There's no denying that weddings are expensive.

Indeed, so much so that when their big day finally arrives, most brides and grooms need to alter their plans for their dream wedding just a little bit.

In some cases, however, some soon-to-be married couples will not give up their plans for their ideal wedding.

And will do their best to find the money to pay for it, somehow.

The sister of Redditor Bright_Goose_149 was soon to be married.

When the original poster (OP) heard about her sister's wedding plans, she wondered how she was going to be able to afford it.

As it turned out, the OP later learned that her sister planned on paying for it with a little help from the OP.

Help the OP was in no way willing to give.

Wondering if she was being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for not chipping in to fund my sister's wedding?"

The OP explained why she refused to help her sister's wedding dreams become a reality:

"Hello reddit users, I'm currently in a sticky situation with my sister."

"I (23 F[emale]) am the youngest of three sisters."

"There is Veronica (31) and Blaire (24)."

"Blaire and I haven't always been the closest to Veronica due to the age gap, as we grew up, we started to bond more."

"Veronica recently got engaged last year to her bf."

"My family really likes him because he's a genuinely great guy and treats Veronica and her son (9) like royalty."

"They plan to have their wedding this year in August. I have never been married or participated in the process of getting married, but it just seemed a bit rushed since."

"My sister has a good-paying job as a medical secretary, and her boyfriend is the CEO of a startup; they are pretty well off, as the apartment they currently rent runs around 3800 to 4000 dollars a month downtown."

"Toronto is not just known to be the home of Drake, but it's notoriously known to be super expensive."

"So just imagine the price to pay for a wedding ceremony in the area."

"My sister originally wanted their wedding to be held in Italy or Mexico before our mom convinced her to stay in the city so the family won't need to spend extra money on flights."

"They're both doing as much as they can to try to save here and there, putting more hours at work, reducing ordering out, etc."

"They even asked to borrow my mother's car (60) to start doing food deliveries in the winter."

"However, my mother recently held a mini family meeting with my Blaire and me to ask on behalf of Veronica to donate in 2k dollars to help fund her wedding."

"Blaire and I are both currently going back to school in Fall 2025, and are working part-time jobs for minimum wage."

"I try to save as much as I can with each paycheck as I'm saving to move out and buy a car with my partner of 4 years."

"On top of that, Blaire and I also pay at least 1000 dollars every month (500 each on 600-700 paycheques) to my mother for rent too."

"The whole family even babysits her son bi-weekly every weekend for free and never asks for payment."

"In honesty, I can afford the 2k to chip in; however, morally, I can't get myself to agree to that egregious request."

"I saved as much as I could before starting school, and now for my own plans and goals in life."

"The thought of me donating hard-earned money that took my years to save, that won't be paid back, is dreadful."

"In an effort to make my sister and me feel better, my mom told me that Veronica asked her to pay 10k to fund the wedding while her fiancé's parents agreed to pay only 4k."

"My parents will most likely have to reach into their savings that is supposed to be for their retirement in their homeland."

"I don't want them to do that for the sake of wanting them to retire comfortably."

"I'm expected to give an answer next month, and I don't know what to do."

"Look out for myself or be a good sister?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to contribute to her sister's wedding.

Everyone agreed that if the OP's sister couldn't afford her wedding, then she should change her plans, not expect others to crowdsource the cost:

"NTA."

"They need to have the wedding THEY can afford, not the wedding other people can afford for them."- EastPirate6505

"I stopped reading when you said you pay your mom 1k each for rent?"

"Like what?"

"Tell her she is more than welcome to use the rent money for your sister."

"NTA."- Affectionate_Ad_3983

"NTA."

"I don't believe in crowdfunding, which is, at the end of the day, a party."

"If you can't afford it, have a smaller wedding."

"But even if you are going to ask for money for your wedding, you should ask people with more money than you, not less."

"Going to the people in your family with the least disposable income hat in hand makes you a huge AH."- Gloomy_Ruminant

"NTA."

"You don't have to contribute."

"Your sister doesn't have to contribute."

"Your mother doesn't have to contribute."

"As the oldest sibling, I'd never dream of approaching my younger siblings for money for my wedding."

"I'd be mortified if anyone suggested it."- embopbopbopdoowop

"I'd say sorry, but no."

"You don't have extra money… Mom can take a couple of months of the rent she charges you and use that instead."

"NTA."- rainyhawk

"NTA."

"I don't understand why their only solution is to get more money, through side jobs and family members, rather than cut back on wedding expenses."

"Especially since your sister has a child already, she shouldn't be blowing tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding they can't afford."

"And it's very unfair to demand that family members, especially those who only work part-time because they are still studying."

"Don't empty your accounts for someone else's party."- Jerseygirl2468

"NTA."

"Tell her no."

"They can delay the wedding and save properly or cut back."

"My wedding was 15k, and damn it, we paid it ourselves."

"Your sister is acting entitled."- PrincessCG

"NTA."

"But suggest you and Blair get on the same page and answer together."

"It's entirely reasonable to point out that you and Blair are currently part-time workers attending college and saving for needed expenses like car and housing, so at this time you do not have disposable income to help fund a wedding."

"Your sister's problem isn't a wedding ceremony."

"Most churches, and I believe other religions, will perform a ceremony for a nominal fee."

"Your sister's problem is having a wedding reception, which is basically a party."

"And here she has alternatives."

"She could have a smaller wedding, and shop for a used gown."

"She could look outside of Toronto for a wedding venue - Kitchener or St Catherines or Kawartha Lake, it's not unreasonable to ask people to drive an hour or so to a wedding."

"Basically you're being asked to pay to upscale her dream party."

"I don't think that particularly should be viewed as being a 'good sister'."

"It's not like you're being asked to take money from savings to pay for a life saving medical treatment, which a 'good sister' would do."-  Constant_Host_3212

"If you're generous you offer whatever you can afford for their wedding gift."

"Them asking money for a wedding is tacky as sh*t, if they can't afford the party then it's their prerogative to trim off the excess fat and budget."

"I don't understand this mentality of going around cap in hand asking your immediate family to donate to your wedding fund."

"As a guy, id be mortified asking my own family not to mention asking my partners family for money."

"NTA."- PresentationUnited43

"NTA."

"Tell them if they cant afford to fund their own wedding, they can save thousands by not getting married."

"The bride's siblings are under no obligation to pay for her wedding."- Missfunkshunal

"NTA."

"You sure Veronica is asking for this money or is it that V asked your mom & mom is pushing the request onto you?"

"Either way, simply say you can't bc you work a job while going to school and have a budget for your money."

"Wedding planning isn't in your budget."- BlueyIsAwesome

"NTA."

"If people can't afford their wedding then they shouldn't be having it in the first place."

"Or, they have a wedding they can afford."

"I actually don't understand where this kind of culture came from because in my culture, it should be funded by both the groom and bride, and if they are lucky, either one or both sets of parents would sponsor it - I've never heard or known or even been to a wedding where siblings would chip in for their brother/sister's wedding."- Koquet

It's not exactly unreasonable for someone to ask their family for financial assistance.

Asking for that assistance for a lavish wedding, however, is pushing it.

Especially when the people you are asking don't have the money to help.

A person's behavior in their own private bedroom is supposed to be their own business.

Right?

How someone sleeps is part of that business.

Many people enjoy sleeping in the nude.

This can make other people uncomfortable.

So, to wear clothes or not?

Redditor Outrageous-Ad-4008 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

He asked:

"AITA for sleeping naked in my own room?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"Since I was a teenager, I've always slept naked."

"I always get too hot at night, and it's just generally way more comfortable for me to sleep that way."

"Whenever I leave my room, I'm always dressed, or at the very least have shorts or something on if I'm going to/from the shower."

"My roommate knows this and up to this point has had no problem with it, and we always knock on each other's doors anyway to be polite."

"The issue started when he brought over his G[irl]F[riend] to stay a couple of nights."

"We all get along pretty well and have all hung out a few times before, but this was the first time she had come over and spent the night."

"We had all gone out drinking and got home pretty late, so once we all walked in, we just went straight to sleep."

"I, of course, went to bed with my usual routine of getting naked and hopping into bed."

"Well, sometime during the night, my roommate's girlfriend needed to use the bathroom, but she didn't know which room it was."

"My room and the bathroom are right next to each other, and she opened my door by mistake."

"I have a vague memory of her opening my door, but I was half asleep, and when she closed it I went right back to sleep."

"The next morning, I woke up, and my roommate and his girlfriend were upset with me because when she walked in, she saw everything, and she was mad I would sleep naked when a guest was over in the first place."

"They both said I need to start wearing clothes to sleep since my roommate's girlfriend is gonna probably be sleeping over more often, and it makes her uncomfortable."

"My argument was that I'm in my own private space away from them and that while I understand it was a mistake, it's still her fault that she walked in on me sleeping."

"It's been a few days, and my roommate still won't let it go."

"I still sleep naked, and now once on purpose he's walked in on me sleeping just to see if I was naked or not."

"I don't really care about him seeing me naked cause we've seen each other naked before, but this is getting really out of hand."

"I don't think I should have to wear clothes to sleep just because it makes his girlfriend uncomfortable, even though I'm in my own private room."

The OP was left to wonder:

"So... AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.

"No nudity in your room."

"Got it."

"So they're not having sex when she comes over, right?"

"Maybe you should start walking in on them to check."

"Also, how exactly did she manage to see that you were completely naked?"

"How hard was she looking into the darkened room that clearly wasn't the room she wanted?"

"Did she ever apologise for the invasion of your privacy? NTA." ~ Historical_Heron4801

"On top of that, this is the PERFECT opportunity to lay some ground rules and establish that if she starts being there all the time, bills start to get split 3 ways instead of 2."

"As long as there is already drama, OP might as well tackle the next problem coming soon to his household." ~ WanderingStar01

"I'm really sorry, but your roommate purposefully opening the door on you while you sleep TO SEE IF YOU ARE NAKED is lowkey sexual harassment."

"His girlfriend has no business whatsoever dictating how you sleep, in your own goddamn room."

"Also, I'm really sorry, but they can't just announce 'Well, she's technically gonna live here with us, so you better dress up in three layers for the night' - that needs a discussion, that needs sitting down and asking 'Are you okay with this?'"

"You're not being indecent, so NTA all the way." ~ Calculated_Mischief

"Stick a simple wedge under the door from the inside, if the door opens inwards, but no one has the right to dictate how you behave in the privacy of your own room unless that behaviour impacts others."

"Sleeping does not impact anyone else unless your snoring is loud enough to be heard outside your room."

"Anything else?"

"Not their business." ~ TheOriginalMythrelle

"And how often are they naked behind your roommate's door?"

"Would they appreciate a late-night check? NTA." ~ vortexofchaos

"This. How often do they hook up?"

"By their logic, not allowed, because there's a roommate and she's just a guest. NTA." ~ MiddlePop4953

"NTA, they are."

"You're in your own room, a private space for you."

"Can you switch out the doorknob for your room to one that has a lock on it?"

"The fact that your roomie came into your room PURPOSELY - while you were sleeping - to check if you were naked or not, is CREEPY AF."

"And totally inappropriate."

"I don't know, man, that's just such weird and gross behavior."

"It feels very violating for them to come check if you're naked or not."

"You sleeping in a Hulk costume, or naked - is quite literally, none of anyone's business, let alone their business." ~ anonyyymousss22

"Get a lock for your door if you can."

"I find it weird that they will now enter your bedroom while you're sleeping to check if you're naked."

"NTA. A guest doesn't get to dictate how you conduct yourself in your own home."

"If she doesn't like it, maybe your housemate needs to stay at her place instead." ~ recreationalgluttony

"NTA. Your room, wear what you want."

"Tell your roommate, rather than demanding to control how you sleep, he teaches his guests where the damn restroom is." ~ MagnusCthulhu

"NTA. It's your bedroom.'

"What if you were, say, changing or self-pleasuring or something?"

"It's not your fault she made a mistake, and if they can't see that, then that's their problem."

"If it bothers him so much, maybe your roommate should show her where the bathroom is, but he didn't." ~ Long-Band-180

"NTA, the girlfriend finds you attractive, the roommate knows, and they both have decided it's your fault."

"It is obviously not."

"A normal reaction to this is profuse apologies from her for walking in on you, if she can't handle the mere thought of you being naked in your own home, shes into you."

"This is not good news."

"I'd invest in a lock for your roommate randomly peeping in on you; it is absolutely crossing a line." ~ IcyPlate2313

OP returned to chat...

"To everyone saying I should lock my door or add a lock, I would really like to."

"Unfortunately, the place we're staying at doesn't want us to change the door handles or anything, so I can't do that."

"However, I am currently looking into ways to stop my door from opening, which isn't like a barricade or a drill that drills into the door/wall."

"Update: Wow, I really didn't expect this to blow up like this, but thank you all for the feedback."

"A lot of you recommended a doorstopper cause they're super cheap and easy to use, and that's what I've ended up going with, so thank you all who recommended them to me."

"Okay, so I've had a talk with my roommate and brought up some of the points y'all made."

"For starters, I brought up how it's hypocritical to ask me not to sleep naked since they are most definitely naked when they're having sex in the same home as me, and he said that was different since they're not sleeping that way and usually hang something on the doorknob."

"I also brought up the point that now she knows which door leads to the bathroom, so it shouldn't happen again whenever she spends the night, and he said that it still makes her uncomfortable?"

"I guess she thinks I'm just gonna come out of my room at night swinging my junk around?"

"I suggested that he only spend the night at her place if it makes her so uncomfortable, but he literally just said it was easier for them to sleep here instead (no idea how that could be if I make her so uncomfortable)."

"So in the end I basically said I'm still gonna sleep naked."

"I'm putting a doorstop in my room to make sure it doesn't happen again, and if they're still not satisfied, then they're just gonna have to deal with it."

"I think he's gonna give up on it, talk to his girlfriend, and we're gonna go back to normal."

"I didn't really talk about him walking in cause again, I don't really care if I'm seen naked."

"I know that's kinda rare, but I'm super comfortable in my own skin, and it's really his fault if he doesn't wanna see me naked and walks in on me sleeping."

"I'll continue to update as this goes on."

"Side note: to the people saying his girlfriend 'wants' me or something, I'm rocking an average 5.5 inches, so I'm not all that impressive."

"Not only that, I'm pretty sure I wasn't aroused, and I'm a grower, so it was even less impressive."

"Thank you all for thinking I was packing, though."

Glad to hear you've resolved your situation for yourself, OP.

This is definitely a problem for your roommate and his lady to handle.

Reddit was with you all the way.

Hopefully, the doorstop will work, and they'll get over it.

Marriage isn't a necessity for more and more people in this progressive age.

Indeed, for many people, love and commitment are all that matter.

For others, however, the legal securities provided by a marriage are something of a necessity. So much so that if marriage is off the table, they may end their relationship, no matter how much they may love their partner.

Redditor Over-Supermarket4833 had been with their partner for over 20 years.

Even so, the couple still never made it to the altar.

Upon learning more about where he saw their relationship going, however, the original poster (OP) felt some drastic measures might be necessary.

Leading the OP to take to the subReddit "Am I THe A**hole Here (AITH).

While similar to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.

The OP asked fellow Redditors:

"AITAH for thinking of leaving him after 20 years and 3 kids?"

The OP explained why she felt it might be necessary to pull the plug on her relationship:

"I '36 F[emale]' and my fiancé '41M[ale]' will make 20 years together this summer."

"We both began dating very young and had our first child in 2007."

"At this point in our lives, marriage was the last thing on our minds."

"We had enough struggling being parents and financially in a very bad position, even living in his mother's house."

"Once we finally got our own apartment, we later had our second child in 2011 and our last kid in 2016."

"I finally went to school and recently graduated as an RN."

"Now we are finally in a position where marriage makes sense since we are finally financially stable with both combined incomes."

'I feel like before we always were in 'hustle mentality-financially' I brought this up to him recently on finally getting married, and he said at this point in our lives if we get married it will only 'JINX' us, and regardless, it's just a piece of paper."

"I can't help but feel disappointed and also put the blame totally on me for allowing this in the first place."

"I should never have allowed myself to play married with a person without ever getting married."

"I don't want a big wedding, but I just would like to hold the same last name as the rest of the family I created and to feel that my husband wants to still be with me after all these years."

"He has no assets, and I'm the breadwinner in the relationship since graduating, so his thinking I'm going to stay with his things in case of a divorce is less beneficial for me and more beneficial for him if anything."

"I can't help but feel sometimes to move on while im still in my 30's with my life and one day be with someone that will give me my fairytale of one day finally getting married."

"Or shut up and deal with the bed I made for myself for not putting boundaries from the beginning !?"

"Please help Reddit."

Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Just about everyone agreed that the OP would definitely be doing the right thing by leaving her partner, with many expressing that she probably should have done so long ago:

"OP, I think you and he have different reasons for not getting married in all these years."

"Your story that you've been telling yourself for 20 years is you were too young and poor and busy for marriage."

"Having a baby as a teenager, no money between you, living in his mother's home, then in an apartment."

"Having more babies."

"Life was too busy, and you had to go back to school to become a nurse."

"But his reasons for not getting married were not these reasons."

"He never intended to marry you."

"He took your youth and your work and your money, but never did you the courtesy of making you his bride."

"He never will."

"Not even now that he knows how much it means to you."

"Truth is, he always knew, and he never cared."

"You have to forgive yourself for being duped by him for so long."

"Yes, leave him, and go live on your own."

"Get to know yourself."

"Set up your own home on your own salary."

"You can do it better without him as a burden weighing you down."- LakeGlen4287

"'I '36F' and my fiancé '41M'will make 20 years together this summer'."

"Oh no."- aeroeagleAC

"16."

"I'd take my income and my sole breadwinner probably does most of the work and set myself and my kids up in our own place."

"If you want to share a name, just change it legally ¯_(ツ)_/¯ but really what does he bring to the table besides audacity, and an appetite for more?"

"Nta time to pack."- HuhWelliNever

"NTA."

"You just said it yourself, 'I can't help but feel disappointed and also put the blame totally on me for allowing this in the first place'."

"Stop allowing it, it will be tough, but 36!?"

