he missed that my girlfriend is often over here, or just assumed she doesn't assuage my apparent loneliness."

"Thirdly, why is he trying to invite me over to his place while his family is gone?"

"And lastly, he signed it as if it were from his family, but he's the only one who wrote anything on it, and it's clearly about him alone, and I really doubt his wife signed off on the message."

The OP wanted to confirm if she was reading too much into the message.

"This is super creepy, right? I feel like I should go speak to his wife, but I really don't want to be responsible for causing drama or creating tension in someone else's family, especially not right before Christmas."

"I am also considering asking my girlfriend to come stay with me for a while, so that I'm not alone, and he has no reason to try making me feel less 'lonely.'"

"Please tell me I'm overreacting and he's just awkwardly trying to be friendly."

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some confirmed that the card was definitely, undoubtedly creepy.

"It doesn't matter how old this man is !!! It's creepy as all h**l regardless, especially because OP said they live alone."

"In neighbor situations, all kinds of s**t can and will send off alarm bells, but this feels like a five-alarm fire scenario to me and clearly to lots of other people, and Dr. Creepazoid's age truly has no bearing on that."

"OP, if you see this, please trust your gut and do whatever feels safest. You're definitely not overreacting." - Independent-Park7555

"NOR. Forty-something man here. It's actually not that difficult to not be creepy, and even less so to this level of creepiness."

"'Little red-haired girl' was what Charlie Brown called the girl he had a crush on but never really had the courage to talk to, so take that for what it's worth, but that seems infantalizing and not cute or appropriate. Also, what kind of 40-year-old makes a Peanuts reference? This whole thing is all kinds of gross." - cornfedpig

"Ma'am, you're underreacting. This is wildly creepy, and he 100% wrote it in hopes you know his wife will be away and will come visit him."

"I would get a card and write 'Happy Christmas, neighbors!' in it and stop his wife when you next see her, tell her, 'Thank you so much for the Christmas Card, I wanted to give you mine personally. I hope your visit to your parents with your kids will go well,' and show her the card you got from her creepy husband, so she can see what her creepy husband is propositioning you with."

"100% she does NOT know what he wrote in the card, although she may well know a card was sent and thought it had a generic message in it."

"This is not a man awkwardly trying to be friendly, he's absolutely propositioning you in a 'plausible deniability' creepy way. He's straight up saying his wife and kids will be out of town and he's going to be lonely, and since you'll be lonely too, you should come on over so you two can keep each other 'company.'"

"Tell his wife. Trust your instincts. Make sure your doors are locked and get cameras that cover them if you don't have them already in case Creeper McCreeperson neighbor gets a little holiday cheer in him and decides to knock on your door. Do not open it if he does." - HelpfulName

"'Little' is a weird and inappropriate thing to call a neighbor. Whether it's in reference to their age or physical stature, super creepy undertones."

"'Red-haired' is a weird and disrespectful to call an adult acquaintance by a physical feature rather than their name."

"'Girl' is weird if she's living alone, she's a woman, and regardless, sounds like he knows her name or could just say 'neighbor.' The way he refers to her is SO GODD**N creepy."

"'I know you live alone' suggests that it's time to get security cameras, ensure the doors and windows lock securely, and maybe a weapon."

"'And don't ever have boys over' confirms you definitely need a weapon, he's watching this person's house/routine enough to assert they know this."

"'If you're ever feeling lonely'... You know what's worse than feeling lonely? Feeling completely uncomfortable and terrified in your own home because of your insane neighbor."

"'Don't hesitate to come over'... This is classic groomer/abuser language. Don't second-guess yourself, don't listen to your gut, just come over."

"Got bored, but there are seven things that individually might describe your take. All of them together? This is f**king deranged, and would be if the guy were in his 40s or 80s."

"It's so not okay, and I am gobsmacked that even if this was from an old man, people think it's even in the galaxy of being appropriate in any way."

:This dude is in his 40s, married, with three kids, and supposedly a doctor who has other people's health in his hands, and this letter is the result of his judgment. Lusting after a neighbor, all the creepy stuff, putting it in writing…. dude is not stable." - kunderthunt

Others encouraged the OP to get the neighbor's wife involved.

"Go up to his wife and VERY innocently and sweetly say, 'Thank you guys for the card. The writing was hard to read, so I could only make out part of the message,' then show it to her and ask her to help you with the words that are hard to read." - Professional_Cold511

"If she goes to the wife, it is pretty 'harmless,' as it was signed as being from the family. And in case it is just an awkward old guy, his wife's reaction would answer whether he's a creep or just awkward."

"The wife is already leaving for Christmas, so they probably have issues anyway, not really OP's fault if it causes drama." - Osseus555

"This is what my mom would do to make sure the wife knows, but the wife almost certainly already knows her husband is a creep. This just makes it harder for her to deny it. This doesn't protect OP in any way." - Mission-Street-2586

"Okay, this reminds me of a true and now funny story. Once upon a time, my boss's wife called and thanked me for the Christmas gift I got her husband. 'Uh, yeah, thanks, I mean, yeah,' I replied, not sure what she was talking about."

"I didn't dare say I hadn't gotten him anything because both my sister and I worked at this private school together. I assumed she must have given something to him from both of us."

"A week later, I got a thank-you card, again from the wife, for the cologne and socks I gave my boss. I went running to my sister's classroom. She knew nothing of this gift, and now I was horrified that my boss and his wife thought I was sending him cologne."

"I had to 'fess up, so I called them and let them know the gift was not from me. They weren't upset. They were quite relieved. They sent a thank you card to the kindergartner with the same first name as mine." - ApocalypseCheerBear

After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update in a second post.

"I waited most of the day for Dr. Creepy (confirmed 47 Male) to leave for work and went over to talk to his wife with my girlfriend."

"I asked her about the card, and she was aware it had been sent out but had not read it herself."

"She seemed both shocked, confused, and defensive throughout the conversation, and I didn't feel that I could really trust her, so I didn't make any accusations, and I kept my feelings to a minimum of feeling uncomfortable with the card."

"The first and biggest red flag is the handwriting itself. She said that he does not ordinarily write in cursive and often struggles to remember how to write the letters. She showed me other cards that he had written in his regular handwriting, and they are much more legible and in print. My card is the only one that he wrote in cursive on. She couldn't think of any reason he would do that other than a flight of fancy."

"There's only one reason I can think of: He wanted to be able to deny he wrote it if I confronted him directly, and he'd have the other cards as proof it's not his handwriting."

The neighbor's wife did little to make the OP feel better.

"We went through the letter together, and she tried to explain some of it that she could."

"'Dear Little Red-Haired Girl,' she says this was a harmless reference to Peanuts because the family had been watching the Peanuts movies together recently. Still feels really creepy to me."

"On the part of him knowing I don't have boys over, she said, 'We both think it's odd a pretty young woman doesn't have a boyfriend,' while my girlfriend was sitting right next to me. Instant dislike."