"You have more than plenty of time, go find your husband!"- SilasSaun

"You've been together for half your life, he can't possibly think a ceremony and party is going to 'jinx' that."

"Besides everyone knows the marriage jinx is name tattoos and vow renewals."

"Is the issue perhaps you're both thinking maybe you settled down too early and wonder if you missed out on something better?"- LoveLolaHeart

"OP, what exactly does this man bring to the table?"

"Seriously?"

"We are all happy you pulled yourself up and achieved a meaningful career that allowed you to support you and your children."

"What has he done to deserve marrying you at this point?"- ThePythiaofApollo

"Don't marry him!"

"Take your income and go."- TarzanKitty

"As to the 'It's just a piece of paper', mentality: there is much to be said for being able to make important health care decisions for your partner."

"If something drastic happened to either one of you; would he be comfortable with either set of parents making life or death decisions?"-  robbiea1353

"NTA."

"I would not have given the kids his name and I would not be financially supporting him either."

"Unless he is pulling his weight by being a sahd who does all the childcare, cleaning and mental work for the family, but (and I could be wrong) something makes me think he is not contributing that much." - Both-Enthusiasm708

"I am 80."

"So my opinions are probably out of date."

"But first, I am so happy that you finished your education."

"Congratulations!"

"What an excellent example you are setting for your children."

"Next, I wonder if in your State or province, you are already technically considered to be a common law couple."

"You might look into your legal position."

"Also, try to dig down into why you want an official marriage."

"Is it for a beautiful celebration and formal exchange of vows, plus a great party?"

"Is it to feel more secure in your relationship?"

"Identify your motive."

"Finally, and forgive me if my question seems intrusive, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man?"

"Because, he is already showing his loyalty."

"It doesn't sound, to me, that you are in danger of being dumped or cheated on."

"I might suggest that you examine more deeply... what you want for the rest of your life."

"Might even get a couple of sessions with a therapist, on your own."

"For 20 years, you have been striving toward a goal of security."

"Now that you have completed that challenge, perhaps you are searching for something to replace it."

"You haven't enjoyed many years of security, especially financially."

"Your present frustration may simply be the resulting empty space in your life goals programme."- boomermonty

"NTA."

"He never intended to marry you."

"Cut your losses while you're still young."- Tessie1966

"OP, your oldest is about to turn 19."

"They were two years old when you were their age."

"Please, go live and achieve without this man in your life."

"NTA."- Vegetable_Stuff1850

"You have every right to finally want to live a real life after living life for this person and your kids for the first half of yours."- No-Examination-4850

"He's 41 and presumably has been working for twenty years or more."

"Why doesn't he have any assets?"

"Why are you the breadwinner?"

"What does he do?"

"What does he bring to the table?"

"Is he the main caretaker of the children then?"

"Somehow I doubt that, but then the question remains."

"Why do you want to marry him?"- One-Acanthisitta-210

It's not unusual for a couple to wait to get married, even after moving in together and having children.

However, it seems that marriage was never something the OP's partner was interested in, and the OP waited in vain.

If marriage is that important to her, it sadly seems she will need to find that with someone else.

Some roommates overstep and take other people's food without asking.

Other roommates refuse to share and keep their food under lock and key.

There is a rare set-up where everyone smiles and shares everything.

But life isn't "Three's Company."

Food is food... it can be very personal.

Redditor SugarDaddyX2 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

They asked:

"AITA for not letting my roommate eat my groceries after they 'forgot their wallet?'"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"I live with a roommate who came home late and said they had forgotten their wallet at work."

"They asked if they could just grab some of my food, 'this one time.'"

"I said no."

"I don't like lending food, it's not just money, it's that I plan my meals and buy specific things for myself."

"They got really annoyed and said I was being 'petty' and 'not a friend.'"

"They ended up ordering takeout but kept sulking for the rest of the night."

"The next day, they told our other roommate I was being selfish, and now everyone's giving me side eyes.'

"I don't feel like I did anything wrong."

"I'm happy to help in emergencies, but forgetting your wallet isn't really an emergency."

The OP was left to wonder:

"AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.

"If they can order takeout, why not just pay you back?

"Sounds like they wanted free food..."

"NTA for standing up for yourself and your pre-prepped food." ~ Purple-Haku

"They probably wanted food that was already ready."

"They didn't want to have to cook anything that they had at their house, which is why they ordered takeout instead." ~ Ericameria

"OP didn't just say they had random groceries and said no."

"They actually meal plan and buy groceries accordingly."

"There isn't 'spare food' in the fridge; it was all accounted for."

"Giving the roommate that food would cause a disruption in the OP's plan for at least a few days, if not the week."

"And just 'paying OP back' is insufficient recompense for the inconvenience."

"And what the hell does 'forgetting my wallet at work' have to do with eating a roommate's food?"

"They were still able to order takeout (presumably via an app)."

"If they hadn't forgotten their wallet, what would they have done instead?"

"Gone grocery shopping?"

"There is probably an app for that, too." ~ TalFidelis

"He was not in need as he was able to order takeout."

"It was selfish of the roommate to put OP in this situation."

"As someone who plans meals and relies on leftovers, it's absolutely infuriating if someone messes with your plans." ~ bouldering_fan

"Patterns start with a first time."

"If you've left your wallet behind somewhere but can order takeout, you can order groceries."

"I don't quite understand how the roommate leaving their wallet somewhere means they don't have groceries and need some of OP's."

"I'm leaning towards this never happened and is a bot post."

"It hits too many of the typical things for a bot."

"You are not entitled to another person's anything."

"You can always ask, and the person can always say no."

"OP had a reason for saying no."

"YOU might not agree with that reason, but it was reason enough for OP." ~ Kayback2

"But they weren't in need."

"It wasn't like the roommate ran out of money; he just wanted to do a power move or something."

"He was clearly capable of ordering takeout, and I suspect that even if he forgot his wallet, he didn't forget his phone."

"Most people have some sort of digital wallet with their debit and credit cards loaded onto it these days, so it's not as if he was on dire need."

"And if he was really that hungry and in need (actual need), then he would have just eaten the sandwich/ toast unless that was something he was allergic to."

"OP is NTA because the roommate was never 'in need.'"

"Would it have been nice for OP to offer their food? Sure!"

"Do they have to when a roommate has other means of getting their own food, or do they have to in general?

"No, they don't!" ~ WhiteAppleRum

"NTA, while I understand a roommate not having their wallet... did they literally not have ANY food in the house to eat when they got home?"

"It sounds manipulative to me." ~ moonchylde

"NTA - you are within your rights to say now, but to expect no consequences of said actions is just silly, not that I'm saying those deserve consequences to begin with.'

"But next time, if you no longer feel comfortable saying no or wish to actually share food, I'd demand them to replace the items they ate by the next day, and if they don't, then that is their one and only warning, and they wouldn't share again." ~ somebodyhere11

"I just can't imagine a scenario where a friend or roommate needed help or food, I had the means to help them, yet I refused."

"If it's someone who constantly abuses your generosity, or if it's someone who refuses to reciprocate, then ok."

"But this was never implied."

"This is how people build a community.'

'You don't know it now, but there will be a time when you desperately need someone's help."

"Whether it's food, money, a ride, or someone to assist or visit you in the hospital, you'll need to rely on others."

"Don't burn all of your bridges because you think you have the moral high ground." ~ lwebb5520

"You're NTA for it, but you're also not really being kind."

"It doesn't seem like that big of an ask if it's the first time, which makes it so you're someone I probably wouldn't wanna be friends with, so I kinda get where your roommates are coming from." ~ yoloxolo

"NTA. It seems like they didn't want to spend the money or cook and thought they could have some of your food instead."

"And most people can even buy groceries online, you don't really need your wallet since banking info is also typically all on your phone now." ~ Illustrious_Crab2391

"I'm going to say NTA because you were within your rights to say no."

"But, I'd expect there to be some consequences from this."

"Your roommates will remember this moment and might not let you borrow their stuff." ~ Known-Plane7349

"NTA, who doesn't have a virtual wallet, or they could have at least used their phone to send you money, and you order what they need." ~ Prodigyjojo

"NTA. I don't understand why the roommate is so pi**y since they were able to order food."

"Like if they'd been starving and had no way to get ANYTHING to eat, then that's one thing, but they clearly were able to feed themselves.'

"I don't even care if it's just that they didn't want to spend the extra money."

"If your money is super tight, you'd better be VERY aware of where your wallet is at all times, being an adult means taking responsibility for things like that." ~ sarahmegatron

"Forgetting your wallet is an emergency, but I guess he did have other options?"

"I don't know, the strong reaction is just weird here."

"Feels like we're missing some context, like maybe he's helped you out with things, so this was your chance to reciprocate."

"Maybe he just needed the support while he was freaking out, and your response came off colder than intended."

"I guess NAH?" ~ runlikeitsdisney

"NTA. Even if they left their wallet at work, these days it is easy to do bank transfers, Cash App, etc."

"They were hoping for free food that they didn't need to cook."

"Groceries are really expensive these days, and we don't want someone to mooch off us." ~ needabook55

"NTA, if the roommate has the money to order food, then they have the resources to get groceries too."

"Maybe not a lot, but enough to hold them over until they can get their wallet. 🤷🏽‍♀️"

"It would be different if they had absolutely no money and no way to eat, then of course I think OP should help someone in need for at least one meal."

"But that's not the case; the roommate was literally able to order food, so they were good." ~ u_Ux811

"NTA. If the roommate could order food, there's no reason for them to ask you for food."

"And the entitlement is obvious because they badmouthed you for saying no instead of just accepting your answer." ~ OddImprovement6490

"As a woman, I never give men free food that I have prepared."

"It's never a one-time thing.'

"It becomes this weird sense of entitlement."

"You do it better, so you should share."

"What if I pay you to cook for me, blah, blah, blah?"

"She knows her roommate better than us, and she knows his personality."

"She told him no for a reason. NTA." ~ bluepvtstorm

"NTA, if they can order food, they can order groceries." ~ Ok-Curve-2888

"NTA, some people do share food, and some don't, and the roommate clearly had other means."

"They can side eye, but you paid and planned." ~ blackwillow-99

OP came back to chat...

"There are some things I forgot y'all."

"First, I always ask them if they need any groceries in the house when I go shopping."

"I just ask to be paid back for it, and they decline every time."

"Second, I told him we have bread for toast or a sandwich, and he decided to order takeout."

"I am getting absolutely chewed up in the comments 😂, but that's ok, I love hearing everyone's opinions and reactions and seeing more outcomes I could have or should have done and will consider doing in the future."

Most of Reddit is with you, OP.

This is your specially prepared food.

If your roommate could order food, why didn't he just do that from the start?

You may have an uncomfortable living situation for a bit.

But you had every right to protect your food.

Good Luck.

There are occasions where everyone is expected to pitch in.

These include shared food, shared accommodation, basically anything that is shared equally.

In some cases, it isn't exactly equitable for everyone to contribute exactly the same amount.

Most of the time though, the people that point this out are seldom celebrated.

A colleague of Redditor Business-Media-2483 wanted to celebrate another co-worker, and asked everyone in the office to contribute.

A request the original poster (OP) flatly denied.

Much to the surprise, even resentment, of much of his office.

Having doubts about his decision, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for refusing to chip in for a coworker's birthday gift when I barely know them?"

The OP explained why he wasn't interested in "chipping in" for a colleague:

"I'm 30 M[ale] and i work in a mid-sized office, about 30-ish people total."

"Last week, a Susan 48 F[female] went around the office saying we were all chipping in for a birthday gift for a coworker (Jenna 38F or 37F, not sure )."

"Anyways, she works in a different department than me, and while I recognize her face, we've maybe exchanged a few hellos in the hallway."

"We don't work together and have never talked outside of that."

"Susan (the organizer) suggested everyone pitch in $20 for a gift card and a cake."

"I didn't respond at first."

"Later that day, Susan stopped by my desk and asked if I was in."

"I said I was going to pass, since I don't really know Jenna and don't usually participate in office gift collections unless it's someone I work closely with."

"She looked surprised and said, 'It's just $20'."

"I told her I get that, but it feels weird to me to pay for gifts for people I don't have a relationship with."

"She kind of brushed it off and said okay, but after that, things felt awkward."

"Since then, a couple of coworkers have been noticeably colder toward me, one even joked that I'm 'that guy' (meaning who doesn't put $20 in)."

"Anyways, I'm starting to wonder if I broke some unspoken office rule and came off as cheap or antisocial."

"I don't mind celebrating people I actually work with, but I also don't think gift giving should be mandatory, especially for someone I barely know."

"AITA for saying no?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to chip in for their colleague's birthday.

Everyone agreed that not only were the OP's reasons for not contributing valid, but $20 seemed a lot for everyone to chip in for a birthday present, especially considering the size of the OP's office:

"30ish x $20 would be $600."

"That would be quite the gift card and cake."

"Susan must be quite the party planner and quite the office gossip."

"Feel free to be that guy -- the one who can do simple math and doesn't contribute toward office celebrations for people in other departments whom he doesn't actually know."

"The one who isn't intimidated by Susan, who never ever should have told anyone else whether or not you contributed."

"But don't eat any of that gold-plated cake."

"NTA."- Nester1953

"NTA."

"$20 is nuts."

"That's $600 with 30 people, WTF are they planning on buying?"

"My office would just pass around an envelope with a card in it."

"We'd sign it, drop a couple of quid in it, and it would would buy some flowers and a box of chocolates."- hallerz87

"NTA."

"It's just $20 until you multiply it times all the people in the office you will be asked to chip in for."

"That adds up really quickly."- Motor-Winter5581

"NTA."

"30 * 20 = $600 a year that is a chunk of change most people wouldn't be fine paying out for coworkers NOT FRIENDS."- Interesting_You_2315

"NTA."

"This is such a waste of everyone's time."

"If everyone puts in $20 for everyone's birthday, then everyone would pay $600 and get a $500 gift card and a $100 cake to share on their birthday."

"But you've worked there 9 months, so it doesn't seem like everyone is getting this treatment."

"Why does Susan get to decide who gets $500 or $600 dollars on their birthday?"- 1962Michael

"NTA I hate those."

"It is not fair, nor is it reasonable."

"30 people and $20 is a lot of money, not to mention that makes for 2-3 birthdays a month, which is ridiculous. Are you supposed to pitch in for each one, and what happens if someone is missed?"

"I worked in an office that provided monthly lunches and cupcakes for the birthdays that month, no cost to employees just a quick monthly celebration."- Zero_Patience1771

"NTA."

"$20x30=$600."

"Sounds like Susan is saving a lot of that money for herself."

"Ask them what about Jenna makes her worth a $600 gift."- Separate-Parfait6426

"NTA, '$20 for a gift card and cake' in that office comes out to $600 per birthday, a cake would be around $50 to $100 (depending on size), which leaves a $500 gift card."

"Someone in that office is making out like a bandit, and I doubt it's the birthday girl/boy."- schec1

"NTA."

"So you're that guy, that guy who won't be guilt-tripped into chipping in."

"$20 for every colleague seems like a lot."

"Let them think what they want."- RoyallyOakie

"NTA."

"$20 a person at around 30 people is wild."

"That comes out to $600."

"What type of gift card and cake is this lady being given that $600 is needed?"

"I would question if Susan is pocketing some of that cash for her 'hard work' of organizing all of this."

"If everyone is contributing, then $5 a person should be more than enough for a simple gift card and a cake because that's still $150."

"I would seriously question what is happening with that cash if I were you and maybe even directly ask anyone who brings up you not paying why they think $600 is necessary for cake and a gift card."- Scared_Fox_1813

"NTA."

"Twenty quid for someone you don't know well is not that reasonable."

"Also, as others have pointed out, she'd be collecting hundreds for her birthday."

"I didn't even ask for much on my birthday, as a kid."

"Your coworkers are jerks, tryna ring out some cash from you."- VictoryExtension4983

"NTA."

"It seems Susan has taken it upon herself to buy gifts worth hundreds of dollars (a Dyson hairdryer, really?) for people's birthdays."

"That isn't typical or expected at most workplaces."- softballpants

"NTA."

"Over the course of a year, that's ~$600 you would be paying for co-worker's gifts."

"I guess they could say, well, you would benefit from the situation on your birthday, but not necessarily."

"The cake is for the whole office, not everyone even likes cake (gasp!), and who knows what kind of 'gift' would be chosen."

"Susan might be getting cakes from a boutique bakery or from a grocery store bakery."-sickofbeingsick1969

"$600 in gifts."

"That's before the expected purchases of Girl Scout cookies, Boy Scout popcorn, band kids candy bars, Pampered Chef parties, etc."

"That's nuts. (I'm sure some group is selling those too.)"

"If a collection is to be made and agree to, why not use that money to help fellow employees by 'purchasing sick/pto' days for someone with a chronic illness, sick kid that needs more days than what they have accrued."

"Or put in a fund to help for incredibly expensive, life-saving medication."

"So maybe I have had my own issues with these things for a number of years."

"I just hate when peer pressure tactics are used."

"NTA."- Sewasmiles

"NTA."

"Honestly, if they are acting out in any way, meaning even treating you differently, contact HR about it."- Lunar-Eclipse0204

"NTA."

"'It's just $20'."

"BS."

"Even if you knew Jenna well, it's still not an obligation to pitch in for someone's birthday at work."

"In this economy, $20 is the price of someone's home-cooked meal."

"Susan needs to accept no as an answer and move on."- the_greek_italian

"Yuck."

"NTA."

"I have never worked anywhere where we were expected to chip in for gifts."

"The company should take care of that, if at all."

"One company I worked at had a cake at the end of the monthly company meeting and sang happy birthday to everyone with a birthday that month."

"Voila."

"They also had 'baby showers' for expecting parents (cake, onesie with company logo, gift card for Target or something—paid for by the company of course)."

"It's a much smaller cost for the company to do it and it avoids awkward situations like the one you're in."- Master_Farm_445

"NTA."

"I think it's kind of silly to celebrate birthdays like this at an office."

"Everyone has one, so over the course of the year are they really doing this for everyone?"

"If so it just ends up being a circular pass the money around sort of thing."

"If not, people get left out."