"About the invitation to come over during Christmas, she said it was meant for while the whole family was there, but she is leaving with the kids this Friday for almost two weeks. She didn't really have an explanation for that. I told her I didn't feel comfortable going over while he was alone, and she agreed with that at least."

"I did keep the card and just sent her a picture of it. Like I said, I don't really trust her, and I wanted to keep the card as evidence in case he tried to do anything else."

The neighbor's wife's defensive remarks continued.

"She said him talking about being lonely for Christmas was just him trying to empathize with me. Pressing X to doubt."

"She said she would handle the situation with her husband, but I'm not sure what she means by that, and didn't really elaborate. I don't have much faith in her doing anything since she was mostly trying to explain away the weirdness of the card."

"As for my personal safety, my girlfriend is staying here for a while. She brought some weapons (pepper spray, taser, crowbar) and said she's ready to crack heads."

"While I appreciate her eagerness to defend me, I truly hope that will be unnecessary. New cameras were ordered and should be arriving tomorrow, so I can set those up and watch the house from my phone."

"I'll be going to my girlfriend's parents' house for Christmas, so I will at least be out of the house on the day that he feels most lonely."

"Hopefully, there won't be much else to update."

Fellow Redditors were even more creeped out than before by the wife's response.

"What the actual f**k. The beginning of a horror movie or true crime."

"Merry Christmas, here's 10 cameras, a crow bar, and some mace."

"How old is he? I'd dig in, happy for this to be on the internet and not real life. Sorry! You'll be fine! I'm now invested!" - PuzzleheadedFudge285

"Bro, he wrote in cursive like how serial killers send mail in using a fake font. He called you little red haired girl, that's only okay if he's 80, and you're like 13."

"He, a middle-aged man, in the same note, noted you didn't have any male lovers and offered you to come over while his family was away. And his wife's... defending him?"

"F**k that." - BMF_Dad

"She's definitely trying to rationalise his creepy behaviour to herself. Gross." - TwoFingersWhiskey

"Maybe she's used to him cheating, or they have an open marriage, so she doesn't see it as a big deal. To be honest, they both sound weird and creepy, so I would keep away from them and never answer the door to them."

"Hopefully, now you've told his wife, he'll keep away from you out of embarrassment that his card made you really uncomfortable. He'll probably try to say he was just being friendly or something, but I'd steer well clear of both of them." - Sleepllama23

"Honestly, her being defensive about it is probably her own self-protection... she's probably upset and angry about it and was trying not to show it."

"(My neighbour was the EXACT same when her husband tried things with me, she apologised after she left him for how she reacted at first. It's not an uncommon thing to do when you're suddenly being told the man you built a life with turns out to be a creep, as per my therapist at the time.)"

"I'm glad you're not alone and getting out of the house during Christmas itself. Stay safe." - meowcatpanda

The subReddit was thoroughly creeped out on the OP's behalf, first because of the card and then for the wife's possible acceptance of it. It was one thing to be friendly, especially around the holidays, but it was another thing entirely to overstep boundaries and then use excuses to dismiss it.

Any of us who have rented an apartment before can likely attest to the annoyance of a surprise visit paid either by our landlord or a community manager to make sure we're taking care of the space.

Though this is typically something that's agreed upon while signing the lease, accepting similar living check-ups from a romantic partner seems terribly sketchy, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor mysticorion5 had been seeing a woman for close to a year, and while he enjoyed the relationship, he also really enjoyed his privacy and his personal time.

When his girlfriend took it upon herself to start doing "surprise visits" and "inspections" to check on his living space and to see what he was up to when they weren't together, the Original Poster (OP) felt overwhelmed and intruded upon.

He asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting by getting annoyed that my girlfriend keeps doing 'surprise visits' to my apartment to check what I am doing?"

The OP liked the woman he was dating but still needed some privacy and personal time.

"I (28 Male) have been dating my girlfriend (26 Female) for about eight months."

"We live separately, but we see each other a lot. I like my privacy, and I told her many times that I need space to recharge after work."

"She said she understands."

But the girlfriend's "understanding" was not communicated through her actions.

"The issue is, she has started showing up without warning. At first, it was cute, like, 'I got you coffee.'"

"But then it became her unlocking my door with the spare key I gave her for emergencies. She will just appear and say, 'Surprise! I missed you.'"

"Sometimes I am in boxers, eating cereal, and watching dumb videos on my phone, and suddenly, she is in my kitchen, asking why I did not answer my texts."

"Last week, she came in while I was on a work call, and she started hugging me from behind. My manager was on screen. I nearly dropped my laptop."

The OP tried to set a boundary, but his girlfriend didn't listen.

"I asked her to please text before coming. She laughed and said only people who have something to hide need warnings."

"I said I just like to know when someone is entering my home. She rolled her eyes and said I am making rules like a landlord."

"The part that really messed with me was when she said if we love each other, we don't need privacy."

The OP put a stop to her most recent visit.

"Yesterday, she tried to come again, and I did not open the door. I texted that I was tired and wanted a quiet night."

"She later sent a long message that I overreacted and that she just wants to be close to me. I feel guilty but also kind of invaded."

"Am I really overreacting by getting upset that she keeps showing up at my apartment without warning and just wanting some privacy?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some reassured the OP that he was not overreacting to her overstepping boundaries.

"NOR. Time to take that key back. You're entitled to privacy." - AsparagusOverall8454

"She has proven that she is incapable of respecting your boundaries, so you need to protect your peace."

"If this isn't something she is capable of doing, she might not be the right person for you."

"To be honest, she sounds like she has made you her whole world. That's why she constantly needs your presence and to know what you're doing. She needs some hobbies and or friends. You can't be her whole world." - A_SK_K

"It sounds like she has insecurity issues, and dating you, having your key, and checking on you won't fix that insecurity or 'need' to be in your bubble at all hours of the day."

"My ex used to ring me every morning between 7.45 and 7:50 while I was on site getting changed to start at 8:00 AM sharp. She wanted to chat. Literally nothing had happened except rest since we last spoke before going to bed the night before."

"It was completely unnecessary and extremely disruptive, often making me late and getting a ticking off, and causing bad feeling between us when I'm constantly having to say, 'Babe, I really have to go now... This conversation is making me late (again).' She would also not take calls from me during the day because 'she was at work.' She was just ridiculously insecure."

"I hope you want more for yourself, OP. NOR." - Prestigious-Tiger100

"Some people have mental issues and need to stop depending on other people to bring them up every day. She needs to learn how to care more about herself and her own life than about only her boyfriend."

"I've gone through the same situation many times because of my severe depression and anxiety. I used to be very insecure and depended on my partners to hold me up. Then when they broke up with me, I'd crumble and fall into a deep depression. She just needs to choose time to work on herself instead of using her boyfriend for leverage." - ThatOneEmoSage

"Take the key, CHANGE THE LOCKS, and get rid of the girl. She's being controlling and manipulative. Anyone who can't respect your boundaries shouldn't be in your life." - Interesting_Novel997

Others were concerned that this was leading up to the girlfriend moving herself in.