"At my work the department I work with does a totally voluntary birthday cake rotation."

"Mine was the most recent birthday, and since I chose to participate in this somebody brought me a cake."

"I am responsible for getting a cake for the next person, and so on."

"There are no other gifts or responsibilities besides the cake and it's totally voluntary."- Imthatsick

If the OP were asked to contribute $5 or less, it would be much more difficult to sympathize with him.

However, $20 for a colleague he barely knows seems a stretch.

For that matter, if everyone in this office contributes $20, Jenna better be getting one spectacular cake and present.

And Susan better have a receipt...

When marriages crumble, the effects can be long-lasting.

Children, no matter the age, can carry pain from divorce forever.

It can be especially difficult when fault can be validly placed on one of the partners.

And when parents remarry, it's not always the most joyful occasion.

In fact, another marriage can make everything even more awkward.

Redditor Successful_Pair1753 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

He asked:

"AITA for not wanting to go to my dad's wedding since he's marrying the woman he cheated on my mom with?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"My (29 M[ale]) dad was married to my mom for about 30 years."

"He wasn't the best husband at all."

"He had a pattern of cheating and being extremely disrespectful throughout their entire relationship."

"I'm glad they got a divorce because they were never good together."

"Mainly, he wasn't good to her."

"I normally wouldn't care about him getting married again, but he's literally getting married to the last woman that he cheated on my mom with."

"This woman also has the same name as my mom… I don't even know what I will refer to her as."

"I still haven't met her and don't feel like I want to."

"My siblings have told him that they're not going to the wedding."

"I've avoided the convo with him for the most part, but he recently asked me to be a part of the wedding... just odd. Very, very odd."

The OP was left to wonder:

"AITA for not wanting to go?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.

"NTA. He is most likely struggling to explain why none of his children wants anything to do with him."

"Let him continue this struggle." ~ redd-junkie

"Exactly, asking you to be in the wedding is probably trying to compensate for his other kids being absent."

"He has the relationship with his kids that he created, NTA." ~ SafetyFluid8535

"NTA. A wedding invitation is not a summons, and you're under no obligation to support someone who clearly hurt the people you care about." ~ nikkesen

"NTA --- I wouldn't want to participate in a wedding with my dad marrying someone he cheated with outside his marriage."

"Infidelity." ~ myst3ryAURORA_green

"NTA. You have no obligation to support your father in this."

"If you're uncomfortable, don't go."

"You're grown."

"Do what feels right for you."

"It might get weird because you're the last of his children to decline to be a part of his wedding."

"He might be more upset with you simply because you were his last hope of legitimizing his affair by being at the wedding." ~ Lopsided_Tomatillo27

"Someone has to be last."

"Stuff this cheating A-hole and let him get married alone with no support from his family because frankly it sounds like he doesn't deserve the support." ~ Sythian

"NTA, tell Dad you're busy, but you'll be sure to catch the next wedding!"

"Of course, the woman he cheated with, he will cheat on."

"And she won't be able to understand!" ~ RemoteViewingLife

"NTA. If he presses the issue, tell him, 'Why should we show your wedding any respect?'"

"'You didn't even show any respect to your own marriage with mom.'" ~ Revo63

"NTA. I wouldn't go in this situation."

"My dad had a 6-month-long affair with his former high school sweetheart."

"They both married someone else, raised families."

"Her husband eventually divorced her, so she sought out my dad."

"My mom discovered the affair (a whole other story), and they divorced after 20 years of marriage."

"He never talked to any of us kids - we were all upper teens at the time."

"He just disappeared."

"Flash forward about a year later, and he calls to invite me to dinner."

"Wary, I asked who would be there."

"He named himself, my siblings, and finally added 'Jane.'"

"Acting innocent, I asked who is Jane?'"

"I actually knew because my cousin had filled me in."

"I wanted him to have to say her name."

"After a lot of stammering, he finally admitted she was his girlfriend."

"I went off on him, telling what a coward he was, not even bothering to talk to any of us kids when he moved out, cheating on our mom, etc."

"After I was done with my rant, I told him, 'This is the last time I will ever bring up your infidelity.'"

"You'd better treat Mom well in the divorce."

"He and Jane got married shortly after."

"I never called her my stepmother."

"She was my dad's wife."

"I was always cordial towards her, but not close."

"They ended up being married longer than my parents were and were good together."

"I lost respect for my dad, but ended up having a decent relationship with him."

"I'm glad I spoke my mind and made him admit what he'd done."

"Many years later, my mom was very sick, and we were helping her financially."

"My dad gifted her a large sum of money to help her."

"I never expected that, but was pleased that he did."

"My dad and his wife passed away just a few months apart."

"I'm sorry you are faced with this."

"There is no reason for you to celebrate this relationship."

"But over time, I hope you can find a good place to exist in it." ~ Technograndma

"Wow, thank you for sharing your story."

"It's a great example of how complex these types of incidents can be, particularly navigating and moving forward when such betrayals occur."

"I hope things turned out well for your Mom as well and she found her own peace and happiness." ~ Ok-Acanthaceae5744

"NTA. I would tell him that she will never be in the same room with you, and he needs to accept that." ~ gloryhokinetic

"Nope. It's called ethics."

"You have some."

"He doesn't."

"Also, 75% of affairs end in divorce."

"Very difficult if you don't only know your partner cheated but did it many times."

"So stats say this will probably not last."

"Tell him you have a prior engagement."

"Then take your mom out on a splurge day."

"Gift card to get her hair and nails done (because that has eroded her femininity for decades), then fancy dinner... whatever makes her happy and lasts for hours."

"Not only are you avoiding this situation with your dad, but you are honoring the person who deserves it on a day she will most likely have lots of strong emotions." ~ jillblue22

"LOL... absolutely not."

"He wants you to go so it looks like his children have accepted this obscenity."

"I don't care how old or young I am, you're not going to disrespect my mama, cheat on her after she put up with your bulls**t for 3 decades, raised your children, cleaned your fu**ing sh*t off the toilet, took care of you while you were ill, washed your nasty drawers and generally built a life for you to enjoy and then expect me to attend the wedding of the homewrecker you found to replace her with."

"And to be clear, he's a homewrecker too."

"I don't care that the home was already wrecked and should've already been torn down."

"Absolutely the fu**ity f**k not. NTA." ~ HuhWelliNever

"Tell him you'll consider going to his next wedding to an affair partner if your schedule allows, but that you'll sit this one out."

"But for real, you can simply decline and leave it at that. NTA." ~ paul_rudds_drag_race

"NTA. Don't go, if it's causing you this much grief."

"Just know that the wife isn't going away (at least no time soon) and that ginormous elephant of unresolved trauma is still going to be in the room whether or not you attend." ~ Nuiwzgrrl1448

"NTA not at all!!!!"

"If you don't feel like going, absolutely do not go."

"Personally, I would not choose to be a part of the wedding either."

"I think that's a really low blow on his part to even ask that of you."

"This is not a day for you."

"It shouldn't be a day for them either."

"Maybe you can do something with your mom on this day."

"Go out together and don't talk about the wedding."

"Just have a nice, relaxing day out."

"Get some coffee, go shopping, go out for lunch, go bowling, do something." ~ Firefly_Magic

"There's not a chance in hell I would show my face at that wedding."

"You and your siblings should spend the day with your mom celebrating the fact that he's not her problem anymore. NTA." ~ Wonderful_Horror7315

"I am in an extremely similar situation to you, almost eerily similar in the details--parents' 30-year marriage, him cheating the entire marriage, and now wanting to marry the latest of his mistresses."

"It is an incredibly tricky thing to navigate."

"I think some of the other commenters on here haven't been in this situation before and don't understand how confusing and painful it is."

'This isn't just a divorce; this is a situation that has caused deep hurt for the entire family. "

"Yes, you value your relationship with your father, but you cannot ignore the havoc that he has wreaked on your mother."

"The ultimate truth of the matter is that there is no right choice, but a choice must still be made."

"In the end, I decided that I would not be able to stomach putting on a dress and plastering a smile on my face at an event that celebrates a relationship I see as truly deplorable."

"I will wish him congratulations, maybe even send a card, but I will not be present for the wedding."

"NTA, and good luck, OP."

"Whatever you decide, please know that you are not a villain." ~ w0rldwalker

"NAH. I mean, your dad's obviously TA for how he treated your mom, but he's not TA for inviting you to the wedding or asking you to be part of the wedding."

"You're not TA for wanting to avoid the wedding entirely."

"You do need to make a decision and communicate quickly, though." ~ ColdFIREBaker

Reddit understands your feelings, OP.

You have every right not attend this wedding.

Your relationship with your dad is fractured, by his own doing.

He is just going to have to understand that.

Good Luck.

Some people just like things done a certain way.

The same sort of people that seldom for help, only because they know the ones making the offer likely won't do things the way they like to.

Some people are so extreme in this regard that they even have trouble tolerating watching someone do things differently from them.

Occasionally taking things into their own hands.

Redditor homtulce wanted to be of help to their girlfriend after moving in with her.

Even taking it upon themself do do various household chores.

However, the original poster (OP) began to feel like their work was being scrutinized by their girlfriend.

Eventually leading the OP to stop doing this work altogether.

After being called out on their behavior by their girlfriend, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for telling my girlfriend I won't do dishes anymore if she keeps double-checking my work?"

The OP explained why they were starting to feel subpar in their girlfriend's eyes:

"We moved in together last month."

"She likes to cook and is good at it, so our original agreement was she would cook and I would do the dishes."

"That's fair."

"Except that every single time I did the dishes she would pretty much 'check' on my work, like following behind me after I started the load."

"And sometimes she would unload it and re load it the way she thought it was appropriate."

"And whenever I was hand washing she always insisted in being there and inspecting everything that wasn't up to her standard."

"So I finally had enough and told her that I won't be doing dishes anymore if that's how things will go."

"Or I can cook for myself and do my own dishes that she won't get to touch (she can have her separate dishes)."

"She said she was just trying to be helpful and that I was rude and sort of an AH for what I said and the way I said it."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to where they felt the OP fell by refusing to do the dishes.

Some had trouble sympathizing with the OP, believing there was probably a reason their girlfriend was always checking their work:

"YTA, do you really think she WANTS to be double checking it?"

"Its because you're doing a shit job potentially, my ex was the exact same way."

"She couldn't wash dishes for shit, and I ended up having to take dishes OUT of the dishwasher to scrub them and rewash them. It was a f8cking pain in the a**."

"If you do them right the first time, she won't hound you."

'This is something you learn growing up around your parents."

"I'm assuming this because its far more likely than her just wanting to stand around doing all of this extra work if they are always fine."- ChicknSoop

"So you're upset that your weaponised incompetence isn't working properly & she's calling out your BS?"

"YTA."- Impressive-Rock-2279

Others, however, felt the OP's frustrations were justified, and the OP's girlfriend should not be so overbearing:

"NTA."

"I'm anal about how the dishwasher gets loaded, and I know it."

'I don't like how my wife, mom, or MIL do it, so I generally talk on that chore myself, with the exception of big holiday meals."

"If someone else does the dishes, I gracefully thank them and call it a day, even if I'm going to die a little on the inside looking at how inefficiently it was loaded when it's time to put the dishes away."

"Unless you're seriously screwing up, i.e., consistently putting things on the top rack or else they get damaged by the extra water pressure and heat on the bottom, your GF has no leg to stand on here and is majorly overstepping."- max_power1000

"Lmao at everyone just automatically assuming OP can't clean properly."

"Some real strong projection at work, and it's kind of absolutely unhinged."

"This is a clear NTA case based on the information we've been provided."

"Your girlfriend is hovering and being unreasonable."

"If you're actually cleaning properly and she is just insisting that she sees your work that's an OCD level of cleanliness."

"Likewise, when loading the dishwasher, some people have different ways of doing it (again, assuming that what you're doing isn't completely dumb), so for her to be reloading it after you is just ridiculous."- Sabor117

"NTA."

"I had a single dishwashing incident with my husband once, where I was washing dishes and he came over and started rearranging the dishes in the dish rack."

"I stopped, took a step back, and asked if he was taking over."

"He quickly explained that he was just stacking them more efficiently, then he left me alone."

'Had he persisted, I would have walked away. If someone is gonna criticize the way I do dishes or load the dishwasher, they are welcome to do the task themselves."

"Your girlfriend should be glad that you do dishes in the first place, and leave you the hell alone while you are doing them."- deannainwa

"NTA."

"I can totally relate."

"My bf has done this, and it's insanely annoying."

"He still feels like his way is the right way to do things."

"And if you don't do them his way, you're wrong."

"If I'm at the sink washing dishes, I like to keep the water running even if I'm scrubbing a dish or whatever."

"I hate the repetitive motion of having to flip on the water every time I need to rinse off soap."

"I know it uses a bit more water, and it's not environmentally conscious, but that's just how I do it."

"He will literally come and turn off the water while I'm using it if he sees me washing dishes like that. Like I said, totally infuriating."

"Taking a shower is the same way."

"He turns off the water while he's shaping up."

"Thankfully, he's never turned off my shower water."

"That'd make me right pissed."

"Folding laundry/shirts is another issue."

"He's finally let me fold my shirts the way I like."

"To him it's still the wrong way but w/e."

"I completely sympathize and relate. I hate it when ppl are control freaks about one or two things."

"I don't mind you showing me your way, but if I don't adapt, then it's my business."

"You can do it yourself or live with my way of doing it."- Firecrotch2014

"NTA."

"Predictably, the comments are breaking along gendered lines."- Electrical-Book-7011

"This is the reason I don't do dishes either."

"We have the same arrangement as you."

"I do most of the cooking, and he does most of the dishes."

"But I, for the most part, have stopped loading the dishwasher, as he was always correcting or commenting."

"I did the same as you and told him if he didn't like the way I did it, he could do them from now on."

"NTA."- Former-Painting-9338

"Never be in the kitchen when someone else cleans it, especially packs the dishwasher."

"I can't emphasize that enough, JUST BE ELSEWHERE!"

"Tell your wife to have a cup of her favorite in the living room and shut that door behind her, works wonders for the blood pressure and saves on couples counseling."

"NTA."- Namethypoison1

"NTA."

"She is overly controlling."

"I could understand if you had kids and she was checking how they washed dishes but this is a bit much."

"If she has a specific concern, then say it, but otherwise it sounds like she wants to control how you do things."

"I recently had surgery on my left hand."

"I was unable to make dinner, wash dishes, etc."

"My husband took over and did a great job, but I had to have a conversation with myself over the fact that he doesn't need to do things 'exactly' how I do them for them to be done well."

"Maybe have that conversation with her."- Crafty_Lady_60

Then there were those who didn't think there were any a**holes in this situation, understanding why the OP was frustrated, but also understanding why their girlfriend might have felt the need to examine how well they did the dishes:

"NAH."

"Rule in our house is you don't criticize the way someone is doing a task unless you're willing to take over that task immediately."- nrdcoyne

"She's not being particularly helpful if she doesn't tell you why she's checking the dishwasher every time and rearranging the contents regularly!"

"I really hate that kind of micromanaging - for heaven's sake, if I'm doing something wrong with the dishes, TELL ME, and if I can't do a job we agree is mine, fine, you do it."

"That would be my instinctive response too."

"I suppose NAH, even though she isn't communicating very well."- SavingsRhubarb8746

No one likes the feeling of someone constantly looking over their shoulder, which can often impede things from getting done properly.

Even hygiene and cleanliness should be taken seriously.

It seems there is a happy middle ground to be found between the OP and their girlfriend, and it can all be resolved through a civil discussion.

Every now and again, two or more people might be given credit for something, even though it was entirely the work or effort of one individual.

Wrong as this may seem on the surface level, the ones who did all the work ultimately might not have such a problem with this, as they may have just wanted to do something nice, or they enjoy the work that it took.

That being said, this does sometimes leave people believing they can take credit for anything.

Even when they don't deserve to.

Redditor Ill-State-7684 always liked to sneak in a little pick-me-up for her daughter to find at school.

When her husband noticed that she was doing this, he asked if he could be credited for this idea as well.

A request the original poster (OP) did not want to accept, much to the anger of her husband.

Concerned she may have been unfair, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITAH for not letting my husband sign my note?"

The OP explained why she didn't want to credit her husband for the lunchtime surprise she left her daughter:

"My husband and I take turns making lunches for our daughter."

"Occasionally I include a little note in the lunchbox with something like, 'Can't wait to keep reading X book tonight!' or 'Looking forward to hanging out with you at the water park on Saturday!' plus the 'love you/proud of you' stuff."

"My husband didn't know I did this, and saw me doing it the other day."

"He asked if I could sign the note from both Mama and Papa."

"I told him no, this was my personal note, but he could write one if he wanted."

"I even gave him a small piece of paper if he wanted to write a note."

"He refused, got super mad and compared it to me not letting him sign a birthday card for our daughter, or saying a Christmas gift was just from me (not both of us)."

"I think it's different."

"Daughter is 7."

"We split lunch duty up, I do about 65% of them."

"I write notes infrequently, maybe 1x/mo."

"For gifting occasions I do find out what she wants/pick it out/wrap gifts and they are clearly presented as being from both of us."

"Not that it matters but it's come up - we contribute equally financially."

"What say you, AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to add her husband's name to her notes.

Everyone agreed that these were personal notes the OP left her daughter when she prepared her lunch, and if this made her husband unhappy, there was no reason he couldn't do the same thing, without crediting the OP, when he was in charge of packing lunch:

"His immediate reaction was to get mad, instead of writing out his own little note... that's wild."

"NTA."- Vegetable_Pepper2413

"NTA."

"Parents need to foster individual relationships with their kids."

"There was nothing stopping him from writing his own notes."

"It never occurred to him to that."

"To those calling OP petty, she offered him the ability to write his own note and he refused."

"He made the conscience choice not to send a note to his child to connect with her."

"That's the pettiness of this post."

"Man refused to step up and make an impact on his kid, showing the small simple note that he thought of her."- starienite

"My Dad was not big on writing notes or buying cards on this own."

"On the rare occasions he did, I saved them."

"One in particular he sent to me while I was working at a camp."

"He had taken the time to find a card with a canoe on it."

"My Dad worked two full-time jobs, so knowing he used some of his very few free minutes on me made that card so special."

"Disregarding everything else, tell your husband that getting a note just from Dad will mean so much to her."

"He will spend 15 seconds on something she will value forever."

"NTA."- MerelyWhelmed1

"NTA, he's just lazy."

"If he wants to write her notes he can write her notes."

"ALSO signing Christmas gifts from both of you when you always do all the of actual thinking in 'it's the thought that counts' is a generosity to him."

"He doesn't have to do exactly what you do, he can draw a silly picture or something, cut the sandwich into funny shapes, or do something else unrelated to lunches, but relying on you to provide his love to your daughter on his behalf is just lazy and kind of ridiculous."

"Also she's gonna know it's not from him since it'll always be in your writing and he'll never know what the notes say."- my_baby_smurf

"He couldn't even be bothered to write his own note?"

"NTA."

"If he wants to leave cute notes for your child, no one is stopping him!"

"He simply wants the credit for doing something he can't be bothered to do."

"Something that is very very easy, mind you."

"He could leave notes for her around her room or in her shoes, but no."

"Wanting credit with zero effort."

"I'd refuse as well."- Nannamuss

"He refused, got super mad"

"Even if I agreed with his point (I don't) this would be a wild over-reaction to the situation."

"Especially since you offered to let him include his own note."

"NTA."- Downtown_Culture_985

"NTA."

"This isn't about parents working together or anything like that, it's about the individual bonds parents build with their kids."

"When I was a kid and mum made my lunch she would put a note in."

"I loved it because it was our thing, our little moment in a day."

"And guess what?"

"It never took away from my relationship with my dad, and my dad never felt the need for her to add his name because he recognized it was our little bonding moment."

"He thought it was sweet."

"But my dad then made the effort to make sure we had sweet bonding moments."

"Every time he made my lunch he would boil an egg."

"EVERY. TIME."

"Because he would draw a little cartoon character on that egg."

"Different ones every time."

"I loved that just has much as the notes, and it was my thing with my dad."

"Individual rituals and bonding moments between kids and different parents is important."- Eluinnle

"NTA."

"He can write his own note tomorrow."

"How is this a note from both of you?"

"It didn't even occur to him to write a little note, nor did he contribute to this one."

"He just feels entitled to your labour, hence his reaction when you refused."- Parasaurlophus

"NTA."

"He can't just piggyback on your closeness with your daughter."

"If he wants to know her better and be closer to her, he's gotta put in the effort."- peakerforlife

"NTA."

"If he wanted to he would."

"He wants you to, for the both of y'all."- ml5683

"NTA."

"This is different than a birthday card."

"You get to, and should have, an individual relationship with your child."

"It isn't about credit, it is about fostering a relationship."

"I'm guessing that's how he sees this note, a credit thing."

"In which case I understand why he is upset but the very basis of that upset is off."

"He's an adult and you still provided him the tools necessary to do this himself."

"You've gone far and beyond."- Elegant_Bluebird_460

"NTA."

"Why would sign when he can do it himself?"- MJSpice

"This reminds me of my ex."

"Not this exact situation, but the defensiveness and doubling down when you said no."

"Asking to add his name wasn't an asshole move in and of itself."

"The way he reacted when you said no, was a**holery indeed."

"NTA."- Existing-Goose4475

"NTA."

"Wether you write 'and papa' or not, kids aren't dumb."

"They will know that the note is from you and that dad couldn't bother putting in the effort but wants the praise anyway."

"If he writes his own note though, you kid will know that he actually does care."- nervelli

"NTA."

"He's too lazy to write one sentence on a post it note?!?"- gdognoseit

"NTA."

"He can put his own notes in if he wants but this is not a joint thing."

"You take turns and you have decided to do something special to communicate with your child."

"He is fully welcome to do the same but piggybacking on your effort and sentiment is ridiculous."

"If he wants to be closer, he has to put effort in."- Top-Butterfly-9582

As many pointed out, the OP gave her husband the opportunity to write his own note to leave in their daughter's lunchbox, along with the note she wrote.

And yet he said no.

While comparing this to forbidding him from signing a birthday or Christmas card was a fairly ludicrous accusation, one now can't help but wonder if he gave the OP an idea...

Nor does one imagine the OP would mind forfeiting lunch duty entirely to her husband, if that's what he actually wants...

It's a little baffling how often extended families seem to argue about names for babies when the parents are in complete agreement.

A new mom turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after her mother-in-law protested the name for their first child.

PinkCougar05 asked:

"AITA for not letting my in-laws call my son by a different name than what my husband and I gave him?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"Some back story that is relevant here, my son was born on the same day as my husband's favorite uncle. We wanted to name our son KJ, so we decided to pick names that go with those initials."

"We found a 'K' name that we loved, but couldn't think of a 'J' name that would work for his middle name. Luckily my husband's favorite uncle gave us the idea for my son's middle name."

"When we named my son, my MIL did not seem to care for it and kept calling him different pet names like sweetheart, buddy, baby etc. she then started calling him by his middle name because it was such a great idea by the uncle (MIL's brother), we asked her to call him 'KJ' instead and she did after that, but we could tell she wasn't happy with it."

"Well 6 months later the favorite uncle suddenly and tragically died, everyone was devastated."

"Soon after this time my MIL decided without asking us, she was going to call our son by his middle name to honor my husbands uncle, and told everyone in the family to call him by his middle name too since he was the one who gave us the idea, and since he was born on his birthday."

"We asked her not to and she ignored us and told us that it's important to honor this uncle."

"We finally sat down with her and explained to her how disrespectful it was to us to ignore us and rename our kid while telling everyone else to call him that too, and that it needed to stop immediately."

"She argued with us and was so mad at us, and told us that we were being selfish and disrespectful to the memory of the uncle by not letting her call him that. She said she will stop calling him by his middle name but that she will not like it."

"I honestly don't feel like I can trust her to keep her promise, and I do feel like she will call him by his middle name when our backs are turned. I do feel like she is using this as an excuse to not use the name we chose for him and is trying to manipulate us into having her way."

"What do you think?"

The OP later added:

"We are fine with MIL and family calling our son by his actual first name too, not just KJ. We wanted to name him only KJ initially, but we decided to give him names that go with those initials so if he wanted to go by that when he was older he could."

"We are good with either name and as he gets older he can decide. My MIL dislikes both KJ and his first name, and especially dislikes his first name so that's why we told her just to call him KJ then, but she doesn't want to do that either."

"She insists that the way to honor the uncle is by having everyone call him by his middle name because that will memorialize him. She already hated his name though and wanted to change his name before he died, so it feels like an excuse to guilt us into changing his name."

"We didn't take issue with my MIL calling him pet names that are common like sweetheart, baby, buddy, etc... It was when she started constantly calling him by his middle name and only that, knowing it bothered us and then telling everyone else to call him that too that rubbed us the wrong way."

The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.

"I want to know if others think I am an A-hole for not letting my in-laws call my son by his middle name when they claim they are just honoring the dead uncle. We asked them not to and they are mad at us for not letting them and they think we are A-holes."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"NTA, it is ridiculous to try and get parents to change their child's name, even if the reasons seem compelling."

"I would simply ignore this altogether, though l might send a gentle group text reminding everyone that your child is named ( name) and that is what you will continue to call him, though you understand other peoples emotions around it." ~ Spare_Necessary_810

"NTA, his name is what you decided it is not what she wants. Uncle called him KJ so why can't she honor uncle by calling him KJ too. I'm petty so I'd probably start calling MIL a different name like Susan and when she gets upset explain why it's important to call someone by the correct name." ~ 123randomname456

"Different name...of the opposite sex."

"If her name is Susan and she calls the kid by his middle name, just say 'Now, Stephen, we've told you to either call him by his first name or call him KJ'."

"Next time she does it, use Samuel."

"Then Scott...maybe Samir (I think that's a man's name)...whatever you think up at the moment."

"If/when she complains, tell her if she can't get the kid's name right, you see no reason to get hers right."

"My sympathies to your husband on the loss of his uncle..." ~ FurBabyAuntie

"You named your son. You choose the name. Unless he has said he's going by the middle name, no one gets to rename him for you or for him. And quite frankly it's shocking anyone has the stance that the mother-in-law can just bully in another name."

"We cannot seriously be against an actual mother who named her child and is asking to have her names respected." ~ DeadpanSal

"I'm petty. Every time she would call me or send me a text or talk to me in person referring to the kid as anything other than his name I would just pretend like I didn't hear her. I would be dead quiet on the phone. I would ignore texts. I would stare at her with a blank expression in person just to piss her off until she corrects herself."

"Or better yet start calling her a completely different name. If her names Nancy I'd start calling her Barbara. Bonus points if you pick the name of someone she can't stand. See how she likes it."

But I'm that guy. I embrace conflict. It's fun for me to make others that are in the wrong feel uncomfortable. They only do crap like this because most people don't push back." ~ Expensive_Candle5644

"Or do the whole 'MIL, his name is KJ, remember? Honestly I'm getting really concerned at these memory lapses. Maybe we need to schedule a doctors appointment' thing every single time until she sorts herself out." ~ Aethermist88

"Worked for a friend of mine when he transitioned and his grandmother wouldn't call him by anything but his deadname. He took her aside one day and said 'look. Everyone sees me as a man. You're the only person that's calling me by a female name. That doesn't make me look bad. It makes you look senile. You're welcome to continue but you need to know people are starting to question if maybe these are signs of dementia.' She stopped immediately." ~ AzsaRaccoon

"You shared, 'I do feel like she will call him by his middle name when our backs are turned'."

"So don't turn your back. MIL is not allowed to be alone with your child. Child stays with you at all visits, MIL is not allowed to babysit."

"Until she lets it drop, you keep the leash short. Set your boundary and make it FIRM or she will continue to walk all over it." ~ nightcana

"Everyone knows she will do what she wants because she already actively went around (without your permission and against your wishes) telling everyone to use the name SHE wants."

"Call her out in front of everyone and let everyone know how disrespected you feel, and how you now can't trust her. Put them on notice about how you and your husband feel about her boorish behavior, and that they need to use your child's actual name."

"YOU are the child's parents, and not her. If anyone persists in this (including her), you will go no contact. Stand firm in this." ~ TepHoBubba

"Exactly. And if she calls him by the wrong name, 3 months no contact. Do it again? 6 months. Again? 1 year."

"Don't hesitate to lay down the ban hammer. I would." ~ DigitalMunkey

"NTA. You get to name your kid and it's literally your job to make sure he's respected. If grandma needs uncle to be honored she can change her own name. She doesn't get to name other people's babies." ~ ramblingamblinamblin

OP and her mother-in-law can argue about this all they want. But at some point, the child is going to get the final say.

Maybe this isn't a hill worth dying on.

Parenting advice changes practically on a yearly basis, because of new research that comes out, so even parents who have a baby on the way after a sizeable age gap should review the best ways to raise a child.

But it's especially important for future parents and grandparents to discuss how to raise a child, particularly when it comes to safety protocols, like child safety locks, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Happyforest345's parents-in-law were visiting from another country, and their mother-in-law had prescription medication she had to take on a daily basis.

The Original Poster (OP) was worried about her children accessing the medication, but because her husband felt she was making a problem out of nothing, she struggled to share her concerns with her mother-in-law to make the home safer for her children.

They asked the sub:

"Am I the a**hole for asking my husband to request that my mother-in-law put her prescription medications out of reach of our kids?"

The OP's parents-in-law were visiting from another country to help with their children.

"We had a baby five months ago and asked my husband's parents to come visit for three months to help us out with our five-month-old and four-year-old."

"It has been going well, and they have been very helpful. They are living with us during their visit."

"However, my MIL is diabetic and needs to take several types of prescription pills to manage it. She keeps them in a plastic tub with a lid on their dresser. The meds are not in child-safe bottles but rather pop-out packets (she is from another country and brought meds from there)."

The OP was concerned about their toddler being able to access the medication.

"Their room is right next to our four-year-old's room. The height is such that our four-year-old could probably pull down the tub, and could definitely do it with her bathroom stool."

"Our four-year-old fortunately has never shown any interest in the tub. As a rule, I keep all prescription meds/meds of any kind way up high in our house (in a tub on top of our fridge), so she infrequently sees them."

The OP and their husband did not agree about their safety concerns.

"I asked my husband to please have my mother-in-law keep the meds up higher in the closet in their room, because I was concerned our four-year-old could access them."

"He told me it's not a big deal and to let it go."

"I agreed, but felt uncomfortable about it."

"We have now asked her to stay another three months, and are in the process of helping her secure more meds for her stay. Today I asked him again to please ask her again to put the meds up, and told him it's really important to me and I'm concerned about it."

"He launched into a tirade about how insignificant this is, and not at all a concern, and that there is no risk, I am being a problem bringing it up, he is very busy, I'm always bothering him with things, maybe his parents should just go back and we shouldn't have them stay here, etc."

"For context, I did also ask him this week to please ask his parents to lock our porch door when they come in. They were leaving it unlocked, and it's the back door to our house."

'I was often finding it unlocked at night, but I don't routinely ask him to do things like this."

The OP and their husband struggled to come to an agreement.

"I told him that his reaction wasn't OK and we need to have constructive ways of addressing things that matter to us in the home/issues that come up as MIL/FIL stay with us."

"He eventually apologized for his reaction and said he'd ask his parents to put the meds up, although he continued to blame me for always 'getting my way.'"

"He expects me to be OK now. I'm still really upset..."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

Some urged the OP to fix these safety concerns immediately, with or without their husband.

"None of these safety things are negotiable. At all. Needs to be fixed without delay."

"If the kids get into meds and you take them to the hospital, then even if it's fine, now you have child services visiting, telling you to change, and that's if you are lucky."

"NTA except maybe for not putting your foot down on everyone else respecting basic child safety." - shoobe01

"Hundreds of children die each year due to accidental medication ingestion." - ProfessionalYam3119

"I was going to say just Google 'child dies pill ingestion,' and unfortunately, it happens all the time. There's a reason some products come with a child safety lock, and even then, it's no guarantee a kid won't find a way."

"I don't know what would happen to a child if it got hold of glyburide and metformin, among other things. As a diabetic myself and suffering from neuropathy, I have even more deadly stuff in my daily pill bottle."

"If she's using something to manage pain, who knows. But what I do know is that those drugs and a child is a recipe for disaster."

"I don't get what her husband's problem is, to be honest. God forbid she wants her children to be safe in her own home. I highly doubt the parents would complain if he asked, he's just choosing to not address it, at least until now." - Pierre-LucDubois

"Not just medications. My older sister nearly destroyed her liver when she was 3 or 4 years old. A neighbor's kid got the multivitamins down from the high cupboard where they were kept and fed them to my sister like candy."

'It annoys me to this day that so many pills still look like sweets." - Beneficial-Math-2300

"They make locking medicine bags and medical boxes. This is something that she could use that could also be nice for her during her travels, so her medicine is secured in her carry-on. Since it'll have multiple uses, maybe it will encourage her to use it." - Ordinary_Map_5000

"I would use Google Translate or another similar tool and talk to MIL yourself. Explain your concerns and why it's important to lock the back door and put up medication. Use this same tool to ask about her day and ask her regular questions like what she wants for dinner." - LowBalance4404

"I'm surprised, you're the only one who has addressed the back door issue. That's a huge issue with a four-year-old. It would be very easy for them to wander out and get lost or attacked or hit by a vehicle."

"And it would be worse at night, in the dark when family wouldn't miss them until the next morning. The meds are a huge red flag for curious little children. I encourage OP to find a way to communicate your concerns with MIL since her son won't address the problem." - Georgia-Peaches81

Others pointed out that the only problem here was the husband, not the OP's concerns. 

"NTA. Get in marriage counseling. Your husband is rude and disrespectful to you."

"It is basic common sense to keep medications and household cleaners out of the reach of children! Children die when they get into these things."

"Why does he not think that is a priority? It is concerning that he disregards his children's safety." - 1RainbowUnicorn

"You need to TELL them. Your husband is an a**. Remind him when you take your child to the ER to have their stomach pumped. If you are lucky, that is all your kid will need."

"Are you sure you want to stay married to him? You might find another man who actually cares about your kids." - Unfair_Feedback_2351

"NTA. I'd be p**sed if my husband responded this way."

"Your kid has taken an interest in the pills that are easily within reach and in a container easily opened. That, along with the 'that'll never happen to us' mentality your husband has is REALLY dangerous."

"You have no idea what exactly is in there, and there could be other pills not strictly related to MIL's diabetes. You are not wrong in any way to want them moved."

"It only takes ONE TIME for something horrible and irreversible to happen, and your husband is careless and stupid not to see the risk and a complete AH for how he reacted and responded to you. He needs a reality check." - OneFit6104

"NTA. It's a small ask, and he overreacted, in my opinion. It's common sense to keep meds out of reach of kids."

"I know someone who would keep their kids' pain relief in the fridge, and they didn't screw the cap on properly once. Their three-year-old got into it and drank so much of it. They had to go to the hospital. It was pretty bad." - CrabbiestAsp

"Wow, what's your husband going to say when your kid kills themself over the left-out meds? That you were 'getting your way'?"

"Dude, be more serious about this. Kick out the parents, the husband, or move out yourself. He's going to kill his own kids, and knowing the type, not able to own up to his own bulls**t."

"You deserve better than this. Your kids deserve better than this FROM THEIR OWN FATHER."

"I simply can't. I don't have children because I know I'm selfish, but other people…" - Own_Cloud_3309

After receiving feedback, the OP shared two positive, brief updates.

"First Update: Thank you all for reflecting my feelings!"

"I told my husband that the meds need to be moved up tonight, while we wait for a lockbox I just bought online to arrive by Sunday."

"I told him I will also speak to MIL (maybe with a translation app) myself about it tomorrow."

"He is mad at me, but sticking to it."

"Second Update: I talked to my in-laws directly with a translator, and they completely understood. The meds are up high, and the lockbox is on the way. Thank you!"

The subReddit was alarmed by how careless the OP's husband was being and how rude he was being toward his partner, who only wanted to keep their children safe.