"That happened to a very good friend of mine years ago. He came home from work one day, and the woman had moved in."

"She lived a house away from him, and they began a dating relationship a year or so after he bought the house and moved in."

"After they had been involved for a few months, she suggested that they trade keys in case of 'emergency.' That lasted for about six months, and then, BOOM, he got home from work and there she was with all her stuff." 

"Unless you want that, I'd cut ties before it can happen. NOR." - IToldYouIHeardBanjos

"The part where she says OP is 'making rules like a landlord' is a big, red warning sign that she's going to up and move herself in one day while the OP isn't home. She's acting like it's her place already." - pray4mojo2020

"Honestly, she sounds really tone deaf and like she doesn't really care what he says; she is going to do exactly what she wants to do. Huge red flags for not being great partner material. I would be running in the opposite direction immediately after getting my house key back." - Agile_Menu_9776

"She seems like the kind of partner who's going to remove the bathroom door because she's worried about what you might be doing in there."

"I swear this is giving me PTSD to dating a girl JUST like this. Any time my phone would vibrate in the evenings or chime because I got a text, I would feel my blood pressure and anxiety start to rise because I knew what was coming next... a big old fight."

"Didn't matter that I could show her the texts and be like, 'Look, it's just my brother!' By that point, it was even the idea that it could be someone else that she was now mad about." - MovieTrawler

"When my husband and I were dating, we didn't exchange keys. We moved in together after two years, and then we both had the same keys."

"We organized visits because we both worked full-time. It was the occasional weeknight, but mainly weekends, we saw each other."

"I STILL need my recharge time and space, and I've been with him 12 years, married for three. Like, dude, let me space out for an hour after work, and then I will be your sounding board. Luckily, he appreciates that and gives me my time while he unwinds on games or whatever. We do both work remotely, and I need that decompression time."

"She seems to be needy and clingy and doesn't appreciate that you need your own space. This is after mere months, too. Imagine down the line, when you live togethe,r you would never have a moment's peace. She might even think that moving in sooner will 'solver all of your problems.' I'd get out before she comes to that 'conclusion.'" - fergie_89

Though the subReddit could appreciate a woman being excited about a relationship and wanting to move things forward, and they could even sympathize with a person still finding themselves and maybe leaning a little too hard on a relationship while figuring those things out, they drew the line with what the OP's girlfriend was doing.

Even with the benefit of the doubt, letting herself into the OP's apartment repeatedly, unplanned and unannounced, to check up on what he was doing and how he was living while she wasn't with him, felt like a significant overstep and screamed of insecurity and a lack of trust.

If the girlfriend wanted to stay in the OP's life, she needed to stay out of his apartment, unless she was invited over.

When we have a special moment to celebrate, it's fair that we'd want our loved ones to share the occasion with us.

It's hurtful to think that they'd need to distract themselves or turn the moment into a game just to get through it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor SalamanderBig6201 recently married their wife after six years of dating and had a wonderful time at the wedding among family and friends.

But when they later found out that their family had been playing a practical joke throughout the wedding speeches, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt by their ingenuity.

They asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting for being angry that my family played a game of 'Slip It In' while giving their speeches at my wedding?"

The OP was excited to finally marry their wife.

"I finally tied the knot with my now-wife, once-girlfriend of six years. (I love being able to call her my wife!)"

"This was about two weeks ago now, and it was a big, beautiful wedding, aside from this one detail."

"We hadn't planned on having a whole bunch of people give speeches, but when we were taking pictures after the ceremony and before the reception, my brother and sister (both younger) came up to my wife and me, and asked if they would be allowed to give speeches."

"Of course, we said yes, and at the time, we were both touched that they wanted so badly to say something nice about us. In retrospect, that was dumb of us."

The OP became suspicious of their siblings' plans when the speeches came.

"The time for speeches came, and my wife's Maid of Honor, her best friend since childhood, and my Best Man, my best friend and business partner, both gave beautiful speeches, tying in inside jokes and making everyone laugh and cry. Even my FIL was crying, which I had previously thought impossible."

"Then it was my dad's turn. My father, the man who raised me and protected me and taught me right from wrong."

"It started out good, and he even seemed a little teary-eyed. But then I noticed he had a little notecard or piece of paper with him, which at the time I thought was endearing, since I figured it meant he took the time to write down his thoughts and perfect his speech."

"But then, as he was talking about my upbringing and what it was like to raise his first child, he cracked some weird joke. He said something about my suit not fitting right, and asked me, 'Did your mom buy you that?'"

"There was some confused laughter, and he seemed to kinda chuckle to himself."

"His speech got back on track pretty quickly, and he briefly talked about sending me off to college, and how sad it was to see me go, before randomly interrupting himself again and saying that 'my roommate's grandfather was the inventor of Skittles.'"

"Again, there was confused laughter, and at this point, I noticed my siblings snickering a little at the table with the rest of my immediate family."

"He finished his speech, making another strange comment at some point that I have trouble recalling. I chalked it up to him being emotional and handling it with weird dad jokes or something."

Then the OP realized what the wedding speeches actually were.

"Then my brother went up, and he started off trying to hype the guests up, acting like a 'cool guy,' saying he wanted to give an anecdote from our childhood. He started to tell a story he always likes to tell, about how he and I used to sneak out to the backyard at night and act like ninjas, until one night our dad caught us and scared us to death."

"But he jokingly referred to our tree fort as a 'luxury porta-potty,' called my dad a 'Sasquatch,' and said we thought we would be 'killed with a k, as in knife.'"

"At this point, I started to realize what was going on. Even my wife was giving me glances. But because of his hyper energy and storytelling, he managed to get away with his jokes far better than my dad."

"My sister went up after him, but at this point, I was feeling such rage and disbelief that I wasn't paying much attention. All I know is she started her speech by asking if anyone was recording, which was some b**lshit, since she literally helped set up the tripod."

"The rest of the wedding was beautiful, albeit tense, because I was stewing at my family."

"When my wife and I got home, she half-jokingly asked me what the h**l was up with those speeches."

As it turned out, the OP's family was playing a game, not giving real wedding speeches.

"For those not in the know, 'Slip It In' is a verbal game where you are given cards with odd phrases on them that you then have to sneak into conversation without being noticed. The first person to successfully slip in all their phrases without being caught is the winner."

"This game also happens to be my family's OBSESSION. Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, regular family dinners, it doesn't matter; they will try to play it anywhere."

"But at my wedding?"

"I explained this to my wife, and double-checked the game, and 'I hear his grandfather invented Skittles,' 'Sasquatch,' 'I hope someone's recording this,' are all example phrases pulled directly from the original game."

"The next morning, I messaged my brother, as he's always been real with me, and asked, 'Was that a game of 'Slip It In' last night?'"

"He responded, 'Ya, LOL, didn't think you noticed. You didn't say anything about it last night.'"

"I just said, 'Oh okay, LOL,' because I just didn't even know what to say."

The OP was hurt that their family couldn't just enjoy the wedding.