It sounded like the parents-in-law, for once, were not the issue, and a language barrier and a stubborn husband were the only things standing in the way of the OP's children's safety.

Labor is a grueling, chaotic, sometimes dangerous situation.

Mothers need as much peace as possible.

A lot of family members don't always seem to make the situation smooth sailing.

And that can cause so much unnecessary stress.

A young woman found herself in a personal dilemma regarding her husband's parent's behavior after the birth of their children, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.

Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.

Redditor Peace-Maker-315 asked:

"AITA because I refuse to have my in-laws at the hospital when we have our child?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"For background, I'm 29, and my husband is 34."

"We have one child, and we're about to have another within the next month."

"I have been VERY adamant that I don't want >ANYONE< in the hospital to visit until the day after we have our second child."

"The backstory: ✨Despite my wishes✨, while having our first child, his parents were in our hospital room the ENTIRE TIME."

"We went in at midnight, and they were there before I was even fully checked in and hooked up to machines."

"They spent the entire time I was in labor sitting in our hospital room, 'catching up' with my husband (because they were completely estranged for 10 years until they found out I was pregnant) and gossiping about people from their hometown."

"I was in labor for 20 hours."

"Brutal for listening to stories about your husband's ex-G[irl]f[riend]'s parent's real estate company tanking."

"30 minutes after the super chill and beautiful experience of an emergency C-section, where we both almost died, his parents were back in our hospital room, making me take pictures of them with our daughter."

"I could have easily stopped it, but they just seemed so excited. I was SO tired, I was still vomiting, and I didn't want to start a problem at that moment."

"I truly didn't want to ruin the entire experience for myself and everyone else, by being like, 'Lol, why the F are you here???'"

"In hindsight, it was already ruined, but ya know, 'Hindsight is 20/20.'"

"The next day rolls around, and they literally RACE my family to get to the room before they did."

"Like they came to the room OUT OF BREATH, telling me they ran because they saw my parents in the parking lot."

"Once my family got there, his mom was really reluctant to leave or let anyone else hold her."

"They only left because my nurse (an actual saint in scrubs) came in and told them to leave because there were too many people in the room."

"10 points to COVID for that."

"When it came time to leave, my sister came to help us with discharge."

"His parents, of course, show up as we're exiting (not invited, just waiting in the parking lot because they knew we were leaving like weirdos)."

"My sister works closely with new mothers/families and helps them to their cars ALL OF THE TIME as part of her job."

"We had installed one of the straps incorrectly, and she was helping us fix it."

"His dad had a different idea on how to install the seat."

"Which… come on, bro, you haven't installed a car seat in 34 years, please be seated."

"He proceeds to get in an argument with my sister, SCREAMING over our car because she's not installing it the way he's telling her."

"My sister simply tells him that she sees this seat a lot, and she has it under control."

"To which he turns around to innocent bystanders and goes, 'OH LOOK AT THAT, SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT CAR SEATS!'"

"And then calls my sister a 'dumb b*t

"So fast forward 4 years, and a lot of animosity toward my family from his parents, my husband has told them that >>>NO ONE<<< is coming to the hospital until the day after our second child is born, and everyone will get a time, and we'll let them know when to come."

"To which his mom just responded, 'Oh,' in a really weird tone, and then his Dad said, 'We'll discuss it when it gets closer.'"

"Like, there was any room for discussion???"

"It made me super mad, and then I talked to my husband about it, and now we're arguing about it because he told me that 'I'm kind of overreacting' and they're 'just excited.'"

The OP was left to wonder:

"So AITA because I'm keeping my in-laws from meeting their grandchild fresh out of my body?"

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.

"NTA and tell the hospital and your obgyn practice that they are not allowed in the delivery or recovery room, full stop."

"When your husband gives birth, he's free to invite anyone he pleases as soon as they please." ~ Sparklingwine23

"Why even tell his parents that she's in labor?"

"If she's having a C-section, then lie about the date."

"NTA. OP, you have a bit of a husband problem." ~ mca2021

"This is your medical procedure."

"No one decides for you, including your husband."

"The medical team will support you, they don't want anyone there who will stress the birth or recovery."

"Make sure your husband understands this."

"There is plenty of time when you get home to schedule visitors when you want them." ~ Regular_Giraffe_1879

"OP... you definitely have a husband problem."

"He is allowing his family to blast through your boundaries like they're made of feathers."

"He needs to come correct, or HE'S disinvited from the hospital too."

"The nurses will make sure of whatever decision you make."

"They are Valkyries." ~ Sufficient-Lie1406

"No! NTA!"

"What the absolute f**k?"

"These narcissistic behaviors are performative to make up for the time they were estranged and try to demonstrate they are grandparents of the year."

"If they can't handle keeping their kabuki theater home for 24-48 hours to honor their daughter-in-law's completely reasonable request -especially after the hell you endured last time - forget them."

"They will run over you the rest of your life, by the way, if they get away with this."

"And if your husband can't deal with it - forget him too."

"I have two dear friends whose spouses sided with parents on similar events like this -- and it was the beginning of the end for both." ~ DaveonReddit76

"NTA: Tell your husband to grow a spine."

"You are having a baby."

"Only you get to say who is in the room."

"His parents sound like a nightmare."

"I'd never want these people around my kids. Ever." ~ Vast-Fortune-1583

"That made my blood pressure spike just reading the recap."

"Tell your husband he'd better make sure they get the message and follow it, or they will feel the full wrath and fury of his hormonally turbocharged wife with 4+ years of built-up resentment. NTA." ~ PerspectiveKookie16

"NTA. I wouldn't tell them you are going to have the baby until WAAAAay after the baby has arrived, so you guys can have time together."

"I would also make sure your other child is with your family and make it clear not tell anyone, and when you have your baby, make it a mission to make sure your child meets the baby first."

"Then call your in-laws."

"Make this plain and clear to your husband and to the nurses that your in-laws are not to come in should they magically find out and arrive." ~ IntroductionNo1556

"NTA. After how they behaved the first time around, I wouldn't want them there at all."

"All they did was cause discomfort for you and problems for everyone else."

"Put your foot down on this, or they'll just be even worse this time."

"If your husband can't find his spine long enough to tell them no, do it for him."

"If they show up anyway, ask medical staff to remove them."

"'We'll discuss it when the time is closer.'"

"Discuss what?!"

"There's nothing to discuss."

"They don't get input, and it's not a democracy."

"You and baby need calm—not their nonsense." ~ HarharROFLcopters

"Absolutely 100% NTA."

"It's absolutely infuriating."

"Tell your husband not to even contact them until after you have delivered."

"Make sure they understand you will have them barred from the room if they show up before their allotted time."

"It would also be ok not to tell them until you're home."

"Or not at all." ~ Anonymoosehead123

"I can't believe you're having a 2nd kid with this guy after he allowed his parents to act this way the first time."

"Were they estranged for 10 years?"

'He should have told him they were estranged again after your dad called your sister and dumb..."

"I'm serious, your ILs are horrendous, but you have a much bigger husband problem."

"Why is he even in contact with people who treat his wife this way? NTA." ~ vrcraftauthor

"Your husband is an exceptional AH for letting his parents behave the way they did the first time."

"The fact they weren't escorted off the premises is unforgivable."

''I wouldn't have your husband in attendance either."

'Tell the nurses that visitors are not allowed, and let them do what your husband will not."

"NTA by any means." ~ Maximum-Ear1745

"NTA. Remind your husband that while delivering a baby, YOU are the patient and you can/will have hospital staff remove/ban anyone who shows up before you are comfortable with them being there."

I've given birth four times, and my husband has been by my side for every single delivery, but I wouldn't hesitate to have him removed as well if he were unwilling to advocate for me."

"I give zero f**ks what anyone else thinks, wants, or believes they're entitled to while I'm battling life and death to bring a child into this world." ~ Darkalleyandabadidea

Reddit is here for you, OP.

Your husband needs to stand up to his parents.

You need all the peace and help you can get.

And they've proven that isn't their priority.

When getting a group of people together, it sometimes weighs fairly heavily on us who should be invited.

Sometimes there is a general understanding that you don't need to invite all friends to all gatherings.

Unfortunately, some people are sensitive enough that when they get wind that certain people got together without them, they handle the news anything but gracefully.

Redditor tryingnottobeDUM8 was planning on hosting a game night with some of her nearest and dearest.

However, there was one person the original poster (OP) was planning on excluding, for one singular reason.

Problematically, there was a good chance that this person would learn of their exclusion owing to other people going to the party.

Unsure of how to handle things, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for excluding my brother from a fun event because his wife talks too much?"

The OP explained why they were worried about their guest list for a game night they were hosting:

"I (29 F[emale]) I'm having a game night and would love for my brother (33 M[ale]) to attend, but do not enjoy the company of his wife (30 F), not because she's a bad person, but because she has no ability to control herself in a social setting."

"She not only dominates any conversation and is very loud (only appears to have one volume)."

"She also rarely ask anyone questions about themselves without immediately, jumping on what they're saying to make it about her."

"Unfortunately, due to her behavior, I have to exclude my brother from this event (and likely future events) because there's no way that he would show up without her (which is fair)."

"My brother has been married for a year."

"This is not new behavior from her, and I have discussed it with him."

"He says he knows that it is annoying/disruptive and that he has talked to her about it, but nothing seems to change."

"This happens at dinners, family gatherings, etc."

"I have to specifically seek him out alone, if I want to talk to him at all."

"If they are together, she cannot stop talking for both of them and he can't get a word in."

"I understand it's probably an anxiety thing and she claims to be going to a therapist for the past couple years, but I just don't know if there's anything more I can do without being rude."

"Here is where I may be the a**hole."

"I'm inviting some cousins and some of my close friends to game night that live much further than my brother and his wife (they live in my city)."

"I have not told them, but I'm concerned about them finding out and being hurt but I'd like the chance for everyone to participate in a conversation."

"Last time she was at game night she delayed people's turns because she wouldn't stop talking and was practically yelling over people trying to participate in the game about unrelated things."

"Am I the a**hole for excluding them because of her behavior?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for excluding her brother and his wife from her game night.

Everyone agreed that, regardless of her sister-in-law's behavior, she shouldn't always feel obligated to invite her brother to everything, even though many agreed that it would probably be a good idea to have a talk with her brother:

"NTA."

"I think you need to tell your brother that you're entering a new phase here."

"It's good that you've tried to talk to him about it."

"Now it's a matter of 'Listen, she hasn't changed, it's gotten to the point that it's affecting all of our enjoyment of the events she's at - I want to work with you here but something has to change'."

"That will be a little awkward, but less so than them finding out second and third hand from the cousins."- jmgolden33

"NTA."

"Your brother already knows you can't stand her, so if he finds out about game night, it won't bother him."

"If she finds out about game night, that might be the wake up call she needs to change her behavior."

"I'm curious...if she's this bad, how did you brother come to marry her?"

"Does the rest of your family dislike her too?"- Digitalabia

"I have this problem: if I think it I say it, and I can't hear myself talk very well so I'm loud."

"I practice very hard at asking people questions, NOT always having to tell my story and apologizing for interrupting if I do. I also practice active listening."

"It gets easier & its been years since anyone has had to tell me 'hang on, let so-and-so finish'."

"My friends also are welcome to tell me 'hey, indoor voices' if I'm getting too loud, although that doesn't happen as often either, because my friends appreciate my exuberance as long as I shut up and listen a lot!"

"It takes conscious effort to overcome and it sounds like she's not even trying."

"NTA but I hope she can learn like I did."- blootereddragon

"NTA."

"But talk to your brother ahead of time so they don't just feel excluded."

"I think that you should tell him what's going on."

"You could recommend that she specifically work on this loud/interrupting issue in therapy."-PeacockFascinator778

"NTA, you don't always have to invite all family members."

"But maybe you can meet up with your brother alone for lunches or so, to keep a good contact."-Better-Theme-7747

"NTA."

"but at this point it's time to tell HER why they're getting excluded."

'Stop telling your brother because he's sugar coating it for her."

"Tell her exactly why like you did here."- Cheska1234

"NTA."

"I know someone like that and it's exhausting."

"You aren't obligated to have them at every event."- MovieLazy6576

"NTA."

"Someday she'll get the message."

"Obviously therapy isn't helping this 'issue'."- Gattina1

"NTA but why not talk to her about it?."- NaiveConcept69

"NTA."

"When (general) you choose partner with someone who causes problems with people, then those people are likely going to want to create some distance."

"Just because someone is ultimately more ok than not with that behavior doesn't mean everyone else is."

"I think you should have a conversation with your brother since he's bound to find out about the event."

"You can explain your perspective."

"He'll likely be upset but just because someone is upset it doesn't always mean that you did something wrong."

"If you're willing and able to be around her for a shorter get-together you can offer that."

"He might decline, but that's how it goes sometimes."

"It sounds like you want to spend time with your brother, but if he doesn't want to hang around anymore, it won't be that much different since he isn't even able to speak during gatherings anyway."- paul_rudds_drag_race

"NTA."

"For not inviting your brother but you need to rip the band-aid off and explain it to your brother."

"He's going to find out one way or another and it's going to be way worse if he found out you were trying to do this behind his back."- jimmytaco6

"NTA but be ready for the backlash because she will eventually find out."

"So I guess at this point you have to decide wether it's worse for her to find out after the fact or for you to let them know about your game night and that they are not invited because of her behavior."-Hungry-Job-3198

"NTA."

"She will not change unless she feels the consequences of her behavior."- chart1961

"I am picturing this woman like a man I know who honestly never, and I mean never, shuts up."

"I thought he was on coke the first time I met him. If she's like that, sorry, but your brother married her and this is a social consequence."

"NTA."- slendermanismydad

"NTA."

"But you need to speak to your brother and tell him you'd love him to be there and ask if he's willing to come without his wife."

"Is there a time when she has a social engagement of her own when you could invite him without insulting her?"- DesperateinDunharrow

"NTA."

"She sounds stressful to be around."- Living-Ear8015

"Don't tell him beforehand."

"Tell him afterward when there's no chance he can guilt you into changing your mind."

"NTA."- fly1away

Game nights are meant to be fun, and if the OP's sister-in-law will ruin the evening, it's understandable why she might not want her there.

Even so, if the OP's brother finds out about being excluded from their cousins, he will likely be hurt or angry.

Leading one to hope the OP does, as many have suggested, and has a talk with her brother, to hopefully find a happy path going forward.

How long a person mourns and how is as individual as snowflakes.

But someone having thoughts or criticisms about another person's mourning process is almost inevitable.

A woman whose mourning didn't match someone else's expectations turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

PanickingJess asked:

"AITA for lying to my late fiancé's mom about dating again?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"So back in 2021 my fiancé passed away very unexpectedly. We had been together for almost 3 years and our relationship was toxic to say the least."

"When we were good we were great, but when we would fight it was terrible… I did love him though that's why I stayed."

Anyways, so after he passed, his mom who never really liked me no matter how much I kissed her a** would one minute like me and lean on me. Unfortunately then the next she'd send me long messages accusing me of all sorts of stuff and kinda threatening me."

"This went on for about a year, maybe over, after his passing. She eventually stopped."

"One thing she kept accusing me of was dating/already seeing new people BECAUSE my fiancé's best friend and me would text about how we missed him and reminisce on old times together!"

"I was 21 at the time of his passing, then 2 years after his death I met a very sweet guy. I told him I wasn't ready to date yet and we would just be friends."

"We became very close and after a couple of months we began dating. It had at that point been almost 3years since his passing."

"Now I still occasionally see his mom or she calls me. She always makes a point to tell me she couldn't handle if I started dating again and she prayed I wouldn't."

"It's been almost 5 years since his passing, and she thinks I'm still single."

"Even my mom, who watched what all she put me through, told me not to tell her because my mom knows she'll put me through hell for dating again, no matter how much time has passed!"

"I feel terrible for lying to her…. But honestly, I don't wanna tell her cause she really acts as if it would devastate her. I get told by others I'm just protecting her, but I feel like I'm being an a**hole for not telling the truth."

The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.

"I had a family member tell me I was being an a**hole for not telling my dead fiancé's mother the truth about dating again. I do feel bad about it at times, but I feel like I am keeping the peace too, so it's okay."

"But my family members have brought to my attention that what I'm doing may be considered wrong and one told me I was being an a** for not telling the truth to his mother."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors were divided on their judgment of OP.

Some voted NTA, others YTA, but all agreed that OP needed to cut this woman out of her life.

"YTA to yourself, cause... why not just... block and forget? What do you gain by maintaining contact with this person?" ~ nickelangelo2009

"There's absolutely no reason to have contact with this woman. OP said his mom never liked her. This just seems like a petty way for the mom to continue to make herself miserable." ~ booboo773

"OP's fiancé was toxic and abusive, and so is the MIL (just using MIL to refer to her, I know she's not an in-law). There's zero reason to keep her in OP's life after all of these years, and MIL is just projecting her feelings onto OP."

"It's time for everyone to move on. OP can't hide her actions from MIL forever, and so it's time to be honest with her. If MIL can't accept that, then she needs therapy and to stop harassing OP." ~ numbersthen0987431

"Your fiancé is gone. It is sad, but LIFE MOVES ON. Your fiancé's mother's life may not - but you are too young to waste yours. Five years is more than a respectful time period to grieve and move on."

"Remind her that you won't forget your fiancé, but you deserve a life. If she doesn't agree, time to cut ties." ~ Watchingtheworld71

"There is no reason for the woman to hold space in your life. You're choosing to let her have that. Start choosing yourself." ~ AccomplishedChart873

"NTA. The mother of the deceased bf is a grown woman. You were barely that when he died."

"I would suggest you send a message saying you wish her well, but it's now time for you to move on with your life, and you won't be in contact again."

"Then block her."

"What you do is not her business, and keeping her attached to you is going to stop you moving past this relationship properly." ~ au5000

"What you do is none of her business. She wants you to adopt a Queen Victoria attitude and live your life in a state of perpetual mourning. She can do that herself if she wishes, but it's completely unreasonable for her to expect it of you.

Hopefully all the YTA judgements will give you the boot up the backside you need to stop being a pleaser to somebody who never liked you or wished you well in the first place." ~ WestLondonIsOursFFC

"Expecting you to mourn your ex for the rest of your life just to please her is beyond controlling and you are buying into it."