"They viewed my wedding as some boring event they had to liven up by playing their game, and they didn't even offer any genuine speeches. They used that time as a playground for themselves."

"It's now been about two weeks since, and I haven't said anything to my family."

"My mom keeps inviting us over for dinner, and my brother, sister, and dad seem to have figured out why I'm mad, and keep texting, asking 'if I'm really all that upset about their speeches.'"

"I just want to spend this time with my wife and not think about this."

"Am I overreacting by giving them the cold shoulder, and ignoring their texts and calls, because they played a stupid card game instead of giving genuine speeches at my wedding?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some reassured the OP that they didn't have to make amends for this.

"Wait, does that think you should make amends or they should? They are the ones who should make amends for trying to turn your reception into a game." - Spinnerofyarn

"Do not make amends. It's up to them to sincerely apologise for basically turning your reception into a game."

"It was seriously rude and completely inappropriate. They obviously cared more about their own fun than your big day. I would not bother getting in contact, and when they do, let rip at them. If they don't see what the issue is, tell them to f**k off." - SeaCurrent2933

"Just tell them you're hurt that they prioritized a game over genuinely celebrating your joy, and disengage. Either by going low contact (e.g., you can still attend dinners with your mom and not talk to them) or by doing the Bridgerton queen thing of, 'Congratulations, joy joy, celebration,' as the only speech or card you care to write." - stormtomcat

"Does your wife find this funny? I don't think I would have at MY FREAKING WEDDING. Remember her? It was HER wedding too. They didn't bother to think about how she feels, how she enjoys seeing your family make a game out of her WEDDING on the videos."

"Usually, I have a broad sense of humor, but making a game out of wedding speeches is tacky unless everyone is on the same page. Badly done by your family." - Basic-Organization30

"Congrats on successfully putting a ring on it! It's really kind and telling that you want to be a good sport about this, but I get the feeling being guilted into 'having a sense of humor' is a cycle for you."

"The bit about getting emotional seeing your father's note cards and thinking how much time he had put into this, only to get the rug pulled out that he had the cards for the game, is devastating, and your reaction was so valid."

"You do not obviously have to find a way to make amends. Why would you be responsible for making amends? Is it that hard to take one thing semi-seriously? They couldn't focus on you and your wife for a few hours out of one day?"

"Your wife, who I will remind you, did not sign up to have what is also her wedding hijacked by your selfish family, has to see that now every time she watches the video. Since you didn't say much beyond her visible confusion, I'm going to have faith you married someone who is as good-natured as you and hope she's enjoying the hell out of wedded bliss."

"My family is all jokes, and we aren't serious even when we are trying to be serious. But this would not fly; that's crazy disrespectful. It's fairly clear your wedding was just another family dinner they couldn't get through without the buffer of an improv game. I'd be going to my in-laws for Thanksgiving and let them figure it out, but that's me. I wish you the best of luck." - sunshine_fuu

Others urged the OP to at least communicate how upsetting this was, though.

"Well, the first step is to tell them that yes, you really are upset about it. Otherwise, you might have to wait a long time for an apology, because going from what you wrote, it sounds like they don't yet realize how much it bothered you." - Cmd3055

"If you're upset about it, don't just wait for them to figure out how upset. They noticed you're upset, that's a good first step. But if you never communicate how upset, or what's needed for amends, it might never resolve itself."

"It's not your fault this situation happened, but it's partially yours if it keeps going. Of course, this is only up to a reasonable extent. If you already communicated how upset you were and there's no effort on their side to apologize or make amends, then it's on them." - MoreCoffee331

"For what it's worth, I think you should let yourself be mad and upset; you have every right."

"But at some point you need to sit them down and explain, 'Guys, I've been really hurt. This day meant a lot to me. It very well might be the single most important day of my life to me, and when I heard those speeches, it just made me feel...' or something like that."

"Coming from someone who has to have these types of talks with my family a TON, the apologies come faster when you sit them down and explain why and how you are hurt. When I explain my feelings, and try not to be accusatory or blame but rather just talk about what I'm feeling, they've been understanding and changed their behavior. Slowly fixing my relationships with all of them, but it takes time." - PatchTheLurker

"Honestly, I would be upset, too. It's not about the fact that no one noticed; it's about the fact that, instead of focusing on your big day, they turned it into a game."

"If they wanted to do that, they could have during the wedding reception rather than speeches. Instead of personal loving speeches, they focused on how to make it a competition. I wouldn't say cut them off or anything, but you're completely valid in being hurt."

"You know them more than us. If you think they'll listen to how it hurt your feelings, tell them. But you're completely valid in being like wtf bro." - CutieLai77

This family might generally be all fun and games, but there has to be a limit to the fun, so that some things can be taken seriously, like the union of two people who have already been in love for a long time and are finally taking the next step.

If the family wanted to play this game, they should have involved the OP and their wife in the plans, or they could have done it at a more tasteful time, like in conversations with people they'll likely never meet again from the wedding reception.

There are a few things that are guaranteed to hurt a relationship: disagreements about physical intimacy, whether or not to have children, and financial management.

But at least if these disagreements are going to come up, it's best for them to be revealed early to save everyone the time and heartache, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor Environmental-Law670 had been on a few dates with a woman who they thought they liked, but in between dates, she claimed to have fallen on "tough times."

When she expected him to send her money to help her out, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't sure whether they were a match anymore.

They asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting for not wanting to talk to this girl anymore?"

The OP had recently started dating a woman they liked.

"I went on two dates with this girl I liked (or used to like)."

"On the first date, she demanded I bring her a gift. I thought that was strange, but I like buying flowers for girls, so I got her some. She really liked it."

"We went to dinner and went out for drinks. I paid for all of it, but I didn't mind, because I planned it. The date was going so well, we went to the movies after (and I paid for that too)."

The pair quickly fell into the habit of the OP paying for everything.

"The second date was very spontaneous. We went to a Mexican restaurant, and we had a great time."

"Although, we were talking about love languages, and she said hers is receiving gifts. Nothing wrong with liking to receive gifts, but that set another alarm in my head."

"After that date, we said we would go on a third one."

When she reached out and demanded money, that was the final straw for the OP.

"Yesterday I was texting her, and she said she's experiencing tough times and said, 'I would really appreciate your support; here's my Cash App. Thank you again for helping me out.'"

"In my head, I was like, 'What the f**k? We've been on two dates, and you're already asking for money?!'"

"I feel like that's a huge red flag and that she only wants my money."

"Is this just how dating goes now, or am I overreacting?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some slipped in a joke about the OP's free trial being over.

"NOR. Looks like you've reached the end of the 'free' trial." - tankman77777

"You can return the relationship, and I would, but I have to warn you, there's no warranty." - Man_wo_a_career

"'My love language is receiving gifts' is hilarious. What a coincidence- my love language is somebody paying all of my bills. I'm feeling very UNLOVED over here! Where's the love?!" - honestypen

Others were glad that the OP learned their date's true personality before spending more time dating.