"You are not tied to this woman anymore. If you being happy devastates her, that speaks volumes about her. Besides, it's no longer her business. Let go of her expectations."

"Go live your life and be happy." ~ Mullein55

"Whenever I read these types of posts, I wonder if you live in a very small town or a rural area where everyone knows each other's business."

"Tell your former fiancé's mom the truth: it's been four years, that you are dating, that you are moving on, and hope that she understands. Then let it go. Block her if you have to."

"YTA for not telling the truth." ~ Ordinary-Audience363

"NTA. You need to go no contact with this woman. She's toxic and clearly unstable. Block her number, change your number, and move on with your life." ~ SigSauerPower320

"No judgment, just quit having any contact with this woman. You said yourself she never liked you so who cares what she thinks at this point, you no longer have any ties to her."

"I'd think she was just bothering you about staying single to make your life worse. Just block her and move on. If you live in a small town and you see her just cross the road or walk past her. She has no claim over your life." ~ Illustrious_March192

"NTA. It's not lying to deprive someone of knowledge that is none of their business. But block her and stop talking to her."

"She sounds toxic and weirdly obsessed with your celibacy. This isn't the 15th century and she's not the head of the local convent, you need a life, block her, move on." ~ Upbeat_Weird_7321

"This woman made your life miserable when your fiancé was alive and you are still allowing her to do so 5 years later, why?"

"You have no connection to her now, you both need to move on from one another." ~ alittlelostsure

"YTA. Your relationship with this woman seems to have run its course. She'll always be his mother, but this person, however beloved to you, doesn't need to be the sole love interest of your life."

"You should get therapy to help you manage what will be complex feelings and also decide whether you want this woman in your life or not. Good luck." ~ TresWhat

"If this was a normal 'ex' and you split up, you wouldn't be in contact with his mum. You'd have all moved on. Because he died, you were there for her, and that tells everyone you're a caring, kind person, but you do seem to have swapped one toxic relationship for another."

"Now it's time to get in with your life fully. You are allowed to do that. You're allowed to date, marry, move away and all of that thing called life without troubling yourself over what ANYONE—let alone the mother of a long-departed ex—thinks about it."

"This is YOUR life. Go get on with it. No assholes here (except the ex's mother)." ~ FabulousTrick8859

"NTA. Why are you still talking to a woman that you yourself said never even liked you, and wants so badly for you to spend the rest of your life without a companion/partner that she literally PRAYS for that to be the case? Block her, cut her off completely, avoid her at all costs." ~ DA-7400

"OP, you don't owe this woman any information about your private life."

"If lying makes you uncomfortable, OP, you could try responding with an innocuous truth: 'For as long as I live, your son will hold a special place in my heart. He was my first love'. If she responds with direct questions, you can say 'I'm not comfortable sharing personal information with you'."

"The next time she says something unkind or manipulative, you can say "I feel for you, but I can't continue to have a relationship with you. Our interactions aren't good for me."

"Then block her. You've long since met your obligation to be kind to this person." ~ EllySPNW

The OP may not know if they're the a**hole or not, but they've been sent a clear message about what they should do.

Some people feel ike it's perfectly fine to just run their fingers through a stranger's tresses.

It's never okay.

For the person whose scalp is being fondled, it's not often that comfortable of an idea.

Yet, more often than not, people continue to just touch away.

This can lead to some very emotional reactions.

Redditor infamous_squidney wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

She asked:

"WIBTA if I asked my mother-in-law to stop talking about hair entirely?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"So I [26 F[emale]] am biracial (black and white)."

'My M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] [65 F) is white and for years has been making comments about my hair that have made me feel uncomfortable."

"She's an awkward woman and says a lot of out-of-pocket things… but back to this situation."

"In the past, she has made comments about my 'black hair' and would compare it to her own hair."

"I guess cause it gets frizzy?"

"I don't know."

"She also would walk up behind me and start touching it without asking."

"At Thanksgiving, I had shaved my head and decided to wear a wig, as I was nervous about explaining why I decided to shave my head or any questions that I would have to answer."

"As soon as we walked into her house, she said in front of extended family members, 'That's not your real hair.'"

"I lied and said it was, and she kept insisting it wasn't."

"So I pulled my [26 M[ale]] fiancé aside, told him that the touching and the comments made me feel uncomfortable and othered (for lack of a better word), almost immediately after I told him this, his mother reached out to touch my hair, and my fiancé gently pushed her hand down and said please stop."

"She ignored and reached again."

"My fiancé did the exact same thing, which set her off."

"She stormed upstairs and slammed the door."

"I didn't see her for the rest of the night."

"When my fiancé spoke to her, she yelled, cried, and told him he was not the son she raised."

"I told my fiancé I wanted her to watch videos or read about what microaggression is."

"She refused but said she wouldn't talk about my hair at all."

"It worked at first, but now she constantly asks me questions about hair products (I know almost NOTHING about)."

"And has recently compared my hair texture to a family member based on a photo she saw on Instagram (that family member was not having a great hair day)."

"So I was a little upset but said nothing."

"I've observed that she doesn't talk about hair with extended family members unless I'm part of the conversation."

"Almost every interaction I have with her is about hair or hair products, and it's exhausting."

"My fiancé doesn't think it's a big deal, but it makes me feel weird."

The OP was left to wonder:

"So WIBTA if I asked her to stop talking about hair and commenting on my hair entirely, even if she insists it's a compliment?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared that OP would NOT be the A**hole.

"NTA. That's so f**king weird of her, and it sounds like you've been way more patient than she deserves to be honest."

"I feel your fiancé isn't taking it seriously enough." ~ catbxtch

"Say nothing."

"You should spam her with constant videos about hair, hair styles, products AND about hair microaggression, policing, and history."

"Eventually, only about the latter."

"2 can play that game!"

"Bombard her as much as she bombards you."

"If she gets offended, just cry, exactly like she would."

"Sad to say, but I've noticed this is the only approach that works with white people."

"Especially white women."

"You have to get down to her passive-aggressive level and play dumb."

"Anything else would be used against you."

"Side note - I would seriously reconsider marrying into this family if at this point NO ONE has come to your aid."

"Not even your fiancé." ~ Lucky-Tumbleweed96

"I say this as a white passing person, what the absolute heck?"

"I will never understand why anyone thinks it's appropriate to reach out and touch people, especially hair or baby bumps, without permission."

"I just dont get it."

"NTA, but I agree with the poster above, fiance needs his act together, and MIL needs to knock it off."

"Reminds me of that one movie where it was 'Meet the Parents' but from different races and the actress (the woman from Seinfeld and Veep) was just so totally clueless and cringe." ~ vinegargirl757

"I'm also white AF, but I have really thick, curly hair."

"I've had tons of difficulty with it over my lifetime, to the point where I didn't see a hairdresser for over 10 years because I was so godd**n sick of paying hard-earned money for shi**y hairstyles."

"I live in a SUPER white place."

"I heard a news article about a salon that opened specifically to work on hair textures that are common for people of color, and I actually debated with myself for months about whether or not I should go there."

"I finally did, I was as polite as I could be, and oh my God, the difference in my hair now."

"They are magicians."

"For the first time in my life, I actually like my hair."

"And somehow, I have managed to navigate all of this without touching someone's hair without their consent ever in my entire life." ~ morbid_n_creepifying

"You're NTA, but she lacks any self-awareness and obviously can't read the room… she literally had her hand pushed away twice and doesn't get it."

"Totally dense." ~ Defiant-Hurry-6091

Reddit is with you, OP.

Enough is enough.

Your future MIL needs to keep her hands to herself.

Stay firm, no touching!

When a close friend or a family member we really love is expecting a baby, it can be an incredibly exciting time.

But while it might be okay to purchase gifts and come up with ideas for how we can help the parents-to-be, the last thing we should do is make decisions for them about how to share their happy news, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor sovereigncookies was pregnant with her first and probably only child, and she was having serious issues with her mother-in-law, who was so excited to be a grandmother.

But when she repeatedly posted pregnancy updates on social media against the Original Poster (OP)'s wishes, she contemplated blocking her mother-in-law, at least until her baby was born.

She asked the sub:

"Am I the a**hole for blocking my mother-in-law (MIL) after she refused to stop making posts on Facebook about my pregnancy because 'she's just excited'?"

The OP was looking forward to having her one and only child.

"My (42 Female) husband (41 Male) and I became unexpectedly pregnant in April after almost a decade of trying."

"We were told by doctors that it was not possible and had given up. To our incredible joy and surprise, we found out that we were going to have a baby girl."

"She is due this coming January, mere weeks away!"

The OP's mother-in-law was not respectful of their privacy online.

"His mother (70 Female) and I have had something of a strained relationship in the twenty years that her son and I have been together."

"She recently started attending the church that my husband and I go to, and things have gotten a little better between us, but... she has, on a number of occasions, posted things online about the pregnancy that neither my husband nor I have announced on social media."

"A total of five posts, three of which I demanded she remove, including announcing my child's gender and her full name, both of which I wasn't going to announce until she was born."

The OP's mother-in-law did not take the feedback well.

"When confronted about these incidents via private message, she does not reply to me at all."

"Instead, she called my husband and said, 'I'm just excited about MY grandchild,' and, 'I'm just telling my friends what is going on in MY life! I don't see what the problem is?!'"

"During this latest incident, she posted about how I'm due very soon. I was astonished to find complete strangers discussing my pregnancy on her post, including some private details."

"For the fifth time, I messaged her, asking her very politely to respect my boundaries. I stated that I didn't want my due dates, labor, going to the hospital, or birth announced, and that we needed to hash this out before the baby arrives."

"Under no circumstances do I want my daughter's birth announced, or photos posted on social media (especially before my husband and I have a chance to do that for ourselves)."

"I told her that I don't understand what her disconnect was when it came to my privacy concerns, but it felt very disrespectful that this keeps happening, and I didn't appreciate having to tell her this over and over again."

"Announcing things before me isn't sharing HER life. It's sharing mine, and I already asked her not to do that several times."

"I told her I needed her to reply to me and assure me she understands this boundary. Not to just apologize to my husband over the phone."

Even to that message, the OP's mother-in-law did not reply.

"Well, she didn't reply. Instead, she made a Facebook post about how she 'loves her family' and was going to 'shout about it every chance I get' because 'I'm just wired that way,' followed by an eyeroll emoji."

The OP did the only thing that she thought might work.

"I was flabbergasted, and I blocked her. It seems very clear to me that she has no intention of respecting any boundary I set, or my daughter's privacy, let alone mine."

"This was roughly four days ago."

"She started texting my husband, promising she would no longer post about my pregnancy."

"She said she's hurt that I would go to such extreme measures and cut her off from her grandchild over some Facebook posts."

"But to me, it's not just about Facebook posts. I think she just openly told me she won't respect any boundaries I have about social media, and thought that I would just continue giving her pass after pass to do whatever she wanted."

"I read that post as, 'I will do what I want, and you need to get over it.'"

The OP's husband supported her decision in a lackluster way.

"My husband said that he would back any decision I wanted to make about this. He assured me that he would not give her the information about my labor, birth, or daughter if I didn't want her to have it, and that she would not be invited to the hospital if I didn't want her there."

"He also said he could see I tried very hard to set reasonable boundaries."

"But that he also thinks the posts aren't that big of a deal and that she is 'just excited,' and he hopes after I calm down, I'll forgive her and let her back in."

"Over the years, a lot of her behavior gets dismissed as, 'Oh, that's just how she is! She means well...' But does she, though? This felt pretty malicious."

The OP felt increasingly conflicted.

"I've started to feel guilty."

"My husband is being supportive and acknowledging my feelings. But he also makes the same old excuses for her, saying that she now seems willing to make the promises that I asked for."

"I'm just not sure if I can trust her, and I feel like if I don't stick to my guns now, she will know she can do what she wants."

"I was planning on using one of those family album apps where only a select group of people can see the daily baby photos I'm sure I'll be taking. But I'm afraid those photos are going to make it onto public social media apps if I do that now, or at least if I include her."

"I also think that cutting her off to a no contact level is going too far, but I need her to understand the measure of my resolve. If my daughter's face ends up on Facebook, I won't feel no contact is too far anymore."

"Would I be the a**hole if I let her sweat it out in no contact purgatory until after my baby is born? So she understands her actions actually have consequences?"

"Or do I give her the chance to make good on her promise so she doesn't miss out on the birth stuff? I know this is her granddaughter, and I don't want to be cruel. But I also don't want her to continue walking all over me despite my many attempts to set boundaries."

"What do you think? Am I in the wrong here? (Any advice would be appreciated.)"

"AITAH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

Some urged the OP to put her mother-in-law on an "information diet" at least.

"Information diet for MIL. She can't share what you don't tell her."

"Don't tell her when you go into labor. Don't let her know until it's over, or she will announce it to the world. She has already said she would do this. Be sure the delivery staff know not to let her in if she shows up anyway. Your husband may betray you here; he's used to 'how she is.'"

"Let them both know that if she shows up or makes the announcement herself, it will cost her in baby time. She is your baby, and you have the control here. Every time MIL does something you have asked her not to do, it will be a week until she is asked over to visit."

"Good luck, you'll need it!" - Top-Bit85

"If she throws a tantrum for not finding out until later, tell her:"

"'We knew it would be too hard for you to keep it to yourself until we were ready to announce it ourselves, because that's just the way you are… right?'"

"I'd bet she's only saying she won't post anything now because your due date is so close and she knows you might limit baby time if she pushes further. It's super shady that she only discussed this with your husband when you're messaging her directly about it. This behaviour likely won't stop when the baby grows up, so I'd say set limits now." - dillydaddlerr

"Watermark every baby picture you send her, right over the baby's face with 'Do Not Post Online.' Send only pictures that are blurry or where the baby's face isn't fully visible."

"You're mama bear. What you say goes. Don't feel guilty or obligated. This is likely your only child, so don't let her taint that special experience." - _Winterlong_

"The last time I laid an egg, people had to be buzzed into Labor and Delivery after confirming their identities at the front desk, and again at the nurses' station."

"It's pretty easy to keep her out of there: front desk denial. I would wait until the family is home safe to tell her about the baby's birth. Let her know that she does not have permission to post any pictures or information without consent, and her accounts can and will be suspended." - Entry-Party

"An info diet is absolutely called for, and I wouldn't tell her a thing until OP is back home and ready for a (very short) visit."

"The only thing I'd edit with what you wrote is the penalty at the end. For each successive boundary violation, I'd tack on an extra week. So for a first infraction, she gets one week in time out, and for the third, three weeks. Let her see that she's doing it to herself." - Organized_Khaos

Others agreed with the OP that blocking might be the way to go, but they also entertained going no contact with her altogether.

"Not responding to OP is her way of disregarding her and is openly disrespectful. Grounds to go no contact right there. If they let her anywhere near the birth process, she is going to behave like a petulant child and attempt to direct the attention to herself. And will post live on social media the entire time." - mshayes17

"Nah, because genuinely, going around you is so disrespectful. I would be feeling EVERY type of way if you went to my husband after I contacted you directly. This is an open line of communication. Right here. To me. The one with the problem, the one who is pregnant."

"Going to my husband to cry about it wouldn't do anything but make me livid. I haven't been pregnant, but I already have a low tolerance, and I know my pregnant ass absolutely would call my sister and say, 'Hey, come help me, I'm going to mom and dad's,' and I would NOT be playing with ANYONE."

"Then again, I also don't think I would've made it 20 years without hurting her feelings to the point of hating me." - tiredjusttired23

"I like the idea of visiting time-outs, but I would increase the time for every infraction. First time a week, second time.. two weeks, third time… a month, etc., wonder how long it will take her to get the point." - drtennis13

"You need to tell your husband & MIL that insisting on enforcing your rules and boundaries is just the way YOU are!"

"When people give me that 'just the way I am' garbage, I retort, 'And I don't put up with that bulls**t excuse because that's just the way I am!' Turn it around and throw it back at her." - CampfiresInConifers

"After you 'calm down,' he'll revisit this with you. F**k that! You have a husband problem, and you need to figure this out now. I would set up couples counseling pronto."

"I would also reassert that you meant what you said. You will keep her blocked because she's overstepping and unapologetic. And you expect him not to tell her anything that is not public knowledge, or he will be breaking your trust in him."

"These excuses are coming off as small now… but what happens when she takes the baby to pierce her ears without telling you? Cutting her hair cause she thinks it's better short?"

"Will you accept his excuse of 'that is the way she is' is going to be LOUD AS F**K when something bigger happens. Your husband problem is the only thing you need to focus on. She can't trample on boundaries if you both are perfectly aligned and follow through with actions."

"NTA." - friendlilylily

Though the subReddit could understand the OP's mother-in-law being excited to become a grandmother, there needed to be boundaries in place that everyone could respect, and the OP's mother-in-law did not seem too interested in that right now.

If she couldn't respect boundaries, especially when it came to internet safety, an information diet or blocking her for the time being inevitably would be best. If she didn't like that, she could change her behavior herself.

Boundaries in all relationships can be important to personal success.

When boundaries are purposefully crossed, it can take a lot of humanity to forgive.

But certain betrayals may be too difficult to forget.

It's especially problematic when someone is a repeat offender.

How much is one person supposed to take?

Redditor Glittering_Nobody813 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

She asked:

"AITA for refusing to forgive a friend for stealing from me even though she's struggling?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"I (35 F[emale]) collect perfume."

"I'm also a recovering alcoholic, as is everyone in this story."

"My ex-friend 'Bethany' (30F) also loves perfume."

"We met in a recovery group and bonded over trading fragrance samples."

"I own some scents that she loves but can't afford."

"Over the years, she's asked if I'd mind decanting a few for her, and because scents expire and there's a limit to how much you can reasonably use at a time, in all but 1 case, I happily filled up travel atomizers for free."

"The exception is Le Labo's Thé Noir 29."

"I bought a bottle to mark my first 6 months of sobriety, and it has a POWERFUL association with that achievement for me."

"When she asked for a sample, I said she could get them free from Bloomingdale's, but because of the emotional significance of my bottle, I wanted it to last as long as possible."