"Well, congratulations. She presented the real version of herself after two dates, and you can now save your wallet and your mental well-being."

"Who sends their Cash App, gifts as a love language is fine, but her Cash App, that's like in the movie better off read where she whips out the adding machine to calculate what 50% of the date was worth so HE could pay her." - RaptorOO7

"Wanting gifts is just code for 'I'm poor and will use you for money.' Tough world out there, many of my girlfriends only want a man who will pay for everything, even if they have money if their own. Good luck." - Imaginary-Ninja-1588

"You guys do what works for you, but … how is receiving presents a 'language' at all? Language implies active, outbound effort to connect. Receiving is a form of listening, therefore passive behavior, no?"

"If I told my wife my love language is having her wait on me while I watch football, it wouldn't go over well. How would she know I love her, or regard her as anything more than a beer bottle opener?" - AnotherPint

"She's definitely using you. You're not overreacting." - Economy-Natural-3453

"NOR, as a woman, I'm telling you to RUN… unless you have an endless supply of money and you're so desperate, you don't care if you're being used." - Mildly_Alive_Fox

"Definitely not overreacting. After only two dates, I cannot imagine ever asking someone for money, even in the BIGGEST emergency ever. RUN." - tamerriam

"Sometimes people in relationships feel uncared for and unappreciated despite their partners putting in a lot of effort."

"The love language thing suggests that this is because the partner is not 'speaking the other person's love language,' for example, a boyfriend could wake up earlier every day so that his girlfriend would wake up to a fresh cup of coffee, but he rarely/never says, 'I love you.'"

"The proposed solution is to learn each other's love language so that you could express your love in a way that is appreciated. Of course, none of this is related to the post itself, OP has just found himself a leech." - Rezenbekk

"Massive red flag. You're not the only guy she's talking to or going on dates with. Cut it off now, she's trying to turn you into one of her simps." - Lost-Mongoose-8962

"NOR. It might be how some people treat dating now, but the rest of us don't have to go along with it!! She doesn't want a boyfriend. She wants a sugar daddy." - m_arabsky

"NOR. She sounds like a gold digger, not someone to date." - KellieBom

"NOR. That's kinda odd of her tbh. There's nothing wrong with gifts being someone's love language, but demanding it and then sending your Cash App when you haven't paid for anything so far is insane." - CaffeineCartoon

"I feel like a true 'receiving gifts love language' is a mix of giving and receiving gifts AND loving any gifts. Like, picking wildflowers or a handmade gift or just a thoughtful gesture is a kind of gift and to just be truly appreciative. Not constantly spending money."

"So I feel like NOR because she sounds like she's expecting money to be spent on her during every interaction, which is ridiculous." - Illustrious_Bird_737

"No. NOR."

"Tell her that you appreciate that you had the opportunity to get to know her better, but that your values don't really align. Wish her well."

"And move on."

"As someone who had to kiss a lot of frogs before I met my partner of 19 years: Princess Charming is looking for you just as much as you're looking for her. She's out there, and she's worth it." - Candid-Mycologist539

"'Love languages' are garbage. People use this like they were diagnosed by a doctor or something."

"And I'm very sorry, OP, but those weren't dates. You were on very pleasant sugar daddy appointments; she just didn't tell you. I mean, she kinda hinted but…" - TodayIAmMostlyEating

"Usually, when gifts are your love language, that is also how you show your love. Gifts are one of mine, and I give way more than I receive, and I love doing it."

"It's kind of reminding me of how men will say theirs is physical touch, so they hope they can get you to sleep with them sooner. It's giving that vibe." - Extension-While4732

"NOR, and I'm willing to bet if you told her no, she would suddenly drop off the face of the Earth to you or blow up at you. There are more women out there; this one seems questionable right off the bat. Good luck." - ksnyer

"Nope, NOR, she's treating it as transactional. I'm willing to bet that the minute you aren't able or unwilling to give her what she wants, she's out."

"If you need closure, test the theory. Tell her you can't afford to send her any money or even that you'd feel it was insulting to both of you, that either of you should give money to the other and (very firmly) that isn't something you'd even consider. See what happens next..." - Severe-Log-0675

"From a woman's perspective, even if you're overreacting, that's okay, because later, you'll regret it. Real/genuine girls never ask or demand gifts, and that two on the first date. And who even asks for gifts? If you're asking for it, I don't think that's called a gift anymore. Safer and better for you to react now than suffer later." - RespectMiserable6468

"NOR. Only gift people things that show they're genuinely interested in you and are a decent person. Thing is, OP is clearly not very experienced in dating, so she took advantage of him. You can't expect everyone to understand, but OP is learning a valuable lesson right here."

"Could've been worse. Some guys fund a woman's life for years, and she consistently disrespects him and shows barely any appreciation." - Least_Stand_2707

The subReddit was left side-eyeing the woman that the OP had been dating, not only for letting the OP pay for absolutely everything without a single offer to even cover the tip, but to reach out in between a second and third date, demanding money.

We've all fallen on hard times at some point, and we might even have asked for help. But we would have reached out to loved ones who we'd trust with that information, and people who would trust us to pay them back. Someone we've met twice is far from sharing that history.

When we're dating someone we really care about, it's not surprising that we would do all that we could to impress them.

But one of the most impressive things we can do is be honest and vulnerable with them, even when we want to be able to do something for them that we can't, like cook a nice meal, reasoned out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor Cautious_Pear_5800 had been excited when their boyfriend promised them a romantic dinner at home, but they were immediately suspicious when they saw how perfect everything looked.

When they discovered that their boyfriend had staged takeout as a romantic dinner at home, the Original Poster (OP) was much more upset about him lying than the fact that he ordered takeout.

They asked the sub:

"AIO for calling out my boyfriend after finding out his 'homemade romantic dinner' was actually takeout from a restaurant down the street?"

The OP thought it was nice when her boyfriend wanted to create a romantic dinner at home.

"My boyfriend told me he wanted to 'cook for me' and made a big deal about planning a romantic dinner."

"When I showed up, there was music and roasted duck that honestly looked too perfect."

The OP quickly started to put the pieces together.

"I noticed the same foil containers in the trash from the restaurant near our place."

"When I asked if he'd ordered it, he said he 'just used their packaging.'"

"I got suspicious, checked the bin, and found the actual receipt from that restaurant."

The OP didn't mind the takeout dinner, but the lie that surrounded it.

"We had a big fight because it was obviously a lie."

"He got embarrassed and said I was ruining the vibe."

"But I would've been fine if he'd just told the truth. I mean, I'm not so great at making food either, but why did he lie to me?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

A few thought the OP was overreacting, because a home-cooked meal and takeout could both be romantic gestures.

"Three little words. Does. It. Matter? Really?"

"He got dinner for you. Yes, he told you a white lie about where it came from. So what? Don't complain if he never does anything nice for you again." - LissyVie

"Wow. You actually dug through the garbage and had a fight over this?"

"You're not just slightly overreacting. If you had suspected to find a used condom, that would be not overreacting. You went full-on psycho over DINNER."

"It's dinner and a romantic gesture. Save the insane behaviour for things that actually deserve it."

"On the plus side, he's s**t at lying, so you won't really need to worry about not knowing when he does tell even a little white lie." - LouisePoet

"Oh yeah, you're overreacting. This dude did a romantic gesture, and you found a way to pick a fight. Slow clap..." - CMG30

"He should not have been lying, but honestly, he did get a romantic dinner in the end. Maybe he wanted to cook but decided to play it safe. If I were in this situation, I would not have cared where the meal came from, but just that he made sure there was a meal to enjoy." - Silver-Star92

"NOR, but I'm going to try to look on the bright side and say that someone who lies this badly about cooking must not have had a lot of practice lying or trying to cover it up. It's the liars you can't spot that are concerning."

"My wife and I get a nice takeout at least once a month because who wants to buy 100 dollars worth of ingredients and make a mess of the kitchen?!"

"Also, saying 'I cooked a roast duck' is a lie that comes back to haunt you, because it implies more fancy cooking in the future. Like lying during an interview that you're a classically trained pianist and the boss asks you to play at the Christmas party." - Forever_Away96

However, most found the real issue was that the boyfriend was lying to the OP.

"There's literally no reason to lie. Whatever the reason may be for doing it is probably not a good one."

"Cooking failed? Wanted it to be perfect? Just tell the truth; who gives a f**k?"

"It's just a weird thing to lie about, and it's minor, but again, who would lie about something as insignificant as that? Probably not a good partner." - jensjennifer

"You got a liar as a boyfriend. Do with that as you will." - Ill-Locksmith8281

"No matter what he's lying about, lying is lying."

"He could've just said, 'I'm ordering us [restaurant] and giving you a romantic dinner.'"

"Putting takeout on real plates, turning on music, maybe using some pretty lighting, and making it nice is SUCH a romantic and intimate gesture!"

"He could have done exactly that and told the truth, and it would have been lovely, no worries whatsoever. NOR." - Jayaaa

"Lying is lying is lying... You're not wrong to be mad about the lie. What's next, 'We were just hanging out and nothing happened'?"

"Those who are dishonest with a little are dishonest with a lot. NOR." - Standard-Cloud-5332

"Don't date liars. This was something with a fairly low level of consequence in being revealed. What happens when there's more at stake?"

"When you've been with someone who openly lies to your face (I've been there), there's no coming back." - Special-Bitt-8689

And to top it all off, he was a terrible liar, pointed out others.

"NOR. Imagine if he'd just said, 'I tried to make you a home-cooked meal and then I screwed it up and was embarrassed and didn't have enough time to fix it, so I ordered a replacement dinner and was too embarrassed to tell you. I'm sorry for lying to you.'"

"I'm willing to bet if he'd said that to OP, she wouldn't be posting here, but he lied and kept lying." - haleorshin

"'Just used their packaging.' ...What? What could you have possibly used it for?!"

"He couldn't even come up with a convincing lie?"

"He's not just a liar; he's stupid, too." - Judy_McJudgerson

"NOR. He should have hit her with a 'I just used their receipts,' too, after she found the containers. Honestly, the lying is the bigger insult. You really think I'm stupid enough to believe you 'used the packaging'?"

"If you're gonna be a liar, at least be a good one. Go to liar school and learn how to be a good liar, ya f**king clown." - KKs_Delivery_Service

"He's a liar. He's also a person who doubles down on his lie when caught and only confesses when he's faced with absolutely irrefutable proof, and then tries to blame you for 'ruining' things by insisting on the truth."

"Girl, what more do you need to know?"

"NOR."

"You should be leaving a human-shaped dust cloud behind with how fast you're running away from this guy." - lissaBryan

"He got caught in the lie and then doubled down and blamed you for ruining the vibe. Too close to DARVO… Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender."

"OP, read that book 'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft. I don't know if this is due to human nature or what, but abusers have patterns they all seem to follow." - K00kyKelly

"When I read through it, my first thought was, 'That's a good chunk of DARVO right there.'"

"Learning about DARVO was soo eye-opening. At first, I felt kind of dumb like, 'How did I not catch on to that?!' Because I often would end up feeling like I was the one in the wrong after being DARVO'd."

"But I know many manipulators are very good at what they do. And at the time, due to my self-esteem issues, I was easily manipulated. It is what it is. Now that I know about it, though, it's usually obvious to spot."

"Look back through your relationship for signs of it, OP. Used containers in the trash can and an abandoned receipt might have just been some of the more obvious signs, with other examples sprinkled throughout your relationship." - SoHereWeGo-

One Redditor suggested having a conversation before making any rash decisions about the relationship.

"He lied, and that isn't good. However, look at the motive behind it, too. He wanted to impress you. Yes, he failed and was caught lying. But do you really think berating him over it is good?"

"How about an adult conversation that says something like:"

"'I know you bought the food from the restaurant and said you cooked it to impress me. I am flattered by the intent, but I would rather you not tell me a lie to try to impress me with a fancy dinner. I would have been just as happy as you setting up the dinner at home with the music and ambiance for me and telling me you wanted to cook, but you didn't for whatever reason.'"

"Make sure he understands this: 'It is super important to me that we are always truthful with one another, even in the small, mundane things in life.'"

"He shouldn't have lied, but you should have a little understanding behind the motivation, extend some grace, and communicate. Honestly, I wouldn't want to be with a partner who explodes over something so trivial."

"We judge ourselves by our best intentions and others by their worst actions. I would bet a million dollars you have told a white lie to him either through commission or omission, too. You just rationalized it." - Complete-Record5167

The subReddit was about as divided over how the OP reacted as the OP and their boyfriend were over how the "romantic dinner" went. It sounded to most like the boyfriend was eager to impress the OP and have a romantic night at home, but his way of getting there was questionable at best.

If the couple decided to keep working on their relationship and wanted to have a romantic night together, they'd be better off sticking with honesty and a delicious but low-stress menu.

It seems like in 2025, almost 2026, that we should have a better grip on what pregnant women actually go through and how lasting their symptoms can be.

But there are still people out here who think that pregnant women shouldn't gain weight, or should even lose weight, despite growing a small human, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor mimblez_yo was eight months pregnant and had, of course, gained weight.

When her husband started monitoring her weight and expected her to lose weight, because she was gaining more than "the average," the Original Poster (OP) was deeply hurt.

She asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting by getting upset that my husband told me to lose weight while being 32 weeks pregnant?"

The OP was naturally gaining weight while pregnant.

"I'm currently 32 weeks (eight months) pregnant with my second baby."

"My starting weight was 69 kg (152 lbs), and I am 80.3 kg (176 lbs) right now. I'm five feet, four inches, tall."

"I also got massive by the end of my first pregnancy, and I was diagnosed with polyhydramnios (too much amniotic fluid)."

"My husband looked at the weight I track in my Garmin app and compared it to the predicted pregnant weight gain on a graph."