"Bethany accused me of gatekeeping and being insecure about anyone else smelling like me."

"I snapped back that if that were the case, I wouldn't have shared every other scent I own with her."

"Later, she apologized."

"I accepted, and things went back to normal, until I invited her and a few friends over for a movie night."

"When I walked into my bedroom and smelled TN29, I immediately suspected Bethany had used it, but had no proof, so I held my tongue."

"Next time we met up, I smelled it on her."

"I asked if she bought a bottle, but she said she got a sample as I suggested."

"Something about the way she said it and the look on her face made me sure she was wearing MY perfume."

"I pulled away and didn't have her over again until Halloween, when I had all of our mutual friends over and couldn't exclude her without it being A Thing."

"Halfway through the night, she went to the bathroom and was gone a long time."

"When I checked on her, the TN29 bottle was missing from my dresser, and I could smell it through the bathroom door."

"I said I knew she was stealing my perfume AGAIN, but she claimed she was sick and sprayed HER sample to hide the smell."

"At this point, our other friends came to see what was happening."

"I said I didn't care if she was shi**ing herself, if she didn't come out immediately, I'd toss her purse in the trash so she could dumpster dive until she smelled just like the garbage friend she was."

"That finally got her to open up, and sure enough, there was my bottle, emptier than before."

"When pressed, she admitted she was filling up an atomizer and dropped it, spilling the perfume, hence the strong smell."

"She cried and apologized, saying she didn't think it was that big a deal, she was having a hard time, and the smell was comforting, she didn't think I'd miss just a little, etc, etc."

"While our friends agree that what she did was wrong, they're fixated on the idea that she's struggling, 'trauma and addiction can make people act up,' and say I'm a hypocrite if I don't forgive her."

"Personally, I just think she wanted MY TN29 BECAUSE it has sentimental value and is using addiction and trauma to manipulate our friends."

The OP was left to wonder:

"So... AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared that OP WAS the A**hole.

"NTA- isn't the point of sobriety to hold yourself accountable for your jacked up behaviors from addiction?"

"Then why are all of your sober friends giving her behavior a pass?"

"I'm not sober, but I've run with a few, and you all seem to want to give people passes out of what you call compassion, but is really just fear that you'll be judged for your own issues."

"That's what your friends are doing right now."

"A thief is a thief, addict or not."

"It's ok not to welcome thieves into your home." ~ BabalonBimbo

"NTA. She's stolen from you twice now; this would be a deal-breaker for me."

"If your other friends want to enable her bad behavior, that's their choice."

"Losing your friendship seems like the appropriate consequence." ~ ladymorgana01

"OP had one line."

"Don't touch Le Labos The Noir 29."

"It was a very reasonable line."

"Plus, Bethany could have just bought Le Labos The Noir 29 herself."

"OP shared every other scent with her."

"Bethany KNEW how OP felt about that perfume, and went into OP's bathroom to try and STEAL some of that perfume, and ended up spilling the perfume."

"Bethany was willing to destroy a friendship over a perfume. NTA." ~ FrostyIcePrincess

"NTA. I love my perfumes too, and not sure if I will actually share any, damn, those bottles are expensive."

"And mine last for years before they go off."

"Time to dump her as a friend."

"You need positive people in your life - not ones who guilt-trip you into filling their atomizers." ~ OldBoyShenanigans

"NTA. Not only did she steal from you, but she wanted you to KNOW she stole from you when you couldn't prove it, lied when it was suspected, and only showed remorse when it was finally proven."

"These behaviors coincide with other mental illnesses, which may be factors that influence her addictive personality, much more so than they do with an addict in active recovery." ~ Eastern-Waltz1698

"NTA. Part of addiction is taking responsibility for your actions."

"Any of the friends who gave you a hard time and are also recovering know better." ~ Spinnerofyarn

"NTA. You've already given her two chances."

"Your friends are welcome to give her more."

"She has consistently lied to you, knowing how important this was to you."

"Her apology is that 'she didn't think it was that big a deal' and 'she didn't think I'd miss just a little,' when you'd had clear discussions about that."

"That's not an apology."

"That's an attempted explanation, and it's not okay."

"She needs to own her actions and apologise properly - but even then, it's up to you as to whether you forgive her."

"And forgiveness doesn't have to mean welcoming her back into your home." ~ embopbopbopdoowop

"NTA. Too grown to be acting like this."

"A recovering addict doesn't excuse this behavior."

"She stole from you, lied to you, and who knows what else."

"I wouldn't feel comfortable having her around anymore." ~ Samashezra

OP came back to chat...

"Wow, I didn't expect this to get as much of a response as it has, and I want to say thank you to everyone who's commented."

"Even if I haven't replied, I'm reading everything, and it's helped me make some important decisions."

"First: I'm cutting not just Bethany but everyone in this friend group out of my life and looking for a new recovery support group to attend."

"I feel — and the responses here have confirmed — that Bethany's behavior is manipulative and that she's been doing what a LOT of people who don't want to take accountability for their bad behavior do, and twisting recovery/therapy speak and concepts to suit her purposes."

"I, like many addicts, did plenty of toxic stuff when I was at my worst."

"I hurt people, and some of them will never forgive me for that."

"This is extremely painful."

"I was really sick at the time, and there are days when it feels really unfair, but it's not the responsibility of the people I hurt to swallow their pain to make me feel better."

"Just like it's not my job to swallow mine to appease Bethany and our friends."

"I've been putting in the work for over 2 years now, and part of that work is accepting that I was shi**y and people aren't obligated to forgive me."

"I don't want to be around people whose idea of recovery doesn't acknowledge every part of that equation."

"I don't want to be around people who are willing to enable each other."

"Second: I'm 99% sure Bethany has some kind of untreated mental illness on top of her addiction issues, and that's the root of her behavior."

"She needs help, but that help isn't going to come from me forgiving her and keeping her in my life when she's repeatedly demonstrated no willingness to change."

"Our friends giving her endless passes for bad behavior also isn't going to help her, and furthermore, it's not going to help THEM."

"If they are too far under her spell to see that, that's really unfortunate, but I'm not going to drown while trying to force them to put on their own life preservers."

"Third: with all of that said, addiction is an illness."

"It's not a moral failing, and it doesn't inherently make you a bad person."

"The way people talk about addicts and addiction can be pretty disheartening to read, especially as someone in recovery, and I'd ask people to remember that everyone in this story, including Bethany, is still a human being."

"I don't forgive her for stealing my perfume or for lying or for manipulating our friends and trying to manipulate me, but I do acknowledge that whatever's driving her, she's not behaving like this because she's happy and healthy."

"I hope at some point she gets the help she needs, so she's no longer hurting herself and others around her."

"Thanks to everyone who's replied."

"This has been kind of overwhelming, but your words have helped me a lot."

It's great to hear that Reddit could help you, OP.

It sounds like you are in a very healthy place in recovery.

Bethany's actions threaten your peace; you can't allow that.

Putting yourself first is all you can do.

Good Luck.

Dieting in a house full of people can be challenging. If the whole household follows the same menu, it can be easier to succeed.

But if the dieter is following a restricted menu and everyone else gets to eat the fun stuff, it can be much more tricky.

A woman trying to change her diet turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Ok_Fix_9456 asked:

"AITA for telling my mom to stop cooking for me because she keeps 'experimenting' on my food?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"So I (22, female) recently started weight loss meds, and with it comes changing my eating habits, and while I'm not sure if my ADHD has a part in all this, I have very specific preferences when I eat."

"I'm usually fairly good when it comes to eating new things, but usually when I have a preference, I stick by it and will not eat it any other way. But since I started this medication, my mom has been trying to help me with eating better."

"I love my mother very much and appreciate the effort she puts into trying to help me and do what's best, but sometimes it only causes more problems, such as now."

"For some extra information, I am not saying I was completely right for how I acted, I was just off a 22 hour shift, starving and woken up very rudely prior to eating. Nonetheless, I could have gone about it better, but it was just not my day today."

"Anyways, I came out into the kitchen and my mom made my favorite childhood food which is her spaghetti with sour cream. However, this time it was clearly different and I knew then and there I was gonna have an issue."

"To further prove my point, the second I ate it, the taste and texture was completely different, but not so horrible I wouldn't eat it. I was disappointed, but I continued eating because she made it for me."

"The moment I got upset was because my brother came down and his plate was way different from mine."

"It was the usual way she made it and the way I loved. Turns out she switched the tomato sauce for the pasta sauce, changed the noodles to whole wheat and left out the sour cream to make it healthier for me."

"I was more upset because she didn't tell me she was going to make an entire other pot just for me and with things I have previously said I didn't like. But this isn't the only time she's done it and not the only time I've told her to ask me next time.

"So I snapped and told her just don't cook for me anymore if she wasn't going to listen to my preferences and be surprised when I say I don't like the food. And then begin the 'woe is me' and guilt tripping me by saying I'm never satisfied with her, when she has in fact made many foods that I love."

"But it's trying to find alternatives that I have issues with, because she experiments with my food without asking me."

"I will admit I could have gone about it much better, and believe me being sleep deprived and hungry made me more irritated. I love my mom, but it gets so tiring repeating myself and then being made to feel like sh*t when she doesn't try to ask me before making it for me."

"So am I the a**hole?"

"I love my mom and appreciate having a mom who cares enough to want to help me, and it sucks because sometimes (maybe I'm just dramatic) it feels like she doesn't really know me because it happens so much."

"And unfortunately I have bought stuff to keep in my room, but my room doesn't have a lock that locks on the outside when I go to work, so I come back and see some are missing. Just the other day I left for work in a rush, and I came home and saw money I had was missing."

"It was $100 I was gonna use towards paying my therapy bill, but now it's gone and I'm just so tired of it all to be honest. I plan to move out eventually, but with the economy right now, god knows when that'll be!"

"I do cook for myself, but it's frustrating when the food I buy to cook for myself gets eaten before I even have a chance to cook it for what I intended to use it for."

The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.

"I snapped at my mom and told her not to cook for me anymore because I didn't like the food she made."

"Because she was going the extra mile to make food for me and try to help me better my eating habits when she doesn't have to and I made her feel bad."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"NTA. People 'helping' by doing what you explicitly asked them not to do is not helping. Your mom might have had good intentions to begin with, but it stopped being that when she ignored your wishes and carried on with what she deems helpful." ~ flinsbird

"I'll add that truly helping is 'What can I do for you' not 'I'm just going to do whatever the f*ck I want regardless of your input on your own needs'." ~ JustNeedSpinda

"NTA. You've told her not to mess with the food multiple times, she's messed with the food multiple times. After 20+ hours of no sleep and consistent boundary pushing, I'd be pissed too." ~ Successful_Ad1331

"If you didn't ask her to cook for you, and she didn't listen when you clearly told her your food preferences, then it really wasn't for you. It was to make herself feel a certain way." ~ SJ_Barbarian

"I would let her efforts go to waste, because at this point it's likely the only thing that will get her to stop."

"A similar thing happened with my mother, who continuously used one specific seasoning in everything she cooked. I was so sick of it, and no matter how many times I told her to stop, she still cooked with it."

"So I stopped eating her food and made my own. She would ask why, and I said 'I told you I hate X, you put X in all the food, so I'm not eating it'. Repeat that almost daily for about 2-3 weeks before she finally stopped." ~ drop_bears_unite

"Most often, the best weight loss diets are about portion control rather than the actual food ingredients (other than avoiding high salts). In fact, most successful weight loss drugs target appetite rather than metabolism."

"Maybe if you try explaining this to your mom it will help her understand that you can still eat your favorite foods, you'll just eat less of it.'

"I'm going with NAH (is that right? No AH?). She wants to help you, she's just going about it poorly, and you aren't doing anything wrong other than not communicating your feelings and appreciation as well as you could." ~ Itsjustme326

"NTA, it sounds like you have a mom problem; specifically, she refuses to take your preferences into consideration despite repeated input from you."

"She clearly doesn't take you seriously and is a tad on the narcissistic side when she cries you don't appreciate her and guilt trips you."

"If it were me, I would just not eat what she makes AT ALL and just either make my own or order out, just to piss her off, but I'm petty that way." ~ M312345

"I have ADHD and also have sensory issues surrounding food. I need a heads up that the food is different then what I am used to so I can mentally prepare for it."

"Does this suck? Absolutely. Am I being a picky pain in the ass on purpose? Absolutely not."

"NTA. But maybe start having small safe healthy ish snacks set aside so you can eat when the meal isn't what your brain is expecting." ~ postalpinup

"NTA. You've had the conversation before and she still meddles with your food. You never asked her to do this and have explicitly told her not to many times."

"She made the food objectively worse than gave it to just you. I'm assuming she didn't eat her gross pasta."

"Sure you shouldn't have snipped but you know that and this isn't a one off. You apologized but it also sounds like your mom is a bit of a narcissist so you know it's never good enough."

"I think you are right, don't have her cook for you and if she does and you don't like it just don't eat or and cook for yourself anyway." ~ Loud_et_Proud

"NTA. It's clear you didn't mean to snap at your mom the way you did. We're all guilty of snapping without meaning to and your reasons for doing so are completely valid."

"You've acknowledged you regret the way you handled things, but I think the message you conveyed was important even if it was executed not in the way you wished."

"Repeatedly ignoring your polite requests to not alter your food is disrespectful, even if she isn't meaning to be. Maybe sit down and have a proper talk with her about how it makes you feel." ~ blossominghost

OP decided to try talking to their mother again.

Couples can find just about anything to argue about.

One issue that can cause tension is disrespect.

If one partner is repeatedly disrespecting the other's wishes or personal property, all hell can break loose.

A person only has so much patience.

Redditor Cubanboy2020 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

They asked:

"AITA for telling my wife not to use our expensive chef knife to cut plastic?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"I do the majority of the work in the kitchen, whether that's cooking or cleaning."

"Probably 95% or more."

"Two years ago, my wife bought me a $110 Japanese chef's knife for Christmas."

"The first expensive knife I have ever owned."

"I have been babying it as much as possible, washing it by hand immediately after use instead of throwing it in the dishwasher."

"My wife, however, treats it like a $5 Walmart knife on the rare occasion she cooks."

"She leaves it unwashed on the counter even after cutting lemons."

"Acid is especially bad for these knives, which pit and rust easily."

"She also uses it to cut through plastic packaging."

"I've asked her to be nicer to it a number of times."

"It makes no impact."

"Today she was making breakfast, and I found her slicing through a plastic cheese wrapping."

"I asked her (again) to please not do this because it dulls the knife, and she knows it."

"She said ok."

"A minute later, she needs to open a sausage package."

"I said, you're going to use the expensive knife again, aren't you?"

"She turns to me and says, 'What should I use to open this then?'"

"I said, 'There are supposed to be scissors in the kitchen. Where are they?'"

"She replied, 'Are the scissors going to be clean enough to cut?'"

"I yelled, 'Use one of the other cheap knives, then!'"

"There are two of them behind her in the cabinet, and I'm sure she knows it."

"This just comes off to me as weaponized incompetence."

"So I say, 'I know you want to use the good knife. Just do it.'"

"She said, 'No, I just want to know what you want me to use,' and then she cut the sausage packaging with the good knife."

"I said, 'You know, this is like if I took one of your expensive dresses and mopped the floor with it, and when you caught me, I said, 'What else was I supposed to use?'"

"This was met with 'I don't know why you're going on about this.'"

"Our adult kid witnessed all this and says, 'She gave you the knife, she can use it however she wants.'"

"So I'm a petty a-hole for wanting people to treat my gift nicely for my own copious use of it in the kitchen to make them all food."

"I am now hiding it in a cabinet and will continue to do so after each time I use it."

"I'm sure I'm an a-hole for that too."

The OP was left to wonder:

"So... AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.

"NTA and your kid is wrong."

"She gave YOU the knife, did not buy it for general use, so it is YOUR possession and as such should be treated with the care you think it needs or not used at all."

"I would also remove it from general availability if they can't treat it with respect." ~ CestLaquoidarling

"Agreed. The kid doesn't seem to understand that once a gift is given, the person giving it no longer has any type of claim to it."

"Just because OP's wife gifted him the knife doesn't mean she can use it however she wants. "

"That's not how gifts work."

"Also, there's a superstition that knives shouldn't be given since the sharp blade symbolizes cutting/severing ties or relationships."

'A token coin or dollar is often offered, so the recipient of the knife symbolically 'buys' it from the giver, thwarting any bad luck." ~ TheGrooveasaurus

"NTA. This, especially, is very wrong..."

"Our adult kid witnessed all this and says, 'She gave you the knife, she can use it however she wants.'"

"NO. She gave YOU the knife."

"It's YOUR knife."

"YOU get to say how it is used, and by whom."

"Gift GIVER does not get to use and abuse the gift given however they want."

"I have had the same issue; people don't understand how to use knives or how to take care of them."

"It's true of other tools also, but knives especially."

"Using them to cut wire (!), wondering why they get chipped, using the tip as a screwdriver (!), never sharpening them, etc."

"I was at a friend's house making brunch; she had a drawer full of cheap knives, so dull that not a single one of them could cut a piece of bacon. Embarrassing."

"She also puts wood through the dishwasher and wonders why it splits and cracks. Ugh."

"Sadly, you may need to hide or lock up the knife to prevent misuse." ~ MarionberryPlus8474

"Your child's statement makes no sense."

"Your wife is not the owner of the knife and therefore cannot just 'use it however she likes.'"

"She gave the knife to you and therefore should be asking for permission to use it."

"I'm sorry, OP, but you raised a dummy. NTA." ~ EclecticEvergreen

"NTA. Fine knife abuse is disgraceful."

"Your son is wrong."

"Once she gave you the knife, she gave up the right to abuse it." ~ Irish_beast

"NTA. This is the same energy as the folks who don't understand you do NOT use the fabric shears for paper."

"Your only bad behavior is not insisting she use one of the cheap knives."

"Huffing and resenting that she's using the good knife to cut packaging without saying explicitly, 'you should use the cheap knife, and you should know that' is passive-aggressive, and you're going to give yourself a martyr complex."

"Also, your kid is wrong."