You can see the graph here:

Based on the graph, the OP's "goal weight" was 55.0 kg (121 lbs), and her weight at the beginning of the pregnancy back in January was 69 kg (152 lbs).

The OP's weight gradually increased over the course of the pregnancy, at first overlapping with the suggested weight gain, or "pregnancy gain goal" presented by the app.

Between August and September, the OP's weight, at approximately 73 kg (160 lbs) went above the app's pregnancy gain goal. As of the present in December, the OP's weight was charted at 80 kg (176 lbs), while the app suggested approximately 76 kg (167 lbs).

u/mimblez_yo/Reddit

The OP's husband's suggestion was to lose weight, even though she was still pregnant.

"He said I am weighing too much and I should lose two kilograms."

"I got upset, told him he was mean to me, and left the room to cry."

"He said I was overreacting."

"This was not the first time he commented on my weight or how much I eat during this pregnancy, either."

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some reassured the OP that pregnant women did not need to lose weight in the vast majority of cases.

"It is also incredibly unhealthy to try to lose weight when pregnant that would not be good for you or the baby who needs the nutrients you are eating for them."

"The only people who should be discussing weight, exercise, or anything else linked to your body are the medical professionals caring for you."

"I think that's exactly what you should tell your husband! And possibly that this won't be an issue again since he is now about as appealing to you sexually as a whelk (not a cute whelk one with bad breath!)" - Fanoflif21

"I think for the majority of us, being pregnant is hard. What an awful thing to say to you."

"I don't think someone capable of saying that while pregnant really cares about you. But you have your history and your reasons… You should try to talk about why that hurts (even though it's obvious)."

"In my opinion. If you struggle to have those conversations and you're not heard, there's a major problem going on." - beapleites7

"She's eight months pregnant. She's ready to burst with his kid, and he's commenting on TWO KILOGRAMS."

"Even I know that we don't f**king care about a few kg on a very pregnant woman, and I'm a gay with negative awareness when it comes to these issues." - PigeonBoiAgrougrou

"Tell your husband to go to the doctor with you, then tell the doctor what he said, and he will be eating his words. This is would probably be the only way to save the marriage."

"This kind of person needs a doctor to tell them why they are wrong."

"I'm a guy here before anyone thinks otherwise, telling your pregnant wife that she's getting too fat, and then telling her she's overreacting when she cries is just evil, to me that tells him he's just not capable of being a good husband and probably father."

"If you can humble him now, maybe things will change, I recently got diagnosed with autism and I realised the symptoms are everywhere (and even if the husband doesn't have autism, autism is just having too many symptoms and too frequently so I reckon the advice can still apply if someones acting this way), my dad is the one who probably gave me autism and in my personal experience we say the wrong thing, get very stubborn about it etc the only way to convince my father (or me) that we're wrong is a professional/authority explaining why we're wrong."

"I'm not saying he has autism or it's an excuse but imo the only way to deal with stubbornness like this isn't to argue with them, it's to get an authority to tell them they are wrong, if he can't admit his mistake, then it's gonna be a rough road." - RelevantIndividual27

"You should lose weight, approximately 77kg of a**hole."

"NOR. His lack of consideration towards you while you are MAKING A HUMAN INSIDE OF YOU is just inexcusable."

"You just keep doing you, bring your beautiful baby into this world and surround it with love, mama. Ignore the poor choice you have in men for now, deal with it once you're past this last stretch." - MercyForNone

Others found the OP's husband to be terribly inconsiderate and hoped she'd leave him.

"May this love never find me."

"This man is an id**t. He's inconsiderate, focused on the wrong things, mean, and misogynistic."

"The fact that you wonder if YOU are overreacting is the biggest concern here because it means he has done quite some successful gaslighting already." - cat-like-creature

"I'm 30 weeks pregnant right now and would lose my S**T if someone told me I needed to lose weight. Tell him to try growing a baby and see how he does with his weight. NOR, your husband's a d*ck for that.

And if that doesn't get through to him, you can lose a few dozen kg by throwing the whole man away if he doesn't sincerely apologize and change his behavior.

I'm not pregnant, nor do I have plans to be, but I get fiercely protective of pregnant folks. Diaparaging someone for their weight is already gauche af. To do so when someone in actively creating a whole new human?? Get the f**k out of here." - vikingunicorn

"How are we in 2025, and some people still don't know that pregnancy changes your body? Even permanently, sometimes."

"And not just physically. After my first, I somehow became lactose intolerant! It took an embarrassing amount of morning cereal and rushing to the bathroom to figure that one out. I also have a friend who developed a shellfish allergy while pregnant, and she and her child are both allergic to shellfish now."

"Op, your man needs to grow up. Before a man becomes a father, he needs to understand and appreciate the gravity of pregnancy, development, and parenthood." - Mommyfish

"You cannot convince me that this man is not a complete and utter AH in the rest of their lives together."

"There's no way that somebody is at unspeakably mean, and grossly insensitive, and this is a one-off. I guarantee you this guy is a huge jerk, and OP has just been so conditioned that she accepts it a lot of the time."

"Things like this don't exist in a vacuum. This isn't just a one-off. He's probably an a**hole constantly, so she ignores it."

"But this one stuck out as overtly a**holery conduct because she knows she's not doing a thing wrong."

"Poor OP. I bet her PP journey is rough. With my first couple of kids, I bounced back quickly. With my last two, I didn't lose anything until I stopped nursing when they were almost two years. Nursing made me ravenous, but even with exercise, I just couldn't lose it. It melted off once we stopped nursing, but still."

"If my husband had expressed anything critical about my weight, I would have definitely spiraled. Instead, he was so proud of me for finally successfully breastfeeding and not using formula at all. I got back to my normal eventually."

"This guy is going to give her a body image complex. She deserves better!" - KatesDT

"The OP wrote, 'I got upset, told him he was being mean to me, and left the room to cry. He said I was overreacting.'"

"Great husband. Will be a fantastic, emotionally aware father... (ends sarcastic comment)."

"I understand OP is married to this man, and they already have another child, but I am begging other young women reading this: please stop letting men like this procreate."

"A man who is going to tell you you need to lose a small amount of weight while you risk dying for his child, should have zero access to p**sy, period. There are better men."

"I don't care if it sounds mean, I am p**sed on OP's behalf, since being as p**sed as she should be will probably detonate her life; these types of men should be the real incels. Truly involuntarily celibate because they don't deserve it from any woman on earth."

"There are signs that a man will be like this. I've been with one, in my 20s, who would make just 'little quips' about my weight or how much I ate, or what I was eating. I bet if I had ended up pregnant and gained 'a lot' (in his eyes), he would have said something."

"My current partner has never once made a single comment about any of those things to me in five years. He's actually never made a single negative comment about my appearance or body, even once. Ever."

"One time, he told me my nose contour looked off in real lighting when we got in the car, so I could fix it. That's the only incident. Even when I gained 30 pounds in the relationship, and eventually losing that was my choice too."