"When you give a gift, it belongs to the giftee, not the giver." ~ small_spider_liker

"NTA. I'd also go to the Dollar Tree and buy a stack of kitchen shears and put them in multiple places in the kitchen. "

"They can go through the dishwasher too, so they're clean for use in cutting both packaging and food if it'd be helpful." ~ Winterwynd

"NTA. Your child has learned from her, though; this is it for you."

"'She gave the knife to you. YEAH, AS A GIFT. IT'S YOURS!'"

"You gave her an analogy that made sense, and she dismissed it because she KNOWS she's wrong and KEEPS doing it."

"Narcissistic behavior." ~ CoCoaStitchesArt

"NTA. Seriously, my heart kinda dropped just reading your title. Ugh."

"I have a pair of very expensive, very sharp sewing shears."

"That has never cut anything other than fabric."

"I would be absolutely incensed if someone used them so casually." ~ RosieCrone

"NTA. I sew and quilt; my family understands my fabric scissors are not to be used for anything else or by anyone else."

"My son and I both have 'good' knives."

"They are treated appropriately."

"At my son's house, I have my own chef's knife, so I do not reach for his."

"He has not requested that I do this."

"Oh, I bought my son's knives, but that does not mean I have full use of them."

"And the house my son lives in is mine too." ~ GalianoGirl

"NTA. Your wife is not stupid, I assume?"

"She's being disrespectful and petty."

"If my partner asked me not use a knife like that, I'd find another knife."

"It's literally so easy."

"There is no valid excuse for her to keep doing it."

"Even if she didn't have another knife."

"Go clean the scissors."

"Pierce it with your nails."

"Find another way."

"There is no universe in which your special knife is the only way she can open things." ~ danniperson

"NTA. When my fiancé and I moved in together, he was very much into knives/cooking, and his best friend got him an engraved knife from Japan."

"He has a knife-sharpening stone and takes care of his knives better than he takes care of most things."

"I know how important it is to him, so I make sure I do my part in keeping it functional and in its best condition."

"There have been slip-ups (like me putting it in the sink, or in a metal bowl which can bend the tip), but he lets me know he'd prefer if I didn't do that and explained why."

"So now if I use the nice knife, I clean it right away and don't let it sit anywhere."

"Your wife GIFTED it TO YOU."

"It's now YOURS to do what you please and treat how you want."

"It feels like your wife feels entitled since she bought it, but the moment she gifted it to you, it was no longer hers."

"She can take the extra 10 seconds to grab a paring knife, or a cheap one."

"At this point, I'd put your knife in a knife roll and keep it in a place she can't reach/wouldn't think to look."

"If the knife's not around, she'll find another method to open the plastic wrap." ~ _Nerf-This_

"NTA. The kid is wrong."

"She gave you the knife, so it's yours to use as you see fit."

"I bought my husband who bakes a really nice bread knife."

"That's his to use. I'm not going to take it and use it to slice anything." ~ BoldBoimlerIsMyHero

"This is the equivalent of using sewing or beautician shears to cut paper."

"OP, does your wife sew?"

"If so, start using her expensive fabric shears to cut plastic packaging."

"Seriously, my husband gave me a set of awesome kitchen knives."

"He knows I will do bad things if I catch him misusing them."

"They are for food."

"Kitchen scissors are for everything else." ~ WAtransplant2021

Reddit wants your wife to keep her hands off your knife, OP.

It doesn't matter if she gifted it to you; it's yours.

She is being very disrespectful.

It's not difficult to go grab some scissors.

Offering a helping hand not only pleases the people we are helping feeling good, but also makes us feel good about ourselves.

Making it all the more fortunate that generosity can be so easily taken advantage of.

Sadly, sometimes helping someone once might lead that person to expect this help on a regular basis.

Even in some rare circumstances, when they don't even need the help being offered.

Redditor MinPinMeg had been offering a helping hand to their neighbors on a fairly regular basis.

Eventually, however, the original poster (OP) had grown somewhat tired of doing these various favors and eventually decided to stop.

A decision that did not sit well at all with their neighbors, who had come to expect the OP's help.

Having some doubts about their decision, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for not playing unpaid courier for my neighbors?"

The OP explained why they found themselves at odds with their neighbors:

"I've lived in my apartment (a standard duplex) for about a year."

"Since the day I moved in, my upstairs neighbors, and now more recently, the tenant in a detached building behind the main house have been getting their packages and food deliveries dropped at my front door."

"Not once in a while."

"Every. Other. Day. Amazon, Instacart, McDonald's...apparently my porch is the delivery hub."

'For months, I played unpaid courier and walked everything to the right spot."

"Eventually, I stopped."

"Cold turkey."

"Now I leave deliveries exactly where the driver leaves them: my front door."

"Now, here's where I might be the a**hole."

"This morning, the tenant from the detached building confronted me (at 530 am, no less.) and said: 'You left my groceries outside until 10 p.m'."

"Me: 'No. You left your groceries outside until 10 p.m'."

"T: 'It's not a big deal! Just bring them back next time'."

"Me: 'Leave a note for your delivery driver in the app. Or you can start tipping me for delivering your sh*t'."

"That's when they stormed off calling me names and losing their mind over all of this."

"I've already contacted my landlord, so I'm not taking this any further."

"I'm done being the delivery person for the house, and the person from this morning."

"Happy 2026."

"I've never tampered with, stole, or hid any deliveries."

"I'm just now leaving them out front until they are grabbed by whomever ordered."

"Yes, the neighbors are aware I have dropped off their deliveries."

"The daughter of the tenant upstairs thanked me once."

"We have the whole Ring set up here, they can quite literally see me hoofing their things around the house, and up the back steps or to the detached building."

"So, am I really the a**hole for refusing to deliver everyone's packages and food deliveries?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to bring their neighbors their deliveries.

Everyone agreed that the OP was providing their neighbors an unnecessary courtesy that they had all taken advantage of, though there were some who gave the OP suggestions on how to deal with this going forward:

"NTA."

"Grocery dude was being incredibly rude."

"He knew damn well his groceries were delivered."

"He just wanted you to deal with them for him."- Humble_Pen_7216

"NTA."

"The groceries story got me guffawing....your retort was gold."- OC6chick

"NTA."

"It is their responsibility, not yours, to either get the items where they are dropped off or check their delivery app."

"Every time I have items delivered, the vendor texts me that the delivery is complete."

"Every. Single. Time."

"Your neighbors need to inform whoever is delivering of where the items should be delivered."-PutPretty647

"NTA."

"What, if a package gets delivered, but you're not home?"

"Like on vacation?"

"Ooops, your groceries were lying 2 weeks in the summer sun, because you were too lazy to collect them."- Z4-Driver

"NTA."

"You have terribly entitled neighbors."

"It's not your responsibility to play delivery for them."- No_Thought_7776

"NTA."

"Come on. How could you possibly be TA here?"

"Neighbors are pissed that the easy ride is over."

"But they can shove off."- your-mom04605

"NTA."

"It's not your job, and if it isn't a big dea,l then it also isn't a big deal for them to come and get their crap."- SnooChipmunks770

"Lmao, the entitlement of your neighbors."

"NTA."- Aesperacchius

"NTA!"

"Not your responsibility in any way."

"To add another perspective, though, I lived in a basement/backdoor suite for a year."

"I had a note on delivery apps/amazon/etc that I continued to edit and add to as I could to be clearer, 'please deliver to back door/basement suite'."

"Some did, most didn't."

"Now we are in an apartment building."

"I have a paragraph explaining which parking lot to go to (North lot with access off of X street, NOT Y Street, NOT the main lobby)."

"I have changed the PIN location."

"I explain that I am 8 months pregnant and delivery anywhere but the requested door - which is right beside our apartment - is not really a great option for me."

"They go to the opposite side of the building or the lobby."

"Every. Single. Time."

"I get the same drivers sometimes and explain this all to them and STILL they go to the wrong door."

"I'm very frustrated by this, obviously, but I still go get my food even if it takes a little longer or whatever, I don't expect a neighbor to buzz them in or take the delivery for me."

"Your neighbors may have similar notes that are similarly ignored, but that still doesn't mean it's your responsibility to fix the delivery driver's mistake."- curiousr_nd_curiousr

"Clearly NTA."

"I don't get why you kept doing it in the first place."

"But, yeah, screw them."- Bistec-Chef

"NTA."

"I'd try putting a sign on my porch saying 'Deliveries Only for [either your last name or your apt number, or both]'."

"I'd add a Ring camera to catch your entitled neighbor taking the sign."- waterstone55

"NTA."

"If they can't come get their own deliveries, they shouldn't be placing any."

"Good on you for letting them know."- Gattina1

"You were too kind for too long."

"Your NTA, they are for expecting you to do it."

"They know when their sh*t arrives within a couple mins."

"So they know when to get off their lazy a**es to come and retrieve it."- Mikey74Evil

"NTA, they get a notification via text or email when deliveries arrive."

"Why should you be the 'last mile'?"- sbinjax

"NTA at all."

"They need to get it together and come get their stuff."

"It's absolutely not your job to take things back to them."- StrategyAncient6770

"Pretty clearly NTA."- stupidb*tchphd

"They would have lost any grace in my eyes when they said and at me like that."

"NTA!"- BlueMangoTango

"LOL ... NTA."

"Inform everyone they are responsible for their own orders; anything left over an hour will be disposed of!"

"Happy 2026!"- QL58

"NTA."

"I live in a guest house behind the main house and would never dream of having anything delivered to their door (sometimes it happens and I just go get it)."- UselessPustule

"NTA."

"You're only mistake... and that's a strong word... was to continue to do it after the first time, at most the second time."

"After the first or second time, you should've let them know that you wouldn't do it again or just leave their stuff there."

"You're neighbors are AHs, took you for granted with no appreciation, then to yell at you for their own fault."- WhatDaHeck55

"NTA."

"No need to reward habitual laziness."- frogmuffins

"NTA."

"I would be embarrassed if it were me."

"If it were only a couple of times here and there, no problem."

"But 24/7/365?"

"Nope."

"I want my stuff."

"I don't want others getting my stuff, especially if it's groceries/food delivery."

"The only reason I would even consider doing that for others is bad weather."

"Even still, it's not your responsibility."

"They can track packages and monitor delivery like everyone else."- ChaiHai

"NTA."

"Should have done that a while ago."- Lactating-almonds

"NTA."

"Immature neighbors."- hatfieldmichael

"NTA."

"I recently accidentally ordered something to be delivered to my sister's place instead of my own."

"I texted her, apologized, told her what happened, requested she text me when it arrives, and I will come collect it as soon as I can."

"I never would've asked her to bring it to me."- Crusoe15

It seems the OP's complex is laid out in such a way that delivery people might get confused, hence why their doorstep became the main delivery hub.

That being said, we live in a day and age where we can easily give delivery people explicit instructions on where to leave packages.

Even if the OP could leave a note for deliveries to end this confusion, that is not their responsibility.

Nor is bringing their neighbors their packages.

A person's choice of clothing can be a very personal decision.

Clothing can often be how one expresses themselves.

Clothing is meant to make someone feel confident and sometimes sexy.

Not everybody is on board with the sexy choices.

Commenting or trying to restrict one's personal style can lead to very heated debates.

Redditor Qialen to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

She asked:

"AITA for being mad that my mom went through my laundry and commented on my underwear?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"I am 18 and usually do my own laundry, but last week my mom said she was helping out and washed a load of my clothes while I was at school."

"When I got home, she sat me down and started commenting on my underwear."

"It does include things like lace bras, thongs, and a couple of g-strings."

"She told me some of it was too mature, not appropriate, too sexual, and asked who I was trying to impress."

"I was shocked and honestly really didn't know what to say."

"I never asked her to go through my clothes, and I definitely didn't expect my underwear to become a topic of discussion."

"I told her that my underwear is private and that it made me uncomfortable that she went through it and judged me for it."

"She got defensive and said that as my mother, she has a right to be concerned, especially since I live under her roof, even though I do have a part-time job together with my school and pay my for all my things."

"Also, all my friends and other girls buy their own lingerie too, and their parents never complain, even at a much younger age."

"She also said I was being disrespectful and overreacting."

"The argument escalated when I said it felt like a violation of my privacy."

"She replied that if I don't want comments, I shouldn't own that kind of underwear in the first place."

The OP was left to wonder:

"So... AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.

"18 and living under your parents' roof means you've only just begun your journey of independence."

"Although you can do whatever you like, your mother will always be your harshest critic."

"It's best to sit her down and, without getting defensive, explain it's only clothes."

"NAH, but I think your mother is trying to avoid becoming a grandparent too soon." ~ Signal-Blackberry356

"100%, OP wants the perks of being a child and the privacy/perks of being an adult."

"Frankly, I think living at home and being still in high school is reason enough for mom to be concerned about her daughter's choices."

"I don't think OP is an AH, but I definitely don't think the mom is an AH." ~ Ok_Ant_9815

"Yeah, I actually kind of agree with NAH."

"OP seems to still be in high school, and if she's not paying rent, then unfortunately her mom does get some say in what happens under her roof."

"She's allowed to buy whatever underwear she wants, but her mom is allowed to comment on it, too." ~ SaltySweetMomof2

"NTA. Firstly, thongs can be purchased so that lines do not have lines showing on clothing."

"And honestly, when I buy sexy stuff it's because I think it's pretty… not because someone else will see it LOL so that's a huge assumption on her part." ~ princessnessaxo

"NTA. She sounds like my mother."

"Even when I was in my 50's!!!"

"And staying at my parents' house for a while, she commented on my underwear air-drying on a rack."

"'Why do you have PADDED bras?' Mothers like that don't ever change." ~ No_Difficulty_9365

"NTA. You're 18 and buying your own clothes with your own money, what you wear under your clothes is literally none of her business."

"She volunteered to do your laundry and then used it as an excuse to police your body, which is weird and controlling regardless of the 'my house' argument." ~ Mrwoman

"NTA. I've never understood people who act like underwear in itself can somehow be provocative."

"Like, if you're clothed, what is affected or different by you wearing a thong?"

"And if you're in a position where someone is getting to see said underwear, they're probably getting to see everything anyway lol."

"Regardless, your mother sure isn't affected by your clothing choices." ~ Flat-Replacement4828

"NTA. What she did was remarkably inappropriate; your underwear choices are none of her business."

"I suppose you should handle your own laundry from now on." ~ Casual_Lore

"NTA, she's being creepy, the underwear you choose as an adult has 0 to do with your mother and what she thinks."

"She doesn't get to comment just because she took it upon herself to rifle through your laundry like a weirdo, and her being your mother certainly doesn't change that." ~ Fiigwort

"NTA. Ask your mom if she would rather you without about underwear since she doesn't like what you're wearing now."

"I do not wear any, and neither does my 20-year-old."

"I literally had to buy my SIXTEEN-year-old a thong to go under her dance line 'uniform' because everything else showed and it wasn't allowed."

"There is nothing wrong with what YOU decide to wear under your clothes, and she had absolutely NO business commenting on it."

"Strangely, she took such an interest in your underwear, actually." ~ VexedVixen69

"NTA, my grandma used to buy me lacy underwear because I struggled with body image issues."

"She thought it'd make me feel prettier."

"Weird how someone born in 1940 could comprehend this, but your mom can't." ~ Psychological_Lime14

"God, she sounds like how my mother was."

"Other than advising you that cotton gussets are better for your health, she has no business telling you what underwear to wear."

"If you're old enough to buy your own, you're old enough to wear it."

"NTA, but don't expect her to change." ~ NonSequitorSquirrel

"NTA; your mom sounds like she's someone who believes that what a person wears invites someone else to do nonconsensual activities."

"Explain to her that you should have as much freedom to discover what clothes or lingerie you like/dislike as you do with food/music/etc… whether or not you're trying to impress someone shouldn't be a part of the argument."

"While it wasn't completely unfair of her to ask (if you were trying to impress someone), she also should've listened to your side and at least attempted to understand where you're coming from." ~ No_Waltz_7706

"NTA, your private clothing should be private.'

"If she were concerned about your sexual activity, she could have that conversation with you (though from this, I doubt it would be much different), but commenting on your underwear is weird and gross."

"Ask her why she is looking at YOUR underwear as sexual." ~ tatertot01998

"NTA. When I lived at home, my mom would get annoyed for the opposite reason—I prefer men's briefs just because they're much more comfortable, and she always wishes I wore more feminine clothing in general."

"So when I was doing my laundry, she was always like 'what the F**K is this?'"

"It'd be really funny if you hid your current underwear and replaced them with something outlandishly masculine or conservative just to see what she has to say." ~ pretzelthursday

"NTA. You are growing up, and she can't take it."

"She went snooping and found nothing but underwear..."

"There is nothing you can do but keep your head up and go about your business." ~ mecegirl

"NTA. I'd have a big pair of granny panties pulled up to my rib cage coming out of my jeans every day to make a point."

"Maybe bring all your underwear to the dinner table and ask your dad to go through it, since you live under his roof and he needs a say too." ~ Gloomy-Debate277

"NTA. I have 2 daughters."

"When they started buying their own clothes, including underwear, in their late teens, it was none of my business what kind of underwear they preferred, if any."

"Your mother definitely crossed a line by snooping."

"Because that's what it was... snooping!"

"She can call it what she wants."

"You're an adult, and she has no right to dictate what kind of underwear you wear."

"She should think herself lucky that you actually wear underwear."

"She's trying to control you."

"Good for you on setting a boundary."

"Sounds like this will be the first of many." ~ idisturballthesh*t

"NTA, my mother made sure to impress upon me from quite a young age that I should wear things I feel comfortable, confident, and gorgeous in, including underwear."

"It should never be based on what other people think of you, only what you think of yourself, and if you like your underwear, she has no business saying you shouldn't own or wear it." ~ bindobud

"NTA. I have kids around your age."

"I offer to do their laundry, but I don't do it automatically."

"My son always declines."

"That's his right, and I don't even need to know why."

"Facing your own children's sexuality is difficult, and she may just be worried and feeling protective."

"You are still NTA." ~ dagwitch

Reddit is with you, OP.

This is a personal choice for YOUR body.

You do what makes you feel comfortable.