"Men should be happy their wives and babies are alive and healthy during pregnancy. Nothing else. And they should be painfully aware that either of those things can drastically change in those nine months on a dime, and as such, be filled with love, kindness, and gratitude." - PinkDeserterBaby

The subReddit was disgusted by how the OP was being treated and hoped that she would not listen to her husband and that she would learn to expect more from her marriage... if she chose to stay.

Let's get one thing clear: unless it's a terrible emergency where we need information, it's never okay to snoop through someone else's phone.

It's also not okay to collect someone else's contact information and ruin one of their key relationships, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor Fit-Specific-1204 had been dating a woman for about six months and thought things were going well, until she did something terrible while he was sleeping.

Not only did she take his phone and snoop through it, but when the Original Poster (OP) discovered that she'd also taken his mom's phone number and texted her to tell her that the OP didn't like her, he wasn't sure this relationship could last.

He asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting for confronting my girlfriend about going through my phone while I was asleep and messaging my mother?"

The OP had a wonderful day with his girlfriend.

"I spent the day with my girlfriend of six months. We went out and about and had a good time, and when we got back, I sat down with her and bought Christmas presents for her and her family, as I'd been invited to spend Christmas with her family."

"So we had a really good day, and we're in a good space at this point, and I was tired and decided to take a nap."

But then the OP's girlfriend did something unthinkable.

"During my nap, she had gone onto my phone (I have nothing to hide, so I wasn't worried about snooping, but still), taken my mother's number, and saved my mother as a contact on her phone."

"Then she messaged her the following: 'Hi, you don't know me, but I'm the OP's girlfriend. He hates you, but I wanted to say hi. Do yourself a favor and don't tell him I messaged you; he doesn't want you or anyone to find out about us, and he wouldn't appreciate you asking questions.'"

The OP did not know what to think of his girlfriend's actions.

"I confronted her when I woke up to messages from my mother, and all I got were tears, apologies because she didn't mean to hurt me, and the closest thing to a reason as to why was, 'I wanted to be friends with her,' but the message totally contradicts that."

"I'm honestly stumped at this."

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some thought the OP's girlfriend was exhibiting behaviors no one should choose to date.

"She piles lies on top of lies when she's caught red-handed. It means you'll never be able to resolve any conflict with her. Your relationship is over, run away fast!" - TheToi

"She's shown a distinct lack of respect, common courtesy, and emotional manipulation. Dump." - TheLastflyingBison12

"NOR. She has no respect for you or your mother or your family. Run away now while you still can." - McDWarner

"I bet his mother was crushed by the statement that her son hates her. That s**t is just vile and evil."

"Whether or not you have a relationship with your mom, she should never step in like that. I mean, what in the h**l is she trying to accomplish? To cut him off from his family, maybe, or she's jealous of the relationship he has with his mother. There is no sane reason to do this." - Shadow4summer

"NOR…UNDERreacting. She's profoundly vicious. She's irredeemably mean. And she's a gross liar. If you don't run far and fast, everything that follows is your fault. (Also, everyone should block her immediately.)" - Manatee269

"Do yourself a favor and leave her. She way overstepped, and this is weird behavior." - Longjumping-Honey-76

"She's trying to alienate you from your family and tried to keep it a secret. She would rather your mother think you told her that and you to lose your relationship with her than to share you with your own family."

"Even if you told her that it's not her place to voice it. Why is this person in your life? Honestly, I doubt you'll dump her, but I promise you this will end, and it will end very, very badly." - Dmau27

"NOR. But you are underreacting. Is your mother the only person she messaged? Make sure you check."

"This woman is not someone to build a future with. This is unhinged behaviour, and it won't get better."

"Leave. And take care. Warn work and friends that she may contact them, trying to cause trouble. I doubt very much that your mother's number was the only one she put in her phone." - purpleroller

"NOR. This is just the beginning!! It's only been six months, and this is her? This is what she's already comfortable showing you?"

"Do you honestly wanna find out more as you invest more time?"

"Oh my, don't do it. Get out of this before you're in too deep." - lucydlu

"Too many humans overlook this behavior to try and make things work in toxic relationships, and end up being miserable down the line far too often. Leaving her is the best course of action. You cannot possibly think this relationship is capable of being salvaged."

"This advice saves a lot of people a lot of stress and heartache in a lot of situations. Are there times when the internet consensus is wrong when this advice is given? Sure. It happens. But this situation ain't it."

"What could possibly nip this in the bud when she's this crazy at only six months in?" - Token_Handicap

Others found this to be much bigger than a few girlfriend red flags.

"This is not a red flag. This is a red fireworks explosion. You owe her and her family nothing. RUN." - Syenadi

"NOR. What she texted doesn't even make sense... it was taunting, bullying, egging in for drama... what is with these people who like to destroy good things." - CleoJK

"NOR. That is psychotic behaviour. If you stay in that relationship, you are in for a world of manipulation and toxic behaviour. It's not worth it for such a new relationship. Call it off and wish her well, but move on." - False-Emu-1742

"NOR. Run, Forrest, run!"

"Sounds like a narc attempt to separate you from your family and that she is hanging onto some huge resentment about being hidden..."

"I've met my boyfriend's mom (it took two years before I got to meet her, though), and even now I WOULD NEVER reach out to her without his approval, let alone access his phone and violate his trust!"

"No good can come of that." - ----Clementine----

"Why are you questioning anything? This is insane behaviour."

"Six months in, and she's messaged your own mother that. Come on..."

"I know it's hard thinking about breaking up and the stuff that follows a break-up, but leave this person. You'll be happier in the long run. You only live once, so ensure you're happy for that one life. This isn't it." - cannibalcats

"NOR. She messaged your possibly estranged mom to introduce herself, tell your mom you hate her, but gf wants to be friends with her?"

"If real, this gf has broken your trust and antagonized what may already be a difficult relationship with you. There's no redeeming herself from that. Return any gifts for her and her family. Block her and move on." - curiosity60

"Take the presents back for a refund and be done. What she did was wrong, and the things she said were horrible to your mother. She completely disrespected you and your mother."

"She's not trustworthy, and imagine if you married this person. First off, you'll have no relationship with your family. She will control who has relationships with you by doing exactly what she has shown to you she will do."

"Will she contact your boss and say things to them so you lose your job? Who knows. I had someone in my home for a very short time just like her and she was so destructive to every aspect in my life and always tried to be the innocent one." - lahneah

"This is a situation where you break up immediately."

"She violated your privacy, she crossed a boundary that you set about not letting your mom know about you two. She's the type of person to do what she wants, no matter what you feel or think. She doesn't care about crossing boundaries and inserted herself into your and your mother's relationship."

"Ask yourself, what else could she do if she's done this. Is she going to secretly message your friends and damage your relationships with them?" - castrodelavaga79

Fellow Redditors were shocked by what the OP's girlfriend had done, especially only six months into their relationship, and when the OP was excited to celebrate with her family for Christmas.

A person's relationship with their parents, and even possible estrangement, is entirely their business and is not something a new partner should meddle in, especially while they're sleeping and while using contact information that was not given to them in the first place.